To Moms of 5, 6, & 7 Year Olds

My 7 yo son "can" make his bed but he does not like to make his bed. It is against the wall so when he makes it--it's not perfectly made by any means--but I always praise him for doing a great job. (And I force myself not to re-make it!)

My son is 7 and makes his bed, although it is not very good, lol. I only fix it if we are having company. As far as dressing, he picks it out himself. I do make suggestions regarding the temp, like I told him to wear shorts today as it is suppose to be in the 90's. He tends to always pick tee shirts that are on the small side, lol. The only thing I will make him change is if he wears black socks with shorts, it's my pet peeve. Other then that I let it go.

Hi,
I wanted to give you my opinion on the "matching" clothing question. I have 3 daughters, ranging in age from the youngest being 7 yrs old, to the oldest who is now 20 yrs old. I will admit, when my oldest was younger, in preschool and kindergarten, I was one of those Mom's who made sure that everything matched, from her top and bottoms, to her socks, shoes, and even the hair tie she was wearing. I was big time into Gymboree because they had some pretty cool clothes and accesories out back then that you could mix and match. (Gap did too) When my second child came along, who is 3 yrs younger, I eased up a little. One day she dressed herself for preschool, I was in a hurry that day, and she came out in some really crazy unmatched outfit with leggings, a skirt, shorts, and a long sleeve top under a t shirt. Her hair was in a ponytail directly in the front of her head, like a unicorn's horn. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen! She looked hilarious! Well, she was so PROUD of her ensamble and the way she looked, I didn't have the heart to tell her that she had to change and fix her hair. I let her go to preschool that way. (what could it hurt, right?) That choice was the beginning of the end for me. I at that very moment made a choice to give up "control" with my girls clothing choices , mostly that is, and have let them decide ever since. Obviously I don't allow them to dress in things that are not appropriate for their ages, etc. However, by letting them have this freedom they have all seemed to be pretty reserved n the clothing area. None of them dress in some of the more provocative outfits that some of the kids do these days. (not that I would really allow that, but they don't want to) They all have a sense of style that is their own, and try to be DIFFERENT than the rest of their peers. It's pretty cool. My 17 yr old truly loves to wear things that make her stand out from the crowd. She is big time into theatre, so I guess that's the draw for her. It has taken a chore off of my check list daily, to get their clothes ready for the day, at least when they were little. (and still for the 7 yr old) My 9 yr old son picks out his own clothes for the most part too. One other note, my 7 and 9 yr old children are both special needs kids. They can still do this without any issue. With all of the other "jobs" that I have to do in a day, why not give up on this one. I prefer to choose my battles, and this isn't one of them. I do ask them to wear certain clothes on special occasions, such as photo days, etc. However, my 17 yr old daughter just had her senior pictures taken, something which is quite costly, and I had no say in her 4 outfits for those. I left it all up to her. I felt that her senior photos were supposed to represent who she was, or is in high school, so her choosing to wear the clothing that she would have worn in school or that suits her personality is fine with me. Her pictures came out awesome, and her choice in ourfits couldn't have been more perfect!
As for the bed making question, well, my kids have been making their beds since they were 4 years old. All 4 of them. They don't always do a great job, but they are made well enough to look like they have been made and can be slept in again the next night. This is another thing that I simply do not want to engage with them about. I do remake the beds with fresh sheets after they strip them when it's time for new sheets on laundry days, but that's it. (they strip them though) I really think that they can and will do as much as we allow/ expect them to do. If we keep doing everything for them, what good are we doing them when they get out in the world? They need to learn to do for themselves too. Good luck and I hope that you can let yourself and your kids be a little more relaxed on these issues. It's well worth it in the end. (for you both!) Trust me, and you may get some awesome pictures by the way of the outfits that they come up with! LOL! Good luck!

Match by whose definition? Everyone has their own style and something that I would never wear together looks AWESOME on my sister...
Around this age they are really experimenting with their tastes so I would just let her go... 99% of people will look at her and say "AWWW thats so cute!"... I insist that my girlies wear matching (my definition) for things like pictures and church... other than that they will choose their own outfits... I don't want to train my girls to second guess themselves...Society puts so much pressure on little girls now adays to "conform" to their expectations of what is cool, stylish, allowed... I will not add mom pressure to that...

About the bed.... All of my kids have chores from the time they are 4. Although I do not focus on making the bed first thing in the mornings, it does get made daily... Even our 3 year old makes his bed "pretty"... The beds arn't made to military standards... or even hotel standards, but its a start... The main thing is just make it happen daily. Eventually she will do it out of habit.

I have a 5 and 7 year old. Making their beds is part of their household chores. I also have them help me set the table and put the dishes near the sink when they are done, cleaning the bathrooms, dusting and also vacuuming. (I bought a vacuum for just upstairs that is very light and the kids really enjoy vacuuming they each vacuum their own room, one vacuums the hall and the other vacuums the upstairs living room). I give them stars for each days "chores" to include making it out to the bus on time, brushing teeth, combing hair and doing homework. When they collect 200 stars which is about 4 weeks they get a prize of their choice-- (movie, dinner out, a small toy etc). This makes them really want to do good so they get their pay in the end. Granted things do not look perfect but they are learning responsibilities! Make it fun for her and work along side her until she really gets the hang of it.

As for clothes- my daughter comes out in some crazy stuff and the same shades of stuff all the time. I take pictures of her outfits and let her see them!

Hi B.,

In order to make the beds easier to make at that age we eliminated the top sheet, so there was just a fitted sheet, pillow, and comforter. This made doing the bed really easy.

As to picking out clothes we got one of those clothes holders you hang in the closet with a section for each day of the week and put her clothes in there in sets with underwear and socks. We did that on Sunday and our daughter could pick what she wanted to wear from a section of the holder. She still had freedom to choose her outfit for the day but it was preapproved and matched. You could just do it and save hassle or you could do it with her on Sunday and go over what matches, i.e. "These pants match these three shirts because they all have pink in them, which shirt do you want to wear with these pants."

Hope this helps,

L.

Picking up toys and keeping their room neat is not too much responsibility for a child that age. My kids were picking up their toys at age 1 (if they can take them out of the toy box, they can put them back in). So, it was never a battle for me to get mine to keep their space neat.
Making the bed is different. Mine were doing that at age 5, but not consistently and not very well. Now that they are well into their elementary school days, I don't harp on making the bed. I make it when they leave because mornings are very busy and rushed.
However, my girls started having chores around age 6-7: Putting up their own clothes, unloading the dishwasher, dusting... and this summer (age 8 and 9), I taught them how to operate the washing machine and dryer. They always put up their own clothes, clean their rooms, and unload dishes, but the rest we do on an irregular basis. They get paid $1 per chore (but keeping the room neat isn't a "chore"-- it is a responsibility).
About matching clothes... you got me there. Maybe when you shop put items together at that time so she pictures them together.

My daughter makes her own bed and uses a check off list of what should be done in her room before it's considered 'clean' (empty trash, pick up floor, desk clean, drawers shut, laundry in basket etc). (she doesn't have 'chores', per say. she is responsible for herself - she clears her dishes from the table when finished, she picks up her stuff, she cleans her bathroom. she does anything above and beyond that when I ask her to help me, but her main responsibility is schoolwork, reading, drawing, becoming a well-rounded individual who is responsible for herself. she can learn to be responsible for the rest of the world later!!!!)

I will say that if you feel it's important, continue to enforce. 5 is when they start to want control over their world so the head-butting starts. You'll get yourself in trouble if you become inconsistent. So either stick it out until it's second nature for her (which means YOU have to do the work of follow up, checking etc before she's allowed to do other things or it will spiral into 'battles') or just let it go and decide on what the standard is and then enforce THAT.

As far as the clothes, my daughter had some pretty major control issues (I think we call them, ahem, 'spirited' children!!!!). So pretty early this was something I could give her control over, which calmed her down in other areas.

HOWEVER - there are some boundaries.
1) Anything that is hanging in her closet or in one of her drawers she can wear. I keep my lips zipped as long as her 'lady stuff' is covered and it adheres to the dress code at school (ie no sweat pants to school).
If it isn't appropriate, it isn't in those 2 areas.
2) I reserve the right to have "mommy-pick" events. I don't do this often or it defeats the purpose. But examples are a work function for me that family attends, a funeral or a family reunion - the dressy dinner.

Other than that - I would say let them wear what they want. They have such little control over their worlds. Let them express who they are (and most importantly, let them change who they are until they figure out what 'fits the best'). Would you rather they wear plaid and stripes in 1st grade or do drugs in Jr High?????? That was sort of my perspective.

Good luck!

I would not give up...She's being lazy...Sorry but its true and if you give up your telling her its okay... I have a five year old soon 6 but she cleans her room, takes out trash, and helps me feed the dogs. She knows these are her chores. I do give her an allowance but she still has days where she complains but I don't want her growing up thinking she can back down from her responsibilities...

I fold clothes together. Shorts and matching shirt fold together etc. I wouldnt let it go about making the bed, that gives your daughter leverage to walk on you.

there's no reason children of this age can't make their own beds. you are sensibly flexible as to the degree of neatness, so i'd stick to your guns on this one. i'm a big proponent of 'pick your battles' but basic household chores should be a must-do.
i would totally let the matching clothes go, though.
khairete
S.

Our oldest just turned 5 in June and we started having her make her bed each morning a few weeks ago. she struggles with perfectionism so we encourage her that it doesn't have to be perfect. Not doing it is not an option. hope that helps!!

my 5 yr old son makes his own bed and matches his own clothes , not something I taught him , at least not the clothes matching thing , just something he does.
For bed making I reward my kids for it , they get points they can use later on other things like going to the movies, computer time, getting a new book , etc,

My six year old makes his bunk bed-when I make him make it! But the point is he CAN.

As for the clothes, sometimes even mismatched clothes is a fight I don't want to fight. When he is stubborn and wants to wear clothes that don't match I just tell him 'that doesn't match and your friends at school might make fun of you, but if you don't care what they think and you like it, then it's fine with me.'

I haven't checked out all of the other responses, so I apologize if I repeat...

It is an expectation in our house that all beds will be made. Actually even my youngest "makes" his crib by pulling up his blanket. I didn't insist on that one; he just did it. It is just not negotiable. Nothing can happen unless the bed is made. We don't inspect it or anything, which is a good thing because sometimes I am not sure it is made very WELL. :)

As for clothes, I match my daughter's outfits because she just isn't ready. I put them together in a special drawer that is just for outfits. Then she gets some choice in what to wear by choosing an outfit from that drawer of her choice. Really, my 9 year old just started matching in the last year or so...

Ofcourse she doesn't want to, and she is going to act like it is a form of torture :). She should definitely be cleaning up after herself in her room (putting away toys, not cleaning the mini-blinds). That being said, if having her make her bed everyday seems a little too much for her right now, then try telling her she is responsible for her bed on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings while she is 5, and then it will be five mornings a week when she is 6, etc. (or whatever system works for you, like she makes her bed on the mornings she goes to kindergarten, or doesnt go to kindergarten, whatever). That way she is participating and taking responsibility, but not being overwhelmed.

I think having your daughter make her bed is perfectly realistic. It doesn't have to be perfect, just pulling the blanket up is okay. My daughter is 7 and we've been adding responsibilities to her slowly over the years. She now makes her bed, unloads the dishwasher (stuff that's at her eye level or below), sweeps the kitchen and cleans countertops. She loves the sense of accomplishment and the praise she receives from her dad and me.

About the matching, at 5 I always offered up a couple of clothing options and let her choose. Now that she's 7 I let her pick out her own clothes and gently coax her if things just look horrid.

I think 5 is old enough to make her own bed. My daughter is 6 and has been doing it for a while now although I have to remind her often to do it. I wouldn't let it go, you're doing a good thing by teaching her responsibility at a young age.
As far as matching her outfit, it just comes to them as they get older. When my daughter was about 4 I started letting her pick out her own clothes all by herself on the weekends. It started out that she would pick out some crazy outfits but over time, she started putting together some really cute outfits that I wouldn't have even thought to do. It is cute to see what her "style" is. We decide together what she wants to wear to school. I do the same thing with my son who is almost 4.