To Separate Twins in First Grade... or Not?

I am a twin and have twins. My sister and I were together in kindergarten and separated in first grade. I put my daughters in the same kindergarten class. The teacher suggested I separate them in first grade because one was dependent on the other. When I told them they were going to be separated, they cheered. So even though they were just six, they knew they wanted to be apart. They are now 13 and very close friends. I did ask for them to be on the same "team" in middle school, because trying to keep track of their tests, assignments got confusing. They don't have classes together. I thought if they have the same team of teachers, their grades would be more comparable. We found in the past that different teachers grade differently.

I would ask the twins what they want to do and go with that. Hopefully they both want the same thing.

I have triplets and sought advice from other triplet moms.. they said "fight to keep them together". So I went in demanding that the be together in kindergarten...despite that the K teacher (20+yrs experiance) suggested I seperate them. It was discovered my son depended too much on his sisters..We finally seperated them by christmas break..(he did fine with the split..it made him come a little more independant.) So needless to say they were seperated in 1st and now in 2nd. They do well. I guess my suggestion to you is talk to the teachers especially the ones who have been teaching longer and get their advice...they have the experiance...if it doesn't work out either way...they can always be switched back....
On a personal note though...it broke my heart to seperate them I wanted them to be together..I didn't want them to be alone or lonely....(not that they would be it's just I had convinced myself that they would be) that was what I WANTED it was not what THEY NEEDED. I had to learn to let them try....they each ended up with the perfect teacher that fit their needs and personalities both years!
If you want to talk..email me!

Hope all goes well!

C. K

I'm interested to read the responses you get. My twins are two, but I've already worried about this issue a little. I would think that you're daughters dependence on her brother is a sign that they should be separated, but it probably could wait until second grade and maybe by then she'll have branched out a little more and it won't be so much of an issue. I would try the separate play dates though, that seems like it would be easier to ease into. Maybe invite a friend over for each and have them play in separate rooms or do different activities.

My first two children are 13 months apart. Seperating them might cause some anxiety, How about different activites dance/karate.classes. Start there. I also believe its very important for each child to have quiet time. Thats one thing i regret with my first two. Make them go and play by themselves, if they color read do puzzles, ANYTHING at least they are along and have QUIET time. This way they will already know what its like tn ot have have the other around ALL the time. Play dates not to sure maybe have them at your house. Different friends. Or maybe bring one of her girlfriend out with just you and go to a childrens museam or a park district activity.

My twins are together now in Kindergarten, but will definately be separated next year in first grade. There is to much competition between them and I think they need the time on their own to develop their own social skills. I asked them and they want different classrooms next year, which also made it an easy decision for us. We just feel like they have to much time together. I am a teacher and my husband is a twin. He was with his brother in Kindergarten and separated from 1gr-senior yr.

Hope this helps....

Hi J.,

So much seems to be changing in the educational arena. My friend's triplets, now in 3rd grade, are in the same classes by her choice. They also have 2 sets of twins in the same class and all is well. From what my friend Natalie told me, most child pyschologists believe that the kids will make the break themselves as they begin to search for independence and self-identity which sounds right to me. Hope this helps a little.

Blessings,
K. Hall

TheHallsEnterprises.wwdb.biz
1.877.399.8889

I too am curious about the answers you'll receive. My twins boy/girl are 21 months. First off, feel lucky that your school is willing work with you on keeping together/separate. It seems like a lot of schools have 'their' policy and you have to fight tooth and nail. Check out twinstuff.com - forum for moms of multiples :)

My twins sound similar to yours except in reverse. My dd is social & ds is MUCH more reserved/shy.

They are going to K in the fall. My first thought is to separate them. I want my son to gain more social independence, yet on the other hand I fear he may become more withdrawn....

If you separate yours, & it doesn't work out, I guess you can put them back together.

Hello J. P,
I was sent your email from my sister Valerie. I have twins now 14 yrs old..I separated them in the 3rd grade. I made sure that I told them that the entire year while in 2nd grade. yes there were tears but the J. that found about being away from each other was tremendous...they still saw each other sometimes at lunch..but each had their own accomplishments..I would have done it while they were in 2nd grade however I was military and we had just moved and I felt that was too much change. Go for it..they will do just fine!

I have a real long story about this, but I will keep it straight to the point. I have twin girls that are in 1st grade and in separate classes and it is for the best. I know your kids dont think it is such a good idea right now, but they each need to be independent-make other friends, etc. Even though my girls are in different classes they get to have lunch together and recess together. They pretty much have the same friends, but it gives them a break from each other too. Since my girls started 1st grade the fighting has decrease immensly!!! It is cute b/c everyday they talk about what they did in their respective class, where they sat in music or art or whatever it may be. I have to say that the biggest struggle for me with them being in different classes is the homework-they dont have the same homework, but we are dealing with that. I really think that splitting them up earlier is way better than waiting. One other thing that I considered in my struggle of keeping them together or not is this-there is so much competition between kids today(I am actually shocked, but thats a whole other story)-what if one of them is doing better than the other? They are always lumped together and you dont want one to be discouraged if the other is better at a certain subject. If they are in diff. classes they wont know(my one daughter is great at reading, but my other one needed help)-I just think there is less sibling rivalry. I could go on and on, but I wont. If you would like to talk you can email me. Good luck no matter what you choose!

I have identical twin boys. I kept them together in kindergarten, and I fought the school to keep them together in 1st grade. They are now finishing 1st grade, and I am SO happy I kept them together. They too were not ready to be seperated, and 1st grade is such a transition to begin with (gone from me all day and real hard school work)that I did not want them to miss the important stuff because of their anxiety. I felt that first grade set the "tone" for school. They learn to read, write, and begin math that year. It is a tough year and I did not want to add on another stress of being apart.
So I kept them together and it has been wonderful. I now feel comfortable separating them. More importantly, they are ready to go into different classes. I can only speak for my kids, but I am SO happy I kept them together.