My sister-in-law had her first baby last week via c-section after 3 days of labour. Since then she's been in and out of the hospital 3 times with an infection that just won't go away. She and my brother-in-law are exhausted, stressed, and feeling pretty down about the whole thing. I want to help alleviate some of their burden, but am not sure what to do. I'm planning to cook some freezer dinners for them, but beyond that I'm kind of at a loss. I'm 8 months pregnant myself, so am kind of limited in what I can do (like clean their house top to bottom), but really want to do SOMETHING nice and helpful for them. Any suggestions??
Thanks for all your suggestions and advice :) I cooked some food and have called often to check on them, but they live an hour and a half away and have 2 young kids of my own so I'm not able to do some of the 'pop in and help' kind of things. Her mom has been staying with them for the last week and will be for the next as well. Thanks again Mamas!!
Sit at there house. Change the baby, bath the baby, watch the baby and let them get some sleep. Go to the grocery store for them. If you can afford it, pay someone to clean the house. Don't need to do all of these things. Maybe there are other family or friends who can do some of these things.
that sounds like me!!! I really really just wanted someone to come over and cook for me so that is a great idea!!!! I also did want someone to clean for me too so do what you can and ask others to do what you cant? One of my BF came over and cleaned the baby's room by putting all the stuff away I got at the shower bc I was too HUGE and sick when I was preggo to do it myself and she is my lifesaver!!!
Go to their house and offer or insist (depending on how they are) on watching the baby so they can get a nap. If she's nursing, have her feed the baby and hand her off to be burped, changed, etc. They are just in the next room so they won't worry too much and it's pretty easy work for someone who's well rested to watch a newborn. It will also be good practice for you in a couple of weeks. I know I would have killed for a couple hours of sleep in the beginning so I can only image how tired they are with all the added trouble. It's very sweet of you to think of helping, you're a good sister and soon to be mom.
How about baking some muffins? If you make some freezer meals those would be great for dinner and lunch, muffins are always good for breakfast, so your basically covering all meals.
How about helping them run errands? Grocery shopping, wal-mart, dropping off bills for them.
If she hasn't done it already, how about helping her with thank you cards for gifts, or birth announcements. I did my birth announcements at walmart, but was able to pick out what I wanted online before I went. You can help her address the envelopes and mail them off for her.
If she's not doing birth announcements, maybe do them for her. Take a picture of the baby to walmart, target, walgreens (a lot of stores do them) and making up a nice one for her. They are around .19 a print out, which is pretty cheap, and they come with envelopes! That might lift her spirits.
Babysitting while they nap, even if they can drop the baby off at your house, that way they get un-disturbed rest (at the slightest noise my baby made I woke up immediately).
If she feels up to it....a pedicure always makes me feel better. Not very helpful but definately relaxing. =)
The biggest thing you can do is help take care of the baby. They can rest, which is very important for getting over infections. Is she able to breastfeed? If she is nursing the baby, preparing snacks and easy food for her to grab and eat with one hand when she is alone would be great. She needs to get plenty of healthy food in. Make sure there are plenty of calories that are quality so that her body can fuel the production of milk without impeding the healing process. Some good options are yogurt with active cultures since she has been on antibiotics. Foods with healthy fats like avocados, nuts, fish, grass-fed beef, etc. These will boost her omega 3's which are vital for both mother and child right now. The iron in the beef will help her in the healing process and grass-fed beef is filled with healthy fat rather than saturated fat like regular red meat. Plenty of fruits and veggies. Cut up and prepare some for her as she doesn't have the energy.
Simple housework would help her a lot too. Just picking up, light vacuuming, organizing, doing the dishes, laundry etc will ease her burden and allow her more time with her feet up. The more rest and relaxation she gets, the faster she will heal!
Sit at the house and help out with baby duties.
Volunteer to stay at their house with the baby for a few hours while they get some much needed sleep. Give he baby a bath, do some laundry, wash the dishes. Anything to give them a break. Doesn't have to be one big thing, several little things are even better!
Grocery shopping for fruits & veggies
Laundry help
Errands, like replenishing their wipes and diaper supply
Drive her to dr appts if she is still not driving
I would suggest helping out with daily chores, not necessarily cleaning top to bottom, but doing dishing, folding laundry, vacuuming, etc. Maybe do some grocery shopping or run some errands for them.
And not necessarily all at once! Make yourself available to help out, it never hurts to ask them what you could to do help. Take care of the baby for a while, and if ur too exhausted to do some light housekeeping for them ( I was at that point!), maybe pitch I'm for a pro to come in. If it doesn't fit into ur budget see if a close friend or family member would like to split the cost with you
Besides cooking some meals for them, laundry would be a great help. I am sure that right now they are not caring as much as what the house looks like but we all need clean clothes and food to eat. I am also 8 months pregnant so I know that is something you could do and it would be really appreciated.
Also, make sure that you make some freezer meals for yourself so you can spend time loving your baby and getting rest after he/she is born.
Making them dinner is so sweet! Maybe you can offer to babysit when she has to go to the hospital for her infection? (and wants to take her hubby with her). You should not be cleaning their house in your condition, at 8 months. There is not much more you can do, just to let them know you are there for them. You are a super nice sister n law. I wish my sister n law was nice like you.
This might sound weird, but I'm a wound care professional, and if your friend's incision is infected or dehiscing (opening up), please tell her to ask her doctor about the wound V.A.C. (www.kci1.com). It has helped tons of folks recover from surgical complications much faster than traditional methods.
Providing them with a few meals would be about the nicest thing someone could do for them. I think you're totally on the right track there. You could also offer to go over and look after the baby while they nap for a few hours if you have the time. Or even look after the baby while your sister-in-law showers or just takes a few minutes for herself.
Meals are a great start. Make double batches and put 1/2 in your freezer too! :)
Offer to drive her back and forth for appointments if they need it. Offer to bathe the baby if they want. Offer to hold the baby so they can each shower. Take her to lunch. Ask him how you can help the both of them. Can you watch their animals for a couple days?
It is so nice for you to be helping when you are so pregnant yourself. Don't wear yourself out so much that you are worn out before your big day. I think making some meals that can be frozen is a great idea and will help them in the coming days. Do they have any helpful friends and neighbors? Maybe you could ask them to help you and organize a schedule of people to bring over meals and run errands or do laundry. And I think having someone come over and sit with the baby so the parents can nap would help them catch up on sleep and get restored is a great idea.
Buy them a month of diapers, or a month of house cleaning, but wait til they are completely at home.
There is an online service called TAKE THEM A MEAL. One person organizes on it for all the others to make one meal the family can eat for a day or two. It is just wonderful to get those meals when you need them. It is also great to be a participant and bring the meal to the family.
All their dietary restrictions are written on the site as are delivery times that work. The cook just goes online to see which day is not taken and the organizer reminds the cook when her/his day is coming up. It is a west coast thing.
I had a complicated recovery after my second c-section. I tell you hands down, the best thing anyone could do for me was be with me so my husband could get a break. He was amazing and super supportive and helpful, but he got overwelmed (as do most of us). It was a blessing to have my mom, sister, friend, whoever come over and stay with me and the kiddos so that he could run an arrand or two and just get some fresh air. It really helped a ton. We didn't care about the mess or if we ate (takeout is great), it was more just being there and offering support and recognizing when the Helper (daddy) needed a break.
