To Inquire or Not to Inquire..

Yes T., I DO know what that's like. Only I found out things were not like I'd thought they were years and years, even decades later.

I do not like the way that feels.

However, I cannot ask him to go back and change it. Best to look forward, rather then backwards, you know? This sounds like I've just got it all together but I'm ashamed to say that I sometimes throw it in his face when I'm pissed about something else, which is not cool. I need to work on that. Clearly I have resentment. I don't WANT to have resentment, I WANT to move forward, we have a wonderful life together now.

I hope you can carefully explain to him how yucky this makes you feel and once it's acknowledged, make a sincere effort to move past it. I really need to work on that too!

:)

I think that he stopped it at a good time. That early in your relationship, he didn't owe you any explanation for it. He certainly didn't owe it to you not to go. Once he saw that you were heading somewhere, he stopped it.

I'm curious about how it was "presented" to you. Just talk about it. If you have a question, ask it. If you feel insecure about something, tell him.

I'm all about women's intuition... when my husband and I started dating but weren't exclusive, my gut told me he slept with his room mate's girlfriend (ew)... I had asked him about it a few times, and he always denied it. Finally, after we were married, he finally admitted that yes, he had. I knew it! But now that it's been said, I'm over it, like I really, truly don't care (it's not like he was telling me anything I didn't already know on some level). The past is the past, don't let it bum you out NOW. LIke driving, if you're always looking in the rear view mirror instead or forward out the windshield, you're going to crash!! Tell him it bums you out he lied, but then YOU need to let it go. He stopped doing it, it's over with, don't fret :)

When you say you've "recently learned," that doesn't imply that HE told you this... so it seems the two of you haven't actually talked about this at all? Or have you... I can't quite tell from the way you worded your question... How long have the 2 of you been together? I'd say if the trips were planned before you were in the picture, he should have told you about them, but I understand him being in a tight spot as to whether to attend the trips or cancel out. Not sure what the right answer there is... but honesty would certainly be preferred. I might feel inclined to discuss this with him just to get it off my chest, and to hear what he might have to say about it. But in all probability, he'll tell you that he didn't want to upset you for something that had been planned before you came into the picture... and that he stopped after that, and that he won't keep things from you now. And if you're happy now, with no reasons to be concerned, there may be no good reason to bring this up now... I don't know.

I think you should let it go.

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I think you are going to get resentful if you don't bring it up to him. Or is he the way you found out? You aren't clear on that and it would help to know. If he DOESN'T know that you know, then I think the only way you really can get past it is you have to say something to him. Something like how its come to your attention and you're sure he was in a weird place with you just starting to date and you can see why he didn't tell you but that it now makes you wonder if there is other things that you don't know about, etc. I think the only way you can get past it is to confront it head on and to make it clear that you both need to be open and honest with each other no matter what. I hope it works out for you, good luck!

My guess would be that since you were newly in the relationship he didn't feel the need to explain further, why explain something if you didn't last then what difference would it make anyways... Now Im sure he hasn't said anything about it because its in the past, over done with and he probably doesn't even think about it. Thats how my hubby thinks... Im sure he isn't the only one like that.

If its really bothering you bring it up while talking about other things, non confrontational or he will more than likely put up a wall and get defensive. Im sure he doesn't see anything wrong with how he did things, I'm sure he doesn't see it as lying to you because he didn't bring it up with all the details... they were planned before you came along like you said. So he went on with business as usual. But for us women we like to know these things even if there is nothing to hide and its casual or we sometimes do tend to feel double crossed.... oh the difference in the way we think!

You need to bring it up. If you don't, you'll always wonder. When you ask, if he doesn't admit going on those trips, or if you get a weird feeling about his answer, then you'll have to decide if this relationship is based on honesty or not. But if you like the answer and it makes sense to you, then you can let it go.

it was a 10 year relationship with a child- you were "months" in like you said it was probably planned prior to you coming into the picture and there was a child involved. Did he lie or did he just not tell you because at that point it really wasnt important that you know? I understand the way you are feeling but I would consider if this thing that happened in the first few months of your relationship is really worth worrying about? Let it go, most times facebook is a bad thing it is not worth the worry. He loves you and you love him life goes on.

Hi, T. -
My first inclination is to say "let it go". It doesn't matter now. That said, however, it really seems to be bothering you. The fact that you were looking at her Facebook page speaks volumes. Rather than let it build up, I would simply ask the question and let him explain.
Good luck.