What to Do About Daughters Stealing Cash!!!

Wow. Not fun. But, you have to hold her accountable. Make her work off the money or take what she bought from her. I would suggest a summer JOB.

Good luck! Be strong. This is important. She needs to know it's not ok.

S.

I have a 14 year old daughter and if she did this to me, she would pay--big time! If my daughter wants something, she earns her money by doing stuff that I need done. Does your daughter have chores or get an allowance so that she can earn money? If she does and she still stealing, both you and your hubby need to sit her down and tell her that you will not tolerate this behavior. She may lie or blame her little brother, but don't back down. Punish her by demanding that she do extra chores to make up for the money that she has stolen. She is old enough to do lawn work, laundry, housecleaning, car cleaning--in other words--get your money back in services that you are so owed! Put her on a work schedule every single day until you are repaid. I would restrict her friends coming over or her doing anything "fun" until she's fully repaid you the money that you have lost. You may even have to take away privileges until she learns her lesson. You both need to send a strong message to her that stealing is wrong. And, if she continues stealing from you, I would start taking her things like the cell phone, ipod, etc.,and sell (or even donate them) them to get some money. They say two wrongs don't make a right, but see if she likes how it feels to lose her valuables--call it reverse psychology.

Children should know that purses and wallets are off limits to their sticky fingers unless mom or dad says it's ok.

-M.

First of all, she needs to be confronted. Sit her down, calmly let her know that you know she has taken money from you and your husband. Also let her know that that behavior is not acceptable. Reasons for taking the money really is not the issue, it's the dishonesty. Let her know that she will have to work off the money that she took.

Question for you mom. Does she get an allowance for work that she does around the house? If not, she should be.
She needs to feel that she's worth important and that she can contribute at the same time.
Handing out money for no job done is not a good idea.

I have raised 5 children and are all well behaved, responsible adults with children of their own.

you say you have a huge yard... :-) LAWN MOWER!!! lol she needs to "pay you back..." Also if you are stern on the first time it gets the message thru faster. Make her go to bed early (pitifully early ) for a while and don't let her hang out with her friends until its all paid back...
Have her write an apology... etc...

I would say that she needs to pay you back, either by selling her things or by doing work around the house. She should have regular chores to earn money every week, if she doesn't do her chores that day, then she gets paid for one less day. You need to ground her and monitor her activities more. If you know what she is making each week, and what she is doing with her friends, then you know if she is spending more than she is making.

Here's the question, if she is hanging out at friends houses, then why is she stealing money. If she is going to the movies a couple times week, or going bowling or something like that which you know costs money, then you know what she is spending money on, because you are driving her to the events.

Stealing is never a good sign. If she won't tell you why she is stealing then I would be concerned about drugs, including alcohol. Maybe she is stealing because you won't buy her slinking clothes she wants and she is changing after she leaves the house. You might even want to follow her a couple of times before you confront her. All bets are off with the trust department, because she broke your trust. Get to the bottom of it quick and you might need to get her to counseling just as quick. Good luck.

Ok My Teenagers one 17 and 15 started doing this before I noticed and now they don't even think about touching my wallet or my Husband money. I told them that if I caught them stealing it it again from us I would call the police and they haven't touched the money since. Sometimes you have to tell them things like this or they will keep stealing from you I have been there and done that try and stop it now...I even caught one of my friends stealing from us..don't let her get away with it ground her the next time you have cash missing maybe then she will learn..

Hi J.,

I would ask her about it and see what she says. Tell her you know that someone has been taking money from you and your husband and fill her in on the consequences. I'd include not only what punishment will be given out but also an all out search of her personal stuff (even the clothes on her back if needed) if more comes up missing. As you talk you might want to brainstorm some ways she can make her own money, too. Extra chores, cutting the grass, washing the car insinde and out, etc. Explain to her those are acceptable ways to get what she wants. Then I would paperclip your money together in your wallet with a note on it that says something to the effect of "I've counted my money, I know what's here and I know how I secured it." If you use a rubberband or something count how many times the rubber band goes around the money then be sure to remember it so there isn't a mistake later. Then if you do have more money come up missing follow through on your decisions. Search high and low in everyone's room until it is given up or found. Once you have found more money missing them let her know you can't trust her anymore and you will have to search her before she leaves the house. If she has a friend go with her to her room then immediately wants to leave for somewhere then her friend has got to agree to be searched as well. Search in pockets, purses, bras, hats, waistbands, shoes, everywhere. They can be crafty. Let her know she will have to earn the trust back and can start by following directions and abiding by the household rules. If you are a Christian then pull out your Bible and show her the Ten Commandments, too. She's not only breaking your rules but Gods rules as well. I had the same problem with my boys when they were younger. Not so much money but small toys and candy from the store and from friends at school. After searching them before leaving everytime we left somewhere they got the hint. Bottom line is that you really need to catch her red handed before coming down on her or you will most likely find a bit of rebellion on your hands. This is not the age to confront without proof. Nor is it the age to search for the proof without prior warning. Keeping the lines of commnications open is vital at this point to ensure she will look to you for guidance during these next few years of finding herself and finding her own way in this world.

I hope this helps,

S.

Hi, J.

I suggest that you and your husband sit down with both children and let them know you are very aware that your hard earned money is being taken ... stolen; and that stealing, of any kind, will not be tolerated. If they feel they need extra money (in addition to an allowance), they have to earn it; and write down ways for them to earn it...household chores outside of their normal assigned duties; working in your wonderful yard is a good place to start, keeping your cars clean, doing the laundry ... . If you are absolutely certain who took the money, ask why it was taken and how they plan to pay it back? Nipping it in the bud now may release you from future heartache.

A.

Time to sit down and finfd out what she is doing with the money. My concern up front is what other behavior is she showing? Does she have any signs of using drugs? Is she coming home with things you didn't give her money to buy? Is she taking her friends out to eat? I agree with the others, she needs to pay you back,in labor or cash, but first, you need to open the lines of communication with her. She may just be testing you two to see how far she can go, and at this age you want to be firm and let her know exactly how far you are/are not willing to bend. At her age, this is important.

I would sit down and talk with her; find out what she wants the money for and why didn't she just ask you for it. You need to make it very clear to her that this behavior is unacceptable ... my parents didn't care if I took change (quarters and such) off of the dresser, so long as I didn't take bills; I would also suggest having her talk to someone (a professional) and see if that will help figure out why she is doing this. Sometimes kids do stuff just for attention, even negative attention. Good luck!

Now that you are positive it is her, sit her down and explain that you have been monitoring your husband and your money and that it has come up missing. Give her the opportunity to come clean before accusing her. If she doesn't come clean, than you can tell her you know it is her. Find out what she needs the money for, and why she can't come and ask you for it. Tell her you are very disappointed, and you are willing to working on something to enable her to make money for herself. I do know that kids are into drugs a lot sooner than my era, so do look for signs of that. Stealing does deserve punishment, so I wouldn't take it too lightly.

Confront her and try to establish more communication quickly. Get a counselor and go with her. Find out what's going on. If she needs money for clothes or other legitimate needs, try to help her earn some. Please do not hide from this. It will only get worse. It may not be serious yet, or it could be - like drugs. Please find out. Do some detective work. Go thru her stuff when she's not around.

only leave the cash you want them to have laying around and the rest in your pocket then it wont be stealing

Oh my! Your daughter needs to know she has been caught. She needs to pay it back by doing chores and be grounded until it is paid back. If she keeps getting away with it you will have a huge problem soon. She might graduate to shoplifting. Certainly she knows it is wrong, but if there is no confrontation and consequence, she will continue. My heart goes out to you!

You need to confront her explain to her right from wrong on the whole thing the consiquences and make sure its her. Than also let her know her six year old is watching her and thats not good. Tell her it needs to stop. If it doesn't take something away from her or ground her or sometype of punishment.