Responsibility for Teenagers

J., i am the oldest of four children, with a two year old of my own now, and i can say without a doubt - ALL your kids are old enough to help. the teenagers can do ALL their own laundry, and even your little ones can help with laundry and other tasks. please do yourself and them a favor and TEACH them, and EXPECT them, to do household chores. it is in NO way unreasonable - he's just being a teenager! put your foot down, mama!

Hello J. - I am a single mother and even if I was married I would stll make my kids do chores. I have a 12 year old son and a 15 year old daughter.

They have been doing chores since there were little. It all started with the 10 second tidy when they were small and all that involved was picking up their toys. But if you don't start when they are little they will fight it.

Currently: My daughter keeps up her room and also does the laundry for the 3 of us (including taking all of the laundry to the laundry room and sorting it into the correct piles (lights, darks, reds, whites and towels). She also has the job of cleaning the kitchen as needed. My son keeps up on his room, takes out the trash, dusts as needed and empties the dishwasher. I fold the laundry and do the ironing and hanging along with the cooking and most of the major cleaning.

I think that the only way to teach our kids responsibility is to teach them young and to stick to it. There is nothing wrong with chores. If they come back and say so and so doesn't do chores, then tell them that so and so is not going to know how to be responsible for himself when he is older.

Stick with it J.. It will pay off in the long run. Keep up the good work.

Take care and have a great week,
M.

I think the chores you've set up for them are very reasonable. I started helping my parents with the laundry as soon as I was tall enough to reach in the washer. I also had other household duties such as dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, etc. Not all at once, mind you, my parents weren't total slave drivers, but I learned and could help with all the household chores. We used to be able to choose what we wanted to help with. For example: Mom & Dad would say, "OK, time for chores. You can do laundry or wash dishes." If I gave them trouble about it or didn't do it, I lost privileges. It stank as a teenager, but I really appreciate what my parents were teaching me. Responsibility, appreciation for my things & home, plus life skills I'd need later in life. I seriously still have friends that have no idea how to do their own laundry. Really... 30 years old and taking their laundry to their mom's house so she can do it for them. Ridiculous!

Anyway, keep it up. You're doing great, and I'm sure even though he's pitching a fit now, he'll appreciate what you're teaching him later.

Of course it is fair, perhaps even generous of you to require so little. But, from what I read in your message and what I have come to understand about that age group, fairness is probably not the issue. I would suggest that it may be an issue of communication.

I remember the things we did around the house as children and how I felt used by my parents. However confused I may have been about the idea of 'being used' by the people who provided all my physical needs, I do know that adults seldom expressed appreciation for what I did or acted as if I should be honored for my contributions. I also remember how unfair some of the appreciation was doled out. My sister was older and would often be responsible for cooking dinner. I was assigned to be her assistant. She would order me about the kitchen the whole time with, "Open those cans. Set the table. Stir the stew. Peel the potatoes. etc." When dinner was over, everyone bragged on my sister for cooking the meal and not a word was said to me as I was left to clean up the dining room and kitchen and wash the dishes alone. The only thing I heard was a harsh complaint if I didn't do something well enough. My sister was not always given appreciation either, but at dinner time, it was obviously mishandled.

When a child, even at age 15, is trying to express his feelings, he is not usually very good at knowing how to name the feeling. I think it is important to not dismiss his complaint out-of-hand. Many parents, me included, have responded to the, "That's not fair!" remark with something sarcastic like, "Fair? Oh you would like things to be fair around here? Then you can start paying rent!" But, if a parent responds compassionately and respectfully, the response might sound something like. "Well, I'm not sure fairness is the real issue here, but you obviously feel there is an issue that needs to be understood. Can we talk about it?" Of course, it helps to add, "As long as you can talk to me respectfully, I will do my best to understand what you are trying to say. So, let's do our best to keep the conversation dignified. Let me know if you feel I am not respecting you and I will let you know if you need to rephrase something in order to say it respectfully."

I knew a family that had a really great approach. They had a monthly family meeting. The mother made up 3 X 5 cards listing all the chores required to keep the household running, along with estimated time investments. Everyone got to have some choice in the type of contribution they would commit to making. If there was a total of 10 hours per week and 5 family members, each person would commit to about 2 hours of collective chores. They not only had the opportunity to trade jobs each month at the family meeting, they could also team up with other family members for some chores that could go faster with help (I'll help you dust furniture if you help me clean up after dinner).

One of the things that impressed me about this family is that the mother told me that after they had all gotten their list of duties at the first family meeting, the father insisted that they start all over because a very time consuming chore had been left out. He pointed out that Mom had put a lot of effort into organizing the meeting, making up the cards, and will be the one most often left with the task of making sure everyone else is keeping up with their commitments. She is also the one that will be in charge of training all us apprentices and will be pulling double duty when any of us get sick. So, we need another card estimating the time she will be devoting to all that so that she is not left with the opprotunity to out-do the rest of us to such a great extent. Once they included Mom's managerial duties, she was left with very few other specific chores.

One of the things this story illustrates to me is how important it is for Dad to know when to step in and lead the family in respecting Mom and in feeling a sense of honor about contributing to the family.

Hope this perspective offers you some helpful food for thought.

Absolutely NOT unfair!
I'm not sure exactly how to handle it because I tend to get emotional and irrational. If it was my son he'd be doing EVERYONE'S laundry for at least 2 weeks, AND clean everyone's bathroom, AND take out the trash, AND mow, AND. . . get my point!
There was another recent post about something similar, sometimes I just don't think kids and husbands always get it. I don't work outside the home anymore, but when I did it was very important that everyone help out.
And at the risk of sounding like an old lady to your son, when I was his age I did do the laundry for the entire family (mom, dad, myself and 2 brothers so just one shy) and did most of the cooking and cleaning while working part time and maintaining honor roll status. I certainly don't think I was abused and actually I'm not sure my mom said I had to. Both of my parents were self employed and worked a lot. There was a need and I took care of it.

I have an 18 year old son who is at college and a 14 year old daughter. I will do their laundry IF it is down here when I'm doing it. If not they do their own. Even when my son comes home from college he doesn't just plop in with a basket and expect me to do it. And when it's done I do not take it to their rooms on the second floor. It is folded or put on a hanger and put in a basket at the bottom of the stairs. They take it up themselves.
Our son mowed the lawn and our daughter has now taken that over for the most part.

Good luck and I am anxious to hear other thoughts as well.

Lori K

Its absolutely not unfair, you are actually doing them a favor teaching them responsibilty, and with 4 kids, you need help. My mom wouldnt let me do laundry when I was younger because she was afraid Id mess it up. Well it took me a long time to be a clean person, because I was never required to do it myself.
ESPECIALLY the boy, some men think they are above doing housework and thats hard in a relationship, I know this from experience. Im still training my husband, who grandma did EVERYTHING for him, including ironing his clothes! He just started doing that a couple years ago! Ugh Im not his maid! Or his crazy grandma. (Sorry TMI).
Good for you mom! Keep on em!

And you thought you were going to get a variety of responses!!! So far, we all agree with each other!!!
J....do your children a huge favor and stick to your guns!!! You cannot realistically expect children...and especially teenagers to be thrilled at the prospect of doing chores, but you are preparing them for life in the "real world" and this is just part of your job as a parent. The benefits of following through with this have far reaching effects, far beyond having clean clothing to put on!!! You are teaching all of them organization, responsibility, and the pride in seeing a job through to the end. My 3 daughters are all grown now but I like to think that the fact that we were strict with them and required things of them, helped them as they started spreading their wings and making their own way in the world. I know that their employees at their first jobs appreciated the fact that they could be counted on to show up on time, get their work done and take initiative to do it well. I hope your husband is presenting a united front with you on this issue, that will go a long ways towards getting a little more cooperation out of your teenage son!!!
Hang in there!!!
R. Ann

Not unfair at all. My son is 3 and I make him clean up his own messes when he makes them. (toys). When I was a child/teenager we had chores to do around the house, as a teenager ya you think its unfair, I did as well im sure, but it teaches them at a young age, responsibility. Nothing wrong with helping out, I could see if you were home 24/7 I'm sure you would be washing and folding the laundry and they would be putting it away. Taking out the trash is a good thing for a boy to do.

By the time my kids were 11 years old they did their own laundry. I taught them how to sort it, how totreat stains, and how to use the washer and fold it. Frm that point forward if it was dirty and they needed it, it was their problem, not mine. Each kid had their own day for laundry. If they decided not use it, they had to make up the time when the washer and drier were not being used by someone else, or they did not have clean clothes. Each kid kept towels and wash cloths in their rooms, they were resposnible for keeping them clean. If they ran out of them, it was up to them to get a load done.

I am a mother of 7 from ages 22 down to 4 and it doesn't matter how you sugar coat it or what rewards you offer, no teenager is ever going to think it is fair to have to help with chores. My husband and I just explain to them that it takes a lot of work to run a big family and every body has to do their part. The pitcher of a baseball team cannot operate effectively if the other eight players are not on board. We all have things we don't like to do, but we have to teach them those life lessons. Good Luck and God Bless.

Do NOT stop with those chores!!!! In fact, I think they could do more! Take it from a mother who required NOTHING of her kids...you are doing them a favor by having them be part of the "team". They will know how to budget their time later, they will know what it takes to keep their apts in better condition when they are on their own. They WILL thank you. My son has told me recently (26 yrs old) that we did not require enough of them. The older ones could be planning one meal per week, cooking it. They younger ones can set the table, remove the dishes etc. Be sure you and your husband keep telling them how they are contributing and that it makes such a difference for the family. Maybe the two of you could go on a date night at least once a month and that night they are totally responsible for themselves. Tell them they are practicing for when they are adults ane have a place of their own. If they hear you telling your friends and family how wonderful they are in helping it may make a difference. Your son needs to hear from some younger woman how great it is that he is doing this stuff and that girls really do like this in a guy.

Just know you are doing a good thing for your kids. This will make it easier with you 6 year old son. He sees the example of the older one. I envy you that you are doing this I, too, was a teacher with lots of "home" work with my job besides all the work of the home. I was crazy not to put the effort into having my kids do something around the house. It makes for lazy adults. Don't make the same mistake I did!!! I will pray that it goes well for you. It takes a little endurance, but well worth it!!!

S. goebel lake st. louis

Hi J.. I believe you are doing the right thing. The one thing I would suggest, thinking back on how I felt as a teenager, is that sometimes you or your husband could go in when he's folding laundry and chat with him - ask how his day went, share something from your day, tell a joke, maybe help out a little - not because it's such a big job but because it's the friendly thing to do. I remember feeling so alone with my chores, as if they were something just handed off to me instead of something that brought me more into family life. Just a thought... Good luck!

I also don't feel this is unfair. This one is an easy one to handle. You should teach the 9 year old how to do a load of laundry with your supervision at first. Let your other son be totally responsible for his laundry. If it's not clean he can wear it dirty. He'll figure it out when you just stop doing any laundry. Let your 9 year old do his own laundry. If I needed to, I could teach my 8 year old to do her own. She really wants to help. The reason I don't let her is that I am still a bit anal about preventing accidents. There have been children that put their arm in the washing machine and had it twisted right off. The safety shut off is not working on my dryer and I figure the washer is old enough that the safety on that could go out too.

Chores are always difficult at this age. They seem to live to be rude and rebellious towards us. I guess you are just going to have to put your foot down.

Suzi

hmm my kids do everything I can do and have been doing chores since they were little. Even a 1 year old can pick up toys and as soon as they started walking they helped me push the vacuum cleaner. I have a 16 year old son who cooks about everything we can cook, cleans the bathrooms, sorts, wash, dry, and fold all of the family laundry, dishes, vacuum, dust, sweep and mop floors, mows the lawn, cleans the vehicles inside and out, and any other chores that come along. 13 yr old daughter also does these chores but doesn't like to cook as much but she does know how to cook enough to survive when she becomes an adult. She also has to scoop her cats litter box everyday and make sure the cat has food and water, 9 year old son, takes out trash everyday, carries down and sorts laundry, washes dishes, sweeps and mops floors, vacuum, dust, likes to help with cooking. We do keep track of the chores they do and keep a record of what they have earned from their chores and when they need money to go on a youth trip, movie, camp, school field trips, gas money for 16 year old, or whatever comes up this comes off of their chore money they have earned. I got tired of handing them money all the time and decided to make up a chore chart so I could see if they were doing enough chores to earn these extra events. They do not get paid for cleaning their rooms or putting their clothes away, that is their area and we expect them to keep their rooms picked up.
Our kids learned at a young age to help out, I have no doubt that when they move out on their own that they will be able to cook for themselves and do their own laundry and hopefully keep their homes presentable. If everyone helps out and does a little each day then no one has to spend over 15 minutes a day working on chores. They usually do 1 or 2 things a day and alternate so one person isn't stuck doing the same chore all the time. If something is coming up that they need a lot of money for they will do a lot more chores to earn it. I have it set up that some chores can be done daily, 1-3 times a week or once a week and whoever needs more money has the opportunity to do more, we have basic daily chores that are required but they can do more if they want to. I don't care if they want to vacuum everyday or clean the bathrooms daily but the opportunity is there but is required once a week. most of the daily chores are taking down the laundry and sorting it, dishes, wipe down counters, table, and stove, take out trash, do 1-2 loads of laundry. Everything else we just fit in the time we have available as we are a very busy family on the go a lot.

Hi J.,
I think you are right on track. My daughter has been helping with the laundry since she could walk! :-) We live in a house with 3 stories - bedrooms on the 3rd, laundry on the 1st. So, we "throw" the laundry down the first stair-well and then the second almost every day. She saw me when she was a baby and as soon as she could walk, she started tossing it down too. She is almost 6 now and she still does it - almost handles it all on her own at this point. She also has these responsibilities: Coat/jacket and book bag put on their hook each day after kindergarten, shoes in the shoe basket each time she takes them off, pick up her toys, set the table, clear the table and wipe the table. We have a few things we pay commission on (totalling $2 a week) and a few things are considered part of being a family. (She also has fines to pay against her commission for things like back talking or telling us "no" when we ask her to set the table.) She is delighted with this arrangement and I mean delighted. She's not always thrilled to do her chore, but we remind her about her commission sheet and she gets more in to it. So, obviously, I belive in the kids helping. (We just recently started paying the commissions - we are actually doing that to teach her about money - we are teaching her to put part of it in an envelope for saving, part for spending and part for giving - Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Jr.)

Maybe you could see if the littler kids could help their older siblings with the laundry in the ways they are capable - like taking it to the laundry room, folding socks and underwear, that kind of thing? It might make the big kids feel better and the little kids feel good about it too.

Probably your son is being a teenager! :) Just remind him it takes teamwork to keep your well-oiled machine working and everyone needs to pitch in!

You might also tell him that the girls will be hot on his tail if he knows does laundry well and keeps a house tidy! That might interest a teenage boy!!

Good luck and GREAT JOB!
K.

P.S. I helped my mom with EVERYTHING when I was growing up, I mowed grass, did laundry, worked in the garden, dusted and vaccuumed, helped with cooking and cleaning up supper. She was a stay at home mom, but I was the oldest of 5 and her husband didn't lift a finger. I mostly liked helping my mom. We hung laundry on the line together, cooked together and we talked during that time. Sometimes it was a drag too, but hey, I still think that sometimes in my own home with my own chores!! I never regret the skills I learned from helping her. When I meet a woman who doesn't know how to cook, I think she's lacking! If I meet a woman who doesn't know how to mow the grass, again, I think she's lacking! (Now, don't get me wrong, I don't know if I could start this current Cadilac (sp) mower that my husband has, but I have mowed the grass!)

I think assigning responsibilities is a very healthy way of learning responsibility for kids. I am the oldest of 4 kids and my mom had a list of 13 chores i had to do every sat. morning before i could go to a friend's to play. It started out around 8 years old when i got my own room. I was taught how to clean the bathroom (there were 3) and i had to dust everything. I learned to iron and my mom would pay me 5 cents for small things and 10 for the big ones (that was 25 years ago, but still, it adds up!) Having 3 younger sibling, all of whom used cloth diapers, led to a mountain of diapers in the dryer that always needed folding, so if we were going to watch tv or talk on the phone, I'd better have a basket full of diapers to accompany my idle hands. (my first lesson in multi-tasking)
Boys, in general, are much more difficult to join in on the family tasks. My brother was also complaining and throwing tantrums about helping. He'll thank you in the long run. Be firm. Having the same rules for everyone helps it to seem like its not just him that is getting treated "unfairly". And good luck!

Oh no not too much work and it is really fair. My dtrs were doing their own laundry at the age of your younger ones with supervision. They wouldn't put their clothes away and would put them on the floor call them dirty again. I got tired of it and gave them the chore. Get the book called "Do I have to?" Don't remember the author. It is a great book on teaching chores and responsibility,what age and how much to expect. I found mine at at Christian Book store,but I have also found it online. If he doesn't have an after school job then he should have more chores along with supervising the younger sib. He would be held accountable for how well the younger child did,or lose privileges. Otherwise he could blow off the responsibility of his supervisor job.

I don't think you're being unfair at all. If the child wears clothes, the child should know how to care for his/her clothing. If the child eats, the child should know how to cook and clean up afterward. If your son lived on his own he would have to do his own laundry, cook his own meals, clean up his own messes and take out the trash all by himself. What exactly does your son think is unfair about your arrangement? I used to hate it when my mom would tell me that it's her house and therefore her rules. If I didn't like it, I was welcome to get a job and find my own place. I thought she was just being mean and hateful. Now that I have a child of my own, I understand. It's my responsibility to teach my child to be a productive member of society and the best human being she can be. I'd love to be her friend, but that's not my job. My job is to be her mother, teacher and mentor. Throughout her life she'll have many friends, but only one mother. Don't doubt it, you're right.

My two sons help with laundry and have since they were about 9. At that age they switched it for me or went and took it out of the dryer and brought it up for us to fold. Now they are 17 and 18 they go through clothes like crazy. They can put loads in, switch, and hang clothes up before they dry so they don't wrinkle.

This is the training ground for your children. You should teach then how to do everything. And not for a reward but so they have clean clothes to wear. They should be well equipped so they don't feel like they need to marry because of chores they don't know how to do or don't feel like they are their responsibility.

L. :)

That sounds reaonable to me, my 13 year old has to do the dishwasher and helps wash, fold and put away laundry. Just say to your son, "soon you will be out on your own and if tou don't learn how to do things now then how are you suppse to take care of yourself later?". D.

HECK NO!!!! You are being a responsible parent. You are preparing all your children for life. Way to go mom!! I have friends with kids your ages who have the older ones cook one meal a week. And I don't mean mac and cheese, I mean real meals. Plus they do the stuff your son and daughter are required to do also. Which includes cleaning the bathroom too. So your kids are getting off easy just doing the laundry and the few other things they do. My daughters are 11 and 12 and they've been doing their own laundry for a year and a half, they unload the dishwasher, clean their bathroom, vacuum, and dust and they help with the trash. So keep on your son, but explain to him that when he moves out he'll appreciate the stuff you taught him to do. Good luck and God Bless.

My answer is about the same as everyone else but I grew up without a mother our father raised us we all had our own chores. My second oldest sister raised us and I was glad to help her as I'm sure my other sisters were. She did all the cooking the second next one did all the laundry and the one below her did all the house cleaning I did dish and helped who ever needed me. I started doing dishes at 6 years old standing on a chair, folding laundry, dusting and emptying trash. I was 9 when I was considered old enough to iron clothes. It not only builds character but makes one able to do things other who did not have to do chores. I trained people were I worked and I can tell you I could tell those who were given chores they were self starts and easy learners. give yourself a big pat on the back. Your doing them a great favor

You are definitely not being unfair. Teenagers love to pull the guilt card. Keep it up! They need to learn to be responsible and how to care of themselves. Actually, if you're working, I think it would be fair for them to do more!

I started at about 12. If you start losing their socks and shrinking their favorite sweaters, they might just start on their own (like I did). I don't think that is too much to ask, and it is good for them to know how to do it. You work, you're tired, you need help, and that's what families do, help.. It sounds like you're doing great. Maybe you can get them on board by toting the positives!

K.

This is not unfair. Your teenagers could be on their own soon, and need to know how to do household chores. Every person in a family needs to pitch in.

It is NEVER to young to teach responsibility. I have four children and my older children often complain about helping the younger children. I constantly am telling everyone that we are a family and a family, just like a business, counts on everyone to function properly. Everyone has to make sacrifices and pitch in. When my older kids start balking about their "extra" work I remind them I will be happy to take over, but they will loose an "extra" that we do for them (soccer, dance, having friends over, ect.) Stick to your guns mom responsible kids turn into responsible adults! Good Luck!

Hi J.,

Unfair? Are you kidding me? He is old enough to have more responsibilities than that. He should consider himself lucky to only have a couple things to do.

It is not your job to do everything in that house. Your responsibility as a parent is to make sure that he can take care of himself when he is on his own. He will not learn this until he learns to be responsible for himself, his actions, etc.

My 7 yr old helps with laundry, picking up, folding towels, sweeping floors, vacuuming, setting/clearing table, cooking (with supervision), etc. Once I told him about being responsible, he has become more helpful around the house...without payment. I told him that it was not my job to pick up after him, only to make sure he can care for himself on his own.

I am behind you on this one dear! Keep up the great work of making your kids be responsible!!

Best Wishes,

J. H.

J., make your teenage son sit down and watch at least two episodes of "The Dugger's"...LOL.

I taught my 14 year to how to do laundry as soon as he could reach the control knobs. About 10 years old I think. Now he is on charge of his own laundry, in addtion to cleaning up after dinner every night and emptying the dishwasher and scooping the litter box and taking out the trash. So I'm sure my son would love to only have two loads of laundry and the trash each week. In fact now that I write all this down I think it is time I gave my 9 year old some of his brothers chores.

Good Morning J., No its not wrong for your kid-o's to have responsibilities it's part of being part of the Family.
And you son is definitely old enough to carry his share.

You might tell him there are several things about home up keep or your job etc. that you may not like sometimes, but you do them because it's your job as part of the family or work force to do them well.

Also might tell him I was a MEAN mama.....lol I had my two boys doing their own laundry at 8-10, as I kept finding their clean cloths in the hamper or under the bed still folded. Had to get a stool for them to stand on but they did it, I helped fold and they PUT them away correctly.
Both of our son's 34-32 can do laundry and cook with the best of um.

So your not being unreasonable AT all. Your teaching them responsibility.

Now that it's just hubby and me now AGAIN!!!! Yeah.
Except for the 2 gr son's I keep during the day. :)) He can do laundry quicker and as well as I do, he also helps with dishes, runs the vac or anything he sees needs to be done. We share it. I used to feel guilty about him helping me since I stay home, but not anymore when he said he enjoys helping and it helps him relax after being in an office all week, putting up with or managing his Adult Daycare..lol

So don't give in J., keep them helping you out.
God Bless
K. Nana of 5

J.,

YAY for you and every other mother out there that has told you to keep up the good work!

I raised 3 very self sufficient daughters! It is our jobs to teach them and help them prepare to be out there on their own some day!

Keep up the good work!

N.

my 8 year old helps w/ laundry.

she will be leaving home relatively soon. it is important to know these basic life skills. do not forget to show her how to manage finances. with april 15th fast approaching i am showing my 8 year old how taxes work with the help of some monopoly money.

I would say that as long as he has "extra" time to still be a kid and still get to hang out with his friends, those chores are fairly manageable, you're not asking him to run the household or anything. He is probably testing the boundaries and I think that you shoudl stick to your guns and let him know that you are teaching him responsibility and that he is earning a paycheck in exchange. Nobody gives you an extra $5 for doing your laundry so who is really losing on this deal? Good luck and God bless you for having to deal with the raging hormones of a teenage boy (oh yeah, and a girl!) :-)

By the time my kids were 13 they did their own laundry, sewing, ironing (if needed)and keeping their rooms neat. My son also mowed the yard and my daughter vacuumed and dusted. My youngest son at the time emptied trash cans, set the table and cleaned up his toys. I was too easy on my youngest as he did not start his own laundry until he was about 16. Chores are part of being a family.

You are teaching him responsibility - good for you! I would recommend reading the Love and Logic book - lots of good suggestions about how to handle this type of situation. Good luck!

VERY reasonable. Just who do they think will do their laundry for the rest of their lives?!

I don't think it is unfair at all. My 11 year old helps with the laundry. She helps me sort the laundry, helps me put it in the washer and start it. She is responsible for putting it in the dryer and taking it out. She, along with our 8 year old and I, fold it and put it away. I expect my 11 yr old to be able to do this by herself soon. I also have both kids cook. Each has a night that they get dinner ready. I am there with them and help, but they are well on their way to cooking by themselves.

When your son is living on his own, he will be glad he knows how to do laundy and doesn't ruin his clothes when he moves out. Be tough and hang in there with him!

i have the same problems and would like to hear how everybody think about this. Let me know.
thanks
T.

I agree they should help out with household chores But...do not make the teen son do his lil brothers laundry .He should be responsible only for his room and his own laundry and Trash,the same with your daughters. Household chores Not taking care of 2 kids .Sorry but they are your youngens and U can do it on Sundays for the week.

I think it is totally fair to ask the kids to help with laundry and other chores. Their activities take away from your time and your money and their help allows them to do those extra things. Kids need responsibilities and that starts with helping at home. The things you are asking of them are easy and not very time consuming. They need to learn to balance time and be more efficient, if time is the issue. Keep up the good work and let them know that is their responsibility and contribution to the house for having a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, and food on the table.

I would print out this entire page of responses and have him read them all. If he tires from reading them, then set the pages aside for the next time he 'tries' to complain. Maybe even highlight the responses that say. "He needs to do more chores" or "He lucky that's all he does" so he knows that 100% of Mamasource Moms agree that chores are necessary.
Keep up the good work J. - Chores build Character and Responsibility. They are necessary for the growth of self sufficient adults. *Stick To Your Guns Girlfriend!

You are not wrong at all. I did this with my kids, and in fact, they liked keeping up with their own laundry. They always knew what they had clean, and knew how to clean what they wanted for the next day without waiting on Mom's schedule to get around to it.
Would love to go into more detail about what a good thing you are doing, but I am running late for work.
Keep up the good work, Mom, and don't give in to whining !

Hi J.,
The chores you've assigned your children are NOT unfair by any means. Teenagers will always grumble and complain when asked to help out, but I believe that is the best way to help them develop into mature, responsible, adults. In a few yrs your teenagers aren't going to have anyone to do those things for them and if you haven't taught them how to take care of those things for themselves they will wish you had when they're on their own. Good luck!

I started helping out with the family's laundry when I was eight years old. Maybe your teenage son thinks that his younger siblings can do more than they are required?

Good luck!

J., you are just teaching them to become self sufficient adults. I had my teens start at 16 to do their laundry. They will have to do it when they are in College someday. It's their clothes - they need to get use to it. When your younger children become sixteen then it will be their turn. Remember what you do for one you have to fair to the others. Best Wishes!

Hi J.:

Make that 49 pts for Mom!

I am a mother of 5 kids, 12, 11, 11, 10, 6 years old. I have a schedule posted on the fridge to empty the dishwasher everyday, two by two. Whomever is handy when needed, they are asked to take the trash out. They have 1 bathroom and when it's time to clean it, they all take a section of it and clean it. My youngest son, has reserved toilet cleaning for himself...LOL Everyday, each one has the assignment of feeding the dog.

As for laundry, except for my youngest, who is a girl, the boys share rooms, 2 to a room. They are responsible for their own laundry.

As a matter of fact, if my husband and I cannot get home in time, my 3 older boys take care of fixing dinner for everyone.

In our house, chores is their form of RENT. For as long as they are under our roof, everyone pitches in. They are more than welcome to live like a slob when they are on their own. :D

You are not wrong, stick to your guns. Your future daughter in law will appreciate you and the things you made your son learn to do.

Good luck,
D.

Doing your own laundry is a life skill. You are doing your children a favor in teaching them. It isn't a punish, just something that must be done. I don't think your teenagers need to wash the younger ones clothing though, they can learn to do their own also. My kids are 12, 9, & 9 and they have all been "doing" their own laundry to some extent since they were 4. I started them with getting it into the washer, than putting it away after. Then they graduated to loading and unloading/folding. Your older teens or a parent would have to start the machines for your 6 yr old still. When my twin boys turned 8, I taught them how to start the machines and add the soap. My daughter was able to do this at 7, but the boys weren't ready yet. I have a notecard taped to each machine, at their eye level with very simple instructions. (3-4 words/pictures) This helps them remember to check the setting or clean the lint screen. Just this year, we added an idea of each kid having his/her own laundry day. They have use of both machines for that entire day, but must leave the machines empty at bedtime. (If they don't, they have to start the next person's laundry the next day !) Just awhile back, my boys decided not to keep up their laundry, and had clothes all over their bedroom floors. As a consequence and life lesson, they had to lug it all to the laundromat and wash it all that way (themselves- with my guidance), and pay for it from their own money. My kids are fortunate to have never been in a laundromat before, so this was also a chance to teach them a skill (pay washers work differently). Now they are back on track and running smoothly ! Also, for your teens who want money.....offer them incentive chores. One dollar for a load of dishes, two dollars to wash the car, etc. At our house, there are 3 basic chores the kids take turns doing on Sundays (floors-sweep/vac, bathrooms-wipe down with antibacterial wipes, dusting all surfaces) They also help with pets thruout the week and keep their rooms picked up. Any other jobs have a monetary value, or may be delegated as a punishment. We have tried lots of other systems, and this has been the best one so far. Good luck and God bless !

No it is not unfair.... Teach them and then let them start doing their own. It prepares them for life. My now 14 year old does his own and has for almost 4 years. It is one of his weekly after school chores and he gets no privelege's if it is not done.

I had chores when I was younger and they did teach me how to get things done and now that I have my own family I'm glad that I already know how to run the washing machine, dishwasher, etc. I'm sure I complained about having to do these things too when I was a teenager but I was taught that this is just part of being a family and taking care of the home we live in and everybody should be expected to do their part. If you did it all for them then they would learn nothing. I don't think what you're asking your kids to do is out of line at all! I think your son is just being a typical, rebellious teen. Keep the faith and stay consistent with your house rules as this actually is teaching your kids responsibility, accountability and gives them security even if they disagree. You might even try having a conversation with him to ask what is it that he thinks he should be responsible for and if he says nothing...then he's probably just being lazy about chores. Believe me...helping each other, especially Mom, with chores make the whole house happier. And, I'd get your husband to back you up and provide appropriate consequences if your son continues to back-talk or refuses to help. It could be that if he doesn't do the laundry then he will soon learn that he has nothing clean to wear and "girls" don't like stinky guys. :)