Toddler Won't Stay in Bed at Night, Afraid of Dark and Shadows

We are going through the same thing with my 2yr old and 3yr old. We leave the door opened and "if" either one of them gets out of bed the door gets shut for 5 min. We also have a "guard bear" who protects little girls from any monster or shark (my 2yr old's fear).

We also ended up getting (as a gift) this large light up fake fishtank. It lets off MUCH more light than a nightlight but not as much as a lamp. That seemed to help a LOT.

And then we just deal with it. Evenutally it will stop. I never, ever lay down with the girls or let them into bed with us. I'm afraid that if that works they will NEVER go to sleep without it.

Oh-- when i was little a fan worked to scare the bad monsters away. The white noise was what "got" them. Music was always too stimulating for me to fall asleep with.

Have you tried giving him "monster spray?" If he is afraid of the dark, before he goes to bed just put some water in a spray bottle and let him spray "monster spray" and explain to him that it will keep all monsters out of his room and out of your house. He could even keep it with him in case he wakes up and wants to spray it again. I used perfume but sprayed it myself and didn't let him keep it, becuase we said it was a smell that monsters didn't like. We also used a scary dinosaur that we positioned near my son's door to help "scare off" any scary things too. It was kind of like his night watchman! Good luck!

I wonder if he would still be afraid if he'd slept on a mattress in your room for a while...
I am reading this book "Three in a bed" right now and the authors seem to think that you can force a feeling of security on a kid but rather give him a safe environment for him to develop it.. I know taking your kid back in your room (or in your bed ) can sound like a drag or a step back but it would only be for a while and you could reintroduce him to his own bed later". I am conscious that this may not be what you want to hear but you said you try everything!! Good luck!
Genie

Hi S.,
I think this is all pretty typical for kids at this age. My daughter is 4 now and these problems started at 21/2 when we introduced the big girl bed. We eventually let our daughter sleep with the light on. It's still her habit. She has a large wall night light and the hall light stays on until we go to bed. She is allowed to sleep with books and animal "friends" and we've found that tucking her in "snug" keeps her in place and cozy. We made sure then and still make sure that leaving the light on is her idea.(Which empowers her in the situation) Every night we ask and every night it's her choice. In this manner - it's been our solution for a year and a half. We also give her choices like "do you want your animal friends to keep you cozy tonight?" Would you like your door left open? and the big one when we slip into a problem is "do you want your bedroom light on or the hall light? No, just one - we don't want to waste energy" Occasionally she does want the light in her room left on. I also assure her that I will be checking on her, and if she's playing around the light will be off! At first - I would check on her - not for this reason, but to reassure her that we were close by and keeping an eye on her. Once she saw that a few times - she started taking my word for it and I rarely check on her.
I don't think it's a big deal for a child to need night lights. I certainly remember falling asleep as a child with my bedroom door cracked open and a little light streaming in.

I will voice one opposition to some advice others have offered. I don't think it's a good idea to "check" for monsters. Some of the ideas were really cute (like the monster spray) and they might be good ideas for an older school aged child, but I think young kids need to be shown what a shadow is (We would play together and now she even has a book where you shine a light through a page to produce shadow pictures on the wall), but to have mom and dad confirm their fears by checking for scary something or other or arming the kid with means to protect themselves is just validating their fears. From the beginning we have been very clear that monsters are pretend on tv and if they make her have scary thoughts then we shouldn't be watching those things on tv.
The fear of shadows is a little different and developmentally noted at this age, but again - just take the time to identify the shadows together as part of the being tucked in process.

Eventually - you'll figure out a routine and move on!
I'm wishing the best for you!

There's a theory in psychology that the brain take at least 21 days to assimilate something new. what I did with my son was, every night I would lay down on his bed with him, and when he was almost sleeping I would begin saying words of encouragement like "you don't have to be afraid, I'll never leave you, You're safe here, etc", speeking softly for 21 days and finishing with a simple prayer. If you miss 1 day, you have to start again.
In the begining I tought it'll never work, but after the 21 days period his brain cliked and now he is not only sleeping in his bed but also I see him more confident in new places and around other people.
Don't give up, and I now for experience that nothing else will work, especially after nights of little sleep.
Good luck
C.

We bought my son an LED flashlight (it is intended for cell phones) that only stays on if you push the button actively (so he does not keep it on for prolonged periods, which means the batteries don't die and he can't start a fire, which another mom mentioned as a concern with flashlights). It has a sticky part on the back so you can stick it to your phone, but we stuck it to an old remote that goes with a device we no longer use. You could stick it to anything with a hard, smooth surface, even the bed so your son always knows where it is. It really helped my son (3) with his fear of the dark, and he has a lot of fun turning his flashlight on and "scaring" me with the sudden bright light in the dark!

I was concerned about nightlights because there is no outlet out of my son's reach, and I didn't want him unplugging it and playing with the outlet. I did try it a few nights anyway, and it didn't seem to really help him, but if you have a safe place to put a nightlight, you could definitely try that. There are some fun ones that make 3D light displays of fish scenes and the like.

Hi S.,

We are just turning the curve on this one with our 4-yr-old. We began by talking about ideas for "Good Dreams" at bedtime, but then my almost 6-yr-old came up with an even better idea (that is working!)...it's a "Dream Board". It's a poster board filled with photos of my 4-yr-old doing all sorts of fun things & photos of all of his favorite people. I let him pick the photos and put them on the board himself and decorate it any way he wanted, then we put it right next to his bed. Now if he wakes up during the night, he can just look at the board for "Good Dream" ideas! Of course, he has tons of light in his room all night, so he can see it just fine! (This idea came from my older son's "Star of the Week" board from Kindergarten. He kept dragging it into his brother's room to give him good dream ideas. Yes...he's a SWEET brother!)

Good luck,
J.

Hi S. -

Not sure if anyone has said this below....but what helped us was filling a spray bottle with water and fairy dust (or fine glitter). Have your child put the "monster/shadows be gone" dust in the water, and then have them shake it all up.

Then every night, have him shake up that water bottle and spray around the room. It's Monster/Shadows Be Gone Spray, and once you spray it... the monsters stay away.

I have done this and so has a friend (my daughter, his son) and it worked wonders. I did it with my daughter when she was 2 1/2. The one thing that you have to let your son know is that there is nothing to be afraid of. Have him watch Monsters Inc, and explain that all your doors have been shredded (you'll understand once you have seen the movie)

after a while, you can say that the room is filled with monster be gone spray and you hopefully wont have to spray anymore!!

If you can find Fairy dust it is much more fine and wont be all over the room... glitter.. a little bit harder...

you may be able to find Fairy Dust in a specialty shop, but you can also find it on this website...
http://www.fairydust.com/

Good luck

Hi S.,

Here is my response to Michelle T. who has a similar request recently:

Hi Michelle,

The video "Goodnight Moon" contains sleepy time stories and music along with real children telling about their bedtime routines. One little boy says that there's no such thing as monsters.

I'd go with a nightlight. I wonder if flashlights could start a fire. LED flashlights are the hottest. Tungsten ones can get pretty warm. Put either one under blankets and the heat could build up. I imagine that shake (Faraday) flashlights may be the coolest.

I told my children that thinking there are monsters is our brains' way of protecting us. When people used to live out in the wild, there really were "monsters," otherwise known as lions and tigers and bears (Oh my!), etc. So it's part of our survival instinct. The two of you could take a flashlight and peer into all the dark corners and under the bed to search for anything that shouldn't be there. Make sure the doors to the house are locked - it keeps out the human monsters, I wouldn't tell her that though. (Or skip this step if you think she'll obsess about checking the locks. That might start another fear.) And then declare the house safe for a sweet night's sleep.

Before going to bed your daughter could say a thank you to her brain for keeping her safe and tell her brain that all is well.

Zzzzzzzzzz,
: ) Maureen

You might also try sitting near him as he falls asleep. Each night get a little closer to the door until you are no longer in the room. Might work. Might not. It's an idea.

I put my two children into a room together. It doesn't look like you have two though.

Good luck,
: ) Maureen

Hi S.,
We went through the same thing with my now 7 yr old. I bought the book bedtime battles. It was my savior. As for monsters, I bought him his very own bottle of monster spray(generic spray bottle with a label that I made that said monster spray) He felt like such a big boy with his own bottle of monster spray that his fears went away. We also told him that his bed was safe, nothing could scare him as long as he stayed in his bed. Good luck!

Hi S.,
The monster sprays are a good idea. When my son went through this phase we gave him a figurine that was a type of protector for bad dreams (his "monsters" of the time).

I would stay away from staying with him until he falls asleep and moving a mattress in temporarily. He might latch on to you for security -- it really only takes one night for children to get used to the idea of their parents being with them instead of being on their own for sleepy time!

Good luck!

Take him to pick out a Night Light and 'read' the informaiton on different ones 'this one sis for shadows' and this one is for..this is wht we did for our son. The night light will heklp with the dark and shadows.

If you say prayers do an extra one for hm to be watche dover and have a good night sleep to keep the " " away.

Look around for books about being afriad of the dark, bad dreams (Little Critter, Franklin, Little Bear etc) so he can hear stories of othrs who are going thru the same thing. You all need your sleep! good luck

does he have a night light in hisroom and what about some music on a cd player or sound machine.my son is almost 3 and it is a battle to go to bed every night but i stick with it and he has a night light and music.

We have a three year old daughter, and went through some very similar issues. Some things we tried that were helpful:

If he is still napping during the day, make sure it's not too close to bedtime and for no more than two hours.

A sticker chart or some other reward system that he is very involved in (putting the stickers on, chosing the reward) that you stick with.

And it sounds silly, but the "Back to Bed" technique that you see on the TV show Super Nanny saved our lives (it's probably on the website)!

From what I've heard/read, a lot of times when toddlers come into bed with their parents, it's really more about comfort and wanting to be close to them than anything that's actually going on in their room. If you can show them that they won't get those secondary gains inappropriately (by getting out of bed), they actually give up pretty quickly, but expect even more of a revolt in the meantime.

Good luck!

No gate - too easy to crawl over, as your son does. We close the bedroom door to our son's room and have put a childproof doorknob cover on the inside so he can't get out. We had maybe two nights of him fussing and banging on the door, but once we didn't respond, he stopped. Sometimes he'll get out of bed to "play" after we shut off the light, but he's never tried to leave the room again.

What about keeping his light on in his room until he falls asleep and be sure there is a bright night light in his room? When my son was little he got scared too and I would read him a book before bead then lay with him for a short time talking to him about the good things he was going to think about while he fell asleep. He decide what that was going to be. That seemed to work for him. I hope this helps.