To Have a 3Rd, or Not to Have a 3Rd

I would not let logistics about napping be the swing factor, by the time you have a third the eldest may be out of the house a bunch and you can solve this problem with babysitting help if you can afford it (the sitter would cover nap time and do laundry while you go out with #2.)
The other issues are much more profound.

I say don't do it. You seem 100% happy with the two amazing children you have, and going back and forth on whether or not to have another doesn't sound like the right circumstances for having a 3rd.
If your husband wants another so badly, why not adopt? There are many children in need of loving homes, and with overpopulation already a growing concern, you will be doing the world as a whole such a service to take in another little one! :)
Two is the perfect number for me. I've replaced myself and my husband with "biological" children, and if we choose to have another in the future, we are definitely adopting.
You sound like a mom with a great head on her shoulders, I think you'll find the perfect way to make your hubby feel ok about two. :)

Well, to me it sounds like you're done, just worried about not giving your husband what he wants. I think it's natural to always wonder "what about another one?", especially as your kids get older. But I don't think that means you actually WANT to have another baby. You have two great kids already, I think you should enjoy them, and enjoy being able to do more for yourself (your masters, go back to work etc) as they get older. Maybe try asking your husband why he's so set on the number three, especially when he's not the one staying home with the kids? You say you're the only one holding your family back, it sounds like you feel guilty. If so, I'm sorry! You shouldn't! You're a good mom to your kids, and entitled to be ready to do more for self. Don't feel guilted into getting pregnant again! Enjoy the kids you ALREADY have, and remember if you a had a third, you'd have less time for each of them. And less time for your husband, for yourself, for your education. Good luck, and I hope whichever you choose that everything goes well!!!!

I was in your shoes about a year or so ago....my husband wanted more, I didn't. We have 2 wonderful boys (and unlike most people, my heart was not aching for a girl!). I was sure that after my 2nd son was born, we were done.

I had a miscarriage in September 2008. And while it was early (and the pregnancy was not planned), it still hurt. My heart ached for that 3rd child (even though I never wanted one a 3rd). A little over a year later, we got pregnant (on purpose!)...we are expecting #3 this summer. I swore that I didn't want to be an "old" mom...I will be 36 when this baby is born and I also swore that I didn't want my oldest to be 7 years older than the baby (he will be 7 in November). All this to say...its never what we think or what we plan.

My heart still goes back and forth...are we doing the right thing? How will this affect our family, but I know that I had the same concerns when I was expecting #2.

We are looking forward to #3! I know that nobody can tell you what the best choice is, but I know that this is the best choice for our family. Look in your heart...it might take you some time, but you will find the right answer.

B.

There is probably no single "right" answer. It sounds like you have good heart reasons for considering it, and good head reasons for not wanting to have another.

Because I'm deeply concerned (and have only become more so during my 60+ years) about the impact of a huge and growing human population upon the earth, let me give you one more reason, that for me originates with the knowledge I've accumulated in my head, but then becomes a concern that breaks my heart.

There are too many people already on this earth, consuming its resources faster than is sustainable. The impact on other species is already a reality, and is growing. The impact on the environment is arguably real – and who among us is so certain that climate change is a fluke that we should be willing to risk the future of all children and animals?

And as these changes occur, huge populations of humans, including mothers and their innocent babies, will be subjected to suffering, hunger, loss of their homes, illnesses and death. Every baby we bring into the world adds to this likelihood, this pressure on the carrying capacity of our beautiful planet. Every "more-than-replacement" baby makes the likelihood of suffering of future babies more real.

Those future babies will want a chance at a good life, and will deserve that just as much as your two children, or my one grandson does today. Does anyone have the right to put their chance at risk?

I don't think you sound like you really enjoy your children and are longing to be back to work. If that's the case then I would think another baby would not feel too wanted and I wonder why you would have one for a son or husband. I think your husband and you should agree on the issue but I can say that I had 8 children, babysat a grandson for 4 years, and now babysit 3 grandchildren once in awhile. I never had a problem with naps. I did have 2 boys in a room and that were a bit hard to nap as they had to learn to obey and not bother each other but it worked fine and I never had people tip toe around when a baby was napping, the baby then adjusts to that and sleeps through daily routines. I did say not to make extra noise but we just lived our life and the kids napped and slept at bedtime. You need to teach the baby, as well as older kids, how to do what is necessary without stopping life for them. I don't know if you have a quiet time for your kids or with your kids but you could read to them while the baby naps, do other special things with them and they'd love that and be entertained at the same time. Whatever you decide, be sure you want to love, care for, give up your time, have upsets once in awhile, etc. It's a job being a parent and not something you should do again if you aren't really wanting to have that to deal with. It should be a decision to make you happy and the family closer together.

I have a 7.5 month old and a 2.5 year old and I ask myself the same question! My husband and I have always said we wanted 3-4 kids. Until we had two! Then I started to really think it through. Two kids is challenging at times (husband works the night shift) so could I do three? Of course I COULD with him not home at night but DO I WANT TO?

Fifty percent of the time, I say YES and 50% of the time I say NO. But I think this also has to do with the age of my kids. I do not want three in daycare. I do not want anymore kids until we build onto our 2 bedroom house. And I really don't think I want three if my husband is still working nights (however this would not be reason enough to not have a third). I do not feel as if our family is missing someone but yet I do not feel like it's completely complete! I can still envision us with another baby but yet I can envision just the four of us.

Part of me says just be done - we'll have more money to spend on the kids, save for their college, take them on trips, spend time equally among the two of them, etc. Then the other part of me wonders if I am really going to be happy if I do not have another? Wont' another just bring as much joy as my daughter and son have brought into my life?

That all being said, I am not a SAHM so I cannot answer that for you in that regards. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom but after having my 2nd and having a 2 year old at home with me during that time, I rethought being a stay at home mom. Not that I EVER thought it was easy work - but I just didn't realize HOW tiring it was!!! So kudos to you!

If your main concern is the baby (and you) napping - I would not think that is enough reason to NOT have a baby. Are you really not going to have a child because you are tired? WIth two children already, your third may just have to learn to nap on the go (to the store, park, etc). Your oldest will be five at the time or older - won't he/she be going to kindergarten? Or at least maybe pre-school part time?

Do you know of any other SAHM that you could work together with and 1x a week give each other an hour or two reprieve? could you get a mother's helper (someone to come over after school?) They could watch cartoons and play with your older ones while you and the baby nap.

Just a few ideas. It sounds to ME like you aren't set in stone about NOT having another, but that you are worried about having a third, which is completely understandable!

I am 30 and prefer to not give birth after 35 even though both my husband and my mothers had children at age 40. I always say if I had an unlimited amount of money, I would definitely have a few more. I am not saying that we go on lavish vacations or drive expensive cars, but with two kids, you can afford more things than with three. Just going out to eat 1x a week is more expensive. College for one more child, etc. All things to take into consideration. My mom said something (jokingly) about how she was not sure she could take care of three at the same time if/when we have three. I told her that is not enough of a reason to NOT have kids to me!

If its napping that you are concerned with, don't worry about it. Kids nap way better than we give them credit for. We are having our 2 story stucco wall torn off and replaced. It has slowly been going on for over 2 months now. The developer has done small sections at a time before they finally gave in and agreed to a new wall. Anyway, I do have a point, I try to be quiet during their nap time. Well they have napped a full 2 hr nap with men jack hammering the stucco off the wall. It is very loud and mind numbing to me. It surprises me how well they sleep through it.

Knowing they have slept through that, I'm sure #3 will sleep through the other 2 playing. You can close the door and use a video monitor to watch/listen for when the little one wakes up too. I don't know what I'd do without my video monitors. =)

Just remember Jon Gosselin's unheeded advice to Kate: The whole world is built for 4!"

i am pregnant with number 3, and feel like in our home it will seem more like a family with 3-4 children, of course just my opinion. I am having mine close together, I guess getting it over with, but i do love kids. My 3 yr old and 1 yr old are both sleeping right now, and it is peaceful. But sometimes I think I should have spaced them more. When you get past the high demand for mommy stage and they start wanting to play it sure gets a lot easier. I wish you happiness in whatever decision you make!

I can add my 2 cents, but this is honestly a question that only you and your husband will be able to answer based upon your family's situation.

I know, for sure, I want another child. I'm a full-time working Mom. At one point, I was the main bread winner, but a lay-off and a bad economy have us both on equal contributions to the family's income at this time. We paid almost $20K in normal day care expenses last year (we do not take them to a fancy provider). Add another Toddler to that, and it could get really cost prohibitive.

In some ways, my reasons are very selfish for wanting one, and my husband's are very selfish for not wanting another. I missed a lot of the first year of our 2nd's life being diagnosed with cancer, going through treatment and recovery. I'd like to be able to remember more of a child's first accomplishments (which I vaguely recall from our son's). We didn't think about saving cord blood with either of our other kids - it could provide a source of stem cells desperately needed should my cancer come back.

My husband's reasons are just as valid - he doesn't get as much attention as he used to before both kids and cancer came along, and he doesn't want to possibly be a father to 3 kids should something happen.

So, think through all the reasons to have another and to not have another. Speak openly and candidly with one another about what you're thinking. By reading your message, I'd say you're not wanting another and are leaning much more heavily that way.

Good luck!