Angry 2 1/2 Yr Old.

I have a 3 year old he has a great temper but when he gets into one of his tantrums he has a screaming fit as well and hits...well what we try to do is to let him scream it out for a bit...we also try to explain to him why he is in the timeout..that doesn't always work out but then we try to also distract him or change his focus on to something else....he is gettin better though...just also maybe watch what is goin on around i know my son gets kinda frustrated if he gets hungry and also if he is tired.Maybe he is either tired or hungry ....its hard for them to really tell you what they want my teacher says that at this age they r all egoccentric
at this age and so on well anyways maybe some of that will help u...sorry i don't really have much of a suggestion

OK. I can relate, as I have a 2 year old son and a 4 year old girl. My husbands aunt Jane is in this field and knows a lot about children's behavior. So when I emailed her recently about my son's biting her response sort of surprised me. She told me to spend CONSISTENT, ONE ON ONE, time with him. Every day. Being that toddlers deal with a lot of frustrations, she said that him coming to expect this time with you every day, he will think of it as a time just for him, when mommy accepts and understands me. By no means am I saying you aren't already doing this, maybe you are, I just know that for me, it has really helped. Rather than looking into what disciplines are the best way, try this first, and you may find that it slowly starts to dissipate. Of course he is of that age where they are little buggers really, but this might help things out. I am going to look for a link I had to a good website as well. GOOD LUCK!

Hi, I know you said your son is 2 1/2 but he knows right from wrong. My daughter is 5 and her temper and mouth has started to rise and is absolutely driving my husband and I insane. What I have been doing lately is setting her at the kitchen table. I set the timer for 5 minutes. If she keeps carrying on then she get another minute. There have been times when she would sit there for 15 minutes. But it worked. Don't let him get up until that timer goes off. If she tries to talk to me I will tell her that she can talk to me when her time is up and then I walk away and do my work. It is something that has to be pushed really hard. When she starts acting up I ask her if she wants 5 and usually she will say I am sorry mom. And then she will be good. Also after her time is up I set her on my lap and we have a talk as to why she got a time out. It has gone from 3 times a day to about once a day now, sometimes none. It is hard to keep it up but it will work eventually. Just remember that when he is sitting there, don't let him get you to talk to him. Do your own bussiness, he may get upset with you for the first few times but ask him when his time is up what he wanted to talk about. Let me know what you think. Thank you and good luck!

My daughter will be three soon, and we have dealt with the ultimate meltdowns with her.....there is absolutely no reasoning with her during these episodes. She is strong willed so the recommended 2 minute time out doesn't work very well. We have resorted to put her in her strapped booster seat and let her cry it out and get past the moment. This has helped tremendously. We find that we have our sweet angel back and she is not so tempted to resorting to the all out temper tantrum. She knows that she won't get the attention for behaving that way. My best of luck to you....and "this too shall pass":>)!!!

How well does he speak? Alot of toddler anger is really frustration because they don't have all the words to tell us how they feel. Set a timer for his time outs, about 2 minutes at his age, then explain to him that screaming and fighting will only make the time out longer.
Talk to him about why he is so angry and help him find ways to deal with it without having a fit.
The rule in our house is we don't yell at each other unless the house is on fire. It works most of the time,lol.

I'm not really sure what to tell you to do about the tantrums. If you do let him scream it out in his room I wouldn't worry about the neighbors as long as it's daytime. By the time neighbors are going to bed he's probably already in bed. Daytime should be fine for him to make some extra noise since it's unlikely anyone is trying to sleep. As for the time outs, maybe if you just keep putting him back in the time out spot. That's what Supernanny does anyway. lol I haven't yet had to deal with an angry toddler. My older ones were pretty mellow.

Hi there. My son will be 4 in May and has many of the same issues. He was labeled as having an 'impulse control problem' in Head Start, but the psychologist we went to didn't agree. My suggestion would be to give him responsibilities, like vacuuming the playroom after he cleans it and helping you decide what to have for dinner, things that make him feel useful and keep him busy. Letting him 'help' gives him a way to be like you, which is how they learn at that age. Time out sometimes works for us and sometimes not. If my son tries to get physically out of time out, I tell him to stand right next to me with his back against the wall. He is not allowed to sit down or speak, the same rules as any other time out. This way I can keep an eye on him and usually he's distracted by what I'm doing, whether it's laundry, dishes, or anything else. The other trick is to make sure he has a nap, and eats enough. My son has to have his midday nap, or his behavior goes completely downhill. Also, try to set aside some time every day to do things with just him, like stories or cutting up paper or just Tickle Wars. Even with all this, sometimes putting my son in his room (with nothing except his bed and his dresser) and letting him have his fit is all I can do. He is not allowed to come out until he has calmed down enough to tell me why he was upset and what he would have liked to have happen before the fit started. Then we talk about it and we talk about better ways to ask for what he would like. We also talk after a regular time out.
Try to learn your son's triggers for getting easily upset, like being tired or hungry, bored or overstimulated. Sometimes even preservatives or artificial flavors or colors in food can do it.
Be sure you are modeling proper behavior, ways to deal with stress, and how to react when you don't get something you really want. They pick up a LOT more than you think. Trust me on this one - mine looks like a carbon copy of his father when he's mad. Don't let your son think that you'll do anything to keep him from screaming, that just encourages the behavior. Make sure everyone is on the same page with the house rules and the appropriate discipline, and that everything is explained to your son so he understands. We learned all of this late, and it is a major uphill battle. It's really hard to change the way your whole family acts and reacts. Talk to your doctor to rule out medical reasons, like poor hearing contributing to slow language development, so he would not be able to make himself understood. Do NOT let them tell you it's a phase or he has ADHD and needs to be put on meds. If you don't like the answer, insist on a second opinion. GOOD LUCK!!

ok i understand exactly what your going through my son has the same problem except i stopped time-out because it wasn't working anymore I also live in an apartment building and sometimes kids have to yell so if your neighbors have a problem with it too bad
but anyway here is what i do when my son gets violent or throws a tantrum when he gets in trouble
first i tell him to calm down and explain why exactly he is in troubleif he refuses and keeps hitting/kicking i say "stop hitting mommy and say sorry or you will go into the corner" i count to 3 and if he hasn't stopped i put him in the corner alot of the time he refuses to stand in the corner (letting his legs go so he can't stand or just plain defiance) so i tell him "stand in the corner, you hurt mommies feeling,if you don't stand in the corner you will go to your room and i won't talk to you until you are ready to be nice say sorry and tell mommy you love her" and again count to 3. If you do come to the point where you have to put him in timeout,courner, or in his room make sure you only put him in for 1 minute per year oldafter that time their minds stray and they forget why they are in there. and once he is in his room (make sure no toys sit him on his bed make sure he won't move but even if you have to stand outside of his door make sure he doesn't play and that he knows this is punishment also take this time to calm down yourself take a breath and relax i hope this helps it is the current technique i use and so far it is stopping the hitting with my son

What are the things he gets in trouble for that necessitate a time out? Have you explained to him the reasons you need to stop him from doing whatever?

If he's doing things that seem to be trying to get attention, maybe more positive attention would help. Instead of sending him to time out away from you, try removing him from whatever bad thing he's doing and do something positive with him. He's still too young to really understand right from wrong; he's just at the age where he's experimenting with things and the wheels may be starting to turn, but it's too much to expect him to really understand that. As far as impulse control goes, kids don't fully develop that until about age 6.

And your neighbors need to learn to deal. ;) Toddlers don't have many ways of expressing themselves. If he can't scream out his anger, it's going to lead to more kicking and hitting. You can also try giving him the words he needs to express himself. Saying something like "You seem like you're angry and frustrated that you can't have a cookie right now" will help him develop the ability to say, or even scream "Mom I'm ANGRY" instead of resorting to being physical because he can't say what he's feeling. And you could also continue with why he can't have a cookie, and that you're sorry that he is upset. I think an important step in teaching kids not to hit is to help them develop empathy, and they do that by seeing it modelled for them.

http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/living_with_children... is a neat site about child development with a few articles about toddler tantrums.

My son went through a lot in his first years and got very angry and couldnt' express himself. I got free testing through our school district and he got admitted into an integrated pre-k program.. he is getting better all the time.

If nothing works and you have given it all a fair shake... I would say have the school district test him.

Hi J.
Its soo good to hear other people with the same problems. I just recently had to quit work because mine got kicked out of daycare. He was soo bad kicking and hitting teachers and students, they said he took away from the other children and other parents were having issues with him. I would always get dirty looks from parents when I got him. We went to a behavorial specialists and counselors have been in to evaluate him for med problemsand he is able to speak better then alot of kids his own age and is above his level on skills. The behavorial specialist told me that it was just a phase and we should consistalntly use time outs we have done thatand the behavior has stayed the same. I did have to take a look at myself also because alot of times when he would hit or slap me I would just ignore it because I hated to see him punished. Sometimes now he is in timeout 8 or 9 times a day and he continues to bite and kick at me in timeout. Ireally dont have any good advice to give you I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. The daycare I use to go to made me feel as though they have never seen a child like mine before. My counselor also said that alot of daycares are very crowded, they meet the ratios but the room are sometimes overstimulating for the little ones. I found, what I beleive is a great daycare that the ratios are only 3-4 to 1 teacher I am on the waiting list so hopefully in July I can go back to work.

Hi J., My son will also be 3 in June and he does alot of the same. He hits & kicks & headbutts. I put him in time out when he does those things....he gets up from the time out chair & laughs at me, which makes me even angrier. I just keep putting him back. Once he hurt me pretty badly and I actually cried and I told him that he really hurt me. I tell him what he has done wrong and why he is in time out and then I make him apologize for what he has done and give me a kiss. You have to make him understand that he can really hurt someone. Keep putting him in time out and make him stay there until he understands. I always tell Kyle (my son) to promise he will never do it again. It has gotten better. Hope this helps!

Time outs should be 1 minute per year of age of child. Time out shouldn't start until the child can sit quitely. I've been told not to add extra time for them not sitting quitely but instead to stop the timer and not start it again until they can sit properly. You may have to put your little one back in the time out spot several times before you can actually start the time out. Do not give any more attention then neccisary because negative attention is still attention. When the time out is done try talking about why your child was put in time out and what can be done differently next time. This way it teaches problem solving. Alot of what you are going through is frustration and not having the proper words to use. You can make up charts with different feelings and words that your child can point to to get his feelings and words out. You can also use words like angry, upset etc more so he'll pick up on them. You can also give you son something to hit when he is upset and angry like a special pillow(not the one he uses for sleep) a bop bag etc. WE use a bop bag that is not for playing with. When my son gets angry he takes his frustrations out on that. A more drastic measure you can try (works with some kids-did 4 my daughter) is throw yourself down on the floor and have a fit yourself! It gives them an example of what they look like and most the time they don't like it! hopefully you will find something that works for you, just be consistent and don't give up!

Hi J....I took a book out at our library that was recommended by a few different sites in regards to helping with your childs behavior. It is called SOS - Help for Parent's. The Author is Doctor Lynn Clark. There are a lot of helpful tips in there. Just make sure both you and your husband are on the same page when it comes to disciplining or it won't work. I'm starting to see a little improvement in my 3 1/2 year old boy. Good luck!

L.