Not in Siblings Wedding

Reading this I felt like I was reading about my own life! The only difference is that while my family likes my husband they don't really seem to care whether either of us is in the family. I helped my sister pick her wedding venue, reception venue, wedding dress, and flowers and fully thought I would be her maid of honor and then she had my mother tell me I wasn't in the wedding at all so she could have room for one of my sister's fellow teachers and a student. I was so hurt and embarrassed I didn't even go to the wedding. So I know how you feel.
I also feel like my family shoves me off to the side and they tend to do the same to my kid. I always do whatever my mom asks me to do for her or my siblings and suck it up and still attend the family gatherings so it doesn't cause waves (even though I spend the whole time sitting in a corner with my husband because every time either of us talks to anyone it's either ignored or we're talked over). It hurts me the way they are towards me but I just try to not think about it. I try to limit contact with them to a minimum- we only go to the major family functions, I don't try to contact my siblings outside those events, I just focus on my family- my husband, kids, and our friends- and remind myself they love me and value me. I try to surround myself and my kid with people who really do care about us and show us so she doesn't feel deprived. Maybe you could focus on that to help you with that crappy feeling that you get from your family.
Good luck to you. Hugs, I feel your pain so know you're not alone

If it hurts you so your husband should decline to be in it as well so he can sit with his wife and support you.

Who exactly is getting married? Your post is kind of all over the place & a little bit vague in details.

If it's a brother, I wouldn't take it personally. I'm not really understanding what you want from him. His bride is not your relative, had a life before you, and has her own friends & relatives that came before you, that she has bonds with, and that would be more obvious & practical choices than you.

The thing is, the wedding is not about you, or anyone but the bride & groom. They have all of this family & friends expecting to be included and/or invited, but there's not enough room for everyone.

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. Maybe if you explained more of who exactly got married the last time & who is getting married now, it would make more sense. Is there some sort of back story we don't know about?

At least you don't have to spend a ton of money to be in a wedding, and stuck with an ugly dress & shoes that you'll never wear again!!

This is your brother, right? What role do you want to play in the wedding? Bridesmaid? Matron of honor? I can see how your brother would not want to dictate to his fiance that you be included as a bridesmaid/matron of honor. I think it is great that he is including your husband. Have you talked to your brother? Until you talk to him, you will never know his thoughts and he will never know how you feel. I really doubt that he is picking your husband to be in the wedding just to make you jealous.

Stop doing things to keep your family happy. From what you're saying, they probably know they can get away with shoving you aside and excluding you from the wedding and you'll just smile and be gracious about it. It's time to stop acting that way. I'd have my husband bow out of the wedding.

You said your 'sisters' were asked which means you have more than one. That is inconsiderate. If they cannot have you all then they shouldn't have any. Besides since bridesmaids usually pay their own expenses, i wouldn't buy the excuse that they couldn't afford one more. That's just my opinion.

Your family sounds like they take advantage of you, and I'm sorry this is happening to you, but you have to stop allowing it. No need to get nasty, just say nicely hubby won't be participating and you probably won't even be going as guests. That's what I'd do.

If this is your worst issue then you need to be thankful.

It's your brothers wedding, he was kind enough to include your hubby.

What do you want? Instead of cplainkng and saying how rude and inconsiderate they are then communicate with them. Sulking does not do anything positive for the situation.

Personally I would not be offended. Who wants to spend a bunch of money on an ugly ( most of the time) bridesmaid dress and all the $$$ that goes along with it? Maybe by having 1 of you they are saving you $$. Gees maybe they are thinking about you.

Lighten up and wear a smile to the event.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

Why do YOU think you are ALWAYS being left OUT. What's going on with YOU?

What's up with your husband?

Are you being left out because of appearance?

Are you considered a whiner? (Poor me symdrome)?

When my family get to be too much, I just love them from a distance.

I understand the hurt, but I would ask why, not in a complaining kind of way, but just to gain some understanding. I can't tell if this is your brother or your sister, but that would make a difference to me. Also, in our family, my husband is more liked. EVERYBODY always just loves him, and I am always the bad guy. Sometimes it's just like that.

Don't stay home from the wedding, but don't step in to help out so much. If it makes you feel better, sit back and laugh at the ugly wedding stuff that they have planned. Dress to complement your husband's attire, and be gracious. Then, go home with your husband. Think of it as a party that you get to enjoy without having to do any of the work.

I was not in my brother's wedding. I was a bit hurt, but at the same time, also quite relieved that I didn't have to buy a bridesmaid dress, throw a shower, host a bachelorette, etc. I was asked to do a reading, so they did find a way to involve me. It is weird that your husband was put in and you weren't though.

One thing I always tell people when I see questions like this - there are MANY reasons for how people choose who to put in their wedding. It's a very tough decision that often leaves someone out.

wow im sorry! i come from a real crappy family also.my older sis was getting married-yrs ago-wanted both my kids in the wedding-so i went and bought their outfits-as a single working parent thats a pretty tight budget deal-anyways-she changed her mind and wanted hubby to be neice to be in the wedding instead-needless to say i was extremly angry,hurt an disgusted,i didnt go to the wedding,didnt acknowledge the wedding-nothing..you can only be crapped on so many times before youve had enuff-after my mom died 13 yrs ago-i pulled out completely-my family is my kids n close friends.tell your hubby how you feel-if he chooses the wedding over you-guess that says it all.i just would back out of the whole thing.

Is this your brother's wedding? If so, I don't find it that weird. The only part I asked my brother to play in my wedding was to drive my car! I asked his partner to do one of the readings in the ceremony though.

Sorry you're feeling left out. Perhaps you could tell them, and suggest a role for yourself, or offer your help.

I like your name by the way.

It sounds like this is your brother's wedding, so he would be selecting his groomsmen. The bride would most likely select her bridesmaids. The reality is that they can probably only have so many attendants. Your brother had room, and the bride has her family, friends, and one of your sisters. They probably feel that as long as they asked either you or your husband to stand up that your family unit was involved. Besides, it'd be blasted expensive to have both of you, and I think it gets much more costly to be a bridesmaid with having to buy the dress, shoes, accessories, and plan/finance showers, etc. So, they may think they were also saving your family money.
Here's the way I look at it...everyone can't be in the wedding or there won't be anyone sitting in the congregation enjoying the beauty of the ceremony. You get to sit down, relax without your feet killing you and enjoy the beauty of their special day. How awesome is that?!? If you feel so inclined, perhaps you can tell the bride that you'd love to host a shower for them. That lets you participate in their special day in a special way and will bond you with your future sister-in-law.

I wasn't in my sister's weddings. Never bothered me.

& my uncles weren't in my parents'.

my DH was in one sister's wedding....& that's it out of 6 sisters. His brother was in none of the weddings.

not a big deal. :)

& actually I think it's really rude of the aunts/uncles to even ask why you weren't in the weddings. & I think the most important factor here is: this is not about you, this is not about what you want.....it's not your wedding.

Peace to you, & may you find the joy of family you so desire. :)

I would be hurt. If that happened to me, my husband would politely decline... as would I if it happened to him simply to show solidarity and support for each other.

Since it is your brothers wedding it is up to the bride to say who she has on her side. Don't blame your brother. If you were "like a sister" to the bride you would be in it. She probably has siblings and close friends that she has to choose from..don't make her choose you over them.

First of all I'm sorry you're feeling left out and I understand!! Some close friends just married (my fiance and I fixed them up) and we weren't in the wedding but they made a big speech about how they wouldn't be together at all without us. I felt hurt when I wasn't asked to be in the wedding and it got worse and the bride complained and leaned on me for support/advice/help throughout the planning. I ended up trying to force myself to feel greatful to be removed from the drama of it all and glad I could be supportive from afar.
In your situation I'd ask if there was any specific reason your hubby was asked but you were not...just so you're not wondering forever. But some families are like that -- my ex had our daughter in his wedding and their dog as ring bearer - our son was just an usher and he was crushed.

So sorry, this must really hurt. I think I might ask why. My husband would not be in the wedding either. good luck!

I wouldn't epxect my husband's bride to ask me to stand up at her wedding, but - if I understood this correctly and *your* sisters were asked but not you, I'd feel left out too.

However, I wouldn't skip the wedding. I'd go, be gracious as all get out, and have a great time. If asked why I wasn't in the wedding, I would indeed answer with an honest "I don't know" as you did in the past but just so the center of *attention* didn't turn to me, I'd also close that statement with "but I'm having a great time anyway!"

If the bride's family ends up comforting you at a festive occasion that's not *for* you, you're gonna get branded as a pain in the rear (and somewhat rightfully so). So, pretend you are happy until you *feel* happy. And if that doesn't work, do what you need to do to honor your sorrow *after the fact* - elsewhere. If you can't do that alone, lean on a friend....not a member of the bride's family, and (because of the rest) not one of your sisters either.

While you may not be able to *choose* your feelings, you can *choose* not to let someone else's choices affect how you behave.

Best of luck to you!
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