We transitioned our son (2 1/2 years old) to a toddler bed 4-5 months ago. It was a very easy transition. We would always tell him "you don't have to go to sleep but you have to stay in bed" before leaving his room. I was amazed to find that it worked. He got a sinus infection last Sunday and was unable to breathe. I slept on an air mattress next to his bed for 2 nights and he ended up there with me both nights. Since then, he has cried each time he goes to bed and started wandering out of his room. I try asking him to use his words to tell me what's wrong but he just keeps asking me to hold him. I held him for the first few days, then sat next to his bed, then in the glider across the room. He falls asleep this way but starts crying and wandering out of his room when he wakes up during the night. My husband has been putting safety locks on the doorknobs the last couple days. It breaks my heart to hear him crying (and I'm okay letting him cry it out) and asking us not to lock the door while his lip quivers and he holds back tears. He has his blankie, flashlight, night light, stuffed animals, toys and music. I'm not sure if he is scared or just being manipulative. He did stay in his room without the locks during his nap today. Could he have developed a fear of the dark or is this a fun game for him? Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do to get back to normal? Please help. I HATE having locks on his door.
I haven't put the locks on the door knobs since that night. I talked to my son and told him that we weren't going to use them any more but he had to stay in bed. I continued to read to him, hold him, them put him in bed. He cried and walked out of his room for about a week. He gradually began to stay in bed but he would cry for about 5 minutes when I left the room. He still whines for about a minute when I leave the room but stays in bed and is back to sleeping through the night. Thank you for the advice!
Its the age. The locks on the door are a great. You are keeping him safe! Give it a week and I bet he'll be back to his normal routine.
Please please please trust your own instincts on this one, and take the locks off of the doors. If your heart is breaking because of these locks, then I would urge you to trust yourself - there is a reason you are so uncomfortable with it. Between 2-3, there are so many emotional changes and developments in toddlers. They become so much more aware of the world, and fears develop, along with nightmares. They need to know that you are there for them and will help them feel better when they are scared. A toddler that has a nightmare cannot distinguish the dream from reality, so they wake up truly terrified. Imagine having a horrible nightmare, thinking it is real, and then being locked in your room away from those that are supposed to help you feel safe. It's no wonder that he becomes totally resistant at bedtime. He's feeling terrified of being locked in his room all night. I think any of us would feel the same way!
It's our job as parents to help our children feel safe and loved so that they can grow on their own when they are ready. Things happen so much more easily this way, when we don't rush them. It's so common and typical that they need us at this age... and he will grow out of it, much more easily if he feels safe rather than being forced into it.
I feel so strongly that having locks on his doors sets him up to have anxiety as an older child and adult.
I don't believe he is being manipulative at all. My daughter went through this, and when I met her needs, and she knew she was safe, she got over it, in her own time. I ended up staying in her room with her for 10-20 minutes until she fell asleep, and that helped her feel better. I also left her door slightly open so that she didn't feel trapped in her room. This has all made an enormous difference. And that extra 20 minutes at night is no big deal compared to hearing her scream in fear at night. She knows I'm there for her, and that's what makes her feel confident. A toddler should not be expected to be independent yet!
Please contact me if you want to talk more about the process I went through with her. I would love to support you through this. I know how hard it can be, but I feel so strongly that a toddler his age needs to be emotionally supported for their long term well-being.
Take care and trust your gut (rather than your frustration),
D.
www.inspiredmotherhood.com
Take the locks off. He's probably working on transitioning back to his routine--it's been a week and a half? I agree with the person who said that not being able to breathe probably really rattled him. And yes, it is an age when kids develop fears.
It's the age. And it will come and go in spurts as well. His sickness might have triggered it but now he needs to figure out that he is feeling better and normal routine has to come back. Keep doing what you are doing and it will get better.
Good luck
S.
You can just get a gate to put up in the doorway. Thats what we did, the fisrt week or so she would sleep next to it but I would just put her in bed when she was asleep. I think it worked cause there was still light coming in and she could still here us. I think it is better to use a gate then closing the door, cause if he falls asleep next to the door and something happens you will not able to get the door open.
Sometimes I hate saying anything, because each family has it's own way and specific needs. But like I have posted before, I have detailed memories of my sleeping when I was a very young girl.
If at any point in your sons illness, he couldn't breath. Imagine the trauma of that experience. Sleep is a trusting you are safe, knowing you are safe. And an illness can shatter that. I would be there for your son while he builds back his courage to release himself to sleep. It's a process.
You hate the locks for a reason. Trust that.
Your son is 2 1/2. His manipulation skills are there to work to his benefit, that's if he actually has any. It's our choice as parents to decide if we want to give them benefits.
My daughter used to sleep in a dark room, no night light from the time she was born until January (29 months old). We finally got her to go to sleep on her own and be okay with us leaving when she was awake, but did so by leaving her door open. I gave her two options - door closed (ie: dark) or door open (but she has to stay in her room). The first night, she followed me out into the living room and I put her back into her bed. I did this a few times and finally she just sat in her doorway and cried. I just let her. I would check on her and tell her it's time for sleeping but if she didn't want to sleep, she just had to stay in her room. Guess what? She fell asleep in her doorway!
The second night we did that, she cried briefly but then stopped. The third night, she whimpered. After that, it was fine.
I do have to say, though, that this is after our normal night time routine where I read to her and then sit in her room and sing to her and tell her I will sit in her room for five minutes. Sometimes I sit in there longer. It just depends on how restless she is. Once I know she's comfortable and resting, I will tell her goodnight and leave. There have been times since January that I've had to go back in and hold/rock or just comfort her, but for the most part, she'll fall asleep on her own.
I think it's very normal for him to be scared of the dark. His imagination is probably getting the best of him. Offer to let him use a nightlight. If you don't want to have his door locked, then don't do it. Be firm about making him know that whne it's time for bed, he has to stay in his room. You may have to walk him back there 10-20 times the first night. Be consistent because he'll either get too tired to continue fighting or fall asleep while trying to continue fighting you!
Also, what do you mean by having locks on his door? Are you locking him in his room? With actual locks or those doorknob covers that he cannot open?
please don't put locks on his door. that breaks my heart. we had a similar situation (my son had hand/foot/mouth disease and couldn't eat anything for over a week, he was miserable with sores all over the inside of his mouth/throat). it was a nightmare getting him to stay in his bed again. we used the supernanny method of just replacing him, over and over, in his bed each night. the first couple times i said comforting words, "it's nightnight time baby, love you, goodnight"...then i stopped saying anything, just kept putting him back. it took several hours the first night, a couple the S., then by the third i think it was like thirty minutes. he would scream and fight and get out of bed and run for the door before his feet even touched the mattress. it was awful but i didn't know what else to do because i don't think locking him in his room teaches him anything. then what about when he starts potty training and you have to unlock the door to let him get up to potty at night? is he going to take off the first chance he gets?
it is a similar situation to leashes. yes, if there is NO alternative and your child REFUSES to stay by you and do as he is told, i suppose safety is more important. but my son has always been taught to stay with us and stay safe, and has never been a runner. so what happens to those leash kids when mom's hands are full of groceries and she drops the leash? do they just take off the first chance they get just because they're not used to the freedom? i don't have to worry about that because my son is taught to stay safe without me forcing him to by a physical restraint. these tools i suppose are good in their way as a last resort, but i think that 99% of the time it's only "necessary" due to lack of work on the part of the parent.
long story short, my son was taught to stay in his bed, without forcing him to, by locking the door. god fobid if anything happened, a fire, a break in...at least i know he wouldn't be trapped in his room. not to mention it can be terrifying for a kid to be locked in a room. i just can't get my mind around it. it sounds more like punishment than a teaching tool.
I agree strongly with many others PLEASE TAKE THE LoCKS off. Is it really for "safety" or is it so your husband can sleep? and it is not safe; what if you were unable to help him and he needed to get out on his own. always go with your gut and take the locks off.
how about getting him a little leapfrog computer toy or bug magazines let him read himself to sleep..i do that with my now 4 year old..but i remember that phase..UGH! i had to lock the door for a week..til he was sleep trained to stay in there..now we co sleep b/c i switched bedrooms and i'm single mom and was laying awake every night wondering if he was ok..so ... anyway..now he goes to bed easily at night..i leave the bedside light on..he reads his bug mag or plays on my iphone with the aps or leapfrog and is out in like 10 minutes..i lay in there too and look at his magazines or read a book and we tell stories..he's into ghost stories..
i also have a little chihuahua and my dog will lay on his doggy bed in the room..
i leave the door open ...you'll get thru this phase its a tough one..my son used to wake at 5am..ugh! now he goes to bed late..like around 10:30/11..and wakes up at 10:30am..goes to preschool 2 afternoons a week ...just have to work on sleep training your son not to come out..try leaving the door open with the hall light on...and giving him something to occupy his mind til he nods out.
good luck
xo
if you can deal with the crying for a few days put a safty gate across his door way. we had to do this. he could see out and know we were in the house but had to stay in bed. it works. but as soon as they know they can cry and you will come sleep with them they will do it. if you can avoid locking the door don't do it. we had to with my son we put a hook and eye lock on. he would slip out and get out of the house. the gates didn't work for him. but did for all 3 of our others. you will only need the gate for a short time though.
