so ive known for about a week now that my fiances family has easter dinner today (saturday) instead of on easter sunday.. my soon to b MIL said that people will be there between 2 and 230 but that once everyoens there the little ones do their egg hunt and then theres about an hour of coctails n appetizers... well yesterday i found out that a good friend of mine from highschool (who i havent seen in about 2yrs) killed himself 2 days ago.. the wake is today and my whole group of friends is going.. i have to go the wake starts at 2.. we're all meeting at a friends house down the street and all going there together at 2 .. the way i figured it is that i will take my car n stay until 3 and go home (the wake is about 5 min from my house) by the time i get home the fiance will be home and ready to leave (hes working til 130 so he should be home by 2 and that will leav him an hour to get ready) .. heres my dilemma.. if we leav to go to dinner at 3 its an hour away we'll b there by 4 n were both hoping they wont b about to eat dinner as we walk in the door if i didnt have this wake to go to we'd b out the door at 2:15 .. i also feel bad just going to the wake for a little n leaving wen i kno every1 else will b staying i knoe it had been quite a while since id seen him but all through highschool he was a very close friend.. but i dont want to b rediculously late for dinner either... did i make the right decision in staying for an hour n then leaving to try to get to dinner or would u all hav done something different???
-wake is only until 6 it wouldnt make much sense to me to go to dinner first.. i feel like the wake takes priority
Hi! Do what you need to do and don't worry about when you get to dinner. Any good person would certainly understand why you are late. Just warn them ahead of time that you are going to a wake and will be along afterward. You should also tell them not to wait for you, whether they do or not is up to them- I'd wait for you, people are way more important than food.
A death trumps dinner. BE ridiculously late - it is okay. If someone in your fiance's family says something rude to you, look them straight in the face and tell them that you promise that you will attend THEIR wake over someone else's dinner. Then walk away or change the subject. That will put them in their place and everyone else will shut up about it.
You owe it to those people mourning his loss to be there. There is strength in having old friends "be there" for the bereaved.
So sorry about your friend - it is SO sad.
I think you made the right choice.
Im sure his family and your friends will understand with the circumstances. .
Even if they are ready to eat as soon as you walk in the door its not a big deal. Give your hugs and greetings as you make your way to the table :)
Sorry for your loss I hope your still able to have a good time with your family.
I would drive separately.
Let you bf get there "normal" time and let you bf's mom know you will be there as soon as you can after the wake.
IME, you spend more time at a wake than you think and it's too restricting to have a plan in your head like "I'll leave at 3".
IF you do leave at 3, text/call bf and hook up before he leaves.
My opinion? Close friend's death trumps bf's mom's cook out.
Sorry about your friend. :(
Dont fret, you are doing the right and kind thing. Your not flaking out on anyone. You are doing what you can with the situation you've been given. Im so sorry for your loss. Go for what time you can and make your peace.
You or your fiancée should call ahead to the in laws to let them know so they can decide how to handle things on their side.
Even if your late to dinner, its really not about that. Its about spending time with loved ones. And however much time you get should be cherished.
Best wishes!
You are doing the exact right thing and that is being the best person you can be in this situation. I am sure if you or your fiancee explain it to your future inlaws they will totally understand. I am so sorry for your loss, too. It is so hard for some people during holiday times. I am sure everyone will appreciate that you made an effort to go.
Have your fiancee call the parents or if you are close to them you should do it yourself, explain the situation & that you will be ____@____.com worries about either leaving early from the wake, or being late to dinner, life happens, death happens, everyone should be understanding & if they aren't it's simply too bad, you aren't being a flake, you are being caring & responsible.
Hoppy Holiday!
so long as you let the family know not to hold dinner for you, all is well. it's perfectly okay just to make an appearance at the wake. no one will be timing you. making sure the grieving family knows you are there and supporting them is the main thing.
i'm so sorry.
khairete
S.
I agree with OneAndDone. Meet your friends at the house, but drive yourself. That way you can leave when you need to without feeling like you have to get everyone to come too. Yes, you do spend more time than you would think. After my hubbie's grandma died last week we planned to "stop by" the condo to visit with family. The photo albums came out and we started talking and before you knew it, it was dinner time so we all went out and it was a late night.
Let your fiance go to Easter dinner on his own and you will meet him. Also, a personal call to your future MIL explaining your situation will go a long way, I'm sure.
I enjoy doing things with friends and I appreciate going as a group. However, I never, ever ride along with others... why? because you never know what is going to happen, maybe you end up staying longer than your plans, etc.
I ALWAYS drive myself and meet friends and family. I take comfort that I have my transportation solidly taken care of and if I need to leave, I can do that without it changing plans for everyone else.
My vote, take your car, make you visit as short and sweet as you possibly can, then get to your family festivities.
I don't rely on others as far as timeliness, etc. I am a stickler for being on time no matter where I go.
I'm sure that you future ILs would understand. Do let them know that you will be late and to not hold dinner for you. You and your fiance can warm up a plate when you get there if they've already haYd or started to have dinner. I would just take separate cars - he can go whenever he is ready, and you can go straight from the wake.
An hour at a wake is plenty of time. There's really not much more to do than pay your respects and chit-chat. No one will think that an hour is not enough time.
I just hope your In-Laws are understanding types!
Go to the Wake.
Drive yourself.
Leave when you feel it is okay to do so.
Then go to your In-Laws.
I am sure, your Fiance is mature enough to explain to them and he will understand as well.
Unless, you call your MIL and let her know, that you have an unexpected wake to go to. Its not like you knew ahead of time.
This is an important matter, to attend.
It is your duty, to attend.
Whether you are doing the right thing depends on why you are going before the family function and not after. If you are going at two so you can hen around with your friends then that isn't about paying your respects, it is about henning with your friends.
Most wakes go till nine in the evening so it would seem there is no reason why you can't go with your fiancee after the family dinner.
Only you know if your plan is the right thing to do.
Go by yourself to the wake and send the kid and your fiance to dinner on time. Explain the situation to MIL ahead and have them save you a plate if you miss dinner.
I would go to the wake and let hubby and the kiddo's go to the family get together. If you feel up to joining them later when you are free drive to the family activity. Your friend died, they have to understand that.
