Flower Girl Dress Too Expensive!

I would nicely tell her that you can not afford to buy the dress. Speak to her directly - not through a mother or friend. You could offer to buy a cheaper dress (max. $50) but that you can not afford anything beyond that. Tell her that you are very sorry. Stay firm and keep repeating that you can't afford a dress beyond $50. Do not get into a discussion of the merits fixing the car instead of buying a dress. It is really none of her business. She's getting into a Bridezilla mood and it may not pass until she's married. You are not obligated to go into debt for her wedding.

I think you just tell her that you are excited to attend, but finances prevent you from participating at this time. And since you do not wish to cause her any problems in her planning, you are going to regretfully decline from being in the wedding party. However,if she really wants SD to be in the wedding, you can afford no more than $XXX for a dress. Husband, however, will have to do something else where he can wear a suit from home or not participate. I would have husband (NOT YOU) deliver this information via phone or in person not email.

My daughters have been in 2 weddings. Once we got very cute dresses off Ebay for $30 new and this summer I got them off Dillard's clearance rack for $16 each. They were originally over $100.

Updated

$150 for a childs dress is more than I spent on my wedding dress. There are some perfectly lovely dresses out there for way more reasonable prices. If she is so insistent on her original choice, she can buy it for you. Perhaps you can tell her it would be a belated wedding gift from her to you since she didn't bother giving you anything when you were married. I have no idea why people walk on eggshells around family members who want to pick a fight. If my sister tries to pull nonsense like this, I don't beat about the bush. I'm the first to tell her she's insane and don't call me back until her rant is over.

First of all , if I were you I would STEP AWAY FROM THE BRIDE!!!! Let your husband handle this...this is after all HIS sister!!! Talk it over with your husband and come to a mutual decision. My gut reaction is that your SIL is all wrapped up in this wedding and is not thinking of others at all. When I was married ( and granted it was 40 years ago!!) I found the bridesmaids dresses at JCPenneys' outlet store for less than $40 a piece. This was still too much for one of my bridesmaids who was a married college student, so my parents helped me foot the bill for her dress.
If you can't afford the expensive dress, matching shoes, etc etc etc, PLUS the tuxedo rental for your husband...then let him be upfront with his sister. But you need to do it NOW...so there is time for either the bride to wise up and lower her demands or find someone else who is willing and able to MEET those demands!!! The conversation could go something like this "Sis, you know that we love you and you know that we are SO very happy about your marriage, but we need to tell you that we are in a real financial bind right now with the wife's job situation and my car that needs some really expensive repairs. As much as we would love to be able to be a part of your wedding, we are going to have to step back and let you find someone else because we simply don't have the money right now. We hope that you can understand the terrible predicament that we are in. "
It is VERY important that you let your HUSBAND be the one delivering this message...you stay quiet and out of sight or this is going to become a bone of contention between you and your sister in law that is going to still be going on, years after the honeymoon is over and the flowers have all faded and died!!!! I am speaking from experience because my husband's parents and siblings did not even ATTEND our wedding !!! I had to swallow the hurt and keep my mouth SHUT because it was more important to me to be able to have some sort of relationship with his family. I am sorry that they weren't there to share the joy of that day with us but it was their loss.

Ugh.. I am a special events coordinator and I must say your SIL takes the cake.

I agree with everyone that says to be honest. You AND your husband together need to let the bride and her mother know you all just cannot afford anything more than $50.

Also let them know it will be difficult to come up for the rental money for the Tux. Tell them you are sorry, but you hope that they will understand.. Also make sure that they know you do not appreciate the talking about all of this with anyone other than you guys.

I do not know what you are willing to do to try to come up with money.. I know we have had a garage sale to clean out the house and made a surprising amount of money. Maybe this would help to repair your car?

I sympathize. My cousin wed a woman as lovely as your SIL and they asked my DD to be bridesmaid. Rush order on a designer dress $250 (I told her I couldn't afford it but she had the nerve to insist! I was there when my cousin was born, I love him so, so I bit it and did it.) Then the $1000 for plane fare for three and hotel. I am a high end wedding photgrapher and I shot their wedding for free. I never got so much as a thank you card. She did not answer my e-mails about the wedding album. Then three years later she comes out of the woodwork with an e-mail that read, "I'm ready for you to do my album now." Still not a "thank you" or "how are you doing" or sorry I waited three freaking years to return your e-mail." I LOATHE this woman.

I finally said no to her. And yes, SHE is mad. I wish I had said no to her from the very begining. I hate that I spent all that money on a stupid dress -- rush order at that b/c she didn't have it together enough to pick it out on time.

Say no. You have my full support. So what if she gets mad. She's going to find something to be difficult and angry about because she is like that. Let it be her problem and not yours.

Good luck (and thanks for giving me a space to vent!)

Hello NS, I wan to say that as the mother of 5 I really understand all of your concerns but I would be more honest to say that as an Event Planner of 200 weddings I really do get it! There is NO reason that a flower girls dress should have to cost this much. Again I speak with some experiance.
When my own daughter was married she had 14 brides maides and 3 flower girls... and I wan tyou to know that my dauhter had the brides maids dresses from and outlet and only cost 50.00 each and the flower girls dresses from the same outlet were 20.00. I know tha tbrides can be selfish and unrealistic but in this day and age of people loosing jobs many weddings are being cut back and reality is setting in.
Since your reality is that you can't afford the dress, shoes, socks, headpiece, gloves, slip, and often prayerbook to hold ( yes there are many more things than a dress alone) then deal with your real life situation. For her one moment in time and all the headaces that will go alone withit it may just not be worth the price since you have 2 family members inthe wedding party.
Let go of the childish pranks that happened before with your wedding that is old and you are married and need t be past it. I would tell the families that I worked with that you are no longer in High School so don't act like it. Revenge is never sweet, and only gets worse with time. This "I heard" doesn't mean that she has not "heard" that you are making remarks against her as well and that is to be considered.
See if you can get a compromise and if not see if the store tat she wants you to get the dress from has one that was damaged and that they will sell cheaper. I have learned that family is the most important thing there is and weddings do not bring out the best in all people. Remeber your personal problems are not what she is thinking of right now just her special day.
Just becasue she didn't get you a gift doesn't mean that you have to not be the better person. Good Luck

If this were happening to me it would be a no brainer. I'd have your husband who is her brother?, tell her that you do not have any money to pay for the dress. If she's not willing to either pay for the dress or accept an affordable dress then it's really sad but SD cannot be in wedding.

SIL is being unreasonable and by not talking directly with you immature. Based on the information about the way she treated your wedding, I believe that you will continue to have difficulties with her. Best to state your boundaries now than to continue with this sort of unreasonable expectations.

Where you're getting money from for the car is totally unrelated. Don't go there.

Of course SD will be disappointed. Explain to her about not having money for the dress. It's important for her to understand about money and how to manage it. This will be a painful but necessary lesson for her.

Renting a tux and all that goes with it is also expensive and you don't have the money. It's his decision but I feel strongly that he should also tell her that he cannot attend. If hismom is willing to pay $50 towards the tux instead of the dress and you can come up with the balance then I might do that.

I'm feeling irritated just considering the selfish way in which this woman is handling her wedding. When I was a bridesmaid, both times the bride and groom and their families provided the dresses and tuxes. I sewed my dress and the maid of honor dresses both times. When my daughter was married, I bought the maid of honor dress on sale. It was floor length and formal and cost $25 and her fiance's father paid for his and the groom's tuxes. The minister, the grooms best friend, couldn't afford a tux and asked to not wear one. My daughter and her fiance decided that it was OK for him to dress how he pleased.

The whole idea of a wedding is based on love. It really doesn't matter what anyone wears but it does look really nice when they wear special clothes. I was disappointed when the minister showed up in a shirt and tie and dress slacks, no jacket. In spite of that all of the pictures are beautiful. And everyone had a wonderful time.

The flower girl dress can be beautiful and fit in at a formal wedding without costing $150. Dressy dresses are "in" for little girls now. My granddaughter had a couple of dresses that are taffeta and lace that would look good for such an event. They're hand me downs from her cousin.
Bridal shops have sales this time of the year and she could probably find a flower girls dress for less than $50.

I would stand firm and refuse to spend the money. Make it a one sentence respond no matter what she says to try to talk or shame you into it. "We cannot afford it." or "We don't have the money." Do not let her push your buttons so that you get into an argument. Tell her your honored that she asked and that you'd like to do it but you cannot afford it.

Good luck! This is a very difficult situation now but it will pass. You have bad memories of her with your own wedding and if she doesn't turn gracious you'll have bad memories from her wedding. However, you won't be struggling even more because of the money you spent and have bad memories of how much tighter money got. Hang in there.

It sounds like she is focusing her attention more to the "perfect" wedding than the marriage and the celebration of the union with family/friends.

I chose not to have bridesmaids. I have 2 sisters, my husband has 2 brothers, but to ask them to purchase a dress just for that occasion was not something I wanted on my conscience knowing that my oldest sister was having financial issues and already had to expense coming to our house 600 miles away for the wedding.

If it were me, I'd politely back out and explain it is completely for financial reasons and that you don't want it to ruin their wedding. If she has issues with it, she needs to find a way to get over it.

Makes me sad that marriages are lost in the details of weddings. We intentionally kept ours relatively low-key so the emphasis remained on our choice to be married and to focus those energies/monies on a marriage, not a wedding.

Wow. I bought the flower girl's dress, and brides maid's dresses for our wedding, as well as paid for all the tux rentals. I really can't fathom the idea of asking someone to be in your wedding and then telling them they have to shell out for it. The costs were all taken into account in our wedding budget... and making sure we had the money to pay for all the things we wanted is one reason why it happened a year later than we'd planned on. I felt bad I couldn't afford to pay for flight and accommodations for people who came from out of town, but I would have eaten my socks before making others pay for wear-only-once clothes that *I* picked out. I mean, if it had been LBD for the bridesmaids, I wouldn't have paid. But I picked out the durn dresses... so I was sure as hail going to pay for them. Ditto, anyone who didn't own their own tux got the rental for it on us.

Sorry, but this is not cool at all. FOR MY OWN WEDDING, I bought my daughter a $10 dress at a flea market for her to be a flower girl. For my brother's wedding, my neice's dress was paid for. I paid for my bridesmaid's dresses and for the tuxes. At my sister in law's wedding, we found a dress at a resale shop for $20. If she can't accept this, then remind her how much it means to her NIECE and ask if there can be a compromise.

My best friend asked my daughter to be flower girl in her wedding. My best friend also PAID for the flower girl dress that my daughter wore in her wedding because it was very expensive. She felt that if she wanted the FG to wear such an expensive dress she would never expect me to pay for it.

Your SIL is the epitome of the term BRIDSZILLA!

My daughters and I have both been in weddings & have nearly gone broke because of them. One of my first thoughts is the additional expenses that you will incur - when my best friend got married her mom, sister & i split the $1,500 shower bill (just the restaurant) about 3 ways. It was a huge expense because my husband had gotten laid off about 6 months earlier and we had the shoes, the alterations, the gifts, ugh i'm getting an ulcer just thinking about it. It was wrong for her to mention this to your daughter without first speaking with you & your husband, but if you really wanted to do this (doesn't sound like it) you could see if a communion dress would be okay - now that most of them are over, the stores are looking to get rid of this year's stock of them. Weddings can be beautiful times, but they can also drive you to the poor house. Good luck!

First of all, I would keep your grudge against her to yourself. If you express your ill feelings you still have from years ago, then you will look like the bad guy here. Be honored that she wants your daughter in her wedding. I do agree that $150 is ridiculous for a dress, but I wouldn't tell her that in an email. I know you already did, so you need to call her and tell her you haven't heard back from her and you'd be happy to look for a cheaper dress for your daughter. If she throws a fit then, just apologize that your daughter won't be able to be in her wedding. If your MIL is willing to put $50 towards it, maybe you could see if your SIL would be willing to put $50 also, and then you would only have to pay $50. I think that's a reasonable amount for a dress.

Even if I can afford it, I still wouldn't buy it!! $150 for a flower girl dress, not me. If she insists your SD wear this dress then I would politely suggest she pay for it herself since it seems this dress is more important to her than your family's financial situation and well-being!

a 150 is tooo much, plus it's an expense that the bride should cover.
so feel free to offer her two options: pay for the dress or you guys can't parttake in anything
really, this is not being mean, holding grudges etc, but when someone makes an expense which you have to cover that's crossing borders, and i am not cheap by any means. i spend on people like it's going out of style, and it's something i have vowed to change. this would be my limit, a 150 for a flower girl dress. is she insane?
don't even feel bad about it. no need to even get upset or offer her excuses. tell her those are her two options.
good luck

Be honest and say that you cannot afford the chosen tux and dress. You have offered your suggestions and can lovingly try to work with her (being generous) but if she is not willing to change her mind she will have to find someone else. That will be her fault.

I got married in college and most of my family did not even send us cards, let alone come. Most of our friends could barely afford to be there and the ones who were in our wedding party considered that our gift (we were just excited they were there). I chose different dresses based on cost and versatility for my bridesmaids (they could use them for something else someday) and we helped pay for one of our groomsmen to get his tux. We did not (and still don't) have a lot and as far as I'm concerned anyone who thinks their wishes come above your family's NEEDS can go....do something unpleasant.

We are often unable to do things because of finances (just found out my husband's car needs a part replaced for $370, but his paycheck is $320 and has to cover groceries, gas, child care, and a few other bills for a week and a half--not gonna happen), but so far I have not met anyone who was not understanding. I missed my little sister's wedding because I had a few month old baby and it was on the other side of the country and we could not afford air fare. I missed my grandfather's funeral for the same reason. We scrounged and drove to an east coast reception she had for her husband's family that was only a day's drive away and again, being there was about all we could offer her for a gift. If your family is not interested in having you, that is there unfortunate choice and down the road you will not look back and wish you had not gotten your husband a car or that you had not decided to starve your family for a few weeks. You might be sad that someone was so selfish she kept your step daughter out of a wedding and hurt people's feelings. Your position is what it is--it is up to her to be considerate. I hope you feel confident in your decision (whatever that ends up being) but please put your family first. It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page, so don't let someone else try to worm in and make things difficult for you.

It is pretty "traditional" that the bride does not have to pay for the bridesmaids, flower girls, etc. outfits....that is an expense that you agree to when you are asked to be a part of the wedding. HOWEVER, since you were never "officially" asked and with your current situation and her knowing this baffles me as to why she would go so extravagant?
$150.00 is way too expensive and I think I would talk with my husband and come to an agreement and place yourself outside of the situation. As someone else said if you continue with the cycle then you are going to be looked at as the one who ruined "her" day and you are the bad guy. Your husband needs to be straight with her. Tell her that you guys are not in the financial position right now to spend that kind of money and you need to most likely suggest some other places to go and what you have personally seen. She is just being a bit selfish or "BrideZilla" so to say and you know what in a way she has that right. She wants her wedding to be perfect as anyone else would so if that is the dress she wants for your daughter then she needs to be willing to fork over some money to help out OR be willing to comprimise here. Otherwise she needs to look for another flowergirl that can afford her taste. That is really what its about and I know its her wedding but that was kind of rude of her to choose a dress out for your daughter without your daughters approval OR you and your husband. She isn't totally in the right here but don't sink to her level. Let her know you are not trying to be difficult and that you are very happy for her but financially you just cannot afford that. It's none of her business how you "handle" your finances either. It doesn't matter if the dress cost $150.00 and you told her you couldn't afford it and then tomorrow you went out and spent $150.00 on something else that she knew about-its none of her business and if she gets ill about the fact you can afford a new car but not a dress I would point blank tell her how you spend your money is none of her business. Ask her if she would like to pay for a new car then you could afford to pay out the $150.00 for a flower girl dress she decided upon.

Your SIL is possessed – by her wedding plans. She's lost all sense of proportion. It happens. (Many families get similarly possessed about our kids' birthday plans or other celebrations, but on a smaller scale.) I would tell her how excited I am for her upcoming marriage, and that I deeply regret that economic reality will prevent our family's participation.

I would tell your daughter (wondering how old she is?) that you wish it were otherwise, but this is one of life's sad realities; you recognize that she really hoped to be a flower girl and it seems like a fairy-tale fantasy, but it just can't work for your family right now because money is too tight, and you don't want to jeapoardize the family's well-being. This is how she'll need to participate in the family good. If it seems helpful, you can also mention that your SIL should have asked you and Daddy first, since this would cost your family so much.

I lived my whole childhood in a very tight money situation, and learned young the value of thrift. It sounds like your SIL has learned no such lessons, and therefore is unable to empathize with people who are struggling. Your declining to be in her wedding may surprise or anger her, but that's her issue, not yours. And your daughter will come away from this experience seeing fiscal responsibility at work. A valuable, if emotionally costly, lesson.

I didn't read all the responses, so I don't know if this has been suggested, but I think that your husband should talk to the fiance. Men tend to be a little more rational about weddings, and more sensitive to the finance situation. Yes, your husband might have to swallow his pride a little, but he can explain how much he's looking forward to having the fiance as a brother-in-law yadda yadda, and how he really doesn't want this dress issue to detract from the wedding, but you just don't have the money right now. He doesn't have to go into all the financial details, but I bet it would help a whole lot to have the future husband on your side.

If not, I'm sorry, and I hope that this blows over. But I would not give in. If you don't have the money, you don't have it. I wouldn't make it about anything else (your wedding gift, the fact that its a child's dress, etc). You simply don't have $150, and that's that. Good luck.

take a picture of the flower girl dress she wants, take it to an outlet store and buy something that is close.. My daughter was a flower girl this last summer.. her dress cost 20 dollars at Burlington Coat Factory and it was beautiful, you would never have known it was a discount dress.. Tell your SIL that is all you can afford.. it doesnt have to be shameful that you do not have the money to put 150 dollars on a dress (BTW, my daughter uses her dress for other occasions to dress up or to parties.. she really loves it). It's better to save money where money can be saved then going into debt and risking your lifestyle for a dress you cannot afford.. I would certainly hope your SIL would understand that.. Just try to have a conversation with her telling her you cannot afford that and things like cars have to come before a dress, otherwise you would not be able to afford to live.. good luck.. Just try to talk calmly with the bride.. it's a stressful time for them as well but if you reason as calmly as possible I'm sure she will understand.. Don't get all wound up because that will only bring out the bridezilla in a bride.

My SIL was the same and had to have his HUGE expensive wedding. My in-laws took a second mortgage out of their house just to help foot the bill. To me, that is just ridiculous!!! No one should EVER go into debt over a wedding - JMO.

Anyways, when things started reaching our $ breaking point we just spoke up politely and said we are sorry but we are unalbe to participate in this activity or that. Also, she forced us girls to buy our bridesmaids dress like a year and half before the wedding and I had just had a baby 2 months prior. So, by the time I was ready to alter my dress I spent more money in alterations than what the original dress even cost. It is frustrating but hopefully if you treat her with kindness she will respond nicely as well. As I said, thats what we had to do in our situation. I missed out on all the girls getting their hair and makeup done and my husband missed out on the guys prewedding activites. So we were honest with her that b/c your dress you picked us and tux cost we are unable to participate in the other stuff.

In the end she had her day and I suppose that is all that matters - but we also made sure not to start a family feud and we worked hard to stay in our budget.

Good Luck!

I would always cringe when people asked me to be in weddings, because I am not made out of money. That is way too much for a dress....i have never even had to pay that for the nicer dresses I wore to peoples weddings! I agree with the advice to let your husband talk to his sister and work out the situation. Tell her since she likes costly things that she herself can pay for the dress or at least half. God only knows what the tux for your husband is going to cost. It might just be best to politely say "no" to being in this wedding. Best wishes!

I don't know about your area for tux rental, but in Dallas, the going rate is $195! My husband had to rent one for a wedding a few weeks ago. I think that it was wrong of your SIL to ask the SD to be the flower girl - without speaking to her parents first. If ya'll can't afford it - it is that simple - you need to just tell her. Sounds to me like she is a real Bridezilla! Good luck to you.

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Burlington coat factory has a nice section of flower girl dresses. All priced under around $50. They don't look cheap at all. I would just tell the bride, $150 is too expensive. PERIOD.

Sometimes people can be unreasonible with weddings. If you can't afford it you can't afford money is not going to appear from thin air. Many people are currently out of work in this present ecomony.
I think the SIL in law is being unreasonable but it doesn't matter what I think. I would calmly sit down with your sister in law. I would tell her ask if she can she it from your perspective. You want to go but simply can't afford it ..tell her you not even sure if you have money for basic nessities let alone a wedding. Its not that your saving the money for vacation..its more like if you have to go the doctors or want to purchase groceries. Tell her the economy has really effected you and your husband.

That is way too much!! She will only be wearing the dress once for goodness sake! I would ask to see the dress and then shop for one that is similar to it. Offer her a list of dresses you are willing to buy or opt to drop out. Maybe if you have a list she will feel she has some control over the dress. I know Overstock.com had some very cute ones for $30-$40 a month ago.

wow. why on earth would she expect your assistance with ANYthing? i say pull them both. too bad for your daughter, but since auntie can't help you out, you just can't afford it. period. how sad. since she never asked you to begin with i would probably let her know it's a no-go. and definitely let hubby step back. considering her respect for your marriage at the time, don't even know why she'd ask. what a witch.

Wow!!! My girls bridesmaid dresses weren't even that much money! $150 for a flower girl dress seems excessive to me!

And spending money on a new car is a necessity, a flower girl dress (which by the way she will NEVER wear again) is not.

I say just try to be the better person here and keep reiterating that your SD would be honored to be in the wedding, but things are really tight at the moment. If she really wants her to be in the wedding she will either find a cheaper dress or offer to pay a portion for the ridiculously expensive dress she wants!

You just have to speak up and let her know, it is not something you are able to do. She didn't support you, I am surprised she would ask for the support of your family.

Did she just assume her to be flower girl because she is the only one who could play the part of because that is her closest niece? I have to admit with my first wedding I did that, but like other posters, I paid for the dresses and the groom paid for the tuxes so it wasn't a burden on anyone. Is there anyway you could find the same exact dress on ebay? Maybe buy the stores floor model (those are usually cheaper)? It sounds as though you dont have that great of a relationship with her. So I would do some looking around to see if something was in my price range, and if you cannot find the same dress for cheaper just tell her you tried your very best to make this happen but it's just not possible. That way you come out on top for trying. =) Good Luck!

She sounds like a selfish witch. You could explain to your SD that it's more money than you have. And tell your husband to get a backbone and tell his sister she had no right to obligate you to spending that much money without asking your husband or the child's mother.

Another idea is Ebay. I bought my niece a flower girl dress on ebay for $35. It was super cute and VERY affordable. The same dress at a bridal shop would have been at least $100.

J.

How rude of her! Every woman is entitled to the wedding of her dreams, but sometimes those bridezillas need to be put in their place. For my wedding, we found a really cute dress for niece at Ross. It was a beautiful white dress, brand new, and affordable. Also JCPenney, Sears, Macy's or another similar store can have clearance racks with some very dressy items.

She should be sympathetic to your financial needs, but yet if she was so hostile with your own wedding she sounds like a very self-centered person to begin with (no offense). Don't let her bridezilla ways strain your family's financial situation more than it already is. I'd give her an ultimatum: If you want her in the wedding, either help out with more of the cost or let you find a dress that fits your price range and you can both agree on. Or you could work something out to where she pays for the dress and you maybe purchase the accessories (shoes, tights, etc.).

I had something similar happen with my wedding. My husband's good friend for many years was supposed to be a groomsman in our wedding. However, nobody can stand his wife (extremely rude, spreads rumors, starts drama, etc.) or their kids. The kids are destructive, don't listen, swear like sailors (they thought it was funny so they encouraged it, ugh!) and are incredibly disrespectful. We put on the invitation "No Children Please" so that they would not bring their kids, but instead, they threw a fit and just never showed up to our wedding! Also, the entire time we were planning the wedding, the mom would send the little girl up to me and ask "Can I be in your wedding?" and I would always tell her no, that I had a flower girl already. But the mom would keep making her ask all the time. Needless to say we don't talk to them anymore, and I can't say I miss them much! Good luck with your situation, nothing says "fun" like being stuck in the middle, lol!

Tell Bridszilla she is out of line. I would not spend 150 on a little girls dress EVER!! Can she pay for the dress??? my guess is NO!! I would not write an email. I would meet her and talk face to face to her. Let her stomp around. Who cares in the long run , she will get over it. Thats going to be a lot of money. How much are the tuxes?? 50 to 150 dollars and a 150 dollars dress. Your looking at close to 300 at the most. WOW.....no way.
If the Bride cannot understand what your going through. She is not a nice person. I would back out of it all. Without guilt too!

Flower girl dress are pricey when bought first hand, my daughter was in a wedding last year and the dress cost $100, plus I was a bridesmaid so another $130 and hubby was also in the wedding so another $100... CRAZY, we could barely afford it, otherwise we would have said no to something.

I would honestly tell her that you can not afford it and would be willing to cover $50, look online at ebay and/or jazz up another dress. It is becomeing more common for the bride & groom not to pay for the tux & dresses (not saying there is a right or wrong) but if someone can truley not afford it then they should pay for most or all of it or find a cheapier choice. I did not have a flower girl or ring bearer, way too many kids to pick from, plus I did not want anyone to spend the money on their outfits and I did not have the money to pay for since I was paying for half of most of the bridesmaid dresses. Just be honest and it seems like you truely can not afford it so the SIL needs to be an adult about and understand and either pay or have less people in the wedding.

I didn't read all the responses, but I agree $150 is crazy. My daughter was just in my brother in law's wedding, and we were able to find the dress for her. We got an adorable ivory dress at JcPenney's for $25. She was complimented all night.

In most weddings the dresses are paid for by the brides family if certain ones are expected. In some cases people can offer to pay as a wedding gift. I would simply let her know that she can either buy the dress or you will find a suitable dress in her desired color scheme. Your husband does not have to pay for the tux either, but if she insists than there is nothing wrong with him withdrawing form the wedding, just know it could cause resentment that could last for years, so you have to be ready for that.

Do not let her bully you. Tell her that you will find a dress without her and do so. There are wonderful dresses in second hand shops. Remind her of the previous wedding incident. Lack of card and all. Tell her you are looking forward to this occasion but you cannot help. Ditto on tuxes. The woman is nuts. (Sorry). She must have found someone to put up with her craziness because her behavior is totally unacceptable. I would not spend that kind of money on a dress period, either. I myself found after a number of years that I enjoy finding very inexpensive clothes and no one remembers them anyway. You need to eat and she is not paying your bills so tell her tough. Be firm.

Look on eBay
They have some really cute dresses for young girls for 30.00$ of less
And alot of them have free shipping
Great deal huh?

You have every right to refuse paying for a dress for that kind of money. Especially if she didn't even officially ask if it was ok.
My daughter was in a wedding along with myself a couple years ago. Thank goodness the bride realized the flower girl dresses were outrageously costly. My mom ended up making the dresses, and they were as cute as can be. (There were two flower girls)
If she isn't willing to work with you, graciously drop your SD out of the wedding and explain to your SD that you are sorry but you just don't have the money to spend on the dress they want.

I think Bridezilla can live with disappointment. If she wants your child to be in the wedding, and has to have that exact dress, then I figure she can buy it herself. Or she can help you find a similar dress in the $30 range. There are always similar dresses in another brand that are more affordable. And if neither solution is acceptable, then she can just stick it. Don't get sucked into her drama, because people like that love getting everyone stirred up and upset, because it makes them feel powerful. The best thing you can do is to just get out of it, not to take her bait, and appear unaffected.

I would be ticked that my child was asked something like that without me/my husband being checked with first! What if you just said "no" regardless of the $$?! SHE doesn't know what you are willing to allow your daughter to do... how presumptuous!

As for who pays for what, this has been an eye opener for me... the first wedding I was in, the bride took care of the bridesmaids dresses, the 2nd one I was in, we paid for our own. My eldest brother's wife had our dresses made from patterns, and my parents took care of the expenses for me (I was a college student at the time) but I'm sure the other attendants paid for their own; my most recent experience: was my other brother's wedding. I paid for my own gown, plus the necessary alterations (which were pricey b/c of the chiffon outer layer), plus the tux rental for my son who was ring bearer, plus shoes for my daughter who was flower girl (my mom made her dress with material bought by my SIL along with another niece's flower girl dress and 2 other niece's jr. bridesmaids dresses), plus we paid for 2 nights in a hotel b/c the wedding was 5 hours away from where we live. And, I still attended an out of town bridal shower bearing a gift in the weeks preceding the wedding, And sent a wedding gift afterwards. And yes, I felt a little grouchy about it some of the time.. but it didn't keep us from doing other things we wanted/needed to do at the time. And we were ASKED if we wanted/could participate. It was not assumed and they did not ask our children before talking to us about it! I just chalked it up to being what families do and the proper etiquette for weddings. Maybe I should go back and re-read my Emily Post...

If you want to keep the peace have a garage sale to help pay for the dress then resell it on ebay after. But ultimately your own family's welfare (meaning you and your husband and children) is the most important thing. She should be reasonable enough to pick a less expensive dress or help with cost if it is so important to her. I think you are in the right, however it sounds like you and SIL already have a lot of contention between you. If it will help the relationship and family peace to be in the wedding I would try to come up with some extra money. If it is useless to try to mend the relationship, I would insist on a less expensive dress or pull your daughter from the wedding. Your daughter can do something else special with you to make it up.

If the bride is set on your daughter wearing a certain dress when you have offered other options, then I think she should pay for the dress or accept that your daughter will not be in the wedding.

I agree with everyone else that she is CRAZY! I did spend that much on one of my daughters dresses when she was a flower girl. It matched the brides (my sister) dress and she gave us the option. We had the $ at the time so we did it. When another of my sisters got married we were already spending $150 on our bridesmaids dresses and asked if we could find something less expensive for the flower girls... she went to Burlington and got the prettiest dresses and we paid $25 for them! They have a big selection there and the are all like $50 and under! (for my wedding I bought fabric and a pattern that I liked and had someone make it and that was inexpencive)

Been there done that . We had to pay $100.00 for my D flower dress, and this was coming from my brother and SIL who are 20 years old! Wanted the fancy wedding but not enough money to pay their bills. ... I still have it if your interested PM me and I can give you more info or pictures of it. I think it is a size 8. Will sell it for $60.00

You don't have to buy it from the bridal store. Find out the brand and the style name and try to find that exact dress second hand online! A girlfriend of mine even bought her "dream" wedding dress second hand online after finding it in a bridal store and realizing she couldn't afford it. She paid less than 1/2 of what it was retail and it had just been professionally cleaned.
That way- no one wins- no one loses.

Just buy a communion dress which looks just like a very pretty flower girls dress, {and so many too choose from} and they're less than half the cost!