Is My Worrying Too Extreme?

That doesn't sound like normal parent worry to me. Yes, parents all have those thoughts and worries from time to time--THAT is normal. But several times a week is NOT normal.

My friend lost her grandchild at 5 weeks of age to RSV. My oldest grandson was only a few days older than him.

I was so traumatized by this death that I just couldn't be around my grandson unless I was able to stay right there and watch his breathing every moment. I could not do anything to stop myself from acting irrational thoughts.

I know that it's just one of those things that will fade with time.

I know it is normal to have that thought cross your mind once or twice but to worry about it is not good or normal. You don't know when you will die or when he will die or when any one else will die so live each day to the fullest and enjoy your child. You'll pass that fear and anxiety on to him if you don't get rid of it. Let it go. See a counselor if you can't do that and talk about the fear that should not be there.

Worry does not change a thing and increases your stress and hampers feeling happy. I urge you to get counseling so that you can work out why you're so focused on death and learn how to let go of your worry. It may be you'll need an anti-anxiety medication to help, too.

Yes, considering your experiences, I understand why you're worried. I also know from experience that you can change the way you feel so that you're able to be more relaxed and a better parent to your son. Your worry does negatively affect him. You don't want him to be worried about you and death and then to grow up anxious like you are.

Excessive worry about death is not normal.

I suggest discussing this with your doctor. Do you have any other anxiety symptoms?

I suggest getting some counseling. it will help put your mind at ease. I think we all think like this but not that often. Actually seeing your friends dealing with this can build up Anxiety.

I'd say it's a little obsessive. You might want to look into getting some coping skills so you aren't fixated on this because your worry and anxiety will be passed onto your son.

I think it's a normal fear to have, but I think the amount of time you allow yourself to think about it is entirely too much.

Fear isn't always a bad thing. It's good for us to be fearful of things that are bad for us or dangerous to us. This fear can help us be prepared in case bad things happen or help us protect our families.

But it's important not to let fear debilitate us. Be prepared, yes. But don't let fear stop you from living.

If something were to happen to your son tomorrow, would you regret not enjoying more the time you had with him? If you were both to live into your 80's, would you regret spending so much time worrying about something that never happened (losing him at a very young age).

Tragedy can strike anyone at anytime without warning. It's important to do what we can - have life insurance, have a will and someone named to take care of our child, practice safety with our kids, hold hands when we cross streets and walk through parking lots.

But living in fear really means not living. Be prepared, but live your life as if nothing can touch you.

I think it's normal, but not necessarily healthy and any worrying that you can curb would be helpful.

I used to worry a lot too. I think this is more so when you have young children and the responsibility for their happiness and safety, etc... feels so much within your power. When you do worry, stop, remind yourself that your power is limited. Remind yourself that worrying not only doesn't help, but actually can hurt. I actually believe worry can block healthy energy.

Think positively and know that whatever comes down the pike...... comes. You will deal with it to the best of your ability. Worrying about it will not stop it from coming. However, being positive and visualizing good things to come can contribute to good things. Expecting bad can contribute to bad. It's not a matter of seeing good makes everything great all the time. But even when things are not great, how you handle it is what makes or breaks you. Be positive.

I believe there is a Law of Attraction.

I know sometimes worrying is out of your control, but fight it and you can get better at letting it go.

I thought you were going to say that you worried that you wouldn't be able to afford his college education, or that you were afraid he wouldn't have enough friends, that kind of thing.

Worrying about death for NO reason other than you've had friends with more than rotten luck DOES sound extreme.

I think that you need to get some counseling if you can't shake this, mom. It will hurt your son's ability to feel secure if you can't shake this.

Good luck!
Dawn

I think there are times and situations that give us pause, that make us realize how blessed we are, how much we take for granted, how quickly things can change forever. Certainly the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary has made me even more aware of just how precious a child and their life is. And right now, with my older teenage stepsons going through some rough patches, make me appreciate even more the fact that my daughter right now is only 5, she still thinks I am the greatest mommy in the world, and can't get enough cuddling and kissing and hugs. Your experiences have shaped the way you look at things and may be distorting them a little.

I think it would help that, while you are holding your son, you count your blessings rather than dwelling on something that may never be. If you find yourself "stuck" on this thought pattern and it's interfering with your life, or from having a normal healthy relationship with your son, I would seek help from a therapist.

I think those thoughts cross everyones mind once in a while, but it is not healthy to dwell on it. You could try to put those worries to good use, and just make sure to always live life to the fullest, instead of allowing the fear to paralyze you or cause you to be over protective. Make sure you child has lots of enriching experiences and is allowed to take risks, and that you make living a priority, not work or material posessions.

Considering the sad situations of people you're close to I can understand you being a little more focused on losing your child. What you describe is pretty unusual, though. I don't personally know any children who have died of cancer and having that happen to your best friend must have been awful.

That being said worry is destructive, it serves no purpose and can actually hurt you physically and emotionally. I would try very hard to push the thought away when you feel it, have a positive saying in your head ready for the moment when those bad thoughts come. Try a little mini meditation, even holding you son is good but just don't think about loss, think about peace and the joy you feel right at that moment being with him.

The human brain is an amazing thing, if you work at it you can train your brain not to think those thoughts so frequently or to immediately turn them into a positive moment instead of a negative one. Hugging your son is good, worrying about losing him while your doing it, not so good.

If the worry is adversely affecting your life and how you live it, then it is too extreme. That said, I think it is normal (or, at least, not unusual) to have those thoughts in your head, especially if you have seen others close to you go through it or when national events remind us how fragile and unexpected life is. Just don't let it rule your life.

Its a little hard to tell from your post just how bad that your worrying is. You need to honestly ask yourself this because the thing is...the stress caused by constant worry WILL affect your health...yes, to the point of you maybe 'not' being there. One thing I have found out since my own cancer diagnosis is just how blase' people view stress and worrry as. Its seen as just something to be dealt with when in fact it is toxic. The chemical reaction that it sets off in the body can be deadly if kept constantly high with exagerated worry/stress/anxiety.
So reaching out on here is a good first start-you know that you might have a problem. I can tell you that Zoloft very much helped my anxiety. I was always skeptical about taking an antidepressant until I realized that my life depends on it. (Stress is a trigor for breast cancer to metastisize)
You may also want to talk to a counselor to get some techniques that you can use when your mind starts to think in this direction.

I grew up in a home with a parent that was a worrier too. My father worried about EVERYTHING. I think I inherited that from him and you may have inherited this habit from your mother. You need to be retrained to not worry because you are carrying on a habit that you witnessed your mother doing.

My story...
My daughter was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when she was 7 days old. For the first year of her life, I worried every time that I put her to sleep that it would be the last time I would see her. I had nightmares that in the morning I found her and she had stopped breathin during the night or that I went into her room and she was physically gone.

I spent that first year of her life worrying so much about her future that it effected the time I had with her! I wish more than anything that I could redo that first year. I would go back and enjoy all of those moments more without the cloud of worry surrounding me.

Through Mindfulness training, I have learned to live in THIS moment. I learned to stop obcessing and worrying about things that might or nmight not happen and enjoy life today! I hope you can do the same.

Yeah, it sounds extreme to me and a tad strange.

This is life, you can't get out of it alive. When God calls you home, it's your time. Whether it's a tragic death or not, it's your time.

I realize you are saying that you don't shed tears over your worries, but you carry them with you. It's great that you hold your son and love him!!! But STOP worrying about something you have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER....

Have I worried about my kids dying? Yep. My youngest is, well, a stunt person!!! And loves to push the limits and my gray hair. My oldest son - is pretty practical and TOTALLY going through puberty (attitude and all!!) and I sometimes wonder if he'll make it to 13!! LOL!!! My daughter will be 27 this year...

I hope you realize that this stress/worry that you are doing will affect your health, right? Write your worries down. Start a journal for your son and tell him how much you love him and what he did special today....he can have it forever....you could even type it on the computer and download it to a memory stick....

but really...you are fretting over things you have no control over. I am truly sorry for the loss you have sustained. But please let it go.

It is extreme. But then you've gone through some extreme losses.

The other day I had a toothache. Ever since, I have been distracted by the fact that the toothache may return. I worry about it constantly. The worry will subside with the passage of time.

I think your worry will also subside with the passage of time. If not, just keep keeping it to yourself. You certainly don't want to pass this along to your son.

I think all parents have those random thoughts/fears about losing a child.
If its not affecting your life, actions, decisions--to the extreme, I think it's normal.
As they get more and more independent and self sufficient, I think you'll see this fading a bit.

I go through the same thing everyday! Only there has been a few tears aged! I have constant worry that one of us are going to die! I've actually been put (back) on zoloft to help with this horrible anxiety. With the way our society is now days, I can't imagine no parent feeling the way we do. School shootings, robberies, kidnappings, drunk drivers! It's all a constant worry! I have no advice for you as I probably need some too, but I want you to know that you are certainly not alone in this!,good luck and god bless