Toddler Son Fears

I've been through this twice already with my oldest 2 and my 3rd is entering this stage now. What finally worked for us was leaving the closet light on all night. My oldest daughter would even have the fears when she was in bed with me in the dark. The light from the closet seems just enough that she can see that there is nothing in her room plus she can see if she needs to get up to go to the bathroom. Night lights did not give off enough lights for us.

It's so normal there's even a name for the cure : night light :) :) :)

Right around this age their imaginations kick into gear (which is a good thing), and they're also struggling to integrate emotions. This is the age of want v need. As a baby he knew what he needed, now he also knows what he wants. So he's got swirling emotions, a brand spanking new imagination... and at bedtime is tired and we ALL are more on edge when we're tired.

These sudden fears do usually (and very gradually) work themselves out. Some pass quickly, some linger for years. Fortunately you got one of the "easy" ones. All he needs is a light.

Trying to rationalize with your toddler is just not going to be effective, especially while he is afraid. I have found that the fear itself is a new emotion for your child and this is a good time to teach how to handle fear. Share how you handle fear, during the day, sometime. The opposite of fear is feeling safe. When he is awake and not upset, ask what thoughts or things help him feel safe. Share what things you lean on to help you feel safe. Is it hearing your husband breathing? Is it the "just right" feeling covers? Maybe it's simply telling yourself your guardian angel is watching over you.

A night light might be just the answer you are looking for. It would be a nice idea to have him pick out a night light he likes. Maybe he likes Thomas the Train or Franklin the turtle.

I have turned to music as a soothing way to fall asleep. In particular, nature sounds and relaxation music. Lori Lite has several MP3s and CDs available (I found them on Amazon) which include stories, like of a boy who lets go of his anger and like a boy who climbs a hill then lays down on a rock relaxing in the warm sun -- that is such a nice image to me! I can feel my tense shoulders loosen just a bit right now! LOL

I had to put a timer on the CD player (like what I use for turning on and off lights when we are on vacation) so the player isn't on all night.

Still, I found the stories a nice practice to do with my child at bedtime: relaxing and affirmation.

I have heard that child psychologists recommend not using any night lights. But if it works, use it! I have kept away from the really bright ones. The bright ones are great for use in the bathroom so the kids are not stumbling in the middle of the night. Even so, you find that you need to use a bright one in the bedroom for a while then work toward a dimmer one.

Oh, and for my older boys, I found a rechargeable power emergency light. It's small, stays plugged in (there is a small red light indicating there is power), and turns on like a flashlight (well almost as bright as a flashlight) if the power goes off. That has been so reassuring for that fear of the power going off while they are away from me and it is night time or just plain dark (and usually stormy).

Just stay away from trying to talk about the fears while he is afraid and concentrate on repeating the "going to bed" routine when he has calmed down. Yes, the amount of time for him to calm down will decrease! Right now he is depending on you to calm his fears. Reassure him he has the power to tell his dream "monsters"/fears to go away! that he has the power to say "shoo" and watch them run away!

Good luck! We will all want to hear what works for you two! ;)

Hi P.,

I have been through the fear stages with both of my boys and though it's tough to get through....you will get through it. My younger son who is now 4 1/2 was afraid of the dark and monsters and shadows...etc...etc. Our solution for him was a flashlight. He slept with a flashlight every night and sometimes several. I went through a TON of batteries but we were all finally getting some sleep! He did have a nightlight also but I think having the control of the flashlight made the difference. He was also afraid of a ton of other things during the day....the mailman, police cars, garbage trucks....you name it. He would run and hide when any of them came down our road. Every time I explained to him how all of these things help us in everyday life and the fear eventually went away. My oldest son had the fear of someone breaking in at night also. My mom found a little alarm that you can use on a hotel room door that sounds with movement. I put that on the front door and he started sleeping through the night again and stopped sleeping with weapons. He was taking baseball bats, fishing poles, and basically anything he thought he could fight someone off with to bed with him...lol. I think he was around 7 or 8 when we went through this phase.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you find works for you and your son!!

T.

This is very normal. There are 2 magic ways to get rid of scary things at night.. "One is dream coins". To you and me they look like quarters, but in reality they are magical talisman that when placed under your pillow will magically keep you safe. For a really tough night you can more than one to this area..

The second "magic weapon" is a special spray bottle, that is filled with "magic water" that can be used to spray away any scary areas as needed. This can be used as needed in closets, under beds, around the door. This is the only time it should be used...

http://www.amazon.com/Cloud-Twilight-Turtle-Constellation...

My MIL got this for my son for Christmas. It is so cool. It's part of our nite routine to turn on the turtle. It has 3 different colors to chose from : blue, green and orange. I haven't had to deal with the fear of the dark yet but maybe we got ahead of it by having this. Hope you get some sleep soon!

this is normal - my 2 1/2 year old son is afraid of the dark... he woke up one night screaming momma come get me momma.... absolutely terrified.. when I went to him.. he told me there was a monster coming in his door.. he pointed to the door hinge where the monster was.. he sees monsters everywhere.. any dark or shadowy place

I bought an electric (fake) fish tank for his room.. we turn that on when he goes tobed... it lights up his room a bit so it isnt dark and scary. the night light wasnt enough light.

i agree with zoe 100%. my son is 3 1/2 and his fears have gotten a little more manageable - although if he hears a train whistle he will literally stop in his tracks and run - RUN to hide. (inconvenient since we live near train tracks - but thankfully we're moving saturday lol) he still wakes up in the morning and woefully tells me "i had a bad dream". what was it about baby? "spiders" it's ALWAYS spiders. obviously, we went through this, we just have to keep plugging along, show them that it's okay to be afraid but we still have to function. i don't think my son had as strong of night time fears as your son is experiencing - but he does now sleep (in HIS room), with a night light, a turtle that projects stars on the ceiling, AND a handheld flashlight. all these things have helped. and we have stuck to the "you sleep in your bed" rule. my son has only ever been allowed to sleep in our room when he's sick. don't worry, he'll get through this. just don't freak out about it. maybe share some things that you're afraid of. and stay calm - you freaking out about it justifies his fears - and gives him the attention he may be wanting. good luck!

We have the same problem with our 3 year old who's developed this irrational fear of the dark. No matter what we do, he hates being anywhere that doesn't have the lights on.

We've put nightlights in his room and outside of it. We keep the blinds open at night so he can see the light from outside. We have a fan in the room to drown out noises. We told him we built our house to be monster-proof (and that Monsters aren't real anyhow) and that our dog/cat scare bad people away. If it's dark outside, he doesn't even want to go get his pajamas out of his room by himself. It's really irrational, but it's part of growing-up and learning to move past it.

In our case, at night when he wakes-up, he's settled by being in our room.

If you're really concerned that something else is going on, I'd recommend calling your pediatrician and asking their opinion.

Here's what the American Academy of Pediatrics says about fear in toddlers:
http://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/cond...

We have a small lamp in my son's room, and it stays on even if I'm there too. Also, he was having bad dreams so I got a dreamcatcher for him. Apparently it works the way I told him it would...no bad dreams since I hung it up!

Has he watched any new movies lately? Pretty much any disney movie seems to scare at least some kids! My son loves Monsters Inc. but Lion King freaked him out so bad I think he threw it away.

Good luck to you, and I hope you figure it out soon so you can all get some rest!

My son had them also. Although I still have to lay down with him until he falls asleep, then I go to my bed. I did purchase a couple of Guinea Pigs and have them in his room. for some reason, this stopped the night terrors.

It is costing me a small fortune feeding G. Pigs, but they are cute and make little noises during the night so my son doesn't feel alone. Also, night lights are good too. I also keep the hall light on all night with my son's door open.

My son also sleeps with soft baby blankets, and lots of soft stuff animals.

it worked for me

Not sure how old your son is but you could give him his own little safe flashlight.

Here's to tips from a child expert, Dr. Kyle Pruett, MD
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/01/09/...

I went through something very similar with my son when he was younger. He was terrified that someone was going to come into our house and harm us. Who knows where it came from but it was real and he was terrified. He could have heard something on the news (which we tried to avoid but sometimes it just came on in between shows) anyway he was having a rough time. This was a long time ago he just turned 25 so I did what I though was best at the time and told a little white lie. We had a portable intercom system that someone had given us and so I plugged it in by his nightstand and told him it was an alarm and that if anyone came in would alert the police and we would all stay safe. As deceptive as it was (I admit) it worked. He had such a sense of security with that fake alarm by his bed that he never woke scared again. Now we laugh about the story because he still remembers it. Point is sometimes children need something visual to help reassure them, something to make them feel safe. Have you tried a night light, sprinkle some magic dust around his room to make all of the bad things go away. Also, have you tried music, my kids always listened to music to go to sleep it can be very relaxing and can drown out scary sounds, like the heat coming up, pipes making noises. Sounds can be very scary at night and in the dark. Isn't everything worse at night. I would get him a cool pair of headphones with some music so it does not disturb the family or just pop a cd in with some relaxing songs in and see if that helps. Whatever it is, as you know is very real to him. I can still remember when I was small my mother hung a red sweater on my closet door I woke in the middle of the night and swore it was "THE BLOB" from that old scary movie (now I am surely dating myself) anyway I saw that stupid thing in my imagination in the dark for weeks. This is just a phase and it will pass try to make as light of it as you can with him and most of all try to keep your patience. I know easier said then done when you want to get some sleep. Good luck!!