Tickled by the Idea of Timeouts

My son is 2yrs 7mos and we have been using timeouts since he turned 2. And I can tell you that he knows exactly what they are. We give time-outs for hitting, spitting and jumping on the couch. If he goes to hit me, I will look at him and say, "No hitting. What happens when you hit?" He will respond and say, "Time-out." When we first started the timeout for hitting, he would come up to me, say "time out" and then hit me. He KNEW what it would lead to.

He doesn't like timeouts and will cry/moan when he's in there. Like your daughter, our son does NOT sit still for anything. But, we just tell him that he has to "sit down in time out". If he gets up, the 2 minutes starts over again. We weren't that strict at first since he was new to it, but we evolved into it. He will sit still for them but just this weekend, he started to stand up and laugh when I came over to have him sit down. It's always new and exciting, huh? I just kept going over and sitting him down. All I said was, "Sit down in timeout" while I sat him back down. I must have done it 15 times, but eventually he gave up and sat for the 2 minutes. After ALL of that, he still knew what he did to get in timeout when I asked him.

So yea, they know.

Good luck.

T.

Edited to add: Just this weekend, he threatened a timeout to his "teddy" for jumping on the couch.

We have started using time-outs with our 20 month old son. We usually bring him to his room (and my husband frequently puts him in his crib - which I sort of disagree with because I don't really want him to associate his crib with punishment, but whatever) for a time-out.

The guideline I've seen is to make it only as long in minutes as your child is old in years. So a 1-minute time-out for a 1-year old. 2 minutes for a 2 year old etc. In my opinion, even if the child is sent to his room for a time-out and he *enjoys* his room, this is fine. The point isn't to punish. The point is to give them time to reset and remember how to behave.

I am not an expert by any means, but I'll give you my opinion. My son is 19mo. & is usually very well behaved. However, I have introduced him to the "naughty corner" (I came up w/ this instead of a timeout, just personal preference). I disagree that you need to wait until 3. I think kids can understand rules before then if they are routinely reinforced. I cannot imagine letting a child do whatever he wants without consequence, then suddently at 3 introducing discipline. I use babycenter sometimes too. I have not read this particular article, but I disagree w/ them. Maybe tell her that hitting hurts mommy, make a sad face, and see how she reacts. My son has bitten my leg a couple of times. I told him it hurts mommy, make a sad face, then he makes a sad face & says "Mommy" so sweetly. I can tell he understands that he hurt me and he feels sad that I'm sad. I think this is actually more effective than my "naughty corner."

Hi there
The idea of a toddler getting a time out is not a bad one since it helps them realize that there are some lines they shouldn't cross. From my experience with my 2 year old daughter, it helps to make her unerstand that certain behaviors upset Mommy and Daddy. First try to tell her that this is not nice and makes mommy sad, if it doesn't work walk her to a corner and explain to her that she has to go time out and not move because she did this. After several times, she will understand the concept of standing still and loosing the ability to move as a result from a certain action. Believe me she will start responding by trying to avoid what led her to be timed out! Good luck!

We introduced "time out" for both our kids around 18 months. Trust me, they understand! With my daughter, we counted to 3 and if she wouldn't listen she would go to "time out". Of course she didn't sit still at first. But for the first couple of times, we stayed with her - actually right behind her - she faced the corner, and we counted to 45 (they say 1 minute per age of child). Anytime she would try to get up or move out of there, we would put her right back and started counting again. Seriously, she did not like it but after a couple of times, she got the idea that she had to sit still. I'd rather use this method - personal choice I guess. It's something I can follow through on - wherever we are. Hope it helps!

I think a great resource is 1,2,3 Magic. It is a whole, little, book on the time out method. It is great and recommends starting at 2. It is a short read too and your hubby can read it as well.

As for keeping them still. I am lucky to have a stool that has slots in it between the boards of wood. I grab the slot of wood between my son's legs and keep my arm up. I then look away as I count slowly. He isn't able to get up, I am not physically restraining him, and I can ignore him and keep my eye contact away. It works well for us. I hope that makes sense.....

I would first try showing her how to touch. Instead of "no hitting," say, "We don't hit, we touch gently" and stroke her arm gently. Then have her touch you gently to show she understands.

I think timeouts are fine, but for a loss of self-control issue (which it sounds like this is) I wouldn't frame it as a time out. I'd say, "you need some time to control your body. When you're ready to play, you can come back out" or something like that. I also found it was best to let a kid who needed to get hold of himself have some time alone in another room for a minute or two - using a timeout spot or chair or making them sit still or whatever just makes them fight with you instead of doing what you want them to do, which is focus on themselves and controlling themselves.