"We Can't Afford It" - How Do I Answer These Questions? (Dave Ramsey....)

You don't have to give a reason. If they can't accept that you can't afford it then say you already have other plans.

I really think you explain like you just did.
You don't have to go into detail, but if you're comfortable sharing that you're trying to get out of debt to due to school loans, people can't give you a hard time. (Or, they're real selfish a-holes if they do!)

Suggest something with no cost, or that they come to you and you can each do a dish for dinner...something like that. You don't have to freeze them out, just find ways to get together with little to no cost.
You'll get there with some practice.

CONGRATULATIONS on getting the debt down!! it's not easy - but once you start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel it's just GREAT!!!

As to saying "can't afford it" - I would tell them "it's not in our budget." If they cannot understand that - then they are really not true friends...

To me - there is a difference between "affording" and "budget"...you need to set the difference for you....

There are times when I have had to say "sorry - that's not in the budget" - doesn't mean that I don't have the money for it - but the money is allocated for something else and I/WE need to reach that goal.

Have the grandparents come to you - have the friend come to you...there are compromises out there...you should NOT feel guilty for getting out from the dark cloud of debt....you should NOT have to explain to ANYONE what you can and cannot afford/budget...you can tell them "thank you for the invite...we already have plans for that weekend..." look at your calendar and say "does this date work for you?" then you can work your budget to do the things and not feel rude!!

GOOD LUCK!!!

I think people get a little defensive because THEY should be paying down debt too - ya know? So they kinda take it personally that you are "snubbing" them to work on paying down your own debt when you OBVIOUSLY have way more money than they do anyhow. (or at least the people that are being jerky)

I would just stick with "sorry - not in our budget right now" and then focus on things that you can do that are lower cost - dinners at home - pizza night - fun with friends and kiddos at the park - whatever.

And my other advice (following Dave Ramsey myself lol) is make sure you put some fun money into your budget. If you cut out everything you'll feel deprived - and likely to backslide.

Good luck - i can't wait until i can scream WE ARE DEBT FREE - even if it is like a year and a half away! :-)

I can empathize . . . my husband makes good money and I'm a professional (homeschooling so not working currently), though we have bills too (probably some we shouldn't have).

I just paid off my student loan last fall (10 years later). I wish I had stepped on the gas much sooner.

Heretofore I would usually give to most every request that would come in from acquaintances, relatives, etc. But I have had to come right out and tell people "look, I'm not working right now because I'm homeschooling, and we just don't have the disposable income that we used to." I actually had someone get somewhat aggressive with me when I said "no" on the first pass (!).

We, too, are trying to pay off our debt.

I'm very tired of being a debt slave. Never again if I have anything to say about it.

I'm not giving you any great advice on how to handle - just wanted you to know that I "get" what you are saying.

Good luck and stay strong.

we would love to, but "it's not within our budget" more of my wealthy friends actually say that a lot :) that's why they have so much money lol.

Being on the budget is just super smart, it doesn't mean you broke. Everyone should try it....

If you are high earners than it isn't realistic to tell everyone you "can't afford it". Instead I would say that we are cutting back on our activities because we are trying to knock out our debt as fast as possible. I don't think you have to (or should!) get into financial details with anyone. I hope this helps, good luck!

just tell them it's not in the budget this month and then maybe invite them over for a home cooked meal. You don't need to explain or defend yourself. People who have debt as a way of life are not going to understand that even though you have a job, you can't afford to do this stuff because you are trying to get out of debt. But they will understand better if you let them know you are budgeting your money and it's not in the budget this month- same concept- different words.
Good luck!
~C.

I agree with "it's not in our budget", then say we are doing "Dave Ramsey"; I think most people have heard of Dave Ramsey and his successful debt free approach. I think I may have a little more to say to the in-laws, they know their son didn't get a free ride and had to pay for his education, they don't need to know how much, but just saying paying for a good education hasn't been cheap for either of us. One day we hope to reap the full benefits as soon as these loans are paid for.

"Not in our Budget " is pretty good, but with your closest friends, I'd add something about the student loans you needed to get the professional certifications causing you to budget very closely and that's why you have to curtail your spending habits. When you get the student loans paid off then you can do more.

That may be a little TMI, but it gives you something you can talk about on their level.

BTW, Being out of debt is wonderful. Until I had to get a HELOC on our home, we were free and clear. Its cause for celebration.

Good luck to you and yours.

Tell them you have other plans that day, then say, "But we would love to have you over for dinner next Friday!" - making dinner at your house can be simple and inexpensive, and you still get to connect with your friends and family. And once you've had them over to your house, they're obligated to return the invitation, so next time you see them, you won't have to do the cooking! ;)

I do think it's important that you maintain your connections to friends and family, or otherwise you'll soon be out of debt (yay!) but have no friends left (boo!). Obviously you don't have to spend a lot to stay connected and do fun things, though. Just try to steer the social interaction so it's done in a less expensive way. :)

We are currently doing Dave Ramsey's out of debt steps too. It's a great plan. We run into the same problem as you. The world to day is all into spend, spend, spend. When our budgeted entertainment fund is out, but just politely explain to people in a simple, without divulging too much personal information, that we are working on becoming debt free and don't have any extra money this month to go out, but it still be great to get together at (our house, theirs, or something that doesn't cost money)

Everyone that we've said that to has has a response " that's a great idea, we need to work on that too" .

Friends and family should understand and respect your time and money. Good luck with your debt free plan. Good your you. I'm glad to hear of another struggling with tight budgets and paying off their debt.

I don't know your personality. See stuff like this you don't want to say something that flies in the face of your personality. Makes you sound nuts, ya know?

For me I would joke about trying to pay off everything as quickly as possible so I can get on to world domination. Then ask if they would be interested in being one of my minions. You can never have enough minions. Honestly most people don't have the personality to pull that one off but hopefully you get the idea.

People should understand and respect what you are trying to do. So long as what you say is not worded in a we are better than you because we are trying to pay off our bills there is no reason you should lose friends over this.

how about suggesting an alternative. there are tons of things you can do that cost little to no money. Museums often have free days (some are free all the time) going hiking together (you would spend $5 a car to get into a state park, and during the fall alot of them are free on week days) my cousin is best friend and we live 1.5hrs away whenever we want to do something we meet half way saving us both on gas. just use the phrase " Oh I would love to if we had it in our budget, I really do want too see you though, we could do" blank" instead."

I don't think you need to explain yourself at all.
Remember, the idea is to "not" be normal. Chances are the very same people could benefit from a small dose of "not normal", right?
Once things break free a bit, then YOU are in charge of your money, and you can continue to budget it how you see fit.
As the risk of being trite: Live like no O. else so you ca live like no O. else!

What's so hard about saying, "We are working on getting ourselves out of debt! It's going to be so freeing when we are done. But, until then, we would love to have you over and we can make dinner at our place. You bring the wine."
Then you still get to see your friends, you are being honest about what's going on, and if you can cook you will enjoy a good dinner for 1/2the price!
L.

If it is someone you are close to (which I assume would be anyone who is inviting you to a wedding or a visit) or family, I would just tell them you are trying really hard to get all your school debt paid off quickly and we don't have money budgeted for extra trips right now. If you are able, I would suggest that they come and visit you on a certain weekend. With your in laws, I would be very upfront and honest and just let them know you have a lot of student loan debt and you would feel a lot better once it is paid off so you are putting all extra money towards that. Everyone else, maybe just say it's not in the budget right now if you don't want to get into too many details and don't feel that would be too short and rude. Or you could just say you already have something else planned. Good luck!
Edited to add: I just saw your so what happened and I don't know what else to suggest. Sorry!

Well, there's not much you can do about the wedding, but for the other situations just be honest. I know it can feel awkward (we're on the DR plan too), but just tell them that while you make good incomes, you are on a budget to pay of high student loans. Your inlaws at the very least should understand. Mine have been very supportive. Could your friend maybe come and visit you instead? Maybe you could find some free or inexpensive things to do with people to continue to have a social life. Maybe have friends/inlaws over for dessert? Organize a picnic where everyone contributes something. Google "things to do that don't cost much"- "things to do for free", etc. Try thinking outside the box.
Best wishes!!!! =o)

I know friends you did this and they used the term it is not in our budget.
It emphasized they were not poor per se, but choosing where to pay.

I don't think that you owe any explanation for not participating in some of these events. I have told people that I "just don't want to spend that money right now" or "am working on not stretching myself too thin". Maybe you can suggest the lunch venue--a place that is more cost-effective for you--and tell them that this is what you have in mind for your lunch budget. For this wedding, must you spend "hundreds" for a hotel? Turn your experience from "can't afford it" to "don't want to afford it". That might help you feel better when you deal with other people. Certain people expect us to have and spend more money than we do based on what we have, and it's none of their business that we work hard and get good deals, etc. Bottom line--with the exception of the entities that swipe the money right from our hands before we can even get full possession of it, we spend our money how we want to and when we want to.

You don't have to say 'we can't afford it', say 'sorry, its not in our budget.' There is a difference. There have been several times my Mom has invited me out to lunch and I've had to respond. Sorry, not in the budget right now.

As for the friends getting married, send a card and a small gift card $25-50 if you can afford it. If not, just send something in a week or two. Sending a Congrats card to the house after the fact is very acceptable.

When people ask why just say that we are using a budget now and are trying to keep with it.

I've had to turn down invites to family weddings, reunions and a trip to the Poconos.

I think that is AWESOME you guys are trying to get out of debt. Paying off cc's and medical bills are huge! Congrats!

Do they have to know its for financial reasons you can't go? Can't you just say "I'm sorry but we won't be able to go". If they press you for more details, then say "Please understand. We have alot going on and a couple of things coming up this year and won't be able to make it."

Don't lie, but keep your financial business to yourself. Once you get back on track, call them up, invite them over and rekindle the relationship when you feel comfortable about spending money again...if you even ahve to spend money. We have fun inviting people over for coffee and dessert (after dinner so you don't hve to spend money on alot of food) and have family game night.

gl and keep going! Soon you'll be debt free!!!!

I agree with others & just say at this time it's not in our budget. Once you start using the term it will become easier for you to say. Just keep your eye focused on the prize!! Financial freedom!! I have a coworker who did it & is debt free. Just keep reminding yourself of what Dave Ramsey would say..."you have to live like no other, so can live like no other".

I tell friends that I've spent my "play money " for the week.

Hi,
In the past we've had similar situations. People don't understand when you say "can't afford" because they see your lifestyle and the stuff you have. Now when we can't spend the money on something, instead we say "we're limiting our entertainment budget to pay off some bills". It's more specific and they can't argue with us and tell us not to pay off bills. :) We also tell them we hope to hang out with them soon or offer alternatives if we can, like inviting then for dinner at our place and asking them to bring dessert. :)

I can understand what you are going through. Although we have never been in debt, we have had to stick to a very strict budget over the years when we had money and when we didn't to be prepared for the latter times. Unfortunately we did have our friends stop inviting us out and that was very hard. We would have loved to have gotten together at someone's house rather than a restaurant, but that's where their minds and money went. Now, some of them have financial problems or are struggling to cut back and we are fine. Do you even have the time to do all of these things? I could never find that much time to be going all weekend every weekend.

We had people look at us as cheap when we are making good money but wouldn't go out, but neither of our jobs are stable and so we know that we can't live for the moment but have to plan for the future. Think that way.

I did not have time to read all responses but something we do is eat dinner at home and when we go out only get an appetizer or soup, something light to keep the cost down but still be social. Same thing with outings. You can go places but pack food to bring with to save money.Skype for people who live far away, schedules are just too busy to drive 3 hrs. and weddings..well that is a whole different issue. I avoid them like the plague..good luck. It is no ones business what you make or what they think you make and can afford, you should not have to explain yourself.

Choose what is important and a "must" and do those.. on the others, just be honest. Say "we are watching our budget and can not really afford to do all the extra fun things we normally enjoy, but we'd love to have you over for a potluck sometime".

I'm sorry, I know it's hard. I don't know what the Dave Ramsey plan is, but I find that most of my friends seem to have a lot more spending money than I do, and they seem to think that I have as much as they do. Sometimes I make an excuse about being busy rather than telling friends that I can't afford to do something. But there are times I've been totally honest, and let them know that I don't have a budget to go out to drinks/lunch/dinner/
movies with friends. Figure out the things that you can afford to do. If it's cheaper to invite people to your home for dinner rather than driving a long way to see the, for instance, do that. If you can meet someone for a cup off tea at Starbuck for $3 rather than paying for a whole lunch, do that.
People may not understand your financial obligations and commitments. People like to think that people are just like them, and may make assumptions about your finances, like that you live in a big house so you must have a lot of money, or you work in a higher paying field so you must have a lot of spare money.

Honestly, when you're worried about people thinking you're being a tight-wad because you "obviously" make plenty of money, the easiest thing I find is to turn the tables and make them feel a little bad for you. I say something like "honestly, we got in over our heads a little financially so we've got to stick to a strict budget for a while. hopefully it won't be this way forever, but for now that just isn't in our budget. i hope you an understand."

It seems like you're having difficulty even driving to see your friends, and I can understand their resentment if they feel like they are always coming to you. Is there anything else you could cut out of your budget to increase your funds in that area? Maybe you've cut everything down already but here are some things to consider: don't buy alcohol, cut the cable and internet, no more coffee runs, reduce your cell phones to cheap pay-as-you-go plans and try to use them only for emergencies. If you're spending money in ANY of these areas, it means you value that item more than you value your friendships. It's a matter of priorities, and your friends won't be your friends for long if they feel like you can afford cable but can't afford to drive down to visit them.

I am so right there with you! My husband and I are following Dave Ramsey to get out of credit debt (used to have 2 incomes and spent like it was going out of style! But now I'm staying home and we still have the credit debt from when we were stupid). We earn a good living, but because of the massive amount of credit card bills we racked up, we have to live a very meager lifestyle for now if we want to be FREE later!

My guess is your friends being able to "afford" all these things is just a front for them using their credit card! Sure, I could probably afford LOTS of things now, but that's if I use the available balance on my credit cards! As you know, that's NOT "affording".

Perhaps you can space you your gatherings with friends and add a line item to your budget so that you have the cash saved up in order to visit or go to lunch. "Hey, I'd really like to get together with you as soon as we can. Can we find a time in November? Unfortunately, we have to wait until we get enough in the envelope for 'going out' to be able to do it since we're really focusing all of our income on paying off our bills so that we can be debt-free. Wouldn't that be great?!"

I've had to do this sort of thing a number of times and fortunately, my closest friends are also Dave Ramsey converts!! So, we're able to talk freely and openly about our debt reduction plans and all the stuff we look forward to budgeting for once our debts are paid.

Good luck to you! And hopefully, we'll see your name on Dave Ramsey's "Debt-Free Fridays" on his facebook page where people can post when they've gotten out of debt!

You simply say, "we are working so hard to pay down all our student loans, I hate to say no, but we just have to really watch our money now." then suggest a cheaper alternative. Real friends will understand as will family.

I simply tell people, "Gee, I would love to, but it's just not in the budget right now. How about a rain check?"

I don't think you should have to explain your finances to anyone. It doesn't matter if you have a nice income or not - all of us are on a fixed income one way or the other. You do what you can and that's it - bottom line. You don't always have to turn down every invitation, but maybe meet in the middle and get creative with things that you can like instead of having a possible costly lunch at a restauraunt - ask people to make a dish or cook together - make it easy. Good for you to be in the process of being debt free. True friends will understand with out a personal and private explanation. I have turned down a lot of outings and vacations because I don't want to be nervous about how I am going to make it to the next paycheck. My husband and I live from paycheck to paycheck and I would love to visit my brother more that is 5 hours away but it just doesn't work out. They understand - they are in the same boat. Good luck!