What to Do When Other Kids Push/bite/hit Repeatedly

Hi D.,

This sounds like an awkward situation, but your primary responsibility is to protect your son. He absolutely has to know that you will never allow someone to hurt him--especially while you are present. This little girl's behavior is totally unacceptable, even if she's nice the rest of the time. You may have to have an awkward conversation with your friend and let her know that you just can't allow your son to be manhandled, and if you both can't find a solution perhaps it's best that there be fewer playdates until her daughter is past the stage of physically acting out. I know it will be hard, but in the long term, you are teaching your son how to live and be in the world. And if he gets the sense that it's okay for someone to be physically hurtful toward him and adults don't take appropriate action to stop it, imagine the long-term consequences of that. I know it seems like a small--although troubling--thing at the moment, but it has the potential to create a bigger problem later. And in reference to the girl, what is she learning from this? That she can physically hurt people while adults watch as long as she is nice the rest of the time. Her mom is doing her no favors.

I hope this works out; it certainly sounds like a difficult situation.
Best,
E

The next time the little girl does it, tell her that if she hurts your son again, you will take him home and the play date will be over. Period. Just because her own other can't follow through doesn't mean that every adult will respond that way and she will learn from you that YOU mean it when you make a statement like that. That will likely be the last time she does something to hurt your son on purpose.

That's a tough situation. My nephew used to hit and push my son alot. Now it's less frequent. He is disciplined for it, so that aspect is better. Try to see if there is a pattern. We find when he is tired he gets physical. I have also noticed that he's getting smart enough to do it when no ones looking.
As for your friends little girl you should see where/when it's the worst. Do the playdates that occur at one house or other result in more negative behavior. Kids don't know how to express their emotions. The other child could have anxiety about their toys being touched or not being in their own environment. Do you get together too close to nap time or quickly after. None of this may eliminate the behavior, but it may lessen it. There is a cause for most behaviors finding it can be hard.
I would suggest shorter visits for a while til you figure it out. Let your friend know how your feeling. Tell her know you don't want to take you child away, but you don't want your child in a negative environment. The other child will grow out it. It seems it may be a while with out redirection.
Good Luck

I honestly think you have done everything you can to either stop her bad behaviour or deal with the mom/friend. If it were my daughter being treated this way, I would put her safety first and stop the friendship. I wouldn't want my child to have to go through such pain coming from a friend. I would think that my child might have a hard time understanding and might after awhile start with the same behaviours.
Good Luck

Remind your friend of how tolerable you have been and that when her daughter goes to school the teachers and parents aren't going to be as understanding. Just explain that you don't want to see her or her daughter have to go through that. Tell her this is the perfect oppotunity to correct her behavior because you are willing to work with her. Not all parents are as patient as you have been. She is only making her daughters life harder!! If people want to be their kids best friend then they should be disciplining them. The truth is, a child who is agressive and who has a parent who is not taking care of the problem is not going to be well liked in school by parents or teachers. Why would anyone want to do that to their child?