Update on My Situation

He's running with his gang.
You couldn't bring him in no matter how much you want to and if you did - HE'D be running your house and his gang with him.
I'm not understanding why he's not arrested (and his accomplices).
He robbed you - you have a recording of it and you want to press charges.
Are they gathering evidence of other crimes?
I have no idea but I can't think why they wouldn't be picking him up right away.
Stand your ground - press charges - get him rehab if you can.
Continue counseling - it will help to focus your thought processes if you have a professional someone to talk this over with.

It's the district attorney who is going to decide whether or not to file charges. Call their office and ask to speak to the deputy who does intake for juvenile matters and tell that person that you really want charges filed so you can get your son some help. If you contact them, they can and probably will move it to the top of the stack.

Call the police department non-emergency line and just calmly request to report him as a runaway, a juvenile missing person. They will ask you all kinds of questions about his description and take as much information as possible from you about who he may be with or places he may be located. You need to stress that he is troubled and he has a history of substance use, and reference the theft incident and case number from your theft report. He is a vulnerable youth. As a juvenile out on the streets, he needs to be brought in if he is found. It is a status offense for him to simply be "out on his own." Anyone known to be sheltering him would be told they are in violation of the law when they are informed he is a runaway if they do not turn him in. He does not have a legal right to be out wherever he wants if he is a minor. On top of that, there are curfew laws he is violating after hours. The police may or may not decide to make it a priority to be actively looking for him, so you need to be politely on them for updates, etc. Ask for their referral to a social worker. A social worker for runaway teens can be your best friend in this journey. You want to get the police working with you. I don't think you can legally tell your child he cannot come back to your home. If he comes to your door, you cannot just lock him out and turn him away. You are responsible for doing everything in your power to ensure he has shelter and protected care. So you need to either let him in and/or call the police for assistance if he needs to be in custody for criminal behavior, or his own and/or your safety. If you have communication with him, tell him to come home. Then call the police to report he is home, he may not stay put, and you need their help immediately on the theft case. Once he is in custody, he may sit for a few days in a juvenile facility, but he will go before a judge who will look at everything, the theft, drugs, running away, etc. And he will likely be declared a child in need of protective custody. And yes, the judge can order him into a residential program from court.

I have questions I have to ask:

1 - are we talking smoking pot, or more than that?
2 - have you talked to the other parents?
3 - have you talked to the parents where he is staying?
4 - are you working together with his father?

And I guess most importantly - to me anyhow - does this kid feel loved, by anyone? If someone asked him - do you feel anyone loves you, how would he respond?

I feel for your son - I actually find reading your posts are breaking my heart. I guess because he's 14 - and I have a kid who is 14, and he's just a kid. He couldn't handle anything that your son is going through.

I personally, would take a leave of absence if possible - and spend the next two weeks with my son - at home, and go to see a counsellor. That's what i would do. I would get advice on all of this. I feel in a way, we are not experienced enough to advise you on this. You haven't told us - are you talking to a counsellor?

I could not make any of these decisions - with my family's support, with my husband's, with my friends' support - I would still need to talk to a counsellor. Have you reached out to one yet?

Tough love is one thing. Your son needs help but mostly - he needs a mom. Please get yourself a counsellor and get advice - because this is more than you know how to handle. Please don't rely on just us. We do not know your situation or you or your son. We can only give advice based on our experiences - I feel you need a lot more assistance than this. Best to you.

What does your therapist say? I'm serious. We have been advising you to talk to a therapist for months. You are posting here every day looking for validation, unable to make any decision on your own. We wish the best for you, but we are not in your shoes and we only know what you write here - which may not be everything that is important. I think you need more help than we can give. You need a professional to walk you through this. Please, seek professional help.