Survey- Do You Lock Your Child in Their Room for Nap/rest & Bedtime?

I would never put them in a room and shut the door in a way they couldn't get out if there was an emergency. I do know people who have gated their children in their rooms, and that seems okay to me because you can clearly see the child and in the event of an emergency you could see what was going on.

I would not want my children to feel that they were trapped in a room behind a locked door. I'd much rather put a gate up in their door way and keep the door open so that they will stay put but they haven't lost that connection with me and the rest of the house.

I have never heard of this before. When my girls were big enough to nap w/o being in a crib, they did exactly that. I don't know if I agree with this locking the door. Perhaps a gate would be safer in cases where something is needed to keep the child in the room.

Of course not.
Kids... are not prisoners.
Kids... are not objects to treat as caged animals.
Kids.... are not zoo animals to take out or put away, just according to capricious whims or adult intolerance.

Kids, are kids.

My kids nap. My son, does so everyday. I do not have to lock him in.
My 8 year old daughter, will nap if she is tired.
I never have to lock them up or threaten them or punish them.
They nap.
We have a routine.
They know what nap or bedtime is.
Naps or bedtime, are not 'punishments' for them. It is rest.
It is not something done "to" them... just so Mommy can get them out of my hair.
It is nap. Or quite time.

And yet... if you had posted that your toddler gets out of bed in the middle of the night and roams the house... what would your response have been?

Put up a gate.

From working in the ER here are some super fun things we've had toddlers come in for in the middle of the night after getting out of bed:

- Drowning (typically in the toilet)
- Head injuries
- Broken bones (usually from climbing things -bookcases, tables, stairs, etc and falling off... sometimes from pulling on something - usually chairs, oddly enough- that land on them. Dining room chair meets ribs = more punctured lungs from broken ribs than I would have thought possible)
- Burns (sometimes from burners/ovens, sometimes from instant hot water)
- CO2 poisoning (from turning on a gas burner but it not lighting)
- Cuts and stabwounds (knives and scissors... one pair of scissors to eyes)
- Choking (eating food and non food objects)
- Perforated Esophagus or Intestines (from swallowing objects)
- Poisoning
- Parental Paranoia (parents wake to find toddler up and house thrashed and have no clue what they've been doing)
- 1 run over by car (had exited home and wandered off to play in the street).

My nephew was very nearly in the last category. By 2 he could drag chairs over to the front door, undo the deadbolt, chain, and top lock (at very top of door) and was found (more than once) 3 stories down playing in the parkinglot, and one time in someone's stick shift car he'd knocked into neutral and it had rolled down the street but fortunately crashed into another parked car before hitting traffic.

My SIL was going out of her mind.

She finally locked him in his room at night, and was reported to CPS. NOT because of the toddler in the street at 3am... but because of the lock on his bedroom door. She called me in tears, she was setting her alarm every hour to wake up to make sure he was asleep (he'd wake up randomly, he was never "up" at the same time). We did some headscratching and finally settled on 2 dog gates stacked on top of each other (dog gates are sturdier and taller than baby gates).

IMHO, there's very little difference between a dog gate across a doorway and a crib. My son never needed one... but man oh man... my nephew we were about to lose it over.

Yes I did. I used to put a childproof knob on the inside of the door to their room so that I would know where they were at all times. If it was naptime or bedtime we would close the door all the way so that we didn't have to worry about them wandering aound the house when they awoke or at night. All 3 of my kids were out of their cribs at a young age and didn't know the house "rules" yet. There were times that I would need to shower or nap myself and I didn't want the worry of them getting into danger or falling down the steps while I was sleeping or showering and couldn't hear them. I knew that their rooms were safe and they were happy in there, therefore I could do what I needed to do and they were safe. That's what was important to me!
Now that my oldest is 6 and my youngest is 3 they obviously don't need to be kept in their rooms any longer. I would say that by the time my oldest was 3 I'd taken the lock off of her door and by the time she was 4 all the locks were off because I knew if there was a problem she would come get me.

Edit:
Wow, after reading some of the other responses I can't believe that people think this is neglectful! My children have never been neglected in any way and are loved beyond all comparison.
Simply because a parent wants to keep a child safe at night or during naptime is not neglectful. My children never ever felt trapped or unloved. When they would wake up from napping or in the morning they would knock on the door to let us know they were up and we'd get them immediately. If we got up first we'd open the door for them. Also, I can't do baby gates at the top of the steps in my house because of the risk of me falling down the steps (due to spinal issues) so it was just another way of making sure the kids were where they are supposed to be and gave me piece of mind to sleep soundly! This is in no way neglectful.
If I may add one more thought...a friend of mine has a 3 year old child who she used to "put to sleep" every night when he was younger and then "sneek" out. Well now he is 3 and she sleeps with him everynight because he is afraid to be alone, and thinks if he fell asleep with mommy then mommy should be there in the middle of the night when he wakes. So, now she's just stuck sleeping with him because he expects it. My children on the other hand learned at a very young age to sleep in their own beds by themselves and now sleep soundly through the night 99% of the time.

We did this with my son for a long time, and our pediatrician is the one that told us to do it. He had climbed out of his crib and refused to sleep in a bed and was out of his room constantly. He climbed over gates, including the stair gate, removed those protective door knobs in 30 seconds flat, and could easily work the dead bolt on the front door at age 2. I know some people will say it is unsafe, but when they were infants we put them in a crib that they couldn't exit without help no matter how much they wanted to . The locked room is just a larger crib in my opinion. After a while he started to like being locked in there and wouldn't sleep unless we locked the door. We no longer have to do it, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. Honestly, there are a lot of judgmental mommies out there. Its great that you all haven't had to deal with a climber or a roamer or worry about safety. At least if a fire broke out I would know where he was. Things work differently for every family so don't judge your friend. Who knows, she may think lots of things of you for your "VERY different" child rearing methods.

Have not. Have used a baby gate while training to stay in toddler bed. His door was at the top of the stairs and for obvious reasons did not want him wandering the house at night.
But I've gotta say, what your friend describes sounds a little neglectful to me. OK--a lot neglectful.

I find it interesting that so many people believe a child is not safe when locked in a room during an emergency. Actually, a child is significantly safer when contained in his room for most emergencies. For example, if there is a fire, you do not want the child running out of his room into a smoke-filled/fire-filled area -- you do not want you child moving about the house unattended. If there is an intruder issue, do you not want the child entering into the situation. The list goes on.

The perception of safety (or lack of safety) is very misguided.

Hi Rachel K...to answer your myriad of questions: Most household fires start in the kitchen or around the furnace, hot water heater or other gas appliances. (Not to mention that most people ensure their baby's or toddler's room is 100% safety-proofed from fire hazards.) Also, most people make sure that windows in their infant and toddler's rooms are completely secure -- again, no hazard. Nevertheless, if a child is going to climb out a window, it seems mutually exclusive to the door being locked...don't you think? I'm pretty sure the stories of children climbing and falling out of windows have nothing to do with the door being locked. Along those same lines, if someone is able to break into your children's room to kidnap your child without anyone else in the house knowing, it doesn't really matter if the door is locked or not, does it? Again, the stories of those few abductions had nothing to do with the door being locked.

I am presenting information about safety -- not a point of view of whether you should or shouldn't use a door lock. You obviosuly feel very strongly...but there's really no point in arguing with objective safety data.

When my daughter started crawling out of her crib we got her a regular bed, put in a video monitor (mounted high in a corner of the room so I could see most of the room) and put a child-proof lock on the inside of the door knob. Some people mentioned it being a fire hazard that she couldn't get out - but until she could climb out of her crib she also couldn't get out in case of a fire. I child-proofed her room and watched her on the monitor while she was falling asleep. We also had rules - in the morning she'd go into her room for quiet play time, but in the afternoon it was nap time and she was expected to stay in her bed (I'd explain this to her and then kept going in to put her back in her bed super-nanny style until she got the message). Worked great for us. But my daughter has always been a very independent sleeper and though she's a super-energetic 2 year old, she's always really valued her quiet and nap times.

After reading the other responses I just want to say that I'm not sure where people get the idea that babies and kids who fall asleep by themselves (door locked, unlocked, or completely open) are left to cry themselves to sleep. Both my kids (2 years and - gasp - 3 months) fall asleep on their own, in their own rooms, with the door closed every night without any tears at all. Don't you fall asleep by yourself at night without crying and carrying on?

My goodness other than a situation like the one the Cdm2kk describes below, which to me is a loving, safe and sane response to a possible safety issue I can't imagine locking a child in a room. Putting a baby gate at the door, certainly but locking a child in during the day when there should be an adult awake and alert to keep a little wanderer safe and bring back to the room to nap, etc. is just not right. Sounds like your friend needs to work on a routine where her child will settle down for rest or a nap without being locked behind a closed door. I would imagine that it feels awful for a child.

No, we do not lock or gate the room off. I used to close the door, simply for the noise factor...didn't want to wake him up. But all of a sudden he freaks out if the door is shut.

We are pretty lucky. Our little guy goes into bed and doesn't roam. So it has never really been an issue.

I don't think locking a kiddo in the room is the answer...perhaps getting him/her to stay in the bed is a better avenue to pursue?

I never, ever considered locking the door. Our doors do not have locks on them as we don't need them. We laid down with our daughter to nap most days.

I can't think of anything I've done to or with my daughter that I wouldn't be OK with if done to me. I certainly would not be OK with being locked in a room for any reason.

We taught our kids not to tantrum or get out of bed. Locking them in is weird and unsafe.

No, I am a wuss for definite, I lie or sit with my girl till she falls asleep, then creep out - like you lol
I can't imagine leaving your baby to cry scared and lonely, and imprisoned!

No I hate locks on doors we don't have locks on any of our 4 bedroom doors we have a lock for the bathroom & that is it,which the kiddos understand not to ever lock it unless I say it is ok but have the key right there for the just in case I need to get in.We lock our front/back door the kiddos have been taught how to unlock them or throw something out the window just in case of an emergency.I have in-laws who are Fireman & a Retired Cheif as a FIL & locking children their rooms is a huge no no (a fire breaks out in your home & just by chance your child can't get out of the room they are in because they were locked in & you can't get to them how would you feel then?)
Now can't say I have never had issues with getting my kiddos to stay in theri bed I have had my share but all it takes most of the time is potty time, i'll tuck them in,read a book then turn on their music

I would say that you should trust your instinct on this one. Not all families do things the same way. We never locked or gated our little ones in their rooms. It took a lot of patience to teach them to obey by staying in bed, but it was worth the work to do it. I want my children to be able to access me anytime they need to. The hard part is teaching them the difference between a need and a want. ;)

No. I think they should be able to get out of their room. Especially during the night when I am asleep too. If something happens and they are scared, sick or whatever they shouldn't be where they can't get out and get to you.
C.

I will close the door but I don't lock it. We did use a few baby gates but that was when he was sleep walking. I want my kids to be able to exit their rooms in case there is ever an emergency.

Sarahjane- please tell me what happens when a fire starts in your Childs room and they cannot get out because they are locked in, or someone breaks into that room children have been kidnapped out of their own bedroom windows, or they are locked in to take a nap but manage to climb and fall out the window, or they are throwing up but are locked in, they need to pee but are locked in my youngest night trained at 2 hrs old if I had to unlock a door he would have peed himself before getting to the bathroom. If you ask me it's lazy parenting to lock a child in a room.

God yes. Otherwise he'd never stay in his room. We do the same for bedtime.

Going to have to stop doing that now that we're potty training. Looking for a plan B. But yes, locking DS (3) in his room has been the only way we can get him to stay in bed.

Hi B.,

I know a friend who does this as well. This method is not for me. I lay with my son at nap time and bed time until he falls asleep and then I put him in bed. He is almost 2 1/2. If he wakes in the middle of the night, he comes out of his room and heads for mine. A lot of nights he ends up in bed with me and my hubby. It's a sweet way for him to fall asleep. And sometimes, when it's been a rough day, I feel like it's a good way for us to let go of all that frustration and just relax. Bed time is definitely NOT a stressful time in this house. Right now, I wouldn't change a thing :)
Good question!

I never shut my daughters door and shes 2 1/2. Like you i worry about everything but i do put a baby gate on her door for bed time only and i wont go to sleep until i know she is sound asleep. Then my hubby gets up and leaves for work at 6am and he goes and checks on her and takes her gate down so when she gets up she comes straight to mommys bed and lays with me and watches some cartoons. Never would i shut there door and then put a child proof door knob on the door that is just crazy.

I used to have a knob cover on the inside but my older boy knocked it off too many times. So yes, I lock the door from the outside. My kids are 2 1/2 and 4 and our doors are about 2 feet apart. If they need us, we can hear them. My oldest knocks on his door if he needs to use the bathroom at night. Our upstairs landing is very small and I am more concerned about nighttime wandering. Both boys are also able to unlock and open all the doors in the house and I would be terrified that they might go down the stairs half asleep and/or leave the house without waking us up. (My husband had found our oldest downstairs when I forgot to lock the door and this is the same child who as a toddler pushed our cat out a window and climbed out after him). If our house size/structure were different or if our stairs were set-up so we could just gate the top, I might not. It works just fine for us and they have no phobias or issues with it and like to close the door on me when I leave before I lock it. I only stay until they are asleep if I'm too tired to move, but after we snuggle they usually ask me to leave. When I'm awake and they can get up anytime I usually leave the door unlocked.

I do shut the door when my son is napping/bedtime. However, I always listen to the baby monitor to hear what he is doing until he falls asleep. After he falls asleep, I always check on him.

My son also needed a lot of attention to go to bed, nap, etc when he was younger. But he also constantly got out of bed and if he woke up in the middle of the night, he'd wander around. Waking up at 3am with his angelic face right next to mine in my room was a shocking way to wake up. I knew some parents that switched the doorknobs around their kids' room so that they could lock the door from the outside. The thought of this terrified me! I knew I couldn't do that when my boy kept getting out of bed and wandering around at all hours of the day and night. If I were the kid, the thought of trying to open the door and being trapped was horrifying. But I can understand the parental motives behind doing it. It's for the child's safety...not for the parent's convenience.

Instead, we knew we had to keep him semi-contained while we were sleeping or when he was supposed to be sleeping. So, we went with putting a walk-through extra tall gate at his door. So, he could open the door and look out, but not actually get out and get into trouble. This way, we could soothe him to sleep and creep out slowly, leaving the door open (so that he would know we were there and he could still feel a part of everything--somehow that was soothing to him), but latching the gate. This way, he could see out and we could see in to make sure all was well. For a long time, he would get out of bed and sit at the door, eventually falling asleep on the floor (kind of pitiful, but kind of cute, too). And we'd cover him there and let him sleep. Eventually, he realized that he didn't like sleeping on the floor and he started staying in bed. As he consistently stayed in bed when he was supposed to be in bed, we eventually removed the gate (I think we had the gate up from when he was 2 until he was about 3 1/2).

As my daughter gets transitioned to a toddler bed in the next 6+ months, I'll likely put the gate back up for her safety as well. We'll see how she reacts. She certainly hasn't been as anxious to climb out of her crib as her big brother was, so hopefully it'll all work out ok.

In the end, though, it's whatever works best for your kid's needs and your family's needs.

I wouldn't even think of doing that personally. I wouldn't mind using the gate as we have animals that I will not allow into her room.. but I just can't imagine locking them in.

No, and I don't think i'm a wuss for not doing it either.
I have always let my baby roam free. When I am in the shower she has access to the living room, and her room...I leave the bathroom door open. When it's time for sleep I sit in there and read to her then leave. I close her door almost all the way but leave it cracked.
She's been doing this for the last year, and at 2 is still ok. She's never given me a reason to think she has to be contained in one area (and yes she climbs). I guess I lucked out. =)

NEVER EVER DO THAT! That is a safety and fire hazard! I know some people who lock or gate a door till the child falls asleep but they take it off after that. If there is a fire or other emergency you or someone else need to get in there QUICKLY! And if the child is old enough- he/she needs to be able to get out in an emergency. Guess that is enough for my rant! Parents need to parent and watch their kids....

Wow, seems dangerous! Kids need help working through these things...they don't need to feel isolated and alone. I pray that you don't use these tactics!

If you are going to do either do the gate, so at least you can check on them. I knew a family that used to lock the kids in their rooms. One night dad was in charge(mom was away for the weekend) and he locked the 2 year old in her room. She cried, which was normal, but he never went back and checked on her. She had fallen, hit her face and broke her 2 front teeth out and laid there all night bleeding. Dad found her in the morning and had to rush her to the E.R. She is fine now, but they never did it again.
Good luck

Updated

If you are going to do either do the gate, so at least you can check on them. I knew a family that used to lock the kids in their rooms. One night dad was in charge(mom was away for the weekend) and he locked the 2 year old in her room. She cried, which was normal, but he never went back and checked on her. She had fallen, hit her face and broke her 2 front teeth out and laid there all night bleeding. Dad found her in the morning and had to rush her to the E.R. She is fine now, but they never did it again.
Good luck

I lock my two year old twins in their room for naps and bedtime. It is for their own safety! Now that they can open doors, I do not trust them in the living room by themselves. They always wake up before we do, and I'm scared they'll get into something before I know they're awake. Even though the entire house is child-proofed, I've learned very quickly that kids will always find something that's not. So, my kids are locked in their room. As a safety note, my kids only have a bed in their room, nothing else.

I just began putting mine in their own beds at naptime, so that I can workout.
My 13 month old is in his crib, with the door closed, and I have the safety knob on the outside. That way my 3 year old doesn't go in there. My 3 year old is in his bed with the door open. I have been laying in his extra bed until he falls asleep.

not no but he** no what if there is a fire and they cant get out noway whatso ever never no no no

Wow - I recognized my daughter in a lot of the responses from mom's who "locked" Our daughter pole vaulted out of her crib at 16 or 17 months so we had to put her in a toddler bed. Nothing could keep her contained (including child proofing knobs from the inside) She would not nap, which was dangerous in it's own right - a toddler who is sleep deprived?

Was no surprise when she was diagnosed with ADHD. Our pediatrician also recommended a lock for nap time. We would have never resorted to this for our oldest. Different methods for different kids....

I did. I first started doing it with my oldest because his bedroom door was right next to some steep stairs and I didnt want him to walk out and fall down the stairs at night. Then when we moved I stopped until he was found outside at 2am sitting crying next to a very busy road just before he turned 3. My oldest is a sleep walker and he managed to unlock the door and the chain lock and got outside. Luckily my friend had a friend leaving her house and brought my son inside not knowing what to do with him. Anyway, after that I started locking all little kids in their rooms at night because it made me feel better. I stopped when they started with potty training at night but I wake up at the littlest noise now.

The only kind of lock I will use with our kids, are the child safety locks on car doors so they can't open them from the inside. I'm sorry, but I think putting a cover over the door knob is mean. Putting up a baby gate is better, at least the kid can see out. I think things that happen to children when they are young, can follow them into adulthood and locking them in their room is cruel and torture. Parents need to be careful what they do to youg children, they are SO impressionable.

My children are older now, but when they were young we gated them in at naptime and bedtime. It wasn't to keep them in, but to keep the dogs out. Without the gate, the dogs (one in particular) would go in and nose them awake. We still use the gate in one section of our house for the dogs even though no one is napping anymore. We never locked our kids in their rooms though, and they were easy sleepers so we just tucked them in, shut the gate for the dogs, and that was it. Our youngest had/has night terrors, but we have always been able to hear him and get to him as soon as they start since his door isn't shut. I think you just have to do what is right for your family.

i lock the door, for bedtime, my daughter and i share a room she is now in a toddler bed, and in the middle of the night she enjoys to make midnight adventures through the house with out waking me up, so the door is locked on the inside with a safety cover. she wakes me up if she has to go potty

It sounds like you and your friend's child just have different sleeping personalities. My son will not go to sleep if he knew he could get up out of his bed and have free access to an open door. He will also NOT fall asleep if there is anybody within earshot of him. Your daughter may like having you there to soothe her to sleep, but not all toddlers are like this. My son gets irritated when we are in the room with him and he's tired--he can't shut his mind off enough to calm down if he's getting the least bit of attention.

We were a co-sleeping family until we realized my son (and now my 5 month old daughter) prefer to put themselves to sleep and to sleep by themselves. It broke my heart when they stopped wanting me to hold them when they're sleeping. My daughter will arch her back and scream when she's done nursing---then will immediately calm down, curl up in her bed and smile while drifting off to sleep on her own. It sounds like your friends child is probably the same way and will not settle down at all unless she is left in a solitary room. It doesn't mean you're a better/more attentive parent--she's doing what gets her child the rest they need.

I don't see how locking a child in their room is any different then keeping them in a crib. So is nobody ever supposed to keep their babies/toddler in a crib just in case a fire occurs and the parents completely forget to GO GET THEIR CHILD from their bed before running out of the house? It's not like kids in danger are completely silent. I'm sure your friend has a monitor in their room or is close by so she can hear what's going on in there.

We have a gate with clear plexi-glass in the middle, that we use. It's really to keep the dogs out. My son is really independent and it doesn't bother him. His bedroom is across the hall from ours and we can always see in.

As soon as my children became completely restless during nap time, I stopped giving them naps. More time would be spent getting them TO sleep than the actual sleep itself. If the 2 1/2 year old isn't sleepy on her own, then I say skip the nap entirely! There's no need to enforce a nap on a child that isn't sleepy enough.

...and I'm a SAHM with four kids, I KNOW how great it can be to get that little break in the middle of the day. My youngest (now 2 1/2) just started playing instead of resting her entire nap time, and then by the time she may have wanted to sleep, it was time to pick up her sisters from school. I tried again and again- she still just played, so that was it, she didn't want/need a nap anymore! Instead we just spend our time together then.

We did lock DS in his room once we got rid of his crib b/c it became a game to him to see how many times he could come out of his room. One day I put a mark on a piece of paper how many times I took him and put him back in bed at nap time. 76 times!!! No joke! So yes his toys were put away and the door was locked. I had a video monitor so I could watch him at all times. Was amazing how fast he started going to sleep once he knew his "game" was over. Now that he is a older his door is unlocked.

Ok I honestly do not see how it is any different to put a baby/child in the crib and close the door(which a lot of people do). They can not get out of the crib . When our second son was 15 months he climbed out from the crib(we did not know about crib tents then). So we had a mattress on the floor, toys , 100% baby proofed room and baby monitor up high where he could not reach it(battery powered). Gates did not work for him, he could scale one at 12 months. So yes, we had a child proof top on the handle. At nap/bed time we would say night night, put him on the mattress and close the door. I could hear him play for couple of min and then fall asleep.
Later on we got a crib tent and would zip him up in it. We cosleep for the first tear, then from age 1 to 3 they like their own space and after 3 they end up in our bed again(we do it backwards:))
So I do not see what the issue is with what your friend is doing.

When my child was in a crib l--until about age 2 I shut the door after she had fallen asleep--we are right next door so at a certain point a monitor was ridiculous.

Now that she is out of the crib I use a gate since her BR is on the second floor and she can't get down the steps by herself yet at almost age 3. I would be afraid she might sleepwalk or accidentally walk our at night and get disoriented and fall down the stairs. I don't gate the top of the stairs because by daycare regs you can't have a pressure gate at the top and I'd rather not have to drill to have a gate up at the top of the stairs there when I can use a pressure one in their room.

I used a gate from the day my daughter attempted to get out of her crib until she was 2. I am lucky that she never tried to open/jump the gate because I honestly don't know what would have done next.
We have 5 steps between their room (my 2 and 12 year old sleep in the same room) and our room, which we always leave open door.
Once we knew the toddler could perfectly walk down those 5 steps we took the gate.
However, she has never even come close to our bed because, for good or bad I wake up just with the open door noise...everytime!

We don't do it, but we have pretty unorthodox sleeping arrangements in our home and no child under 6 sleeps in a room without a parent nearby.

I have known parents who locked their kids in their rooms at night - and put earplugs in their own ears so they couldn't hear them crying. I didn't think highly of that. Since these are the only people I know who do it, that was my perception of it.

But after reading Riley J's comment...I can see how with some kids, it might be the safest choice. That is, however, the only reason I'd ever consider it - as a last resort safety measure for an escape artist.

I have never even considered it. When DS was 6 months old, we added on/remodeled our home and therefore had to consider all the interior doors. We have locks on one door to the master suite (have never used it but may as DS gets older and we get paranoid about our privacy - right now DS is 5) and one of the original bathroom doors has a lock. We have never used it - I think guests at parties do so we did not remove it.

We used a plexiglass baby gate in his door frame and once he was potty trained moved it to the hall so he could access his bedroom and the bathroom but not the rest of the house. I never felt comfortable closing the door to his room and this allows me to look in without waking him up.

nope, we have a very open door-co sleeping-close knit family life

Please stop the judgment! We are all doing the best we can!

I would never lock a child in any room.

I have a gate but most of the time don't have to use it (I only use it when she refuses to go to sleep before 11pm). I definitely could not shut them in the room, I would feel guilty and start relating it to me, like I would be petrified if someone locked me in a room I couldn't get out of. With the gate she'll come tell me if something's wrong (come to the gate) and I can fix it. I think in the past month I've used the gate at the door once, but she watches a movie in my bed and falls asleep to the movie. She co-sleeps with me :) I would worry to death if I shut the door and couldn't check in on her (inconspicuously) to make sure she is okay. I do have a gate in front of the bathroom all the time but that's because the litter box is in there :)

I agree with Sarah, I don't go to sleep until she is sound asleep.

She takes naps on her own will though, mostly at 1230ish

My mind always wanders to the extremes, like what if someone broke in the house through his/her window? Guess who is stuck in the room with a burglar because he/she can't run to you instead.

Oh and with the gate, she can open it by herself (with the latch arm facing out, away from her) so it's a mental thing with her... she sees the gate and knows it seriously is time to go to sleep.

No offense to you (I know she is your friend) but I agree with Denise P.

no way. Mine aren't even allowed to have toys in their rooms during nap time or night time. I put a clock in there and said not to come up until it said 3:00 (nap from 1-3) and to stay in the bed. Our oldest eventually went to sleep if he didn't immediately go to sleep. I can always tell when he doesn't sleep because he comes out at 3:01! LOL He's getting older and doesn't always sleep, but he knows it's time to rest, so he stays in his bed. He sometimes reads a book, but he usually just stays in his bed and plays with the stuffed animals that he sleeps with.

our youngest just goes to sleep, so we haven't had to set the clock in her room yet, but it will eventually come as she gets older.

My son would have been so scared to know that if something were to happen, he couldn't get to us, and he would have gone into panic mode. We have a friend who tied a bungee cord from their son's door handle to the bathroom door handle across the hall so he couldn't open it. i just can't imagine that being okay. but that's only my opinion.

I compromised. I switched the door to my son's room to a screened door (like on a porch?) My hubby thought I was crazy, but it kept DS in, and the cats out. And YES, it was latched shut so he couldn't come out. And he would ALWAYS want to come out. (We "cried it out" a few times, too.)

When he started potty training, we didn't latch it anymore, but he was required to ask permission to come out during naptime and nighttime.

Now he is 4.5, and goes to bed with his door closed - no problem, because he's used to having a door. We've switched back to a regular solid door and explained to him that it is safer in case of a fire, and "more private" for him - should he wish to "stay up" a little longer at night, "reading" books or playing quietly. I pretend I can't hear him when he "stays up", as long as he is in his room getting ready for bed.

BONUS! He understands that mommy & daddy's door is the same as his - that he should knock when it's closed and wait until we answer him before entering!! :)

Yes I shut her dooor. Yes there is a child safety lock on the door. Yes she is an excellent sleeper. I'm a "cry it out" momma. My daughter is 4 and sleeps very well. She is independent and is not afraid of the dark. My daughter has been sleeping in her own room since she was 3 weeks old. When she was 3 months old we sleep trained her in the CIO method. She learned to self soothe and was sleeping through the night in a couple of weeks. I never let her sleep in my bed. She has her room, I have mine. We close our door at night too. Her room is across the house from ours and I cannot hear her from our room so I still have her video monitor on every night. If she wakes and needs me she calls to me. If she wakes and doesn't need me she will read books that are near her bed or play with her "guys" that are in her bed. She will not get up for the day unless my husband or I tell her it is time to get up. We set this routine from a very early age. I believe that good sleep is very important for a healthy, happy child.

This being said, I am the parent and I make the best choice for my child just as other parents make the best choices for their children. I need routine and a predictable outcome. My husband and I work full time and dd goes to daycare, so sleep is precious and needed for all of us to function as a happy productive family. DH and I decided early on that sleep training was in and co-sleeping was out after watching our nephew at age 8 still not being able to sleep in his own bed in his room. We decided our bed was a place for us to have time together because intimacy between us as a couple was just as important as time with our daughter. If we didn't have a good relationship, we wouldn't be the best parents...plain and simple FOR US. So good sleep habits for dd meant more time for my DH and I to spend together. A win-win for my family.

All children are different. It is important that you do what is best for your child and your family. Don't judge your friend. There are many healthy well adjusted children who slept with their doors closed who turned out to be independent adults...I'm one of them.

As for your friend, be supportive and listen to her. Hear her out. She may be feeling the same way about your methods. A true friend doesn't judge, but listens and lends a hand when asked.

I have a friend who did that bc her daughter was having night terrors and she was afraid she would get out of the room and hurt herself. Other than something like that, I just don't think it is the greatest plan. But I am sure there are things I do that other parents wouldn't, so to each his own I guess. But I don't think it sounds like a good idea at night...like in case of a fire.

I have 2 kids and never practiced that technique; we have a nap and bedtime routine in which I spend enough time with them to read a book, chat a little, sing a nap or night nite song and then bed time. Yes, it’s time consuming, but on the bright side it gives me quality time with them, plus the routine gives them reassurance that nap time was needed so they can be rested for the rest of the day and nite time is the time when we all go to sleep. I guess I was lucky, none of my 2 kids never climbed out of their crib, nor got out of their toddler bed during nap or nite time. Each parent has a different technique and should do whatever works for them and their child.

at one point we did this for our 3 1/2 yr old. She was up between 2 and 20 times every night. Most nights it was closer to 20 times. (eliminating milk from her diet solved the problem in the end)

Think of it this way - in a fire do you want your child to be able to get out and wander around the house? No, you want them to stay in their room where you know where to get them. There is NO reason for a child under 5 to need to get out of their room at nap or bedtime except to potty. If you child is the kind who can go 2 hours without pottying then locking them in their room is not unkind in any way.

Bedrooms are for sleeping. I recommend to any parent who is having a hard time having their child sleeping that they make the room VERY dark (I use black felt on the windows), eliminate all other light sources, eliminate all things except the bed and lovies from the room, and allow the child to go to sleep or at the very least spend that designated time alone in their room.
Yes they will HATE it at first, but they will learn that nap and bed times mean sleep or being in their room.

wow thats insane. Ive seen these locks on a couple rental places, and really wonder about the parents, have they no concern for their childs safety, eg in a fire? Im glad you dont do that.