Thinking About Homeschooling My 12 Year Old Son

I just want to say that those who responded about the social aspect are completely uneducated on homeschooling. My children(15, 10) have much more time to socialize than their friends do. When my daughter "makes her rounds" to her friends houses most of them have absolutely no time to play because they are bogged down with homework. We get together with a group at least once a week and this gives my child the opportunity to interact with children of all ages, just as a person does in the real world. Both of my children have become much more positive and are so much happier now that they are at home. Please don't let the uneducated deter you from a very positive thing for your child. Also there are MANY educators (teachers and professors) that homeschool so do not feel that is an issue either.

Clonlara in Ann Arbor, is a fantastic resource for any type of homeschooling transition, support, etc. They are not affiliated with any religious belief and have over 40 years experienced with the transition from school to homeschool.

There isn't one way to learn at home. One of the beauties in the freedom of home schooling or unschooling is that you both can create your son's own learning environment to include time at a public school, participating in certain classes and sports (with the districts cooperation), attending college courses (when he's 16), joining a home schooling co-op, volunteering during the day at nature centers, etc. You can go to school and home school your son, look to the community to help support your efforts.

I suggest you call Clonlara or visit their website at www.clonlara.org and chat with more home schoolers in your area.

Best wishes!

There is no reason why you can't homeschool your son AND have him involved in sports too! My nephew is homeschooled and he's on a softball team! I live on the other side of the state from you and there is a big network of homeschooling mom's/families here. My kids are still in preschool so I'm not affiliated with anyone yet but- you should be able to tap into this network in your area. Have you tried a search on the internet for groups? If you don't get any help from mom's closer to your area, write me back and I will ask around for you and put you in touch with someone. Homeschool your son with confidence but don't go it alone! There no reason to remain disconnected from Mom's who could be a great support to you in what you are trying to accomplish- acedemically and socially!

I was homeschooled as a child.. from 3rd grade to 10th grade and I went back to high school for the last 2 years and completed college. I don't feel that I lacked socially.. as a young person I was shy, but that would have been the same in school or out. I went to a high school and knew NO ONE and made friends just fine. I also completed college with a high GPA and had a scholarship to college.

I believe that the social aspect of homeschooling is always questioned, but honestly.. often homeschooled kids would probably have been 'weird' as schooled kids too..

Homeschoolers are 'socialized' as much as the parents will socialize them. When I was homeschooled I was around ALL ages (not just my peer group) and adults. I believe that prepares children for the 'real world and the working world better than being with the same age group all day. I also was able to complete school in about 3 hours a day, leaving the rest of the time to socialize.

Why not if you can do it do 'school' for 3 hours, do sports and other social events the rest of the time.

I think that if you desire to homeschool, I'm sure you can figure out a way to do it even if you work full-time. As a full-time mom you would pick up your son from school and help him with up to 3 hours of homework after working a full day.. it's no different for you to teach him after you worked.

I know of many homeschool groups in the area, so PM me if you'd like more info.

Hi, Z.,

I homeschooled both my daughters (now 19 and 16) all through school... who have no social problems at all (they compete on Facebook for 'who has the most friends' and they're both well over 200 of people they actually, personally know and interact with)

Check with your state laws, but many states enforce access for children outside the system to participate in sports... and perhaps there are homeschooling groups in your area that are large enough to field their own teams.

The most visible advantage of homeschooling, to me, is the opportunity for children to work exclusively (or nearly exclusively) on their strengths, instead of having to be mediocre in a whole bunch of their weaknesses... so children who are simply not going to be very social because that's who they are can concentrate on the things they will be excellent at.

Since the free market pays people for what they do well, not for mediocrity, spreading a child's energy into those areas is a huge waste of their time. I think wasting someone else's time because they're young is seriously offensive.

The transition process isn't something I've personally had to deal with - we just kept doing what we did on an average day before they reached kindergarten age... and that's what I've heard recommended: take the average day on holiday and keep going as if you're still on holiday. Later, after a period of months (some people recommend expecting one month for every year the child was in school) of decompression and relaxing out of the idea that they system has all the answers (because they clearly don't) it will become apparent that the child is developing curiosity, interest in a specific area, or hobbies/activities that use his strengths.

And really... since it's all anyone will ever succeed using, and the whole market is based on the idea of hiring others who do well what you don't do well, why would anyone spend 6 minutes of their lives trying to do things that are not natural strengths?

Take a look at the book 'How Full is Your Bucket' for a great overview of this philosophy.

Good luck! It's a fun way to live with kids...

Greetings Z.,

From my point of view homeschooling is the way to go.
If it is really what you want to do GO FOR IT!

You know homeschooling is not an all or nothing thing, I know some people who send their kids to school for 1/2 day and them home-school them the rest of the time. They get the best of both worlds. Social interaction with kids their age and more time with their parents. This might be a better option for you as it seems you already have a lot on your plate. Good Luck.

I'm a little confused. You work 3 jobs, are in school, and plan on working full-time in the fall, right? When will you be able to home school him? And when will you be able to work if he isn't in a school? Your choice needs to benefit both you and him. It sounds like you have so much going on already. You didn't give the reasons why you want to home school him, so it is hard to comment on it. There are pros and cons to both, and the positives need to outweigh the negatives. Perhaps it would help to sort it all out on paper. Keep in mind that if he likes to excel in sports, there won't be competitive teams with community sports. Things like scholarships to sports camps, schools, and the best training are usually affiliated with schools. Private sports coaches are super expensive. I'm sure you have your reasons, and I hop eyou come up with a solution that is best for both you and your son. Don't wear yourself out. Good luck.

How will you homeschool if you're teaching full time in the fall?

Have you researched support for home school groups in your community? Where I live there's a very strong network in place to help you get started and not "reinvent the wheel".

D. R.

Hi,Z.. You have a full schedule now and plan to work full time next fall. Since your son loves sports and he is obviously talented enough to play, in my opinion, I would leave everythng as is. A friend of mine tried it and her son loved it... because he could sleep until noon! What are the real reasons your son likes the home schooling idea? Most home schooled kids and adults that I know are like your sister. Academically, They are OK but they lack social skills. I would not make the transition at all and keep things as they are. Less stress for you and your son will continue to be in sports and have a social life. Denise.

Good Morning Z.! Homeschooling can be a great option. We did for a few years and I know several families who do. I just received a great article on the statistics of adults who had been homeschooled that I can send you if you'd like. I'm curious, what are your reasons for homeschooling?

M.

I concur with the other responders; it is strange that at 12 years of age you are deciding to home school. Is there problems at school? I think it could have a negative affect at this point in his life. I would really think this one through before deciding on it. My sister home schooled her daughters until they were around 12-13 and that was when they began to want more interaction with other kids their age and asked to go to school. He may have different feelings about it soon and this could become stressful for both of you.
Good Luck!

I agree with Cindy, find a hs group in your area, ask about sports programs (I know of one hs basketball program that is very good-Summit Sports and a football program is starting for next year) and also ask if there are other single parents in the group. They will be able to give you the best support.
We have been hsing for 7 years and our five children are definately not social misfits. :) Between hs group field trips & functions, church, and friends, we are not lacking chances to be social. You're right, you can be a great teacher to your son. Who knows him better than you?!
It is a big decision though, but don't let fears of socialization scare you away. He will have better socialization if he's not around peers all day. IMHO.
Let me know if I can help you with more info on hsing in this area. Have a great night!

You already mentioned what I was going to express. The social side of life. I have no problem with homeschooling, but I've seen the result on the social side too.
My oldest son lives in Arizona and the girl he was dating when he moved out there was a homeschooled. She was, and still is, totally clueless as far as how people function, reality from fantasy. She doesn't make good relationship choices, and has zero self esteem/confidence. Or less. Doesn't have a GED and shows no inclinations to pick herself up by the bootstraps and invest in herself instead of thinking Prince Charming will come along and sweep her off her feet and she won't have to work because he'll happily support her.
So if you homeschool, please do everyone a favor (especially your child) and keep him involved in social activities, like through your local parks and rec. Get him in a class of something where there are others his age or something, anything that will keep him around people so he isn't so clueless as to how people work and behave. And keep the lines of communication open, relate your own knowledge of how girls think, possible meanings of behavior, etc.
Then it could work very well. How does your son feel about homeschooling? Does he want to? Would he rather take his chances? Consider everything.
Good luck, Z.!

Do you mind my asking why you are wanting to homeschool your son now? Is it that you feel the public schools are not challenging him enough, or are there other concerns you have? Homeschooling is a great option if you have concerns, and the time to do it consistently. However there will be a lack of social interaction simply because your son will no longer be around his peers as he would in a classroom setting. If he is already struggling socially you really might want to give this decision more thought. There may be other educational options for your son where he is still with his peers. But, you know your son, you obviously know what is best for him:) Good Luck.

I guess I have the same question about homeschooling, particularly at this age. As the other person mentioned, it takes alot of consistency and time to get the best out of homeschooling. Since you mentioned that you planned on teaching full time next year, I'm wondering what your plans are at that time since you wouldn't be home with your son? If you feel that your son is not academically challenged, there are ways to enhance his education. You could check to see if testing out in particular subject areas is a possibility. You could supplement his education through various university offerings (Northwestern has a program) over the internet. Homeschooling or not, you could hire tutors in particular ares to further his understanding of the material.

he can still play on the public school teams. they cannot take that from him. as long as he is there for the practices and the games he's good. you don't have to put him in a alternative sports program. as for the social part, make sure he still keeps in contact with kids from his class at public school.
hope this help out.

Why would you be thinking of doing that? You work, you're in school, and you're planning on returning to teaching full-time next fall. Why take him out of his milieu when you're not even going to be there? I would advocate letting him be with his friends and his sports in a school he's already comfortable in.

A friend of mine was home schooled ... starting with our sophomore year. His family is Jehovah's witness and his younger brother got beaten up by some body who doesn't know anything about the religion; so as a result, his mother decided to home school my friend and his brother. My friend actually graduated a year a before he was supposed to as a result. There should be some really great community sports programs, and if I'm not mistaken, most school districts will let high school aged students who are home schooled participate in athletics. Good luck.

H.

You have to do what fits your family. For us, we've hs from the beginning and my kids are about as social as they come. In fact, I've been told by other adults that my kids are "so well-adjusted" (don't know what they were expecting from hs kids. lol). I came to realize that it has more to do with the home than the school, really. I used to buy the whole socialization myth because of a couple of hs families I knew. Then, I met more than just those two and I realized they probably would have been that way even if they had been in any kind of "regular" school setting. I think it's more the home's influence than anything. That made me feel better about hs.

Google "home school support groups in..." wherever you are and see what comes up. There are multiple options. He could go part time at school enough to be able to play sports. Or, you could be really blessed and be in an area where they have major sports teams for the support group. I know there's football, basketball (girls and boys), soccer (girls and boys), volleyball, softball and baseball hs sports teams in some bigger areas of the country. A lot depends on your state's high school athletic association, though. That's where the rules are determined and it's often not left up to the individual schools. The problem with any advice is that it's dependent on so many local factors, it's hard to give the perfect answer.

hth a little.

FYI, did you know last year's Heisman trophy winner was hs? First sophmore to win it. I thought that was cool.

If you have any other questions, feel free to send me a message.

If your child is in public school let him stay there. I home school my daughter because she had anxiety problems and could not go to school. I have problems now, she has no friends, she does nothing at home and she is very depressed because of this situation. Your son is doing good in school and with sports, I would leave it that way. If you take him out of school and home school him it might cause problems for him to where he becomes to dependent on staying at home to do things. I guess what I am trying to say it if things are going good why make a change? I heard recently, that Jennifer Granholm is making it to where you have to have a teaching degree in order to home school your kids starting next year. I don't know where you live but I live in the detroit area.

Well, you're taking it kind of rough here :) Not too bad but probably not the rosy reception you might have liked for your post as someone new to the site. However, I hope at least you will feel good knowing that when you asked a bunch of other moms for their thoughts, that they at least gave you their thoughtful and honest answers.

I homeschooled for a bit and I LOVED it. My kids LOVED it (though they were *much* younger) and NO, they did not have a problem with socialization. My kids have always been very gregarious and tolerant of others. It's what I've tried to teach them at home. We run into people of all walks of life and all descriptions just by going the places we go. When my kids have had questions about something or if I noticed something I felt was worth mentioning to build their understanding/tolerance - we talked about it. No "overly-sheltered" kids here. I want my children to respect all people and paths, and be wise in how best to respond to different situations rather than waiting for that wisdom to find them on its own.

Anyway! - My oldest now consistently has the highest marks in his class and really likes to learn. Really, I wish I could homeschool them all right now - but I feel that trying to cater to all 6 different levels of age appropriate learning would be too difficult and take more time than I realistically have, even though I am a SAHM. Between chores/errands for our family, helping my disabled mom, and volunteering in the community, all of which are very important, I just don't see that i would have the time to do a decent job. We *do* supplement thier education though. If they are studying astronomy, hubby and I break out some awesome and exciting astronomy stuff to keep him excited about learning and add some knowledge of our own to his curicculum. One of my oldest's favorite car ride games is shouting out rediculous math problems and seeing who can answer them first doing the math in thier head! *Boy, that'll keep the old math skills sharp I'll tell ya!*

As much as I love homeschooling though, I do think that the advise of these other moms is wise: be sure you're evaluating the situation and its motivations honestly, anything else and you could unintentionally be doing both of you more harm than good. There has been a lot of suggesting this on *your* end, but I would urge you too to look at your son's motivations. Is it really simply educational excellence? Tweleve and thirteen are VERY rough ages socially. Kids at that age can be *very* mean and clique-ish. If your son's principal reason for wanting to homeschool is social trouble at school, than perhaps all he really needs you to teach him is some good, sensible coping skills and homeschooling could instead just send a message that how we deal with difficult situations/people is just to "run away". If it is to spend more time with you after the divorce and feel loved and secure, than all he really needs is for you to help him feel that way all he can while teaching him that he can still stand on his own and enjoy the certainty of your support even when you are not *right there*. Homeschooling may indeed be the best option for you both - only you can decide, just be sure that you're not overloading yourself or inadvertantly doing damage to either or both of you, however noble your intentions may be.

A friend of mine started to home school her 14 year old son this year. She has him take Gym class and Art class at his school so that he can stay social (plus cover the curriculum that she didn't care to teach). Check with your son's school to see if this is an option.....it might make the transition a bit easier for him to still attend school for an hour or two per week. Good luck! :)

I have heard of kids being half homeschooled and half public schooled. They go to school for a couple of classes and they still can play sports. He would get the best of both worlds if you could work out something like that.

I don't homeschool, and know quite a few who do. I have nothing against it. But, I have a question for you. If you are going to be teaching full time next fall, when would you have time to do the homeschooling AND keep your son in sports? Do you have care for him during the day? Just a few more thoughts for you to add to your question.

Good luck,

K.

Z., I was homeschooled my senior year of high school and it pretty much sucked. I worked full time and bought a car, I had a gym membership to stay fit but I lost out on a lot.I did track and field, pom pons, volleyball and couldn't do any of it. No prom, football games ect. My little sister was homeschooled for most of her life and loved it but she was a traveling gymnist and it accomidated her, my brother went back and forth(he is dyslexic). So my advise to you is homeschooling is good but not for everyone. I have a son that I could H.S. but never my daughter(we butt heads too much!) I would do my research and it isn't always about accademics or social abilities, it's about a part of a young persons life too. Good luck in your decision!

How will you home school your son if you are working full time in the fall, and will he just be left home alone all day? I think that kids belong in school they need to learn from others and socialize with kids their own age.

I find it confusing that you want to home school your son, yet you are trying to get back to full time teaching. I think that is a conflict of interests actually. You're sending mixed signals to your son about what you value.

I also am wondering what your motivation for home school is at this point.

Frankly, I think home schoolers miss out on a lot of the social interaction they can get in a public school. It's not only social interaction for having friends and being able to participate in sports, plays, clubs etc... but also learning to deal with other people. Learning how to work in a group with various types of individuals.

Often when you seek clubs outside of school you seek out 'like' people. You join clubs with people who are like you. In public school you are forced to interact with children from all walks of life and social status. I believe this learning environment gives children the opportunity to learn how to 'function in the real world'.

Once they leave school and go to work, they will have to know how to work with other people.... how to deal with difficult situations. You don't really get that in a homeschooling environment, it is very protected.

My other question is, once you go into teaching full time, when will you have time to homeschool? When do you have time now with all you do?