What to Look for in a Newborn Night Sittter

Best advice I ever heard was 'sleep when the baby sleeps'.
Hard to do, I know, but if he sleeps fine during the day - then you need to sleep during the day too as much as possible.
If you do get a sitter, have them watch the other kids during the day while you and baby nap.
I couldn't settle at night (even if a sitter was watching him) if I knew the baby was up.

I completely understand. My daughter was diagnosed with a primary sleep disorder at birth, and a pediatric neurologist (and team of doctors) agreed that her brain really didn't know how to sleep. I nearly lost my mind. She didn't sleep during the day, either (less than 2 hours out of 24). We tried swaddling, diet changes, sleep training, etc, and eventually resorted to some medication with the specialist's supervision to help her learn to sleep. She had her first sleep study at 5 months of age. She was in significant distress too.

We found out that she was severely intolerant to baby apple juice. Apple juice contains sorbitol (naturally) and it can cause many digestive issues. Are you giving your baby any juice at night in a bottle, for example? Are you eating or drinking anything that's "diet" or artificially sweetened? Our baby's GI specialist told us that she advised many of her patients' mothers to cut all that stuff out if the baby was gassy or constipated or had other digestive issues. Also, are you taking vitamins or supplements?

Since your baby sleeps during the day, you know he's capable of sleeping. So what's different about the night time? Ask your doctor why the gas upsets him at night, but not in the daytime naps. Does he nap during the day and (try to) sleep during the night in the same cradle, or crib, or room? What is the daytime environment (noise, activity) vs night time environment (is it to too quiet, too warm, etc)? Have you tried gas drops? Have you asked a pediatric GI specialist about his gas? Have you taken a video of his distress at night and kept a food log? Maybe there's something you're only eating at night that distresses him. Start keeping a log of his nap times, nighttime sleep efforts, feeding times, your diet, etc. I'm just throwing ideas out there, from someone who's had to do all these things.

The most important thing, if you get a night sitter, is to not have someone keep him entertained at night, or play with him, or just soothe him to keep him quiet. The night sitter should focus on following sound techniques to help the baby learn to sleep. The ultimate goal is a baby/toddler/child who sleeps at night and plays/learns/goes to school during the day (at appropriate ages and with appropriate naps). You may need to consult a pediatric specialist who understands babies with sleep difficulties, and come up with a plan to train the baby, and then make sure that the night sitter follows that plan to the letter. If the night sitter walks around all night bouncing the baby so the baby doesn't cry, that will certainly provide you with some sleep time, and provide your family with some quiet, but it won't help the baby in the long run.

I ended up hiring a young pre-teen, not for night time, but for my other child (my son had just turned 4 when the baby was born), after school or late afternoons. I would make sure the baby was securely and safely in her crib, and sure enough, she'd cry, but for a blessed few minutes, the pre-teen was playing happily with my son (building with blocks, racing his trucks and cars), helping him get a snack (helping him make a peanut butter sandwich, or supervising a treat of graham crackers and milk - no cooking), and I'd grab a nap, a shower, make dinner, whatever. I didn't need an experienced older teen as I was right there in the house, but I needed to know my son was entertained and the baby was safe, and I could take some time for myself. I made sure the girl I hired understood that it would be noisy (with a crying baby) and her mom prepared her well. She did a great job helping me out during the afternoons and early evenings. It helped keep me sane during those very long nights.

I think the main thing is to be totally honest about what you want and need. Say you have a fussy, gassy baby and you are exhausted with another child who needs you during the day. Let them know what you'll need and want, and what you won't want. If you do hire the person, try not to interfere if the baby doesn't settle right away. That's the whole problem anyway! Get one of those air filters or white noise machines, and see if she can take the baby to the other part of the house.

I used Mother's Helper years ago - they've been around for quite a long time. We hired someone for a weekend, believe it or not, since we had no family who could help. The person was wonderful, bonded, and so on. It was hard to drive away but I'm sure it would be much easier in the same house. You could look into it: https://www.mothers-helpers.com

There's also a service called Care.com - they do a lot of things from babysitting to pet sitting. I don't know anyone who has used them for child care but you could investigate.

Good luck, B. - you need some rest and "sleeping when the baby sleeps" doesn't always work if it screws up your rhythm. Whatever works for you and your family is fine!

Sorry B. that you are going through this. It is great that you are looking for help and taking care of yourself! I understand your concern about having a stranger help out at night when your baby won't settle for long stretches. Can you sleep during the day and find a sitter/housekeeper during the day to help out with the older child and take care of the basic household stuff while you sleep? Is there a relative who can stay over night a couple nights a week just to help you catch up? I am not sure how to best find a non-relative for a night shift. Please keep us posted!

I actually had my sister come while Tyler was deployed to help out. Do you have a family member who can help you?

I have to agree about changing your diet. Also, if your son sleeps like a champ during the day? He might have his internal clock messed up. That's a hard thing to change!! Lots of patience and time!

Good for you for reaching out and realizing you need help!

My first born had colic. I was given drops by our doctor. Has yours mentioned them to you?

My doctor also suggested I burp him several times during breastfeeding. He guzzled. So he got in more air than his siblings did. Not sure if that could be part of it, but that helped. It helps them get a full feed too. If they get gas half way through, then their bellies feel full. And they don't often eat enough. And then they are up again in the night.

I also had to nurse him more upright. The higher the head when they eat, the less chance of gas. I was using a nursing pillow and he was too horizontal.

For someone coming in to help, just be sure they have the same philosophy as you do about comforting baby. My mom was a snuggler with infants so I could let her look after him in the night and feel relaxed. My MIL on the other hand would leave infants to cry, and that just caused me stress. So find someone who will tend to him as you would so you can relax enough and get some sleep. Ear plugs too. Because if you hear baby cry, you'll wake up.

Good luck :)

you're a smart mama, FB. that's a great idea to get caught up with your rest.
i don't think i'd be looking for anything out of the ordinary, really. someone with experience, references, a calm demeanor. you ask her (or him) about her child care philosophies and see if they basically line up with yours. someone who will do things the way you want them done.
and references.
don't forget the references.
khairete
S.

I'm so sorry that your baby is not settling. I don't have an answer to your question at all (sorry). But, since I've BTDT with a gassy fussy baby, I want to throw out there that you might want to try modifying your diet to see if that helps. My babies felt much better after I eliminated dairy from my diet. Good luck.