OK- we are new to our area- been here since July. My daughter (9 years old) has made some friends at school and has one good friend that comes over alot. She is a really sweet girl and welcome here anytime. The problem is when my daughter wants to go to her house. I am not comfortable at all with her going over there, tell me what you think. First, her mom does not talk to me at all. I spoke to her the first time her DD came over and that is it. She just drops her off and never talks to me. I feel like there is not alot of supervision at the house- they have like 5 or 7 kids but they dont all live with the mom? (getting this info from the daughter) The aunt watches the kids often cause the mom is not home. (no, she is not at work either) The daughter never knows where her dad is. And she is always talking about how she has to watch her younger siblings. The first time she stayed the night her mom said to bring her home in the AM which I did and nobody was home and the house was locked! Then another time- her younger brother was standing on the porch flipping us off (he is handicapped I think) and he came out last night in just a diaper (he is 7). (I understand the handicap part my BIL is mentally handicapped) Last- the house is in horrible condition- I would have thought it was an abandoned house- windows are boarded up, trash everywhere. So, I have explained my feelings to my DD but her friend continues to ask her to come over. I dont know what to say. I am just not comfortable with her being there. What to do?
Don't let her play there. Tell her nicely she can't. No explanation. Just let her have the friend over.
I would not offer an explanation at all of why your DD can't come over....just tell friend that she is welcome to come over and play at your house...same to your DD. Tell her it is a mommy decision. The real reason will only cause negative feelings and you don't want your DD to repeat real reason to the friend...which will happen if you tell her. So call this one a "mommy decision"
Ugh-doesn't it just figure your daughter would make a friend she really likes and you can't let her go to her house. Hate when life works like that! But-no, I would not permit my sons to go over to a house like that. Way too unsafe. Just tell your daughter that all play with this girl will have to be at your house. If the girls house is as bad as you say the poor little girl will probably really welcome the chance to get away and come over.
My advice would be to tell your daughter her friend's mom has to call you to discuss it. If the mom DOES call, you can just explain maybe your daughter is very shy and you would like her to come play, but can you stay too. Offer to bring coffees or something and stay with your daughter to get a feel for the running of the household, you know?
Make the date right before you have to go do something else so you can say you've only got an hour or so....
My son has a good friend of over 3 years, who often comes over to our house to spend the night. I will not let my son stay over at their house - it is just too yucky. Plus, although I like his Mom, I just don't feel comfortable with their lifestyle. I felt bad at first - every time the boy would ask mine to go over and hang out I changed it around and instead invited the friend over. After about 6 months it just became routine. Instead of calling to ask if mine could come over he started calling and asking is he could come over to our house! Now, three years later, he just rides his bike over - in fact, he prefers our house to his own now....yeah, he is the friend most likely to be living with us in a couple of years.
I am by no means Martha Stewart, but even I have to draw the line some place. You have to do what you think is best for your child. I don't let my son go to anybody's house unless I have met the parent(s), have cell phone numbers and some interaction with the adults involved. And my boy is 14 now and I still hold to that rule.
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I have a similar situation with my daughter's BF (12 when they met each other). The subject of my daughter going over to her house came up once, and I simply said "Do you understand why I can't let you go over to her house", she looked in straight in the eye and said yes.
Keeping saying "no, I don't think that's a good idea". You daughter will either figure out the reason on her own, or ask you to explain why. If she asks for an explaination, tell her.
Hi there,
My son is 10 year old and I don't feel comfortable with him going to a friend's house. It is a pretty similar situation you have over there. My kid likes to play with his friend and they get along pretty well. The kid is a sweet boy. When my kid asks me to go over his friend's house, I say: "I am sorry sweetie, but you cannot go; however, your friend is welcome H." Clear and simple. It is your decision and he must obey mommy....I always say to my kids "mommy knows more and better.....I am 47, you are 10....you are 4....Believe me"
Do not make excuses. Just say NO! I tild my son that under no circumstances he is going to sleep in his friend's house . That's it. I have the gold and I make the rules. Of course, I also gave a long lecture on why... but that was not an excuse, just an explanation.
Just keep saying no, I dont think you need to give an actual excuse. Just say "Sorry, not this time Honey"... and be done with it. No way would I drop my kids off at a place like that without knowing who and what is inside, yikes! There are a lot of "what if's" tho... maybe you should try to talk to the mom, maybe she's embarassed or totally overwhelmed. You really can't judge a book by it's cover, we all know that.
My second thought would be maybe have someone come check the place out, sounds pretty eerie by your explanation.
You have to do what is right for your daughter and I think not going over to this friends house is a good idea. Just tell your daughter the answer is no and she can just give that as the reason to her friend. You do not have to give an explanation to the friend or your daughter--saying no is enough. Let the little girl come over by you and have a good example set while she is at your place. You get to decide what is right for your daughter, thats that.
Tell her to have her mom call you and you can discuss it. Since her mom doesn't talk to you that may never happen but the ball is in her court. Then, if she calls, maybe schedule a time when you can take your daughter over and stay (maybe say...can I bring pizza and have lunch and let the girls hang out?).
I would say no and not explain why because my child repeats it when asked.
Even if you liked everyone in that family, I bet they have a lot of people coming and going that you will never know. Trust your instincts.
Just keep saying no.
We have two boys in our neighborhood who run around with no supervision at all. Nice kids, but never any parents in sight. My son is friends with them and always asking to go to their houses to play. I told him that different families have different rules, and that I am not comfortable with the rules in their families; they are always welcome here, but because their rules conflict with ours he can't go there. He understood, and stopped asking.
By the way, the "all families have different rules" speech is helpful in all kinds of situations: Betty gets to pierce her ears? Well they have different rules. Bobby rides his skateboard without a helmet? They have different rules. I usually follow this by pointing out something my kids have/are allowed to do that the others don't. Yes, Cindy gets to have a cell phone, but Cindy doesn't have a horse and you do!
my feelings are this. i agree with the mom that said have the girls mother call and invite her over. then bring a pizza or two and have some lunch while the girls hang out. this poor little girl just wants a good friend which your daughter is. however if you dont want to do this just tell her no and that you dont have to tell her why again.
Stand your ground! YOU are the parent. Your instincts are correct - you daughter needs to stay away from their house. The girl's mother sounds like a real winner, not speaking to you. Real personable. So rude!! Stay away from them.
I am curious as to why you bought a house that is close to another house that looks gross and abandoned??
