Good afternoon Moms!!! Hope everyone is doing well. My 10yr old step son worries about everything. And I don't just mean school or getting in trouble. For instance, yesterday he asked me how people become deaf. His ear was bothering him (from swimming) and he thought he was going deaf. The back of his leg was a little crampy (from baseball) and he was scared he was going to lose feeling in it. He kept asking me if he was going to be ok. If there's a dark cloud in the sky...he thinks we are going to have a tornado or hurricane. And freaks out b/c we do'nt have a basement. If he has a bug bite, he thinks it's cancer. I'm pregnant and he's constantly worried that something is going to happen to his little sister. The kid is as healthy as a horse and is just constantly worried about getting sick and dying. If he hears something on TV...he automatically thinks it can happen to him. It breaks my heart.When I first him, this was about a month after...we were watching an episidoe of iCarly (I'm sure you all know the show well)...the one kid on there swallowed a matchbox car and had to get it removed. It was just the two of us awake...after watching the show...he went in the bathroom, sat on the toilet and cried his eyes, straining to go #2...petrified that he too might have a matchbox car stuck in his intestines. Begged me to wake his Dad up to make sure he never swallowed one when he was younger. I didn't know what to do. My fiance has 2 sons, 10 and 6. Their Mom died 3 years ago...she committed suicide. They obviously don't know that but they were told that she got sick, fell and bumped her head. I don't know if this contributes to his worrying. But my fiance said he was always like that. I am constantly reassuring him that he is a totally healthy 10 yr old. I sit him down and ask him why he thinks all this bad stuff is going to happen to him but he has no answer for me. Last night, I layed with him and promised him over and over again that I would never let anything bad happen to him. And that he should leave all the worrying to me and Daddy. It kills me. He doesn't sleep well. One of us has to lay with him till he falls asleep. And even then, he constantly worrying that we will fall asleep before him. The poor kid. Both boys went to therapy after their Mom died, but they were so young. Am I worrying too much? I just couldn't imagine being 10 years old and worrying this much. He has a great life, besides the fact that his Mom passed. But he's super smart, awesome at baseball...he has a ton of friends. He's a good kid. But I'm afraid he's suffering. Please help!!!!
Anyone know how I repsond to the Moms responding to my question? I'm lost. Ha. Anyway, thank you for your advice. I think seeing a councelor is the best idea too. I just don't want him to feel like there's something else wrong with him. And I know I shouldn't promise things out of my control but when he's going on and on about whatever it is that's bothering him, the only answer I have is "I won't let anything happen to you"...but you're right. I'm probably making matters worse.
**I'm sorry, I didn't mean that if he was on meds he'd be a nut case. That came out wrong.
Perhaps he does know that his mom committed suicide. Kids are much smarter than a lot of people give them credit for.
I would talk to his pediatrician or a school counselor about this issue. My daughter had anxiety after my son (her brother) passed away. Although she was not quite 3yo when he died she had anxiety when she was 7 yo. The school guidance counselor was able to help her.
Honestly, I'd strongly consider taking him to a counselor. It sounds like his anxiety is really starting to interfere with enjoying life. He probably is a born worrier, but he needs to be taught ways to keep that under control. If mom committed suicide, he may be predisposed to mental health issues.
I know it's hard but try not promising something you can't control, like keeping bad things from happening. It'll only crush him more if he believes that you'll keep bad things from happening and then something bad happens. Your hubby and you could probably learn some great advice from a counselor too. If you can't afford a counselor, try doing some research on anxiety and even OCD and hypochondriacs. Knowledge is power! I'm thankful he's got such caring parents that are constantly reassuring him!
Edited to add: I just learned a tip from somewhere (sorry, baby brain) to help deal with upsetting situations. The article said to rate the issue from 1 to 10. You could help your son start rating as a way for him to see how much of a non-catastrophe something is. 1 could mean he colored too hard and broke tip of the crayon, 10 could mean ... umm, there is an actual tornado coming down the street :P Over time he'll hopefully see that things aren't such a big deal when you look at the big picture. Best of luck! I hope I didn't offend you about the promises thing. Maybe try simply saying things like, I'll TRY my very, very, very hardest to keep bad things from happening and try giving funny examples of you trying your hardest. Tell him you could run around in circles around him with two fly swatters to keep the bugs away or that you'll (getting really close to his face) watch him very intently while he eats to be sure he doesn't eat a matchbox car on accident. Maybe the jokes will be a way for him to start seeing that it's just not reasonable to protect ourselves from every little thing. Also, maybe it's time for him to learn the truth about his mother. Sometimes secrets aren't the best thing for a paranoid person. :P
I also think you should take him to see someone. I have a 10 yo boy and this is way out of the realm of normal. This is not something that you are equipt to deal with yourself as much as you would like to. The best thing that you guys could do for him is to bring in an outside resource to sort this out.
I can't remember the author but there is a wonderful book called "How to Help Your Anxious Child." It's very easy to read and REALLY helpful for kids exactly like your stepson. I would also suggest a therapist who specializes in children/teens with anxiety disorders, it can make a WORLD of difference. I know, I have been through this with my youngest. It's heartbreaking to see them carry so much weight and worry on their little shoulders. Good luck!
He has an anxiety disorder...one of the most treatable disorders that exists.
Find him a good pediatric physiologist that specializes in anxiety (your pediatrician can probably recommend one).
This doctor can arm you with skills to help him and can arm him with skills to help himself overcome this "stinkin' thinking"...
Just because you take him to a psychologist does not mean they is anything seriously wrong with him just that he has an issue to deal with and that is the kind of doctor who helps with that type of issue.
Big hugs to you...it is so hard knowing how to help our kids...
Ditch the TV. Totally. Even if it kills YOU.
Staying with him until he falls asleep is just fine - better now than sleep issues the rest of his life.
A friend just got her son out of her bed at 10.5 yrs. He is comfortable on his own now and able to go to sleep overs. Better this than anxiety for a long time.
Good luck!
If you present being on meds is for a nut case, then he will think that.
If you present it that everyone takes medication on occasion to help themselves. We take medications to hep ourselves heal from illnesses and there are medications helping to balance body chemistry ...so, let's see if a little medication could make you worry less...... then why should he think anything negative about it?
Hi,
Please tell your s/son that "worrying is like praying for what you DON'T want to happen". This is a very powerful message. Our thoughts manifest. Please tell him that there is suffering in everyone's life. We're here to learn lessons. He just needs to accept that there will be more pain in his life. I would imagine this worrying started when his mom passed. That's a tough one to deal with alright. Counselling could be helpful. Reassurances are nice, but please give him that saying above.
Blessings to you both.
"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA
Since his mother killed herself, I am simply going to assume that her mental health was an issue. Studies have shown that depression and anxiety have some genetic links, and I agree with the previous posters that he should have some professional help. As the mother of an extreme worrier, our child psychologist has been great at helping me walk that fine line between taking my daughter's anxiety seriously but not encouraging it even more. And she's worked with my daughter about assessing her own thought process and getting it more under control.
Don't rule out meds. No mother ever wants her child to have to take meds for anything - but they can be real lifesavers - esp. with a history of suicide in the family.
From an early age I have taught my sons our spiritual knowledge that we are not this body but who we REALLY are is a spirit soul who upon death sheds the body like a pair of clothes, and then acquires a new body according to the actions performed in this life.
If you have your own understanding of death, you need to teach your children accordingly so that they understand what this life is about. They can begin to understand from a spiritual perspective, rising above fear and loss. Existential anxiety is due to lack of spiritual understanding. At 10 years old, he should consider studying spiritual philosophies if you are not prescribed to a certain one. E. Kuebler Ross is a leading researcher on death, aside from religious practice. Maybe read up on her work. I think the unknown is what causes fear and anxiety. I understand why you wanted to avoid the truth about his mom's death while he was so young, but thinking a bump on the head caused her death is also hard to understand. Meditative practices can also relieve anxiety. If he learns breathing and meditation, he can even find the answers to all his questions from within his own heart. Hare Krishna!
I was just like him as a kid. I used to worry about burgulars, house catch on fire in the middle of the night and how to save my family, my mom passing away, being kidnapped, worries about school the next day. I never got any sleep and I was a horrible student. I pulled my eye lashes out and my mom used to yell at me for it. I later found out it was A. anxiety disorder but my parents did not ncare enough to get me help. I grew up a mess of a person with depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and my eye lash pulling turned into A. eating disorder that I still can not overcome.
You do care. Help him. talk to his pediatrician about your concerns. Don't let them chalk it up to being normal. I think he has anxiety
