Toddler Going to Bed Issues

When my son wouldn't stay in his bed, we put a baby gate on his door. That way he wasn't scared because the door wasn't shut, but it stopped the getting up a million times a night thing. We installed a swing gate that is permanently attached, I think they are generally a little taller and harder to climb. Before the gate he was getting out of bed for 1-2 hours pretty much nonstop. He didn't like the gate at first, but he is 4 and still asks us to close it at night. (We've left it on as it keeps the dog and his little sister out in the mornings). We had a couple of nights where he would cry at the gate for awhile, then climb back in bed and go to sleep. He did fall asleep on the floor a couple of times during nap, (he was more stubborn at nap than bedtime). You should also make sure if she is napping, it isn't too late in the day or for too long. She may not be requiring as much sleep right now. The other end of the spectrum is to make sure she also isn't overtired, as it is harder for them to settle down when they are overtired. Before we got the gate we too resorted to laying down with him a few nights and he did the same thing--woke up several times to check and see if we were still there. I know some people don't agree with the gate thing, but he was young (less than 2) and was too young to realize the boundries of the bed. Hope this helps and good luck.

Hi B.,
I HIGHLY recommend reading the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth for info on biological sleep rhythms and sleep problems. I would put your daughter to bed much earlier, say around 6:30-7pm. You would be surprised how many night time sleep problems are due to too late a bedtime. (Per Dr. Weissbluth) My daughter is almost the same age and is asleep by 7pm and sleeps until 6:30-7am. She rarely wakes up at night. As to getting out of bed, Dr. Weissbluth recommends putting her back in bed without making eye contact or speaking to her and then leave the room. EVERY time she gets out, repeat this procedure until she goes to sleep. It may take a few days, but once she realizes she doesn't get the attention she wants it should stop. If you always leave her door open, you use a baby gate. If you keep her door shut, put a doorknob guard on her side of the door so she can't open it. I personally like taking her back to bed repeatedly because I feel it teaches her to stay in her bed without using restraints. If you are interested in hearing more about Dr. Weissbluth's techniques email me.
Sincerely,
L.

Hello B.,
When my little girl was a toddler, she had some difficulty at one point with staying in her bed. She shared a room with her big brother and I think that contributed to her anxiousness and not being able to settle down and just go to sleep! What helped was her baby dolls. I got her a little doll bed and she kept it right next to her bed. She would feed her babies and then tuck them all in their little bed and "read" them some books, sing a song and kiss them goodnight. Sometimes I even role played with her and said, "I think Felicia (that was one of her dolls) is scared, can you make her feel better?" and she loved playing the role of protecting mommy. She would often say, "Go to sleep babies and STAY in your bed!" Then eventually she would drift off too. Sometimes this was hard on my son as he would yell to me, "MOM, my baby sister won't stop talking to her dolls!" And I would have to tell my daughter to be quiet bacause her babies needed to go to sleep. Maybe doing something like this will help your daughter! Best of luck, E.

Hi. I've a daughter the same age as you, an 11-month-old and a 5-1/2-year-old boxer. I had the same problem with my oldest just recently. We had just moved and her father started traveling what seemed like all of the time. At first, I gave in to an extra this and an extra that. I snuggled longer, read additional books, but then realized I was being manipulated and it just kept getting worse. So, I just started saying NO. I reverted back to our old routine and wouldn't budge. She cried and screamed, but I silently just led her back to her bed - didn't say a word, just plopped her into bed, left, and shut the door. A few nights of that and it was over. It broke my heart to hear her scream, but I stood my ground and we're back to easy bedtimes. So, that's what worked for me. Good luck!

My daughter started doing this when her little sister was born. She would get out of bed, and being too short to open the door by herself, she'd lay down on the floor, mash her little mouth to the crack under the door, and would cry and yell. My husband has very little patience for that kind of thing, so he'd march right in there, plop her back down into her bed, and shut the door - all without saying a word. Well, at first that made her SO MAD! She'd get back out of bed and lay on the floor screaming even louder. So he'd go back in and repeat the process. After a couple of nights, we never had the problem again!

Love is right on with her advice about the earlier bedtime. With our second child, she goes to bed early (always has) and we have never had a sleep issue with her. It's amazing to me because I always thought that if I put the baby to bed later, she'd wake up later, but as my grandmother always said, "The more they sleep, the more they sleep!" Try the earlier bedtime and not giving her the attention after she has been put to bed. I hope you find something that works!

Oh, boy, am I feeling your pain. I'm having the same exact issues with my 3 1/2 year old. With my now 6-yr-old, I used a trick I actually saw on Supernanny, of all places, but it worked for her. I would go into her room, keep a dim light on b/c she was scared, and I would just sit and read a magazine while she was in bed. No eye contact, very simple one-word answers, if any, to her zillion questions. After 3-4 nights, she went to bed w/out trouble, and I actually enjoyed the few minutes to sit down and read a magazine.

Now that I have two kids, though, that method isn't working with my little one. I too am reading the book by Dr. Weissbluth (not sure of the spelling). I like it better than some of the harsh shut-the-door-and-let-'em-scream books. I fully believe that system works for some kids, but my little one workd herself into such a frenzy that she throws up and is completely inconsolable for hours.

I think consistency is the key, but we're admittedly struggling with that. I'm really worried with summer coming up b/c we'll be traveling. So I don't know if that helped at all, but at least you know you're not alone!!!