My 3 year old daughter, who is ridiculously smart, has always been sensitive with how clothing fit and particular with her hair. After a move to a new city, these small things have grown into full blown problems. She always wants her hair up. If it's down she cries and makes me or my husband play with her hair. Now it's to the point that even if it's up, she will complain that there is hair in her face, when there isn't. She will say things like "it's not working" or "it's bothering me" and will make me redo her hair several times to get it "working" If I don't, it's a tantrum and she gets shakey from freaking out so bad.
We feel like we just can't win. Nothing is helping.
I've tried using different tactics that I've come across but nothing has stuck. It's honestly driving me nuts. I'm just not sure if this is normal and should chalk it up to a phase and just kind of appease her to keep her calm and comfortable or if I should stop and get her out of this habit.
Any advice would be appreciated because it is really getting on my nerves.
**I've gotten a few suggestions about short hair. I've seriously considered it. She does have very curly hair so that might be challenging. But when we brought it up to her she cried and cried. I told her there's nothing wrong with short hair, but the idea makes her almost hysterical... I would be more than willing to try it, it's only hair. But I don't wanna traumatize her either. Feeling really torn.
Problem is you don't know if she's just being a drama queen of if she has some sort of sensory issue. I'd have her evaluated so you can deal with it appropriately. Hang in there!!
Sensory issue plus recent move = stress & more irritated by sensory stuff.
Whatever you can do to help ease the transition of the move might help reduce the sensory over-load.
Maybe girlie head-bands to hold the hair away from her face?
I agree with the moms below that it could be a sensory/sensitivity thing. We've seen a lot of similar questions on here from moms wondering what to do.
You mention you just moved - sometimes behaviors get worse (a little more extreme) at times of change.
Some kids are sensitive to this kind of stuff. This is why you can buy kid socks without seams and most shirts no longer have tags in the back. For a kid with even mild sensory issues, it can drive them bonkers. My own child, who does not have sensory issues in general, wears his hair super short and can't stand it if the hair touches his ears.
So, a few suggestions. What if you just get her a cute short haircut? Girls CAN have short hair :) Then it will never be in her face. If it has gone beyond this and is truly interfering with life, then you need to consider having her evaluated for sensory issues.
ETA: Have you tried showing her pictures of girls with cute short hair to see if that helps her think about it? It really seems like the easiest option...
My son used to have similar behaviors, mostly with how his socks or the bottom of his pants sat, or the fabric of his shirts, ect. Turns out he just has sensitive skin and some sensory issues that are easily fixable by buying different/specific clothing ect. Maybe if her hair is a major trigger (it being in her face) she would be open to a pixie cut that would alleviate the issue altogether.
Sounds like a sensory issue.. my son had this with jeans. He still hates to wear them. Always wanted soft clothing, sheets, and blankets. He still loves the feel of anything soft.
He also had this with noise and especially unfamiliar sounds. Freaked him out. He outgrew this, but at times still gets stuck on certain things..
Sounds like sensory issues to me. It's a real thing, not just a kid being annoying. It happens to kids on the autism spectrum but also is a stand-alone issue. Lots of times kids can't wear clothes with tags inside, or they can't wear skirts (just pants) or the other way around. Certain fabrics will irritate, others will soothe. Yes, you can cut her hair, but it might be something else that irritates her tomorrow, you know? I don't think it's just about hair. At least, you should find out first.
Add this to the stress/adjustment of a move, and I think it's a double-whammy. I don't think you can logically talk her out of it by saying there's no hair in her face. It's not about how smart she is either - in a sense, you're lucky if she's that articulate. Have her evaluated first to see if it's more than a drama queen episode, and learn the steps to take to help her cope. If the evaluation shows nothing, then you can proceed with ignoring her or saying no, but I wouldn't do that until you know. The fact that she's truly shaking and freaking out kind of indicates that it might be more than her being a pain.
Once you agree on a plan, you absolutely have to stick to it for a period of several weeks without changing it or saying it doesn't work. Too many changes can make a child even more anxious.
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It could be some sort of a sensory processing issue and/or anxiety from having to move. Some bright children also tend to have some sensory sensitivities. I would do my best to keep her comfortable, but in the meantime set up an appointment for an evaluation.
If she doesn't want short hair, don't do it. A change as big as moving to a new city is probably more than enough for her.
Short hair has to be pulled back off her face too, it's just shorter and harder to deal with.
Style her hair when it's wet/damp. It really helps. Use a natural bristle brush. Spray the brush with hair spray THEN brush her hair back into the french braid or pony tail or something. This keeps the wispy hair from tickling her facial skin.
I have probably 10 different hair brushes around my house. I find them at garage sales and thrift stores. I wash them in hot super soapy water then rinse them in bleach water.
http://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/4-vintage-avon-hair...
if it's just her hair then maybe use mousse or gel to keep it from coming loose from the pony tail? At least then it won't be able to come out, not even the tiny baby hairs. I remember my hair tickling me and driving me nuts. I still have to have a pony tail if it's windy at all, I do not understand people who can have their hair blowing in their face!! My 17 year old was frustrated at how heavy her hair was and got the under portion shaved in the back, you can only see if it she has her hair up and it doesn't look as weird as I expected, lol.
Since you recently moved, it is very possible this is just a phase. How do you think she would react if you did cut her hair? Do you think she would get over it after a few days? My mom cut my hair short when I was 4 because she got so sick of me screaming when she tried to brush it :-) I don't remember this at all. Obviously I got over it.
It could also be sensory, and an Occupational Therapist would be someone that could really help you with that. If you suspect this is more than just a phase, talk to your pediatrician. Or just call anyway. Our pediatrician was wonderful in just listening to my concerns. She had a few ideas for us and decided it would be best to refer us. No matter what we are dealing with, our pediatrician has been great about asking questions to help flesh out what is really going on. Sometimes you need that outside expert to help you figure out whether or not there are other things going on that could be related.
Hi A.,
I agree she needs to be evaluated. She's too young for an IQ test but I can tell you that gifted children (I know that's a loaded term but it seems to fit here) tend to have sensory issues such as you're describing. Go to Amazon and search "parenting the sensitive child." This will bring up books that will help address these issues. I would also ask her pediatrician for a referral to a pediatric behavioral specialist for an evaluation.
Parenting a gifted child, like everything in life, is a double edged sword. There are great rewards but also challenges. She needs some coping techniques that don't include trying to talk her out of her experience. Each child is different so what worked with mine probably won't work with yours. Keep pursuing solutions. She is so worth it and it sounds like you are doing right by her. Your doing a great job. :-) S.
