What Do You Do with ALL of Your Boys???

well, i have one boy and one husband. and mostly i try to hold myself in respect, regardless of who i am with, how many there are, or their gender. it really has nothing to do with any of that. i expect others to treat me with the same respect with which i treat myself. that's it.

side note: i grew up in a family of 4, mixed boys/girls. we all helped out. i wonder if because they are boys you are not expecting the same? like i said it has nothing to do with gender. you are a family. you all pitch in. BECAUSE you all deserve that respect, as does the "family" as a unit. just a thought.

Sweetheart, I only have 2 hands and right now they are both busy. If you really want it you will have to do it yourself.

I believe all kids should know the basics of cooking, cleaning, laundry, baby and child care, auto care (as in checking fluids, tire pressure, changing tires) can handle tools such as hammers, drills, screwdrivers, lawn mowers, trimmers ect. They should be able to step in and take care of it no matter what 'it' is. They should be reasonably cheerful about it and willing to just get it done.

My boys are now 16 and 18. They are able to help me and I expect them to. As they have grown taller and stronger than me, I let them change lightbulbs, repair faucets, do yardwork and shovel the walks with and for me.

One recent issue we've had is that my 16 yo walks fast and gets ahead of me when we are out together. Especially if I'm wearing heels. I mentioned it to him once and since then, we have this goofy game where I'll walk slower and slower to see how long it takes for him to notice. He laughs when he turns around to find me 50 feet behind. I told him I'm training him to be a good date and husband. My 18 yo got it right away and is great at always waiting for me when we get out of the car, checking to see if I'm ok or need help walking across an icy parking lot. It's one little way they can take care of me, after all the years of me taking care of them. And I hope it will make them more attentive to their future wives.

I don't think you question has anything to do with boys vs. girls. Think about it - did YOU see your parents as real people when you were younger? Or was it not until you actually became a parent that you started to be able to identify with them as something other than your parents?

As parents, being an endless caregiver is our job. It doesn't mean that I'm a martyr, but that's the crux of parenting, isn't it? That each parent is uniquely capable of meeting the needs of his or her children in ways that no one else can?

Now, those needs include fostering independence - my kids (3 biological sons ages 7-14 and a step-daugther who is 15) have chores and respnsibilities to our family, our home, us parents, and each other. They know that managing a family of 6 takes a lot of cooperation and planning and that we'll try to be fair about things but no one gets his or her way all the time. They know that if the six of us have to be in six different places, Mom and Dad's obligations trump theirs and sometimes, they'll have to be proactive about arranging a ride somewhere or they just don't go (even my youngest can do this).

Chores here are gender-neutral. My sons wash floors, clean toilets, vacuum, dust, cook and do laundry. My daughter mows the lawn, cleans the pool, shovels snow and rakes leaves. Same for my husband and me. I am "the breadwinner" in that my job is more stable, pays more, and provides benefits, so to my kids, wives/moms earn a living. Everyone in a house does whatever needs to be done to make it work and provide for each other.

In daily life, I take time to pursue my own hobbies - I run a few races and do a triathlon each year, which take time to train for. I play piano, garden, decorate cakes, and go out with my girlfriends. My kids see that both my husband and I are not only parents, but we are children and grandchildren ourselves, we have siblings and aunts and uncles, we have friends and colleagues and bosses, we coach and teach and volunteer. I think that by seeing us in different settings and roles, they appreciate that they, too, wear many hats in their lives and need to foster those other relationships.

At the end of the day, I want my children to realize that women *and men* are equally capable and responsible in relationships. That both mothers and fathers are important in raising their children and both need to participate fully in their children's lives and give of their time and energy.

Boys or girls, kids need to grow up and be able to take care of their own needs and be willing to help others. My son is only 5, yet he does many things around the house to help the family keep our house looking nice.

I decided that as soon as he is able to do something on his own, he is able to handle the responsibility that goes along with that. Cleaning up is part of playing. I don't need to to tell him to clean up his toys because every single time he played (once he was old enough to have toys to play with), I made the clean up necessary and praised him for doing it. He has a lot of toys. He plays with most of them every day. There are toys out while he is playing. Once he is done, he puts them back before getting something else out. He also plays in a limited area, and respects others enough to keep the chairs cleared off and a walking space big enough to get through. He plays in the living room.

I believe that anything can be taught to become habbit. Even little kids can learn to take care of themselves if taught in a simple way, but it takes consistancy and patience. When I find myself tempted to not remind my son or not take those few extra seconds/minutes, I remember one phrase "I am raising someone's future husband and father." My son cleans up his own spills, tells me when he finds some problem (if our cat is sick, if there is water condensation off the windows, etc.) He also helps with laundry. Since he is only 5 that means sorting dirty laundry into the proper basket when taken off and making sure it is turned the proper way, handing me clips to hang up laundry, pushing laundry baskets to the bedrooms and dumping the contents on the bed for folding, helping to fold laundry (everyone's, not just his), and putting the clean laundry away. Laundry gets done so quickly in our house. It took extra time when I first taught him, but you would be surprised how much you can do in 10 minutes.

A few days ago, we were preparing for guests to come. I hadn't vaccuumed the hallway yet when our cat got sick. I had only about five minutes before my guests were to arrive. I gave my son a dry sweeper, took a few seconds to teach him how to do it, showed him where to sweep, and sent him off willingly. He finished sweeping while I cleaned up after our cat, and all before the guests rang the doorbell. I thanked him for helping me in a time of stress, and praised him for being such a great helper. Today he was begging me to use the sweeper on the hallway again. If you give them the attitude that they are helping their whole family have more time to do fun things together from a young age, you are establishing good healthy habbits that will help them become more independent. It is never to late to start, but you may meet some resistance the older a child gets without these habbits. Then with all that extra time you will have, you can plan some fun outings as a family. Of course everyone will contribute their share of making the activity come together smoothly.

Stop doing all the caregiving yourself, and teach those boys to be on the giving end sometimes as well. Good luck, and hope you won't feel so pulled in so many directions soon.

I dont have all boys but i have a freind with 7 boys in her family and what she does is put each day organized such as mon wed and sat the father takes boys out to park or where ever that way she has her day for her self, other days she makes each one of them read and play together help with kitchen they do there chores play with youngest change diapers in other words she set the schedule for everyone in the family! if u feel torn then u need help from either the father or relative

Very interesting question...

When it comes to marriage, I hope my son has seen the blessings of it as he grows up watching the relationship my husband and I have continue to grow with each other and in God. He sees both my husband and I at work and at play, getting along, fighting, compromising, praying, laughing and working things out for what's best for our family, so hopefully he'll treat marriage as a 2 way street based on Biblical principals.

My son is growing up seeing me working in different areas of life - church, community working with the poor and internationals, school, neighborhood, working at home, as well as being his main caretaker - cook, maid, nurse, chauffer, shoe finder, popsicle getter,bedtime story reader, teacher, friend - so I'm not too worried about his views of me as a wife, mom, Christian, and woman.

No, I get out enough for our son to see other wives, moms and women in action, not just me, so his image of a woman isn't formed just at home. I'm more worried about how our son will see women as he continues to go to school and is around allthese little girls being raised to be princesses, where a man HAD BETTER appreciate her worth. While that is all good and true, we are raising our son to be a good man and to hopefully marry a woman worthy of his goodness and love.

The age difference makes it even tougher. They are in 3 very separate stages. Mine are 12, 11, and 7...still busy but easier to manage.

Try to focus on distinguishing needs and wants - for both yourself and your boys. Do the things the boys NEED you to do, as in thing things only you can do, and teach them the things you WANT them to do, those skills they will need to become more independent. Truth to be told, it will take more work on your part to get them independent and the payoff is pretty far away.

Conversely, balance the things they WANT against what you NEED for yourself.

Easier said than done, I must confess.

I have mixed boys and girls, and yes, there isn't enough time in a day to do everything or meet all the needs. I just noticed (friends, family) a trend of letting boys languish in front of electronics so we will never have video games or cell phones in the house. We do have TV but limited time on it. That goes for the boys and girls.

They are all little. I don't see "endless caregiver" as my main problem (well, a bit due to their ages and that there are 5), but keeping everyone busy, actually! There is nothing worse than a handful of bored little kids. I know "let them be bored" works for some, but screaming/fighting can get pretty intense among them so I do need to be proactive and keep us busy or on the move.

Just wanted to put in my 2 cents. I used to teach a class at church of 16-17 year olds, and I once asked them what is one thing that their parents have taught them that they will never forget. One boy in the class said his mom always taught him that however he treats his mother is how he will treat his wife. I'm assuming she reminded him of this if he was ever being disrespectful or rude or whatever. And I remember thinking to myself...THAT is something I will say to my son (when he gets to the age when girls aren't gross anymore =).

Teach them to do things for themselves. We are raising future adults..not future children.

This helps you, helps them, will help their future wives. Your youngest is quite young...but he can learn by doing small tasks..and from watching big brothers and daddy do stuff to pitch in.

All three of my kids(boy 13, girl 10, boy 6) have chores. My oldest will be cooking dinner tonight. They know how to do laundry,vacuum,mop,clean bathrooms top to bottom and other stuff too. Like I said, I am raising future adults..not future children. The latter happens often..I see it all the time and read about it on this site. Husbands that don't look to lighten the load their wife is carrying. So many woman are working full time, and also expected to do majority of the child caring/housework.

I am not a drill sergeant and our house does not look like Martha Stewart lives here...but it is clean and quite organized. We have fun in our home and I have expectations according to their ages. I don't expect them to clean with attention to detail as my husband and I do. If I don't think it is up to my standards then I go back and put in some extra time....but not when they are watching.

I have a husband that pitches in a lot around the house. I rarely have to ask him to help out because he sees a need and fills it. We are a team. I am home full time so the house is my main responsibility but he does so much here when he clocks out at work and clocks IN at home. I feel so blessed in this department. If his mom were alive today I would wrap my arms around her and say "Thank You for raising a man!!"

Turn on music and tell the kids that they are each going to spend 15 minutes in their rooms picking up...or in the living room. Teach them how to do dishes and go spend some time with them doing them. The other night I was washing some big pots and my 13 yr old boy came over and picked up a towel and dried without me even asking. We talked and laughed and he told me about his day. One of those payback moments that melts a M.'s heart and makes you feel like you've done something right.

When chores aren't seen as drudgery then they are more inclined to chip in. We give an allowance for their set jobs and if they do more then they can earn some extra money. "Let's get chores done then head to the park" gives some incentive to get it done quickly.

As for my extra time. I do ZUMBA 3 times a week, walk with a friend one day and run with another friend another day. I take time each day to read a book,scriptures, or inspirational messages...this is usually about 20-30 minutes. In the spring and summer I spend a lot of time vegetable gardening and enjoying the sunshine. Summer is my favorite because I will even go swimming by myself and sit in the sun and just soak up some quiet time.

I talk to my kids(and hubby) about "my" life outside of my caregiving/mother/wife roles. I tell them about my run or ZUMBA class, I tell them things I heard throughout the day that made me laugh, I share the funny youtube videos on my Facebook wall. I talk to them about things I worry about but that I have faith that God will help me.

I tell them sorry when I make mistakes...shows them that parents don't know it all nor do we have it all together...we struggle too. My six year old will even ask me questions like, "How was your walk today mom?", "How did your dentist appt go mom?" Amazes me...6 flippin' years old. I never knew my mom was a woman with a life outside of making meals,doing laundry,canning peaches and care taking. I am enjoying getting to know my mom now that we are adults...cuz now she talks to me.

Something that is uber important is to show them that my relationship with their daddy is strong. He and I kiss and hold hands in front of them, talk to each other in front of them and if they interrupt I tell them that they need to give us time and I will get to them in a few minutes. We go on dates together often and away on trips alone together.

I think my answer is all over the map...and sooo lengthy. Hopefully you can glean from it what you needed to hear.

Good luck and best wishes!!

I grew up in a mostly female household, except for my dad - and now I live in an all-male household. So I can relate LOL!

My favorite Bible verse on this issue is from Proverbs 14:4 (NIV):

"Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox comes an abundant harvest."

Who has to fill up that "manger?" We moms do! What a pain. But, those boys of yours are the future oxen, and from them will come an abundant harvest.

I'm not saying to enable them - I try to not do that with my guys. But I do try to respect that there are innate differences between boys and girls. That's the way it's supposed to be. And *you* are their first insight to women. I try to be the kind of wife and mom that I want my sons to marry (not that I always achieve that ideal LOL). Strong but nurturing and encouraging. Males are much more sensitive than we realize.

It's tough sometimes, no doubt. Hope my answer is not too religious for you! It's just how I look at it.

I have two boys and a husband. I suppose I try to make sure they are all independent. I try not to do things for them that they should be doing for themselves. I also make sure they understand that what I want is just as important as what they want. If they want me to keep taking them to waterparks and amusment parks, then they will have to keep going to the art gallery and the ballet, because sometimes we do the tings I like to do. As a SAHM they see that I am in charge of the home, but they also see that I am the planner and decision maker in the family, they see me work two part-time jobs where I care for young children, they see me as part of the leadership in the church and they see me going to school. I do not treat the boys like the center of the universe. I do not let them interupt me when I am talking to another adult, I do not drop everything and rush over when they say "look what I can do".

This is why I prayed for girls. God did grant my prayers but he also has a sense of humor. Let's just say, if someone is dumb enough to kidnap my youngest daughter, within an hour they probably would pay me big bucks just to bring her back.