2 Year Old Wonders House at Night

A.,

You could put a baby gate across the outside of her door. That way if she feels the need to wander, she can wander her nice safe room.

Melissa

We put a lock on the door of our two year old twins' door. We just switched out the door knob with a standard bathroom-type knob. (Then we hung the "key" (a slim metal stick) inside their bedroom and also outside the bathroom - just in case they ever lock themselves in there or US in their bedroom!) We also put a dead bolt on all of the doors leading outside that requires a key to unlock it because I have been terrified that my kids could get outside and get hit by a car ever since I saw a news report of a toddler getting out in the middle of night and getting killed by a hit and run driver.

And there IS no added fire danger implicated here (in fact, I would argue that there is LESS danger. First, the door is closed which reduces the risk of smoke inhalation - the number one killer. Second, the locked door ensures that the child is contained within that room - neither the parent nor fire rescue will have to waste precious minutes searching the house for the child). Young children do NOT escape from a burning house on their own. They have to be physically taken out of their room and their home in the unlikely event of a fire. The type of lock I'm talking about on their bedroom door does not impede entry for even a millisecond. The simple act of turning the knob pops the lock and opens the door - so even if a stranger (like a fire fighter) needs to gain access the lock won't even be noticed.

And the risks associated with an unsupervised toddler having free roam of the house - and possibly access to outside far exceeds the extremely slight fire danger.

With a gate across her doorway! :)

Furthermore...there's really no reason for her to HAVE to get out on her own...the fire-risk is for others to be able to get IN. (Which is one reason why children should NEVER be locked in their room at night.) I agree with you, on a moral/emotional basis that being able to open her door to SEE out and be heard better, IS very important.

There's 2 kinds of gates I'm thinking of...one is the regular child/large-dog gate (don't laugh!! dog gates not only have more options, come in larger sizes, but are also built tougher. Hmmm...3 year old v. Great Dane?), another kind is the type that is designed to make windows safe and actually screws into the wall (as a semipermanent fixture).

Why I bring up the kind that screws into the wall, is that it sticks out into the hall by a few inches, allowing you to be able to close her door @ bedtime/naptime if that's what you already do.

My commendations for realizing this is a potentially deadly problem (drowning, crushing, electrocution, etc...and that's only if she stays loose INSIDE), and for seeking solutions quick.

~Z.

My first reaction was to think that locking the door was not a good idea. Now, I like Karen's idea of using a bathroom door lock with the push button on the hall side.

I've read several times that we should not lock our children in and I don't think that's always true. I think the reason experts make this all inclusive recommendation is that there are some parents who lock their kids in and then "forget" about them. I've been to many homes where that has happening. I also think that locking a child in their room as punishment is inappropriate. They get scared and then cannot deal with the reason they're in there.

Adults get scared when they're locked in or out. My bathroom door had a sticky old lock on it. My cousin, in his 40's couldn't get it to turn and yelled for help. I went to the door and reassured him that it would work and he did get out but his face was red and sweaty. I took the lock out.

My adopted daughter, as a child, locked me out of the house a couple of times. I was angry not only because I was concerned about her welfare and why she was locking me out but also because I felt helpless.

My granddaughter sometimes locks me out of the car. Again I feel angry and helpless. She thinks it's funny.

When my granddaughter was 2 or 3 I locked her in her bedroom in an attempt to enforce a time out. She paniced, screamed, kicked, tried every way she could to get out. Locking kids in as discipline is not effective because they become fearful, feel helpless and then become angry because of the door. They aren't able to deal with the reason they're in a time out.

After reading your message tonight I wondered if she sleep walks. That when she screams it's when she wakes up. Keeping her in her room is especially necessary if that's true. She's not awake and will not recognize and respond to her surroundings. I've heard that sleep walking can also be common amoung children.

I also agree with the assessment of danger if there is a fire. Having the door shut has always been recommended by the fire department. Locking it would keep the child in her room so that she could be found easier.

I covered a fire, in which a toddler died, in a mobile home park. The adult couldn't find her and had to leave. The firemen found her hiding under a bathroom sink. She had found the smallest space in which to crawl. The adult didn't think to look there. Firemen always look in small spaces for children. They feel safer in small enclosed spaces. If the child can't get out of their room they will still panic but their is only one room in which to look for them.

I would like to add that the likelihood of a family house fire is a very small percentage. We just take precautions because it can happen. However, one doesn't need to be fearful as they do so.

I went through a similar problem with my now almost 5 yr old! So after several attemps at gates (he would just climb over) and door knob thingy on inside(he would take off) So i went to the hardware store and bought one of those window door alarms(chimes) operated by battery. So when he would open the door the alarm would go off until the door was closed. So he soon learned to stay in his room until mommy came and got him.
Of course I had a 2 way baby monitor in his room and he would talk to me though monitor and i would tell him to lay back down (sometimes coming in room or not) and others letting him know i was on my way.

Hi A.,

I know you've already updated, but I also want to second the baby gate idea. There are several you can get that are a one-handed operation, that you can open quickly without having to remove the whole gate, or step over, so that you don't have to fuss with opening it.

I'd do like what the other mom said and baby-proof and section off a part of the house if you can, rather than only the room. Just close and make inaccessible the bathroom(you'd be amazed at how quickly kids can scale a bathroom sink and get to the medicines and open them, even "child-proof" ones--I've seen it, or the results, anyway), and any other rooms you don't want her wandering into.

If you're dead set against the child gate, then I also like the idea of some kind of lock on the door and a baby monitor(do the hook and eye type lock on the outside, that way you can't be locked in, and the door could be gotten into quickly and relatively easily in a fire) so you can still hear the baby, and talk to your daughter if needed, and I also liked the screen door idea.

You have several excellent ideas here, all very good, and all cover different aspects of the various dangers of her wandering.

I'd also like to second the idea that maybe she's sleep-walking and you might have her checked for it. My brother used to sleep walk, and it was pretty scary. I had to stop him from leaving the house several times, and we all know stopping a sleep walker can be dangerous in and of itself. He wouldn't remember anything even seconds after he woke up. He never got physically dangerous, but think what would have happened if he'd made it into the street!

All excellent suggestions here. I hope you find one that works for your family and for your little girl.

K. W

I know you said you didn't want to childproof the inside of her door, but that's what we had to do to keep our little girl in her room. There's no door lock (I would be nervous of it getting jammed) but the door knob cover works perfectly for her room. Her door sticks normally, so it's enough to make it too hard for her to open it. She had started getting out to play after going to the bathroom. She did freak out that she couldn't go potty, so we moved her little potty in her room. It's been wonderful - she uses the potty when she needs to and still has her items that we know about in her room. But now we don't worry about her playing in the kitchen or getting into things we can't supervise. Plus, she's sleeping much better now.

Having her door closed with a door-knob cover is no different than when she was in a crib and we had to come get her. It's safer if there was a fire (in fact, the fire department recommends sleeping with the door closed so the fire is contained to the area it started). And, she won't risk hurting herself on things you don't know she's getting into.

Our little girl is SUPER independent and hates when we open the door for her. So now we just turn the knob and push enough so it's not latched and she comes out when she's ready. She loves the independence and is always happy to tell us that she woke up! :-)

I don't know if you're still looking for responses, but I have a couple other ideas for you....
First, make sure there is a light on somewhere, whether it's a hall, bathroom, or even a night light. We keep a lamp on downstairs in our living room and the light is enough to illuminate upstairs but not be intrusive.
Instead of a gate on her room, maybe try a gate that would section off an entire area, for instance, a locking gate at the top of the stairs if you have them. Then she would have an area to "wander" without risk of hurting herself.
A similar option to a gate on her door would be a screen door, which I have heard of parents doing to keep pets out of baby's rooms. For some reason that was the first thing I thought of, but I don't know if it's helpful at all!

This might sound terrible, but we turn the doorknob around on our boys' door, and lock them in at bedtime. I'm not putting them back to bed a hundred times every night. We unlock it before we go to bed. Unless she's potty trained and goes to the bathroom at night, she really has no business wandering the house. She'd be a lot safer in her room. You wouldn't be tripping over anything either. I assume you keep a baby monitor in there to hear the little one...

My daughter wouldn't lay down to bed in her room. She would just get up from her big girl bed. So we finally just got a door knob lock. The plastic kind that fits over a regular knob. You just have to squeeze it to open it. We didn't change out the knob. I would hate to think that I may or she may lock us both in the bedroom. My daughter is over 2 now and still hasn't figured it out. It did take about a week before she would just go to bed and stay in her bed/room. But it worked. The gate didn't work for us because she just got more freaked out that she could see out and not go out.

i put a gate in my daughters doorway.

Maybe put a baby gate in her doorway, and leave the door open, so that she can still call if she needs you, and you will hear her, but she won't get out unless you open the gate.