What to Do for Mom Who Lost a Child?

I agree with bringing her something homemade. Maybe some banana bread, or some cinnamon rolls or something. Include a nice sympathy card and let her know that you're available to help in any way she may need. Being there for her is really the best thing to do. Let her tell you what she needs.

Most importantly, DON'T GET OFFENDED BY ANYTHING SHE MAY SAY OR DO!! She's in a lot of pain right now, so be understanding. Maybe she'll be touched that you thought of her, maybe she'll be angry and scream that you didn't know him so get away from her. Who knows, really. Everyone reacts to grief differently, so don't take any of it personally. Gentle, unselfish support is the ticket.

Bring her somethiing homemade and offer to help her if she needs anything. Sometimes love and support are what's needed most when a person loses a loved one.

Your kind of compassion is rare.

My child was only 3 year,s 11 months and 8 days old when she died in 1972. I needed tpeople to listen to me. Not give me platitudes about God, or tell me she was better off. I did not need for them to move away from me -- my husband and I lost all our friends. They didn'tnknow what to say so they did not call or come around. I needed someone there to be my firiend abd listen if I needed to talk, to allow me to cry if needed or just be there.

Also, now there is www.griefshare.org I did not find it for thirty years but it was a Gd send. It is not preachy but has really good words tom help one heal.

I donate items to charities who specialize in these situations. If you'll PM me, and tell me a little more of the situation, I can better direct you from there.

she may have been helpful to you.....once/twice....but you are basically a complete stranger to her. Do not make this personal.....death tends to bring out all sorts of oddball thoughts & reactions- so she may not appreciate your efforts.

That said, yes- I have lost a child. It's been 17 years & I still feel grief. Some of the most touching gifts I received were testimony notes from friends & families....past & present. It was their kind words which touched my soul. So that would be my recommendation: write her a very sweet letter (or note in a card) - tell her how much you appreciated her help that one day - how sorry you are to hear of her loss -& that she is in your thoughts/prayers. AND leave it at that!

It is difficult enough to carry yourself thru times of loss such as this. Having strangers, people encountered off-chance.....coming into your world .....honestly makes the whole process harder. I truly hope that I do not offend you with my words, but I've lived thru this & it's hard.....sooo deeply challenging that it takes your whole soul to make it thru - even when surrounded by loved ones. A heartfelt note from you will help her find sweetness & thankfulness.....long after the funeral. Peace!

My sister and bro-in law in their 40's lost a son a 2 yrs ago in a tragic accident when he was in college. I wouldnt hesitate to attend the memorial service even though you only knew her a little; it wil mean a lot to her. If you are not able to attend. if you frequent the hospital where she works I would stop by and tell her you are sorry for the loss of her son amd bring a nice card and or flower for her. If not I would send a nice sympathy or thinking of you card to her and her family at the hospital and mention how helpful she was to you when you were there so she remembers you. If there was any type of memorial fund listed in the paper and you are able, you might want to send a memorial donation. I would even put my phone number on the card in case she wants to keep in touch with you. THere is nothing worse or harder on a family than the loss of a child. My sister and her family and all of the other family members inclduing my hearts still ache each day over the loss of my nephew, he had such promise. I know she would appreciate your gesture whatever it is. I always say people from the mid-west have such kind hearts, we lived in Leawood for 15 yrs after college. Kansas City is a great place. PS- you may tell her about the organization called Compassionate Friends, my sister attends their mtgs and blogs with other members and has found it to be very helpful too.

Depending on how her son died...if it was due to a certain cancer, or an auto accident...I would make a donation in his name to an organization relating to his death. You can send her a card and let her know that you've done that in his name. Then, do attend his memorial service or wake or even his funeral, whichever they have. Just so that you can give her a shoulder and an ear. Good luck and God Bless.

I really like Erica's suggestion.

Having something traumatic like this happen is never expected, and your reaction is completely instinctive. Just like having your first baby, you don't know how you're going to react until you're in the situation. At least, that was my experience with a cancer diagnosis right after the birth of my second child.

Do the unexpected. Everyone will make meals, put photo albums together because that's what most people feel would make them better. Sometimes, it's the simple things like just being there. A stranger, especially one who's gone through a difficult situation (such as a sick child), can offer support in a unique way.

Google is a wonderful tool. If you can get information on him, where he attended high school, college, hobbies he had, philanthropic organizations he was involved in, etc. use those as your inspiration.

Depending on how he lost his life, recognize him in a special way. The nicest thing anyone could do for me during chemo and after was to wear a LIVESTRONG bracelet in my honor. When you noticed someone had taken them off, it hurt. Purchase her a special token to wear so she always has a piece of him with her, and wear one yourself in his honor.

At the end of the day, life is about the people we get to spend it with. Time does take the agony away, and some people instinctively deal with it better than others. But, honoring the time she got to spend with him and the contributions he made in this world, you'll be honoring her as a parent as well. Pperhaps finding a book authored by another parent who's recently lost a son - I heard a mother on Dennis Miller's radio program whose son was the first Navy Seal killed in Iraq and had written a book about how proud she was of the person he became despite his untimely death.

Just send her a card and let her know you care. That speaks volumes.