Trouble with 20 Month Old Hitting.

This sounds harsh but when my son was that age and throwing fits we would pour water on him. It shocked him and shuts him up quick. I realized when my son was so upset spanking him just made things worse and he didn't stop. As far as bitting the shoe. Let him do it. He's just trying to get your attention and eventually he'll stop if he see it doesn't bother you. Good Luck.

There's a book Hands Are Not For Hitting that is written on this age level. I would invest in it

As far as hitting you, don't respond to this by hitting back. Set up a playpen or pack'n'play in his room and put him in this naughty spot everytime he hits you or screams at you. The point is to let him know if he's going to be mean then you aren't going to spend time with him.

read this: http://www.lifematters.com/step.asp

If you need additional help use these guides
http://debbysewninwesttulsa.blogspot.com/2007/06/parent-c...

then this
http://debbysewninwesttulsa.blogspot.com/2007/06/pcit-par...

and if it continues as they get older check out the book "The Explosive Child"

It sounds like you are right in the middle of the "terrible twos". This can be a very rough time for parents and kids! Know that you aren't alone in this.

You are right when you say that your son is have difficulty expressing his anger. He is at an age where he knows that there are words for what he is feeling, but he can't find them. Your job as a parent is to help him direct that anger. Something I would say to my son is, "Use your words." I might have to say it over and over, but eventually it worked. It also helps if you say the things he can't say. This requires that you see things from his perspective. For example, you can say, "I know that you are upset that you can't have that cookie that was on the ground. I understand that you are sad that you dropped it. We can't eat cookies that were on the ground because they are dirty. Ick!" Empathy is the key to managing two year olds. This doesn't mean that you give in. It just means that you understand how big of a deal a dropped cookie is to him.

As far as discipline goes, I think time outs can work very well. You must be consistent. Sit him in the same place (or have a rug that you bring with you to daycare, grandparents, etc.) and make him sit. He should only have to sit for two minutes. Generally, it is a minute per year old. That is long enough to give him the message. After time out, you need to give him a hug and show him that you care about him too. Make coming out of time out a positive time for both of you. You can also put his toys in time out if he won't stay in a spot. Take that truck that he just banged into the wall after you told him not to and put it up high for two minutes. He will stand in one spot and scream while looking at that truck. It is like timeout, only you don't have to wrestle to keep him there!

A note about spanking...I know there are a lot of people who think spanking works. I don't think it works long term, and it sounds like in your case it isn't working in the short term. If he is hitting, he may just be modeling you. It doesn't make sense in the mind of a two-year old why you hit and he doesn't get to do it too. In his world, everything that you do is seen as a gold standard, and he idolizes you. Spanking is counter to all of that.

Try doing consistent time outs and having empathy for one month. If he isn't better than when you were trying spanking, consider going back to it. But ultimately research, and my experience, shows that spanking simply creates more problems than it solves.

we went through that with my oldest daughter. however, she had developmental speech dealy and wasn't able to express herself through words because she only could say a handful. she's autistic (high functioning) w/ sensory integration dysfunction and asperger's syndrome (recently diagnosed and in her case, genetic). i'm not saying this is the case, it's likely just the terrible two's, but thought i'd put that out there for a possible underlying problem. i hope you're able to find some answers soon. and i'm sorry if i don't have much more advice other than to stick with the timeout. i know not all kids respond to the same type of things. perhaps when he gets upset, tell him we need to have quiet time to calm down. maybe get an egg timer and set it to like twenty seconds or something. he can watch it count down. then when the timer goes off tell him to take a big breath an exhale the "mad" out. anyway, i wish you luck!

I have a son who is almost 20 months old too. He has started the screeming and he does get into slapping matches with his three year old sister. When this happens I put them both in time out. I make him sit on the couch and he has to stay there for 2 minutes. If he tries to get down his time starts over. He is not talking much right now and we are trying to give him words to express how he feels so that he can express it without hitting. If your son is talking just try to give him words to use instead. I remember my daughter going through the same things and it took her being able to verbalize how she was feeling before it stopped. When he starts to act out instead of reacting to him try asking him what is wrong and even label feelings like are you sad, are you mad at your toys, etc. We have specialists that come out and work with our kiddos because they were both born premature and these are things they have told me to do so I hope they help you too.

S., I cant even imagine what you are going through with your son. I dont have a problem with parents spanking their children but my theory is, how can you tell them not to hit and then hit them? My boys are 10 and 13 and I STILL stick them in time out, I ocasionally have to grab on to their ear to get their attention but it has been a while since that. If you are consistant with it it will work!!! You need to knip this in the but before it gets worse. I hope some of this helps you.
Good Luck

Hi S.,
I remember those days. My son was the hardest ever. I would like to suggest a book its an easy read its caled "Try and make me" by Ray Levy and Bill O'Hanlon these guys know there stuff they are counselors and psychs. They talk about types of kids and parenting styles no, Supernanny needed. Personally I am the helocopter parent but you will read all about it. I believe this was this this was the best book i had ever purchased it really changed things around here and I have a son with multiple developmental and psychriatric disordorders which involve his feeling center of his brain so when he has a break he has a total meltdown, this book has been a life saver.

If you have questions just ask.

S.

I think he's learned the wrong way to deal with being upset and now it's up to you to teach him the way you do want him to handle it. Put words to his emotions as someone else said. When he tries to hit, stop his arm and tell him "hands are not for hitting," "hitting hurts."

It's normal development, if that's any help. :)