J.W.
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Eventually they grow up. :)
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A kind of tangent from my earlier question, sometimes I have to discipline my daughter (age 4) by giving her a time-out in her room. Often she is yelling and screaming from her room about how she doesn't want to be in there, she wants to come out, she's hungry, etc. I try to ignore it as best I can but sometimes it just gets to be too much. I tell her she needs to stop the yelling because she will not be allowed to come out until she calms down and can be quiet for X minutes (I use a timer). Even if I tell her to be quiet, she will just keep yelling the same things over and over. It's like she's so worked up about being put in her room that she loses her mind and doesn't even hear what I am saying. It's really frustrating when she seems like she should be capable of following a simple instruction, such as "You need to be quiet now" or "You need to stop talking" or "You need to calm down" and she keeps going on and on. We've been having some issues with her talking back, wanting to argue, and pestering me for something she wants after I have told her no multiple times. She listens great to her teachers at school but sometimes with me the simplest request is met with "But I..." and she wants to do something else, even if it's just a little something before she does what I've asked her to do. I've been consistent with the consequences and not giving in to whining and badgering, but she still persists, and it's getting old. Can someone please tell me when they do finally "get it" and hopefully it won't be happening so much? She's hell-bent on pushing my buttons and it is driving me insane!
@Dana T. - We get that too. Then I saw another preschool mom in action with her 2 boys and when she asked them a question, she would immediately follow it with "Yes please or no thank you?" As in, "Do want more milk? Yes please or no thank you?" It worked really well with them so I've started doing that with DD too. It really helps keep it simple and stops her from rambling on or not being able to decide!
@MzKitty - We could try the bathroom thing but honestly, being made to stay in her room with the door shut is a punishment to her! She seems to forget that she has books in there and some toys and potentially could have a real nice time but instead is all upset about being made to stay in there alone. Unlike my friend's daughter who has a million toys in her room plus a TV with a built-in DVD player, so time-out in there means nothing to her!
@Amy J. - Yes, I have read that book and I know that that is your stock response to many of the discipline questions that get asked on here. I'm not saying the book and her ideas and philosophy are not without merit, but with all due respect, I'm not a fan of spanking. Yes, I have spanked my daughter on occasion but it has made her behavior in that moment worse, not better, and in the long run is not a true solution. She trusts me to guide her and keep her from harm, not start spanking her on the butt and causing her pain when she won't do as I ask, just because I can. She is strong-willed for sure, and needs a firm hand, but only in the figurative sense. I don't get it perfect every time, but tomorrow is another day, and another chance. So thanks, but no thanks. She is not a brat by any means, but a typical kid who is basically very good, but with bratty moments.
Eventually they grow up. :)
I don't know when they get it. I have a 4 year old who talks constantly. She doesn't really scream or throw fits too often but she does seem to always be talking. She was more into the yelling and fussing thing when she was 3 and it lasted about a year so hopefully you don't have too long to go.
We have a time out chair in her room. When she is having a time out, it doesn't start until she is in her chair, sitting quietly. If she chooses to scream about getting a time out, she can do so in her room but, again, the time out doesn't begin until she settles down. If she is just generally being unpleasant or grumpy, we send her to her room to play. She can come out when she is ready to be nice. I also sometimes send her to her room when I need a break from the chatter (it is seriously an all day thing with her). It works for us. Oh, can she see the timer? That helped when my daughter was in the screaming stage. If she could see that the time out was going to be over in 2 minutes, she would stop fighting things and just have the time out. Good luck.
As soon as you figure it out let me know. Mine's 5.
She'll give me whole speech when all I need is a quick yes or no. She loves doing it when we have little time for it.
Well, a time out in her bedroom isn't really punishment. We do ours in the bathroom, works like a charm. You tell her she is in a 10 minute time out and the time starts as soon as she's quiet, doing her "time". If she keeps yelling, you keep reminding her that it will be longer if she isn't quiet. Four year olds don't have a concept of time, so you tell her, "its been 10 minutes already and you are still yelling. If you were quiet when you came in here, you would be done already. Now, are you ready to be quiet so we can start?". That helped my kids. At first it was forever they were in there but only took a few times for them to understand you aren't giving in and they don't want to be in there forever. Good luck!!!
keep starting the timer over and over each time she starts yelling again. don't let her win this war lol or your in for bigger trouble down the road. She needs to understand that if you say be quiet it means to shut her mouth and be quiet. tell her one time this is how its going to work and each time you talk I will start it over. eventually she will get it. and if I was you I would shut her door.
It has nothing to do with understanding it or "getting it". She understands that you want her to be quiet, and she CAN stop herself from yelling etc, but with no consequences whatsoever, she doesn't care. I know people say time outs in rooms are consequences, but I just don't get it. I've NEVER seen them be effective. It's like they're forcing the kids to become demons in the rooms rather than just disciplining them face to face effectively. Anything that enables terrible behavior to persists that long, is simply not at all effective in my book. Like for instance, she gets put in there for whatever reason, doesn't care, and then you're yelling at her to be quiet and stop talking, which is sort of just bullying and really not relevant. She could be out of the room talking and being a nice person if that scenario had not been allowed to continue. You try to ignore it (ignoring is even less effective at stopping things) and she escalates.
I think you need to scrap the preposterous time outs and not allow this behavior, period. Be calm and instantly effective and never ignore. Treat everything in the moment and skip the delayed drawn out melodramatics. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson for details. Quick! 4 is getting up there in personality forming! My kids are 5, 4 and 2 and this would make me insane. You don't have to live like this, and your daughter will thank you when she respects you!
