2 Year Old Won't Stay in Bed at Bedtime

My 2 1/2 year old just got a big boy bed, and a baby gate at his door. Honestly, the first night it was there, he didn't freak at all. he'd moved from such a small place (the crib) into such a HUGE space (the whole house at his disposal), so a barrier to keep him from exploring the whole house actually (I could see it in his face) more comfortable with the idea. A bedroom was big enough, and any more than that was too much.
He gets out of bed after I tuck him in some nights. Tonight, he stood by his gate, arms folded on it like a cowboy leaning on his corral fence, and yelled, "Momma! Where ARE you?" and claimed to need some medicine and other marvelous inventions to try to get me to come sleep in his bed with him. I call back that I love him and to get in bed. Eventually he realizes that I'm not coming back and puts himself back to bed.
In the morning, he often stands at his gate and yells the Momma Where Are You thing, too. But I've been considering taking the gate down when I go to bed, so he can get up and come snuggle with me in the morning (we have the same ritual that you have). So you could do that.
I liked the gate idea (which someone on this site suggested) much better than my thought of closing his door and putting one of those doorknob contraptions on. I use those to keep him out of the pantry, but I know he'd feel trapped in his room. But with the door open, so he can see us (except we all hide out downstairs until he's asleep) he doesn't feel trapped at all.
Good luck!

It will take about 3 days, but it does work.

1. Do your nightly routine and put your daughter to bed.
2. When she gets out, don't talk to her, but take her gently by the hand and escort her back to her bed. Have her crawl back up into bed and cover her with the covers.
3. She will do this again and again, but as long as you stay consistent and do not talk to her and just gently escort her back to bed she will get the idea and stay in her bed.

Good Luck! It has worked with all 3 of my kids. After they go to sleep I go in and check on them again, make sure they are covered, kiss their forehead and tell them I love them. ;)

I had the same problem with my 2 yr old, actually not to long ago. She just would'nt stay in her bed. So I decided to just do our normal routine at night. and just start talking bedtime up. Saying how lucky she was to have a bed like a half hour before she had to go down. Then when the time came I would tell her that Mommy and Daddy were here and that she was safe. And then left the door cracked open so she new that we were'nt leaving her. So as soon as she was sound asleep I shut the door. GOOD LUCK I HOPE THAT HELPS!!!

You might want to have her pick out a new stuffed animal that only lives on her bed. That would give her an incentive to stay in her bed. I didn't quite understand the part about her babydoll. Do you reason with her at night? You might want to just try putting her back into bed with a hug and only saying goodnight nothing else everytime she gets up. Also you might want to put a security gate across her door so she can see out but can't get out.

Our 2 year old used to get out of bed all the time too. We decided to put a child-proof door knob cover on the inside of his door. It only took about 3 days until he didn't come out of his room. We told him that we weere so proud that he was a big boy in his new big boy bed and that he had a choice to stay in his room with the door open but if he chose to come out then we would have to shut his door for his safety so he wouldn't get lost in the house. Then if he came out, we would take him back and tell him we would have to shut the door now. Of course, as soon as he was asleep we would open the door so he wasn't shut in in the morning. After just a few days of shutting his door at night, he no longer came out of his room.
There are other great methods like this taught by Love and Logic. They have great parenting techniques that help kids feel "in-charge" of their life/ choices, while giving parents still the control to set limits. I highly recommend either a community course or getting the book or CD.
www.loveandlogic.com
Good Luck!

we use a babygate at her door, not really to lock her in but for the stairs it just easier to gate off one area since my son still is able to go up and down after she goes to bed. She will actually ask for it up (she thinks it keeps monsters out) If she gets out and hollers we just say get back in bed. She listens for the most part, ive found her asleep by her toys on the floor once or twice but she has done very well since. Ive heard people say justt go in there and say its bed time and putt her in there, next time dont say anything and just put her back in and keep it up she will realize that she will justt get put back in. If that really works i dont know.

o have a 21 month old girl and am going through the EXACT SAME THING! She shares a room with her 4yr old brother and it's driving him crazy too because she gets out of bed and pesters him. I became exhausted leading her back to bed over and over again. I finally came up with a tactic a few days ago that seems to be working. I started turning off ALL the lights, TVs, etc at her bedtime. Then I go into my room and shut the door (so she doesn't know when I turn on my light) and read or whatever for about 20min so she has time to fall asleep. After that I can leave my room and do whatever I need to do for the rest of the evening. She has no problem staying in bed if she thinks everyone else is going to bed too. I know I've resorted to tricking my toddler into going to bed, but so be it. The kids are getting the rest they need and I'm able to get a little LESS chaos and a little MORE peacefullness to my evening.

My sister was having trouble with her son staying in his bed too. She got one of the baby proof door handles and put it on his door so once he was in his room there was no way he was getting out. She said for the first few nights she would hear him playing with the handle trying to open the door but once her realized he wasn't getting out he just gave up and went to bed. Like you they liked him being able to get up in the morning and come in their room, so before they would go to bed they would open his door a crack. Since he was sleeping he would stay in bed all night but was then able to get up on his own in the morning. So you might want to give that a try.

Putting up a bedrail is not "trapping" her. It helps in preventing her falling off the bed too. It gives them comfort and in NO way makes it a bad experience! I have had to transition two and had not one problem with using a bedrail. Neither got up, knew they were to stay put and go to sleep.

I say put a bedrail up and if that fails get a door knob cover she cannot open from the inside of her room, shut the door. NOT LOCKING HER IN but until she is asleep keeping her in her room with the door shut. It is not mean, you can still open the door from the other side, but it will give her a habit of not doing it. Once she has stopped you can remove the cover. When she is fast asleep open the door back up. Another thing, do not say a word and put her back into bed! Do it over and over and not saying anything and walking out. She will get the hint soon enough!

Put up a chart, for every night she STAYS put and goes to sleep well, then give her a star. For 14 stars take her to Target and have her pick out an inexpensive fun treat. Promote her being a big girl and how proud you are of her to stay put.
Good luck, remember you are the parent, she will stay put if you are patient and consistent enough. No idle threats, no warnings, just put her back into her bed, do the bedrail and see if it helps and stand tough. She will figure it out.

I am so happy you asked this question. I am going through the same thing. My 2 yr old son is sharing a room with his 5 yr old sister. I had him trained at 2 months old to sleep in his own bed and to sleep all night (learned from many mistakes with our first baby). He was always a wonderful sleeper - until the past month or so and it's only getting worse. My daughter is pretty good about it. We tell her what a good girl she is for putting up with it that she is "helping" us to train her brother - again. I really like all the suggestions about consistently putting them back to bed without saying a word. Please keep commenting and letting us know how this goes for you.

Thanks!
A.

Hello H.,
Having bed rails installed is not mean, it can be safe so your child won't fall out of bed. We have a 14 months old and a 25 months old share a room. We have a gate installed in their room with their door open all night so we can hear our girls. We have a daybed set up for our 25 months old and also a sleeping bag and a u pillow set up for her on the floor. Lately, she has preferred sleeping on the sleeping bag with the u pillow on the floor. We are fine with it. We let her bring her two favorite dolls and her purse to bed with her. Sometimes she chooses to sleep on the daybed. We always have music to put them both to sleep to. We let her know it's bed time and she tells us, "Night, Night Mommy and Daddy." She gives us a hug.
We didn't put up the bed rails because our daughter would probably climb out of it. Our 14 months old gets the same routine but she can't climb out of her crib yet. Thank God. Use the bedrails and door nob covers to have some peace but give her something to cuddle too. Anyways, good luck.
N.

I had this problem with both of my children. With my daughter, I'm sorry to say, the putting her back to bed without acknowleding her didn't work (and yes, I was following it to he T). We put the childproof doorknob on and closed her door and that worked. We would go in after she was quiet and she was usually asleep on her floor somewhere, we would put her in her bed and leave her door open for the rest of the night. It took a little while, but she became an excellent sleeper and we have never again had problems with her going to bed and staying there. When we had the same problem with my son, we tried the same thing, but he is super-claustrophobic and having the door closed freaked him out, so we started with a gate across the door. He learned to climb over it in 2 days. It sounds mean, but we decided we would have to close the door and did the doorknob cover, he figured that out 2 days later. Our last resort was putting a locking doorknob on backward and locking him in (only until he was asleep). He freaked out for about a week and then it was no longer necessary. It worked. It's hard to hear your child so miserable in a place that should be their own happy space, but sometimes it takes a little unpleasantness to help them realize that it is more than just a place to enjoy, it is where they need to be. Good luck!

It's possible that you have provided too many options and your daughter is confused or does not have a secure and stable sense yet of where she is comfortable sleeping. I recommend that you see her restlessness as a communication from her that she needs more support to help her nervous system wind down so that she can go to sleep. There are stories you can tell her that will help her nervous system wind down such as stories about her day or her accomplishments. You can tell these stories in a serene environment in the place where she will consistenly go to sleep. I recommend that it be the same place and only one place (not going back and forth between bed and crib) consistently day after day. Remember that you are training her nervous system to self-regulate. This is about more than going to sleep. It is about calming down and letting go. S. Mines, Ph.D., mother of two girls and grandmother of two girls, ages 8 weeks and 26 months.

Be consistent. The first time she gets out, put her back in bed with a hug and a kiss and tell her it's night time and time to stay in bed. After that, just quietly put her back in bed without saying anything. It usually doesn't take that long and she'll realize that she needs to stay in bed at night. The routine before hand is good. She'll get it. Just keep putting her back in bed. You don't have to be harsh about it at all. But don't interact with her or she will keep getting out of bed to get just one more kiss or to talk to you.

I agree with Marriah. I would remove the crib from the room and then consistently escort her back to bed without a word. It will be exhausting for the first three nights, but stick with it. Our youngest just retested us on the staying in bed rule. After our bedtime routine, when we tuck him in, we tell him, "Stay in this bed." with a stern voice. For a couple of nights recently, he tested whether we meant it or not, and we just escorted him back to bed and left the room without a word. Now, he is back to going to bed without a fuss. Yay! (He is 30 months.)

I do not agree with putting a child cover on the inside of the door. This is a safety concern to me. Bed rails do not cover the entire side of the bed; they are just there so she doesn't fall out and she will still be able to get out of bed by herself. Most kids feel more secure having one. It won't solve your real issue, though. The real issue is obedience. The foundation you lay now in following through on your daughter doing what you tell her to do is very important. Try not to lose sight of the bigger issue. Study after study has shown that children with clear, consistent boundries develop into more stable and productive adults. Stay tough, H.! You can do it!

One more thought... We taught all three of our children their numbers rather early. Our kids all have a digital clock in their rooms and they are not allowed to get out of bed until there is a 7 in the first space unless they have to go potty or it is an emergency. Your daughter may not know her numbers yet, but when she does, this is a works wonders!!!

The areas in the brain for "reasoning" are not developed at 21 months. You can not reason with a toddler. They understand patterns and are in the beginning stages of understanding cause and effect. In other words, consistent "actions speak louder than words."

T.

PS I am a former middle school teacher with a Masters in literacy and recently went back to school and am now a child development specialist working with families with babies birth through age three. I have done a lot of brain research, so let me know if you have any other questions.