Tough Weekend

Dear C.,
Is it possible that your husband doesn't believe your "change of heart"? You have not been interested in him as a man you say and now you are scared to death and need him for a while. I think you should be honest with yourself about this because if you are, then you can still work out an arrangement that is good for you and your babies, where you can raise them in a not so destructive environment (maybe even with his willing help). When you are right with yourself, God will show you the answers, but when you are fearful and manipulating a "solution", it tends to turn out wrong because you are clinging to the same old (bad) habits that got you here to begin with.
Good luck,
N.

C.,
My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you and your family. All I can say is just do not give up and sit and talk with him in a neutral enviroment calmly and let him know the error of your ways. Actions speak louder than words and maybe that is what he needs to see? Also know that we women are not perfect and our emotions are programmed so differently than men. If God forbid he does walk away, you WILL survive and will be OK. You have to be, you are a Mother and your children need you. Your children deserve you and try not to cry around your daughter as hard as it may be, she does not deserve to see the stuff happening. Call family call friends call your church and get as much support as you can!
I hope I helped and good luck.
Christina

C.,

If at all possible try to seek counseling (counselor or clergy member). Make sure you are honest with your husband. You haven't been married very long and I think that sometimes it is hard for some to get past the fact that we don't just break up with someone anymore and that we have made a committment to love, honor, cherish one another forsaking all others...good and bad etc.... Being newly married is a big adjustment and having a young family is also. I would tell you husband exactly what you said in your request. Try to work past it if you can and re-commit yourselves to one another. Maybe someone can watch your daughter and the two of you could try to have a "romantic" getaway to re-kindle the spark. If not, maybe you can set the "scene" at home with a candlelit bedroom or bathroom or even dinner table. Just be honest and you will be ok. I will keep you in my prayers....

37 y.o. mom of 3 boys 11, 9, and 4. Married 13+ years to my best friend. Work full time in healthcare and also sell southern living at home for fun!

Can you two get to a counselor of some sort, or write him a note or make it obvious in some other way that you really get it that you don't want to mistreat him and that you are committed to putting him and your family first? It sounds like trust has been worn away and so maybe if you could make it really clear that you are in the process of changing, maybe then he'll agree to hang in there with you.
I tend to put all my anger and disappointment on my husband too, and I am reading books, going to a counselor and doing eveything I can to changethat- for him, for our children AND for me. I don't want to be upset at him all the time anymore!
Good luck and don't give up!
C.

He hasn't had time to see that you have sincerely changed. The moment you start being happy and kind to him, his urgency to leave will dissipate. It would be wrong for him to leave you while you are six months pregnant with his child. No matter how the situation was when the baby was conceived, it's his responsibility too. Ask him to see you through the pregnancy. If he agrees, behave as if you have confidence he will be there for you until the baby is born. Put your depression aside and be happy and thankful and kind to him. As long as this is how you are behaving, he probably won't go, or at least any arrangements that need to be made will be made properly. It's never too late (unless he met someone else) if you can make life happy again. If you fall back to your old ways, you will lose him, and should seek help for yourself to be the best mom you can be. Good luck, I hope you have a successful happy delivery, and that you and your husband work this out!

Hi C.,
I'm sorry to hear what your going through. Being pregnant can be emotional enough. I think that if you've realized your faults in the relationships and are confident you can work on them I think you and your husband should seriously consider working things out. Every marriage has hard times but getting through them makes it a marriage. Talk to him and hopefully he will work with you. Good luck!

Ask him how open he is for counseling and how open he is to actually working things out. Him saying he is not sure he wants to stay with you is an indication that he hasn't made his decision yet. I understand that you hurt right now and this can't be an easy situation but try these things. Ask him what you can do to show him that you understand where you have made your mistakes or just plainly just try doing it. Try doing the things that you feel or that he said were missing and wrong with the marriage/relationship. I am not sure of all of the things that had gone on between you guys but just understand too that if he chooses not to continue on with your marriage or asks for a separation that you are going to have to deal with it. Especially being pregnant right now. The stress can hurt your pregnancy and your baby. I hope that the two of you can work everything out. I will keep you in my prayers and good luck!

I'm sorry that you're in such emotional pain, C.. I have an idea of what you might be feeling, since I myself have had and still do have tough times with my husband. That's great you are able to see where you have gone wrong, though. If you or your husband are willing, maybe you could try individual or marriage counseling. Other than that, just constantly show as much love to your husband as you can - and to your baby daughter - and hopefully he can forgive you. If things don't work out, though, don't be too hard on yourself -take care of yourself!

First let me say i am so sorry for what you are going through. It sound like you are in some kind of depression and it feel like it is a lot more to the story . Hopefully your husband dont think it is too late to fix what you two have and being so early in your marriage this will only be one stepping stone to a long lasting marriage for you two . Stop thinkING it is the end because if you feel that way it will be . Fight for your marriage and your family i know they are worth it . It seem as if your emotions are going crazy and you need time to think and GET your self together not only for you but your children and husband. I hope things work out for you please try not to stress to much because stressing willing my things worst , try to talk things out and let him know how your feeling . Sometimes talking is too much so try walking up to him and hugging him and saying you love him and let it go from there . Good luck !

Hi C.,
I don't think it's to late for the 2 of you to work things out. Your husband needs to understand that you are pregnant and your hormones are out of whack. No, you shouldn't use the pregnancy as a crutch, but it does affect the way you act at times. I know when I was pregnant, the first 1/2 of the pregnancy, I was the sweetest person ever, then all of a sudden, I was like the spawn of satan :) If you really love your hubby and you do realize that you've been acting wrong, then he should be able to accept that and be willing to work on it. Men (and women) can, at times, suggest separations, break-ups, etc... without even thinking it through. But after a few hours or days, they realize that that is not what they want, it was just the "heat of the moment". So, just talk to your hubby and together, try to figure out a solution. You have identified the problem, now it's time to resolve it. Good luck to you....

Hi C., I have one word for you, COUNSELING!!!! I know it is hard to talk to a perfect stranger and admit your not perfect, believe me it was for me, but it helps! Hopefully your husband is willing to go with you, but even if he isn't, please go yourself! It can be costly, but your insurance may cover the cost. If your not comfortable with a counselor, consider a mutual friend that you and your husband trust to work as a mediator. But you have to go into it with "no holds barred". You each have to be able to get it all out, even if it may hurt the others feelings. It's the only way to start fresh. No fighting dirty, saying things just to hurt! I know I said this already, but it's worth saying again. It's hard, but it can work. Even if, God forbid, things don't get better between you and you husband, it will make you stronger! Good luck! I hope this helps you!!

Hold Up Just A Second: Ur Acting Like This Is ALL UR Fault SWEETY... Where Does He Come In On This? U Need To Sit Down & Think About This First; Is He Willing To Go To Councelling To Save The Marriage & The Family; Thats' The First Question That Needs To Be Answered, If Not Then U Have A Problem ;Because It's Not U It's Him!!! It's On His END Of The Line; The Only Issues U Have Is Harmones Goin' Sensitive & Takin Care Of A 17mo. old Baby The House, & His Needs, What Happened To URs'????? This Doesn't Sound Right; It Sounds Like He's Got His Mind Made Up Already; & Has Moved On; If Ya Know What I Mean! I Was Married for 11&1/2yrs with my first & had to raise my 3 boys by myself because I just Couldn't Belittle Myself In Staying Where I Wasn't Wanted Or Loved. The Fighting Projected to the boys;& made they're life miserable, I Had To Stop The Viscious Cycle. Now I'm Married, Again For 16yrs to A Wonderful Man & Look Back At That & It Wasn't Me...Or What I Was Doing...It's Him & What He's Doing... And Thinking...

Hello! I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I have been there before. I know it seems like you can't go on another day at times, but hang in there. Have to tried talking to him and telling him you've realized you were wrong? Has he said he won't give you another chance? Everyone makes mistakes and your family should stick together if possible. Have you suggested or thought about getting some kind of counseling? It could be from a therapist, pastor, or if you know of another couple who have gone through something similiar and gotten through it. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone and get an unbiased opinion of the situation.I'm not sure how much help any of this was but remember, no matter what happens, you're a Mom. Which means you can conquer all! Mom's are definately built to be survivors your children will be the light.

I don't want to assume anything, but are you sure it is you that is to blame? Maybe it was never meant to be in the first place.
Sex has nothing to do with a good healthy relationship. Of course it usually is part of it, but if you don't have a good friendship between you, it won't work anyway. It doesn't sound like he is being your friend. I really don't think it has anything to do with the person you are, It is probably him. The more you try, the more he will probably be angrier with you. I don't know why, but it makes us seem more desperate to some men when we try to hard, and they don't like us then. We have to act like we don't care, even if we do. You also don't want to put your daughter through that.
I feel for you, and I know it's hard, but you need to put yourself together and realize that life will get better. You have a beautiful daughter, and another on the way. Your main concern isn't a man right now, but the care of your children. You can do it. Don't think you can't. There will be better days, whether or not your husband wants to enjoy them with you. Let him make that decision. Don't let him get to you so much. He probably has issues to treat you like that anyway. You can do better. I know it's nice to have your family together, but it's nicer to have a peaceful home.
Woman cannot rely on men so much. We have our own lives.

PS-A lot of times drugs and or alchohol, or cheating plays a big part of tearing a family apart. If anything like that is going on, the person that has the problem needs to get help for it.

I too am depressed and let it affect the way I am with my fiance. I cry in front of my six year old daughter at times and I hate doing that. I do not want to lose him. I also have an issue with not being interested in sex, which hurts our relationship. Neither of us really have any friends to talk to and I think we need that. We also don't have any time together. If you have any advice it would be nice to hear from you.

I think you guys still have a chance to work it out. You've only been married for 6 months, it seems awfully soon to be giving up. You may not have been acting right, but you've realized what you've been doing and he needs to give you a fair chance to prove that to him. He does also need to understand that it could just be the hormones, etc associated with being pregnant. I do have to say though, if it doesn't end up working out, you will be alright. I know at this point it doesn't seem like you will, but you will. You have to survive and fight for your children. I have 5 year old and a 2 year old and their dad left me when I was 6 months pregnant with the second child. I thought I was going to die. But after my son was born and I was able to kind of get back into life, going out and doing things I felt a lot better. Now, a couple of years later I am very happy. I do hope that things work out for the two of you, it's going to take some work, but definitely worth it, but if in the end it doesn't, you and your children will be ok!