Toddler , Eating Habits ? to Encourage or Not to Encourage ?

It's good for the daycare to let you know that she has been eating less so that you are aware of it. It doesn't necessarily mean there is a problem or that you need to DO anything. It's more that if you have any concerns or notice any changes in her that you have the information that you would need to give the doctor.

The eating habits of children, and especially toddlers, change so much. They can be starving one day and eat more than an adult, then be eat no more than 2 or 3 bites the next few days.

Right now, it's much more important that you teach her HOW to eat. She does need to learn how to feed herself. She also needs to understand what it means to be hungry. Offer her food, let her eat what she wants and if she indicates to you that she's done, let her be done. It is just so important for kids to learn how to listen to their bodies. If her body is telling her she is not hungry, go with that. When she's hungry, she'll ask for food - or you'll know because you have a very cranky kid! (We always joked, it's time to feed the monster!)

It is important for her to learn how to feed herself, even if she makes a huge mess. This is something that is expected of 2 year olds. My son started going to daycare when he was 18 months old, and he was expected to drink out of a cup! He knew how, but I did not realize that was an expectation of a child who was only a year and a half old.

Daycare does need her to feed herself, though, as they have many, many kids to care for and don't really have the time to feed each of them individually.

It sounds as if there is too much confusion going on in your child's brain regarding eating. My daughter was in a medically-ordered eating disorder program at age 2 (true, her problems were due to her diagnosis, but some of the basic lessons we were taught hold true for most toddlers).

It seems to me that your daughter has too many food situations going on. Most likely, I would guess, her daycare requires the children to eat or snack while seated (as opposed to wandering around and playing while munching on a snack). And I would also guess that she's required to feed herself, while the daycare workers feed the infants or any child with special needs who can't feed his or herself. I imagine they expect the toddlers to pick up appropriate food and finger-feed or spoon-feed themselves.

Then at home, eating is either breast-feeding, or being fed while playing or painting or coloring.

Your child may not be making sense of all these different scenarios. We were taught at the pediatric eating program to be consistent, to keep meal times and food times consistent. We were taught to choose a small size plate for our child as opposed to serving her on the same plates we parents ate from,and to serve child-size portions. And we were taught to not call too much attention to the food, but to keep the conversation pleasant (not to count bites, or obsess, not to stare at your child to make sure she's eating).

Plus, she may be getting a lot of nutrition from breast-feeding that is filling her up (much like a child who drinks a lot of juice or milk from a cup, who is then not very hungry for solid food).

I'd encourage you to relax, decide on a meal routine (seated somewhere, feeding herself, with a smaller-size plate and child-size portions), and to make mealtime a great time to chat and talk, not a time to color or play.

If you plan to keep her in day care for the next year or two or more, and if you like their system (if they have the kids sit at a table to eat, and make them use manners, and feed themselves, or if they say a little prayer or say please and thank you or whatever, and if they ask the kids to wash their hands or sanitize them before being seated), you might pattern your home meals in a similar way so that your child understands "this is meal time" and "I am supposed to eat".

Consistency, not hyper-focusing on the food, structure (saying please, not throwing food, staying in the chair), and appropriate expectations regarding portion size, will go a long way to a healthy approach to food.

You need to set definite meal and snack times. Give her the food, but don't play with her while she is eating. If she only eats a few bites, then put the food away until the next meal or snack time. Don't sit there and urge her to eat...... she has gotten used to "grazing" and doesn't realize that when she sits down to a meal, she needs to focus on eating at that time.

It is time that she learn to feed herself.

Use a small plate and very small servings. Don't obsess about how much she eats.

PLEASE stop following her around and feeding her as she plays.

Also, her intake of fluids (breastmilk or other fluids) can certainly affect her appetite. Limit her between meal drinking to water.

You've said you are trying to wean her..... how are you doing this? Are you still letting her nurse on demand? If so, maybe it is time to limit nursing to before nap and before bedtime. Have daytime meals be food.

It is good that you are offering her a lot of variety and nutrition in her meals. Keep that up!

What you've taught her by hand feeding her while distracting her with an activity is mindless eating. If you're worried about her health and eating habits, stop now. Mindless eating leads to overeating, eating when bored, connecting food with play and not nutrition and sustenance. You're not teaching her to eat when hungry and stop when full, as children naturally do, and you're setting her up for a lifetime of u healthy eating as an adult. On top of that, you've eliminated essential skill of self-feeding.

Stop feeding her. Stop the activities at meals. Serve her small portions of balanced meals three times daily, plus two snacks in between, at the table, in a chair. Eat your meals with her or at the very least, sit with her and chat and keep her company. When she's full, she's done, even if it's just a few bites. No snacking until a small snack at regular snack time (think 10 am and 3 pm).

Unfortunately, since you're still beastfeeding her so much that "she's mostly breastfed", she has no reason to eat. You're providing her with the breast equivalent of constant snacking. Sure, it's healthier than the kids who eat goldfish or drink juice non-stop all day and then don't eat much food, but she's no longer a baby and she should be getting the majority of her nutrition from actual food by now. You've set het up in another way to ignore food and fill het belly with liquid instead.
You've got some big changes to make Mama, but if you want to teach her healthy eating habits, you need to do it ASAP.

Well the age old advice is that "kids will eat when they are hungry."

I'm not a fan of following a kid around feeding them bites from a spoon or a fork.

Kids need to earn the life skill of sitting & eating when it's time.

At meals, if it's two bites then off to something else? Offer a healthy snack between meals.

I'm sure once she's weaned her interest in other foods will increase.

Updated

Well the age old advice is that "kids will eat when they are hungry."

I'm not a fan of following a kid around feeding them bites from a spoon or a fork.

Kids need to earn the life skill of sitting & eating when it's time.

At meals, if it's two bites then off to something else? Offer a healthy snack between meals.

I'm sure once she's weaned her interest in other foods will increase.

I think Elena and Missy gave you some excellent suggestions. Stop feeding her while she plays and wanders around at home. Have her sit in her chair, make pleasant conversation, and let her eat what she is hungry for. Kids this age have tiny stomachs, and in between growth spurts, they really don't need a ton of food. Let her sit and figure out when she's full. My kids could eat a tablespoon of food at that age, and be just fine until the next mealtime. This always surprised me (how could that possibly be enough food?), but here they are today, healthy middle school girls, so it must have been sufficient. Once your daughter understands that mealtime means sitting down and feeding herself at certain times of the day, she will eat better. Also, she should be getting most of her nutrition from food, not milk at this point. Maybe you could cut back on the breastfeeding and only do that before bedtime? That way she's not filling up on milk and therefore isn't hungry for meals.

Been there done that. Compounded by doting grandma who wanted to lavish attention on her grandchild, and didn't want to face the prospect of messiness if DS was self feeding.

What helped us was a change of scene and some encouragement. We stepped back from feeding/ entertaining him, and he stepped up to feeding himself. Not so when with grandma though, he acts the part of the baby because he can get away with it. She is more than happy to oblige him.

Be the change you want to see.
F. B.

You provide healthy food choices and she'll either eat or she won't.
Don't force it.

Yeah, it's time to step away from being mama bird. She's 2.

1 vitamins always gave my picky eater more of an appetite which forced him to be less picky.

2 Quit following her around with the food. That's bad training in eating to her own hunger cues and socially stunting her growth. She won't starve.
I get she is a tiny little thing who won't eat, but even then, it's more important that every bite be nutritious, than how many bites she takes. Don't let a scale over rule your common sense.

3 don't let her drive this bus. You don't need to stop "loving" her, just think farther ahead than today, or the next month, think, you are setting her up for school, birthday parties, dinners out with people who don't want to sit with a kid who never had any rules.

4 wean. I know it's a personal decision and I nursed for 19 months and loved the closeness. But, I think this could turn into a big habit best broke now, for both your sakes

5 it's a phase, it's a phase, it's a phase.

Elena and Missy both gave you very good, specific suggestions.

I had a son who nursed until three, but by that time he was only offered the breast at nighttime. As much as we both enjoyed our nursing relationship, by the time he was about 1.5 it was very important to me that he was getting most of his nutritional needs met with food. Consider your entire day and consider weaning her down to maybe a nursing before naptime and one at the end of the day at bedtime. Make the nursing about connection, not food.

I would not pay any attention at all to how much she is eating. Toddlers sometimes eat like crazy just before a growth spurt, and then eat almost nothing at all in between growth spurts. I would just chalk this up to an 'in-between' phase. Keep offering healthy food, and she'll eat when she's hungry.

I also would definitely not feed her. She's well past old enough to feed herself. Now it's time to teach manners. She can sit at the table with you at mealtimes. If she's not hungry, she doesn't have to eat, but it's not playtime (so no toys allowed) until after everyone is done eating. Chasing her around trying to convince her to eat is a terrible precedent to set - for you, because what a pain, you can't get anything else done - and for her, because you are teaching her to ignore her natural hunger/fullness cues.

Related to the nursing - if you are happy with it and so is she, I think it's great. But, you may need to watch the timing. Mine were weaned by that age, but I know that if I let them drink milk in the hour or so before a meal, they didn't eat their meal because they were full from the milk. So, I learned to make them wait until the end of their meal before they could drink milk, and otherwise, it was only water to drink. You might time your nursing sessions similarly, so that you say no to nursing in the 2 hours before a meal, and nurse after the meal instead.

Put the meal out and let her eat. Or not. Put the food away. You said your still breast feeding. I'm assuming at that age it is no longer an on demand thing but a comfort before bed thing. She should not be breast feeding all day long now she is way past the age for that. Another poster was right on about taking the toys away and trapping her in the high chair. For at least 20 mins during your normal dinner time. This gets her used to selling down and eating. She has turned feeding her into a game for you to play with her. There is not really a trying to wean at this stage. You just need to say no more milk from mommy and stick to it. Tell her here's your milk in a cup. She's more than old enough.

As a parent educator, I can tell you that she should be sitting at a table and not being fed by you with a spoon or fork.

I went into a home where I did an observation--and Mom was chasing the toddler around with a spoon of food. The toddler thought it was some sort of game.

Dinner should be social and the toddler should be sitting at the table and watching the parents eat, too. Research says that a child will eat like Mom does. So, model eating independently...and then, your child will eat at daycare, too.

She feels your tension to get her to eat, too.

Ask your pediatrician for tips on weaning. She might not want to eat if she gets to nurse a lot.

She needs to become a more independent eater ! It's best to do it now---age 3 could be trickier !!!

Serve the food at the table. Everybody eats as a family during dinner. It will take a few weeks of consistency !!

When I was in the car, I used to give my child a 1/2 cup of fresh organic fruit for snack.

You are not allowing her to learn what being hungry is. You are hurting her by feeding her. She needs to eat at the table with the family and not be playing or coloring or anything.

Kids go through stages. When they grew they stop eating. They they start eating again and they chub out. Then they wake up a couple of inches taller and are skinny. Then they stop eating again.

If you don't allow her to have consequences she will never learn to make decisions or even thing for herself.

Have her sit in a high chair. This helps keep a kid focused. If she has one and will sit in it then try it for a while. Put her food in front of her. Bite size pieces are needed so she can feed herself.

When she's done put her down, toss the food. When she comes back for you to feed her be doing something else, food is put up and not in sight. Let her know the meal is over, "oh my, you're hungry? I'm not hungry, I ate my dinner! We'll have something else to eat in a little bit". Then walk off. She needs to feel that hunger and needs to associate the meal is over.

I had meals or snacks every little bit. Kids stomachs are tiny and they can't eat a lot and it digests quickly. So I didn't let them go more than 2-3 hours without food of some sort.

When I was really little, milk would fill me up. I wouldn't eat my food at all if I drank my milk first.

My mom finally started taking the milk away until I ate some of my food. Then I could have an ounce of milk. At the end of the meal I could have the whole cup.

That worked and I ate better. I suggest you go ahead and wean. Put bandaids on your nipples and tell her that mommy has ouchies. Have daycare offer her water so that she does't get dehydrated while she gets used to this.

First, you need to step back. She isn't going to starve herself. And force feeding her spoonfuls when she isn't hungry is only going to lead to problems later on.

The best advice I ever got on this issue was from my Pediatrician who said, "you control what she eats, she controls how much". If it makes you feel better, send your food to daycare for her and ask daycare to return the uneaten stuff back to you so you can see for yourself.

Kids go through growth spurts. When they do, their appetites increase for a while then they slow back down. If she hasn't grown in a while, maybe she's due for a growth spurt.

Keep offering her a variety of small quantities of different foods. Kids like variety and they can get overwhelmed by a whole bowl of one thing.

The second best piece of advice I ever received was "This is just a phase". Chant that to yourself over and over because when you come down to it, everything with raising kids is "just a phase" and soon it will be replaced with a new "phase" to stress over.

There are a few things that come to mind. Perhaps she is skipping her meals because she is going to go home and nurse and that is better?? As well, it is hot and the appetite does suffer a bit from the heat. Could she possibly be going through a growth spurt? You will see this quite often. The appetite will be incredible and then they will show no interest. Suddenly, their clothes don't fit!

As for the weaning, for my little ones 1st birthday, I picked her up, looked her in the eyes, and said, "Mommy is done" and that was it. I wish everything else has gone that easy.

My sister was a weak eater and my mother always said the doctor told her she would eat when she is hungry and if all she wants is hamburgers, give them to her. That was many years ago, so I am not sure if today's doctor would agree with that school of thought. Anyway, she is still with us today at a strong 51 years.

She is two and understands what you say and the consequences. You can give her a small portion to eat and tell her she can get down and eat after she eats her food and walk away. See how that goes. I would give her any large expectations at this point. So a very small portion and you can gradually increase it. Most kids are grazers.

At 2.2, she should have just gone to the PED. Did you mention this? Don't hesitate to return, that is what they are there for.

I hope once I answer this I can still get all of your input it's so helpful I LOVE MAMAPEDIA!!
so no she doesn't breastfeed on demand more of a after daycare before we drive away and bedtime thing and whenever she is upset or crying . I've heard multi vitamind helps with appetite , she takes the sour gummy flinstones gummy and no not really. Thanks for all the comments , tonight when she comes home from the park with her dad we'll put out the food and eat together. Her daycare doesn't allow outside food , but they do fill out a form every day about amounts eaten what she's done how much she's been on the potty etc. and they've noticed a dip in her eating just because she used to be the heaviest eater in the class. Her daycare is amazing , the child workers are very stern on the "you standup , your done your meal" motto and she can barely sit for 10 minutes infront of the tv , maybe this is an issue also ?

again thanks for your responses if you can't respond on my post INBOX ME I really appreciate it

You can't force her to eat.

Offer a few choices. I saw a photo of an empty ice cube tray being used as a toddler food dish - each tiny section had a different food. Assuming the child won't up-end the whole thing, it's kind of a cute idea. Each compartment had something like cheese cubes, berries, some whole grain crackers, a few pieces of pasta, some cut-up meatballs, halved grapes, carrot "coins", hard boiled egg, etc. Kids can use their fingers or a fork. What they don't eat can be covered up with plastic wrap and put in the fridge for later. It's also "right there" when she is hungry, with not a lot of prep time.

I think feeding her while she's doing other things is going to be a short term solution that creates other problems. So eating one bite and then leaving to paint or play means she just isn't that hungry. But trying to chase her and shove a fork into her takes away the fun of eating.

Definitely have a sit-down approach, and sit with her (and eat something yourself). It's okay to have a book or "something to do" but it takes place AT the table. But the eating at day care has to be run by the day care people, and eventually she will learn that there is snack time and lunch time, and that's when people eat. If you are "afraid she's not eating at all", aren't they telling you? And even if she doesn't eat over there, it's not an emergency. If you send her off with a good breakfast, and feed her when she gets home, she will not starve.

Kids go through growth spurts and times when they are hungry/not hungry. If you wean her from breast milk, she'll make up the calories someplace else. Just remember to offer plenty of fluids too. Try not to obsess over it. She is not an infant who is not taking in calories. She is capable of eating. There is no major medical crisis preventing her or interfering with her ability to eat. When kids get colds and have a lot of mucus dripping down or accumulating in their stomachs, they eat less. But you say she's never been a big eater, yet she's a healthy size/weight.

So can you figure out why you are so concerned? She's working on it. Toddlers take time to learn about textures and tastes - so offer choices, and even if she refuses a food the first 10 times, keep offering it at least every other time. It takes something like 20 tries for a food to become a habit. And let her see YOU eating a variety of healthy foods while you sit at the table together. She will learn to feed herself if she sees you feeding yourself.

1. I think the breast feeding is interfering with her getting proper nutrition and eating habits. I would more aggressively end that - weaning has already dragged out months. It's time to pull the plug, as it were.
2. Children tend to eat when they are hungry but are easily distracted. Some preschools/daycares have organized snack times and some allow the kids simply to eat when hungry. She needs to develop better habits, so I would hope she is getting the former. It won't happen. With the latter.
3. I would check with the pediatrician regarding whether she's growing properly and getting adequate nutrition at this point. I tend to feel that children won't starve themselves. But this smacks more of bad habits that need to be fixed.
Good luck.