i have a three year old lil boy and at night he pisses on my b/f carpet neither one of us know why .... my son father and i have shared custody and i have him every other week, and his behavior is outrageous and hard to handle ......any ideas on what i should do before things get more fiscal with my b/f anger.
he has also done this at his fathers house the week he had him
I would like to add only one more thing to the advice you've already received. A 3yo going from one house to another, two sets of rules,two different houses,etc...maybe hes half asleep and forgets where the bathroom is. Give the kis a break! and a hug!!
More information would help, J.. Is he potty trained? Does he only do this at night? Does he wake up to pee during the night, or does he just do this when he's supposed to be going to sleep? Does he need more adult help getting to the bathroom? Would a potty chair in his room be a possible solution?
Shared custody can be difficult and confusing for children of any age, and probably much harder for toddlers. Depending on how he feels about your bf and how much of your attention you give your bf while your son is with you, he could be pleading for more attention, or experiencing a regression in potty training because he's unhappy with his family life. Your bf could actually be contributing to the problem, too, if he is either competing with your son for your time or coming down hard on him for behaving like a 3yo child. I hope you are putting your little guy's needs as your highest priority. He can't help the life that's been handed to him.
There's a lovely little book you might want to read, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. I started using these techniques with my grandson when he was around 3, and have been very impressed with how well the techniques not only help the child get to the root of his problem, but also that the child participates in coming up with solutions. Kids love the validation and respect, and work hard to make their remedies work.
Your son is probably unable to verbalize that he feels overwhelmed and unhappy. Children don't act out like this for no reason. This is not a disciplinary issue. It is an emotional issue. You need to be patient with him and try to understand his ;ife from his perspective of his life. If you think your boyfriend is going to be physically abusive to your son, why are you still there? Seems to me that you're just waiting for something to happen. Maybe you should figure out your priorities and be your son's mother instead of your boyfriend's girlfriend!
I have nothing to add to what MOMMYX3 has said.
Poor baby.
Is your boy friend already angry about other things?
I wonder if you can take your little boy and go to . . . .
a sister?
an aunt?
a cousin?
a friend?
For now, it's not necessary for your or your boy friend
to know __why__ your son is doing this.
Are you having reasonable mutually respectful conversations
with your son's father? Since your son has also peed there,
it appears it's not just at your boy friend's home that there is a problem.
Lots of kids regress in their potty training status
during or after upsetting situations.
Suddenly going to spend time in this (angry) strange man's home
is probably pretty scary. And if your child has expressed anxiety
about why are we here, who is this person, did you listen and validate?
Or did you tell him there's nothing to be scared about?
Please find a SAFE place for you and your son to spend some time rebonding, to let your son feel safe and nurtured.
There are many community resources to help you with this.
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Just a couple more thoughts.
Your son is THREE years old.
That's approximately ONE THOUSAND DAYS.
Look at how much he has learned in ONE THOUSAND DAYS.
He walks, he can feed himself, he can climb stairs,
he can speak, he can stack/sort toys, he can push wheeled toys around,
perhaps making appropriate noises as he does so.
What he cannot do is express his fears, his confusion.
He cannot say something like
"Mom. Why are we here? Who is this guy?
Why aren't we still with daddy?"
etc.
oh, poor little guy. still figuring out the world, and so young he's got this very confusing living situation to cope with.
i'd pee on the carpet too.
i hope to all the gods that if your boyfriend actually does hurt your baby over this that you are out of there. your little guy's behavior isn't outrageous, it's very typical for his age and situation. what's outrageous is even contemplating putting your boyfriend's carpet first.
khairete
S.
I hate to have to bring this up, but recently a friends 5 yr old son was being molested (we just found out about it), and he was "acting out" by just peeing Anywhere. Outside in front of everyone, on the dog etc. we thought he was just having too much fun to run inside to pee, or that he was just being a 'bad boy'. How long have you been w/ your BF? does your son like him? does he act affraid? I hope you get to the bottom of this for your Sons sake and yours ! Good luck
I agree with Mommyx3 completely! You need to be more concerned about why your son is doing this and what he might be feeling than your boyfriends carpet. If you're worried about your boyfriends anger, you shouldn't even be there!
couseling and refrain from the bf diciplining your child if you can
Have you told his father about it? Maybe it's an attention seeking thing. I have an almost five yo step-daughter, and sometimes they just do weird/naughty things to get attention, even if all the adults don't understand why they're doing it as they are getting more than enough good attention.
It sounds like he is stressed out. The BF needs to back off on disciplining your child. I think you and your child should get counseling. It would probably be best if the BF got out of the picture till your child got help and does better. You priority should be your son and not BF.
Nice language by the way.
It's a behavioral issue. He's "marking" his territory. Find a Play Therapist or a Behavioral Specialist.
