Ugh Mother in Law *Vent*

Oh goodness.. Christmas should NOT be about getting every little thing you want. It's a time for family and generousity.

I understand perfectly what you are asking. Why spend time making a list for someone who isn't going to use it? You're not asking that she fulfill every item on the list--you're asking why you should make a list if she's not going to use it EVER.

I agree with the others. Instead of making a list, give her their clothing sizes, favorite colors and a list of hobbies they may have. It sounds like she is the type to buy whatever she wants, so don't bother making a list! For example, you could say that little Junior is a size 5 and he is into trains, play doh and little army men.

My MIL asks for a list and never buys from it. My mom asks for a list and buys exactly what's on it. It's a stark contrast! We give MIL a list of hobbies and clothing sizes and let her go crazy. We give my mom specific things like books and video games. Everyone is different!

I've learned to upcycle the ugly clothing! Last year she bought a hideous sweater for my husband, and I cut off the sleeves and they made super cute leg warmers! I made a stocking out of the rest. The sweater made a awesome stocking! Thank you Pinterest!

Wow. In a world where some folks can barely afford any gifts for their kids, your family is in a twist over whether the kids' long, specific lists get fulfilled exactly as you wrote them?

Perspective, please?

MIL may annoy you but she's the giver. They're gifts -- freely given because she wants to give them. Carping about what's chosen is just, well, bad form. Yeah, she asks for lists, but did she ever say she'd BUY off those lists? Maybe she thinks the kids' choices are not ones she wants for them. That's her prerogative as the giver. Maybe she uses the list as a guide to the types of things they want rather than expecting to buy exactly what's on the list. And maybe she doesn't "do" Amazon and would really rather you did not send just an Amazon list -- but she won't tell you because she's afraid of offending you.

Do you kids always need to get exactly what they want? Or have they learned to accept and be gracious about whatever they receive, whether they wanted it or not?

The things they want will lose their interest soon enough; the ability to be gracious recipients is an ability they can use the rest of their lives.

She sounds like a pain in the a$$, but you don't need to be one too.

Just let her buy what she wants. It doesn't matter. That's what charities are for. Someone will want the stuff.

p.s. Be sure your kids send a thank you letter, even if they don't like or need her gifts. They need to learn to be polite, whether they like a gift or not.

Well put, Leigh.

A part of me agrees that she should not ask for the list if she is not going to shop from it, but a part of me feels like your attitude sounds ungrateful, and I wonder if your kids are learning to be appreciative of the thought that goes into a gift even if it is not something on their list? If my kids get something they can not use and we can not return it, we donate it to someone who is less fortunate. Rather then complaining that you MIL does not buy the presents you think she should, try teaching your children to be grateful for all they get.

It sounds like she wanted a written list. How hard would it have been to send her one with ideas?

Give the things you don't want and/or your children don't want to needy children who would appreciate anything. If this is the least of your worries consider yourself fortunate.

As for the late night calls, ask your husbands mother to PLEASE not call after 8 or 9 PM unless it is an emergency.

IT IS BETTER TO GIVE THEN TO RECEIVE...Merry Christmas

This one resonates with me big time. My MIL is famous for stuff like this. One year, she asked me for a list of stuff that we wanted/needed. After a few times of her asking, I finally relented and gave her a list. We had recently moved into our first house so most of the stuff was house related. She did not get us one thing on the list. It baffles me why she would have asked if she did not intend to use the list. My MIL also insist upon buying us stuff that we specifically say we do not want...i.e. a keurig coffee maker. Great gift but the coffee pods are SO expensive. SO, we have one and only use it when MIL buys us coffee. I have just stopped doing lists.

I would suggest that you no longer send her a list, then. Don't waste your time, then you won't be upset. I get that it's annoying that she keeps requesting a list and then not using your suggestions, but she, the gift-giver, is entitled to purchase whatever gift she wants. Next time, just tell her "Oh, whatever you get them will be fine" or a very short verbal list "Whatever you choose will be just fine but here are their sizes". And feel free to donate the gift or take it to Goodwill after the holiday if it is something you will not use.
I would take issue with her calling so late, go ahead and tell her nicely, "Oh, please call before 9 om next time, I really need my sleep".

So she does'nt follow the list. That would not even bother me, my MIL does not even buy gifts for the all my kids. Only one, her step grandchildren have never been considered. So she sends my son a check that I rip up every year.
But it would bother me she called so late. I would ask her to please not call that late. Otherwise count your blessings!

KM,

You are so not alone on this one! My MIL asked for lists and I put them together - it was REALLY hard to come up with ideas for our almost 2 year old because we have so many of the toys for his age group (from his older sister) and the things he likes are simple. Plus, there is the issue of not needing a lot of toys because the kids get overwhelmed and then don't know where to start (but, that's a different post....). Well, when she decides to tell me what she got for him, she only bought 1 thing on the list and said she just "winged it" - so I really don't know what she got - and she complained about the lack of ideas.
Last year, we had to return about half of what she got him because it was something we already had and she didn't bother to check with us first.
I think it's just a MIL thing.

Make it simple for her and for you:

what you need
what you wear
what you want
what you read

Then she doesn't have five million things to go look for. It helps make things alot easier.

As for her calling super late, tell her that you need her to respect your telephone hours. She can call between 7-7 M-F and S&Sun 10-7 or whatever time you want it to be. Say unless it is an emergency, please don't call any other time.

Well, you could have my MIL instead. When the kids were younger and would make a list, she'd buy EVERYTHING on it. Seriously. One year, my daughter's stack of boxes from American Girl looked like that scene in the first Harry Potter book of Dudley's birthday with the 37 presents. Now that my daughter is 17 and graduating in June, my sister suggested she make a registry and people could buy her holiday (and eventually graduation) gifts from the registry, things for her dorm room. Well, MIL got wind of this and says, "I could just buy her everything on the registry." I pointed out that that people in my family wanted to buy her things for her dorm, hogging up all the gifts herself was a selfish thing to do.
Just a different perspective! If MIL calls again, just tell her, "Thanks for letting me know, but you don't have to call about this. No one else is going to buy the kids what you bought them since those items are not on their lists of things they want that everyone else is buying from.:

If you don't like what she's doing, and you want it to stop, you have to tell her. It's time to set some boundaries.

When she calls and tells you what she's gotten, simply say "Hmmm. That wasn't on their list, and I know that DS won't play with it." Be honest, but tell her that you just don't want her to waste her time and money on something that isn't wanted or needed.

Regarding the late night calls, if it's after 8 in my house, it had better be an emergency. If she calls late again, answer the phone with a panicked sounding "What's wrong?!" When she starts in with "oh, everyone's fine, I'm just shopping online," immediately interrupt her and say, "Please don't call after ______ unless it's an emergency. We're in bed sleeping and I don't like to be scared out of my sleep."

Best of luck.

Don't take excessive time or trouble making a list. You know that she won't follow it and she'll get what she wants anyway. If she asks for a list, jot down a few things the kids can use or that they want off the top of your head and be done. And don't put stuff on it that you want to make sure the kids get.

I didn't read the other responses, and I'm sure someone wrote something like... " be grateful that she even gets your kids gifts." But I totally get what you're saying. In some ways, I would much rather that my in-laws give the kids a gift card or the money they waste on gift that they will never wear or use. My kids are now at the ages where they know to be thankful and say thank you for whatever they are given, but they are disappointed by gifts that they don't want. I try the list thing with my in-laws, as well as writing down the sizes of the kids' but it doesn't matter. They still continue to do exactly what you describe. Now we return the things that they give and I give the kids the money and use the store credit for something else. At least nothing gets wasted this way.

Wow! Is there no shortage of things to complain about when it comes to MILs?

Maybe she is unfamilar with Amazon. I do not regularly visit that site, so if you sent a list or link to Amazon I would have been frustrated. Try sending an email or take over a written out list.

My daughter does a top 5 list of things she would really really like. She knows she wont get all of them . You know as crazy as teh motherlaw is to get stuff they didnt ask or want its about the sharing and the time together so tell the kids to say thank you and move on, My mother in law use to move the furniture around in my house.

I agree...no more list for her! When people ask me what my kids want for birthdays etc,I reply anything you want to give them. It teaches the kids to appreciate what others think is a good gift for them & It makes the gift giver really think about what the child may like. She sounds annoying but I have a similar MIL that promises awesome gifts that she never buys & the kids never receive! :/ If she insist on a list have the kids write it & have it ready for Halloween lol :) haha