Make the Screaming Go Away!! Help!!

GrammaRocks is spot on. Do what she says every single solitary time. Even 10 times in a row if you have to.

She found out that screaming works. Why WOULDN'T she continue if she gets what she wants? And by the way, giving her attention (yes, negative attention is still attention) is something she wants. If she can still be with you and arguing the point with you about what she wants, she has more of a chance of wearing you down to get what she wants. Thus, she continues to scream and have fits.

Make sense? Put her in her room and don't let her come out until she isn't screaming anymore. (Don't let her know you are out in the hall holding the door... she must think that she does not have an audience.) Then do exactly what Gramma is telling you to do...

Dawn

Ditto GrammaRocks and Dawn.

Purchase ear plugs. The Styrofoam kind. Keep them around the house and your purse. Do not say a word when the screaming starts.. follow through just as they said. Place those earplugs in your ears, it will not block out all of that sound, but a lot of it.

NEVER, Never, give into anything she wants when she screams.

If you are out and about, pick her up, and take her directly to the car. Place her in the car seat and buckle her in, close the door and stand outside until she stops. If you need to turn on the air or heat in the car do it. Then take her straight home.

It only took 1 time, for our daughter to learn, I was not backing down.

When she is calmed down, explain to her, we do not yell or scream. When she does scream, she will be placed in her room, OR she will be placed in the car until she can calm down.

Also remind her to use her words.

We had a neighbor child who lived right next to us. She was just sooo, loud. Her voice was loud, her screams were piercing. We would tell her. "You can only scream if a piece of your body has falling off".. Of course she would laugh at this.

Pick one response.
"Inside voices."
"Find your words".
"I do not understand screaming."
" Go to your room and look for your regular voice."

She must have received something in the past tor screaming. Her way, no consequences, laughter...she has found it to be effective in some way. When she screams calmly take her to her room immediately, close the door and leave her there a few minutes. If she comes out send or take her back. When she has shown she's quiet go get her and tell her that "We use quiet voices, we do not scream. If we scream we need alone time and to go to our room. I cannot understand or help you when you scream, you need to quiet down on your own." Be consistent each time she screams, if you're out and about go home. She needs to learn she isn't going to get her way or control situations by screaming.

No guess where she got it, just that she found out it works for her so kept it up :)

Well, she's getting lots of attention when she screams, isn't she? I absolutely understand how frustrating it is to listen to the rafters shaking with a 3 year old wail, but you're doing all ends of the spectrum: calm talking and angry spanking. Not working, is it? She's confused.

The trick is to give her NO attention at all when she screams. Put her in her room and shut the door. This is better than a time out chair or time out corner where you have to keep monitoring her - that gives her attention, even negative attention. Put a child-safety doorknob cover on the inside so she cannot get out. Calmly tell her she can stay there until she stops screaming, and when she's ready to come out and talk quietly, you'll be happy to see her. And then be happy to see her (even if you're ticked off and tired)! Do this every time. If she's the type that trashes the room, take all the toys out and put them in bins in the basement or attic. I left my son with his favorite stuffed animals and his security blanket, but no toys and no crayons he could write on the wall with during a tantrum!

Be consistent. When she sees that screaming doesn't work, she'll stop. When she stops, then encourage her to talk to you and express what she means. You can help her with her words but she has to manage the tone.

This will be awful for about a week but then she'll figure it out.

i'd start off with consistency, and i'd make that consistency involve a) you modeling quiet discussion and b) that screaming involves her being removed from the situation ie some version of time out.
if you're doing time-outs, spankings and calm discussions, you're throwing too many 'solutions' at a 3 year old, and your solutions don't have any relation to each other. she needs clear consistent repercussions. decide on your strategy and stick with it.
earplugs in the meantime!
good luck, mama.
khairete
S.

I agree: she believes this is an effective bargaining tool in her life. Time to stand firm. GrammaRocks....all the way on this one!

One other thought: you know that old wives' tale...about when a child bites, you bite back one time & it's over. Well, I don't like that method at all, but have seen 1sthand proof that it does work. I've never tried it, but my mom did....once with my older son & it worked.

Soooo, tossing all parenting books/methods aside, what would happen if you threw it right back in her face? What would happen if you....sat down, right next to her, & yelled her words right back at her? Without any aggression or anger whatsover.....& maybe even with a mirror in hand, looking at yourself.....how would your daughter respond? What would happen if you used your fingers to feel the frown lines, the shape of the mouth, & pointed out the squinted eyes....all on your own face? What do you think?

Would this emphasize & help your daughter recognize how inappropriate her choices/actions are? Would this emotionally scar/traumatize her? I think that if you do this from a point of humor....you may be more effective than any other discipline method. I know it sounds wacky, I know many parents will be horrified at my response.....but I have seen this method work with rapid results!

My sons are 16 & 25. Thru the years, I've run the spectrum on discipline. "1-2-3 Magic" is my go-to method. But I've learned to temper my responses with humor. Running a daycare has made all the difference. No spanking, no yelling, no abrupt discipline. I've learned to use my words only...& a lot of humor. It's made all the difference in the world....& the daycare kids know that I mean business!

Hope all of this helps!

I agree with the rest of the posters on why she's doing this. My daughter tried this when she was that age and my solution was to tell her to scream louder because I couldn't hear her. She would try of course but you can only get so loud, and I kept saying louder over and over. Eventually she got frustrated and gave up. I think I did this maybe 2 or 3 times and she got the point. I don't know if this will work for you but I thought I'd share. Good luck.

Oh yes! I have a three year old too! My little boy is very strong-willed too! I finally got sick of threatening him, etc. So, instead, I have turned most things into a "game." For example, when he screams, I get on the phone and pretend to call the "garbage man" to come and take him to the dump! He knows I'm just teasing - - he calls the garbage man on mommy too! Then we laugh, and whatever he was screaming about is over! It's so much easier for me to be silly, then constantly trying to rationalize w/ a three year old!

When she screams you just pick her up dont speak to her and put her in time out. The first time it might take an hour because she is use to the screaming.to get what she wants. Have to stick with it. Once she has calmed down go speak to her and say I want you to appologtize to mommy for screaming. ONce she appologizes you take her out of time out and explaim screaming is only for danger emergencies and not for screaming at each other. We usually reserved spaning for very serious matters. I do not think screaming is one of those. One big time I can remember we were in store and she ran away and hid in the cothes rack and we couldnt find her. I was freaking out. When I found her she got such a pow pow. And then even time out when we got home. A friend use to tell her kid I can't hear you when your screaming. This of course made the kid scream louder for a while but as she got older the kid learned not to scream at mom.

Say calm, do not react to her. Stay calm, firm and do not hit. Hitting will only make it worse. Sometimes when my little one goes completely off the deep end... I get down and hug her tightly inky arms, saying that I love her I know she is frustrated and that it simply isn't going to be that way. You ant fake it though, you have to stay calm, don't fee into the energy. It's worked so far!

We've been going through it to. For a YEAR. I feel your pain!
We too have tried time outs, swats on the bottom, even tried hot sauce on his tongue and he liked it............
Ignoring seems to be the only thing thats working now. But honestly mine just might be FINALLY starting to outgrow it. Its maddening. Embarassing, exhasuting.....I would try the zero attention when she does it. Leave the room. Turn up a radio and sing happily. As hard as it is, giving them absolutely no reaction does seem to curb it after awhile.
GOOD LUCK. I am right there with you girl!

Our daughter is the ONLY one who screams. OMG. Its the worst sound on the planet. The ONLY thing that makes her think twice is soap. We do soap in the mouth for anything that is dirty or ugly and needs to be cleaned up...including screaming, bad language, etc.