Hi Gang... My youngest 28...is getting married August the 16 of this year.... She has all her cousins and her three sisters in her wedding party 12 in all.... I was fine with that and so happy for her that they all agreed... Dresses were made and sent and they are all in the middle of getting their shoes... The bride and one of her sisters got into it and now they are not speaking to one another.....I blame the bride with all the nervousness she has...unkind words were said as sisters sometimes do and now they both want apologies from one another.... The bride (my youngest ) sent her a long dragged out letter apologizing in her own way.... but no answer as of yet.... Until today I called my daughter and of course she responded with a text that she is not attending the wedding and my grandson which is one of the two grandson ring bearers will not be attending either... Should I get involved? I feel that I need to have a family sit down individually first just to see if I can bridge the gap.... But honestly I am very angered and sadden by all of this and do not frankly know how I am going to respond to my daughter (matron of honor) not going to the wedding....Help what would you advise
Is the Matron of Honor aware that her first and foremost "task" is to keep quiet & agree with the bride, even if she's Bridezilla? Lol
I would simply tell your daughters (both of them) that in the whole scheme of life, whatever they are arguing about is trivial and that in a year or two, they will BOTH regret not having been in the wedding. It is not something that they can go back and do once they make up. Tell them to put their big girl panties on and move forward. After that, stand back and let them do (or not do) whatever they want. It will be their regret they have to live with, not yours.
One thing I've learned with family drama is to stay out of it, unless you're directly involved. In this case, it's up to them to work it out. Otherwise, you really risk being seen as taking sides. Not worth it. They're adults ... let them work it out.
Worst case, she has one ring bearer and 11 bridesmaids, which is more than plenty.
NOPE!! STAY OUT OF IT!!!
you get involved and your daughter's will believe you are playing favorites. Let them work it out on their own.
When you talk to the daughter who was offended/hurt - tell her you are sorry she won't be there to support her sister and her new husband and celebrate in their happiness.
If she asks if you think she's wrong - you tell her it's NOT my place to judge. you and your sister need to work this out on your own.
The bride may have to rethink her wedding plans. If she's not willing to outright apologize for her words and actions - she has to suffer the consequences of those actions.
DO NOT get involved. It will ONLY create MORE drama.
The bride apologized. The older sister needs to forgive and forget. If she doesn't attend the wedding and keeps her son away, she will regret the decision later. She will eventually make up with her sister and will feel bad that she missed the wedding. Talk to her - tell her to stop acting like a child and accept her sister's apology.
I suggest staying out of it. They'll figure it out brfore the wedding . I've learned that when I get involved in adult kids difficulties, it only gets worse and I get frustrated.
Knowing me, I would want to "fix" it, too, so I know where you're coming from. Good news is that there is ~5 weeks to go so plenty of time for ruffled feathers to smooth out and sisters to come to their senses. Because to bow out of the MOH duty for your sister over an argument is something that will later be regretted. Alas, these are gown adults we are talking about here and I would probably do no more (as the mother) than some low-key well-placed comments that would provoke deeper thought by your two lasses in hopes of reconciliation. Good luck.
Stay out of it.. This means do not mention anything to either one of them about the other. Do not give your opinion unless they can accept your truth.
When people ask me for my opinion.. and I think it could upset them.. I ask them do they really want to hear the truth, or do they just want me to agree with them?
You need to be Switzerland. Love both of them, but let them fix this.
Yes, even if the one daughter does not attend with her child. Not a word..
I know it breaks your heart, but they are grown women now..
Consider seeing a therapist to help you get through this with your sanity.. This is the person that can hear you and guide you to get through this.
Do not get involved. This is up to the bride to fix and she has already attempted to do so by extending an apology. You HAVE to stay out of it. Your daughters are adults and deserve the be treated as adults, and deserve the chance to work this out on their own in their own time.
Stay out of it. Much safer that way. i might encourage bride to rethink what she said. Life is too short. That's all I would say. Let them work it out. Sometimes brides get tunnel vision. Good luck. Hope everything works out.
Sit and talk with her. She may not realize it now, but if she skips the wedding out of spite she will regret it later. And it will be a gap between them forever.
Stay out of it. You still have a month for it to smooth over. If you can't stay out of it, the best thing to do is not defend one daughter to the other. I don't know what happened, but it sounds from your post that you are excusing the bride's behavior. The other daughter will only see it as you sticking up for the bride and get more upset. You are in a lose-lose situation if you try to smooth things over. If they try to talk to you about it, simply suggest that they talk to one and other and that you will not get involved.
This may sound goofy, but I like the "7 steps to conflict resolution" article on the front page today. Call one and ask what the problem is, then call the other to see if that's right. Then ask for solutions from each until they both agree.
Yeah....I summarized it too much and all the smartness is gone. Read the article. Very worth your 5-10 minutes. And humorous.
