Trying to Get Him to Interact!

I think we moms have a hard time sometimes letting our husbands do things their way when we are around. We end up trying to "help" them and they start thinking it's better just to let Mom handle the kids while they watch.

So how about giving yourself a break and letting the two of them have Daddy-Daughter time? Whether it's you going to the store while they stay home, or they could go to the park without you sometime. You could stay small just a few hours at a time. My husband loves taking my son out for fast-food pancakes on Saturday mornings. Without Mom there, your husband would have to take a more active role, and he might gain confidence in his Daddy skills!

Hi S.,

maybe he doesn't know what to do? It is kind of hard to be an interactive parent for some people. I never thought I would be silly in front of other people, but I am. I also never know I would sing outloud SO MUCH!! :) I think lots of dads are more apprehensive. God gave moms the parental spirit to do that, but I think sometimes dads (and some moms) have to work at it. If he is a good dad, sweet, and caring...let him find his comfort zone. You might ask, if you two can talk in that way. My husband actually plays more with our babies - I am not the "play" person as my imagination is not as good as his and when I try I get embarressed alot - but, I still do it. So, he has to figure out where he fits. Also, it might get better as your daughter gets older. Men seem to interact and engage with the babies the older they get, and when it is a daughter it might even be more daunting for the dad. You just have to ask "Is he a neat dad and does he truly care and would he sacrifice" and if it is a yes, then give him time. If it is no to those, then there is another issue going on, I think. You sound like such a neat mom!!

S.

Hi S.-

My husband was the same way when our daughter was a baby. Then, at about 18 months-2 years my husband was able to interact with her more.

My husband says that God gave us a girl first to soften his heart. My husband is an engineer, very serious, type A+. My daughter is now 4 and our son is 18 months. They both LOVE spending time with their daddy. Someone else mentioned pancakes- my daughter looks forward to Saturdays- they make pancakes together while mommy sleeps in!!!! :)

I think this relationship takes time to build just like any other, and men are sometimes intimidated because what comes naturally to most moms can be so foreign to our husbands. Plus, it doesn't help when we do "back-seat parenting" and criticize every little thing. Not saying you do that, but I know I sure did at first. Babies are remarkably resilient and an outfit that doesn't match or a diaper that should have been changed an hour ago isn't going to hurt once in a while.

Good luck and take care!
J.

Hi S.! I went through the same thing with my husband (my son is currently 22 months old). I got mad at him, I tried to talk to him about, I thought I had tried everything - until I talked to my mom about it. She told me, just wait - men are somewhat timid of babies and great with toddlers. She was right, when my son learned how to walk/run and didn't seem to be so 'breakable', everything changed. Now my husband takes time off from work just to spend time with our son. They do everything together. So be patient - it'll change in the next few months. Good luck!

oh man! i have the same problem most of the time. i just tell my husband to go play with our kids. or say, "your turn!" it usually works. but, the best thing to do would be to tell him how you feel and let him know that the things that he can be doing to show you and his daughter his love. in general, guys have to be told what to do. they don't have the instinct or intuition to know what we want. and i have learned this, husbands cannot read minds, so tell him how you feel and see where it goes from there! good luck!

Hi S.! Sometimes men are such weird birds, eh? I'd begin by asking him what's important to him. Engage him in conversation about Kacee, and compliment him sincerely when he plays with her, etc.

A couple of other things -- what was HIS fathere like? Sometimes I see men who were poorly fathered or whose fathers were absent are not good at interacting with their kids.

Have you considered a parents' group? There are a bunch in my community -- La Leche League for moms who want to learn about nursing, a group for women who want to use baby/toddler carriers, and more -- check your local parenting magazines.

Lastly, are you in a good church or religious community? Often there are families there and David can get some feedback from other men and guidance if need be.

It's not your job to get your husband to interact with Kacee. It's your job to point out that their relationship will be improved if he does. Don't nag or whine but point out to him little ways that he can interact with her now. A 1yr old is not exactly all that fun for Dads. He will lay the foundation for what is to come later. He's the most important man in her life and now is the time for him to build on the start of their Father-Daughter bond. Heck the fact that he watches her is a start. Can you encourage her to wave to Daddy from the swing or interact with him so he then has to interact with her? Have you just talked to him and asked? He might just not be sure exactly what the heck to do. Maybe he wants your suggestions and maybe he doesn't. Feel him out. What I did with my son what talk up how we were going to see Daddy when we got home etc. etc. how fun and wonderful... That way when we went in through the door he was saying "Daddy! Daddy!" And was so excited to see his Dad.

Are you sure you aren't talking about my husband?!! : ) j/k
Men have their own way with interacting with their kids,however anytime I have felt my husband should do this or that I usually sit down with him and make it very clear that I am talking to him as his wife and his childs mother, not his mother.That I have a few suggestions that I think could help him and our child have even a tighter relationship. I have to say two or three times that I am only suggesting these things they are not rules and if he has any suggestions lets includethem and see how they work as well. When I do that he is all ears and always follows through, and when one of his suggestions work I will praise him and tell him I am including them in my play with our son as well. Or whatever the topic was. It is a sad fact (you know the unwritten handbook :o) !) that we have to apply some of the same things we do with our children to our husbands as well. After all HUSBANDS are just over grown kids themselves. I am really serious about having to break it down for them sometimes.
I hope it works for you guys and just remember you can use the no rules only suggestions to almost any thing that bothers you and usually they will try to accomadate you and your point of view.
T.