Teenagers Fear of Death

I've been through this myself...I find my anxiety is worse in the winter and lessens once we have more daylight, so I know it's tied somewhat to seasonal affective disorder. I would recommend talking to a clergy member and/or counselor.

Hi D.,

If you have mental health coverage, you may consider letting her see a psychologist. Going to see a psychologist doesn't mean you're crazy. It may help to bring out what is really bothering her.

Best of luck,
bjw

I would discuss this with her Dr. It sounds like she may have anxiety. If she worries herself about this, and other issues, I would let her physician know.

Anxiety. Our 8 yr old had that and is common in 9-12 yr olds. He would fear for others to the point of histeria. We sent him to his school counselor and she gave him a list of ways to calm himself and a stress ball. If none of that helped he would just need to call the person to be sure they were ok. It took a good 6 mths for it to pass with therapy. S.-mother of 3 (&1 on the way)

Not sure what your spiritual beliefs are - however with that said if you are a christian and you believe in the Lord Jesus you will be saved (Acts 16:31). Therefore you know you will be going to heaven and you will see other believers again. Our children need to all understand that death isn't the end it is the beginning. That is why so often we feel like we don't belong here on earth - because our home is in heaven. We have two children ages 13 & 11. And neither of them are afraid of death. Our son almost lost his life at the age of 8, he was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease and lost too much weight and his body began to give out. He understood that if he died, we would all see each other in heaven. Have a blessed day.

It sounds like she may have a panic disorder. I have a panic disorder, and as a child I was always scared that my family was going to die. I used to have dreams and day-dreams about bad things happening.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

Hello this is my first response to anyone, but I have 3 girls and my oldest is 11 years old and at times she gets a little worried and scared about what will happen if she dies. I had bought her a devotion bible from our local bible book store and it has great stories and scriptures that deal with everyday life that a kid goes through, it has helped her tremendously and when she gets worried we sit and talk about it and pray together, I have found this to be our best solution. It did not just happen overnight but with prayer and God all things are possible. I hope this has been helpful.

A little about me I have 3 girls ages 11, 6, 4 and love them very much and depend on Gods help everyday.

D.,

Having this fear myself, I know where your daughter is coming from. My fear came from loosing my grandfather at the age of 5 and then loosing my grandmother at the age of 9. I happened to the be the one that found my grandmother when she passes away. Has your daughter lost anyone that she has been really close to. I did go to theopy and the therpist told me that I should keep a journal and when I'm having these feelings I should write them down in the journal and when I need to share these feeling talk to someone about them. When I new the fear was going I would take my journal to my mom and she would read my entry and then we would talk about it. Now I didn't share all of my entry's with her but the ones that made me so upset that I couldn't breath.

D., I feel for your daughter so much as I have recently dealt with this. I don't care what anyone says, do not ignore this thinking it will go away. If you do, it will only get worse. I started having anxiety attacks about death when I was going through post-partum depression. I was afraid to even be in the same car as my husband because I was afraid that we would crash and die and who would be there for our kids. I was put on anti-depressants and it helped some, but what helped the most was having someone to talk to. I suggest you find someone for your daughter to talk to about this (I don't think antidepressants are a good idea for a teenager unless her doctor thinks so). I also found that when I was having a panic attack, going out side helped a lot. I began to feel like "walls" were closing in on me and being out in the open really helped. I also think what other people have said about keeping her busy will help. When mine was really bad, I would go to Wal-Mart just to be around people and have something to do to keep my mind off of things. Also, I found it helped to stop watching shows that talked about dying a lot (Extreme Home Makeover, ER, etc). If you work with her, she should be able to realize when she is about to have an anxiety attack and should be able to learn to help herself through them so it's not as bad. I still have them sometimes, but I don't let myself get worked up and it is so much better now. I really hope she can learn to deal with this. It is a really hard thing to go through.

D.,
As a small child and later as a young mom I struggle with this same fear. As a child I would be scared to eat something that might have touch the floor or something as it might make me die from some germ. Later as a young mom I feared dying as who would care for my kids. As an adult a friend pointed out that God is the one in control of our living and dying. He knew the day we would be born and He knows the day we will die. We can't really change that unless we choose to do something stupid like drugs etc. The other thing that might help your daughter is to show her how she can know that if she were to die she would be in heaven. Let me explain: The Bible says in Romans 3:10,23 "AS it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one." "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." No matter how good we are we have all done at least one bad thing in our life which keeps us from heaven. But there hope for all of us. In Romans 5:8 it says "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And Romans 6:23 It says "For the wages of sin is death; BUT the gift of God is eternal life (heaven) through Jesus Christ our Lord. Though no one is good enough for heaven Jesus came and died for our sins so we might be saved. In Romans 10:9,10,& 13 It says "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness;and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." As a child though I hadn't lived in great sin I knew without a doubt I had done things that were wrong. So for me I had no problem believing I need to be saved. I simply told God I was a sinner.I asked him to forgive me of my sins,and that I wanted him to come into my heart and save me and take me to heaven when I died. I knew that Jesus died for me so that I could be saved. Maybe if your daughter sees she can be sure if she died she would go to heaven she won't be so afraid.
I don't whether what religion you are or if you are religious. That doesn't matter to God. What matters to him is whether you except him and the Bible is His word.
I will add D.'s daughter to my prayer list and God will know exactly who she is. B.

Have you thought about seeing a minister and doing it together to help have ?s answered, etc.??

D.-
I can tell you that I still deal with this as a grown up. My advice is to help her take her mind off of it by keeping her busy with other activities she may enjoy! That always helps me deal with the anxiety.

D.

D.,

First, let me say that I totally understand your concern for your daughter and her feelings. My daughter (10) has been experiencing this for as long as I can remember and it can be very worrysome. We have very large families and unfortunately have had to attend many, many funerals over the years. We have discontinued taking her and telling her about funerals for distant, extended relatives. We get a sitter and go without her. This way she only attends the funerals for those whom she has known and had relationships with.

Clearly, from the responses you have already recieved, you need to meet with your family doc/pediatrician and discuss the matter with someone who knows more of your situation. Mental Health disorders are not a diagnosis that anyone who has read your post should be jumping to right off the batt. My in-laws have a family history of mental health disorders (including OCD, anxiety, bi-polar disorder, ADD, ADHD, etc) and NAMI-HC.org is an awesome local resource if you are ever in a situation where you are caring for anyone with such a disorder. However, grief counseling may be all that is needed. The previous post about a childrens grief program should have been written as fernside.org

I know we all feel we are giving good/pertinant advice when responding and I hope something some, or all of us have said can give you some insight on ways to help your daughter.

God Bless!

This a real medical anxiety based condition, see a DR.This does not mean she is crazy, but just like we learn new skills in our life or job, a counselor can help her learn new coping skills for the anxiety that most people naturally deal with in a different way. Until then don't ignore it. It will not go away on it's own.

She's obviously more "aware" than most; I would advise not to simply distract her. Death is a real thing and she has to learn to work through the anxiety. But if she does learn to accept her mortality and not simply ignore it or leave it up to God then she'll have grown more than most people in this world. There's nothing wrong with God or faith, but death and dying are in a category of their own. I found "the tibetan book of living and dying" very inspiring.
Good luck.

Without knowing what caused her initial fear and the conversations you have had with her over the years - I am offering a generalized response. In the Cincinnati area, there is a non-profit organization called Fernisde, which helps grieving children. Look it up on the web and see if they can either send you information, or recommend something similar in your area. The other question I have for you: Does she have mild depression? This could be one sign of it. Best of luck in your search for help for her.

To the 15 yr old girl, we come into this world by the grace of God to be with our mom and dad, sisters, brothers, we live our life each day to the best we can, and when God makes aplace in heaven for us when it's our time then we will go. But you don't need to worry you are a strong girl,be happy that you are with your mom and sister and brother, and the rest of your family live your life. When god whats you he will let you know but for right now be a wonderful teenager and don't worry you have alot of years ahead of you.

D.,
It is ok for your daughter to have these fears. Most people at some point in thier lives confront this fear. She has just started early.
This would be a good time for her to find a councelor to talk to. Just someone who can help her sort out her feeling. I know of a few people who are really good with children and teens if you are looking for someone. I also have a few places you could go to that will work with you if finances are an issue.
Dont panic. She is not the only one who has these issues. But you can show her that her feelings are important and taking care of herself needs to be a priority by doing this.
A little info on me: I am a family advocate for a juv. court. I have a degree in child and family studies. I had the same fears when I was young also.:)

I've had this situation since I was 7. Have her thyroid checked, also you may want to consider putting her on birth control. I know you gasp at this idea, but because my time of month was so bad and my hormones so out of wack, I've been on them since I was 12. Except for when I had my kids of course. This is a very hormonal issue. A lot of people with thyroid and hormone issues suffer from this. Have her wear a rubberband on her wrist, whenever she has an 'episode' (mine are panic attacks) have her snap her wrist, it's called thought stoppage and works wonders (it only hurts for a second). A psychologist taught me this. Mine have disappeared since I started on the thyroid meds. She may want to try some relaxation techniques. Teenagership is a very anxious time. Also, anti depressants have helped me, but I wouldn't recommend it for a teenager. First step, ask the doctor to check her thyroid, if she has a problem and goes on medication, I bet you the spells will disappear. Mine did. Maybe get her counseling through church also. Maybe this will help. It sometimes help to lean on your faith through periods like this.

When I was a child I was very afraid of death. I refused to go to my great-grandmother's funeral because I was afraid of seeing her dead body in a coffin. I was also very afraid of the dark and had nightmares on a regular basis. This lasted until I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior at the age of 16, much to the dismay of my family, which was not religious. While I still experience some anxiety of death (my oldest son is currently in the Army serving in Iraq), my fears are not nearly as strong as when I was a child/teen.

A lot of good advice has already been given here. A physical check-up and a talk with a counselor are good options. I've given my experience so that you may also consider a spiritual option. May the Lord bless your family with peace.

I have always had a terrible fear of death myself and I think if everyone is honest they will admit to some degree of fear about dying. I think some of the fear comes from the unknown and that we will be separated from those we love. As I have aged my fear has grown into a fear of the pain I will experience when I die, but recently I experienced something that has changed my whole perception of death and dying.

I first want to say that in your daughter's situation the first thing I would do is seek professional advice. I think it is wonderful that we can all talk on here and get help from each other, but I think your situation is one that requires something a little more advanced than a bunch of moms and grandmoms who mean well, but might not have the best answer in this situation considering we might not know all the facts and this one sounds very serious.

Ok, now for my personal story of what helped me deal with my fear of death. What I’m about to share won’t be for everyone - and it might not be the right thing for your daughter only you know the severity of your situation - and I’m not a Bible thumper, which makes this even more powerful for me, but I’m sharing this experience because it has changed my life and if it can help someone else I would feel guilty for not sharing. And sometimes I learn about something on my own and wonder why no one ever shared the information with me- so I’m taking a gamble and sharing.

Last year my mom begged me to go on a Walk to Emmaus. You have to have a sponsor to go, but it is open to all religions. (If you Google it you can learn more and find nearby contacts and maybe someone to sponsor you.) At my table was a Catholic girl, a Baptist girl, a Mennonite, and I’m Methodist. Particular religions are not discussed during the three day weekend (Thursday night, Friday, Saturday and Sunday) you are at the retreat. It is more about your relationship with God and it is the most powerful experience I have ever had. It is actually structured for people of strong convictions so they aren’t trying to “convert” you, they don’t speak in tongues, it isn’t a radical experience, actually it was very relaxing and very emotional because it is only for the women or men that weekend. They only have three or four Walks a year and one weekend is for women and another is for men. They have them for teenagers and for college students (separated into girls and boys for the weekend.) There aren’t games or competitions, you just eat food, listen to music, laugh, listen to REAL people share their experiences they have with God. So it isn’t a preacher up their preaching at me – although they do have a spiritual leader talk occasionally – but most of the people were just like me. (You can even volunteer to be a speaker after you have been through the Walk.) I have never cried so much in my entire life and I felt SO close to the women I was with. Let me just put it this way, it was the closest I have ever been to God while on this Earth and I don’t think I will ever be that close to him again until the day I die. And more importantly, the experience ended up helping reprioritizing my life AND it put to rest my fears of death. I can say that I no longer have an unrealistic fear of the day I die because now I see it as “my candlelight.” That will totally make since to you after you have been on the Walk. After more than 25 years of being afraid of death I am now free of that fear and I can’t tell you how it has changed my life! I also have to admit I resisted my mom when she asked me to go and now I can’t thank her enough for convincing me. Since my Walk my husband has gone and both of my teenagers have been on Walks. We all talk about how overwhelming and AMAZING of an experience it was and before the Walk my teenagers did not like going to church.

So if you are looking for something to put your fears of death to rest, the Walk to Emmaus may be just what you have been searching for. If you look into it and are interested, e-mail me, I would be happy to sponsor or help you or other people find a sponsor for the Walk. It was just so amazing I would hate to see someone – especially a teenager be turned away from this when I know it will change the way you feel about death.

Whatever you do, wherever you are in life, good luck.

I have a friend who had a near death experience, and it totally changed her attitude about death. She is no longer afraid, and she works for hospice so she is in daily contact with people who are dying. Find your daughter a book about near-death experiences. I did a report on Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's "Life after Life" when I was in high school, and it was fascinating. That was 30 years ago, I'm sure there are many more books available on the subject now.

D., sounds like she's found a way to push your buttons
and get attention. Next time: Say, We've already discussed
this and now we aren't going to talk about it anymore. If
she cries, suggest she go to her room until she feels
better. You've got to stop reinforcing her fears with all
the talk and attention. If you are in charge and she knows
you aren't worried about it, it will all end before long.
Mary, mother of 3
grandmother of 7

I wonder if your daughter is exhibiting signs of depression. Fixating on negative things like this sounds like a very classic symptom. Talk to your doc. This might be easier to deal with than you think.

My 10 yr old has done that for years too. She use to get herself worked up to a crying point. I had to just start giving her some tough love because it was just getting carried away and I did not want her to dwell on it. I finally just told her the truth that everyone dies and everything and that there is nothing we can do about it except always keep the memories in your heart. Some times the pictures of loved ones being around can make it worse. Believe me out of sight out of mind really does work. I know it is hard to do that but sometimes that helps to not think about the sad things so frequently until you are strong enough to handle it. It does not matter how old your kid is if you constantly ooo and aaaa about all the things about death they will just milk and eat up what ever attention you give them.

Has she lost someone close to her?It sounds to me like she may be suffering from ocd.Has she had any other fears?Does she have panic attacks frequently?
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/OCD.html

http://dailystrength.org/c/Anxiety-Childhood/forum/136549...

There is all kinds of websites and chats for ocd if your daughter has this.I have ocd myself and have tons of intrusive scary thoughts.Your mind goes in circles with what ifs and you may be able to reasure her for a little bit but her mind will find away around it if it is ocd.Look for a specialist in anxiety disorders especially ocd.Not a lot of therapist understand ocd as well as we want but there are those out there that dedicated their lives to studying this particular anxiety disorder.If you need help with anymore feedback message me.

Hi Ms. W,

I am 15 years old (on my mom's account, of course) also and I literally JUST started having these thoughts. What happens to me is I start thinking about me dying and I get scared out of my head to the point where I'm crying non-stop and I actually made myself throw up at one point. Then, about 15 minutes after I got over that, I think, "oh, what I would do without my mom comforting me..." and then that fear of her dying comes up. I haven't had anything traumatic really happen to me since I can remember, so my mom took me to a psychologist. If she is resistant, tell her it's not a big deal and it's completely normal, the therapist won't think you're a freak, and her friends don't have to know. The therapist uncovered that I do have anxiety problems and a panic disorder, but one thing that helps me is because I have the metdowns at night, I have positive conversations with my parents and watch positive TV shows, and if people are about to die in the TV show, change it as fast as possible. Hope this helps, best of luck to your daughter, she's not alone in this for sure!

hi D.. first, i read just a couple of the other responses. one in particular stood out as a very alarming repsonse. the others seemed sensitive to the subject.

let me tell you first, that i do feel your daughter may have a phobia/anxiety disorder. i, myself, have a phobia of needles/ and somewhat dr's. and let me tell you i have always been like this my whole life, and by no means has it ever been a way to get attention! i wouldn't wish my fears on my worst enemy!! i couldn't stress this enough!

please try looking up phobias on the internet, along with anxiety. there is a phobia related to your daughter's reaction to things but i cannot remember the name of it.

PLEASE, as i am sure you probably have been, be very compassionate towards this issue. there is nothing worse than to have these feelings. if it is a phobia, you don't ask for this to happen to you. and it is the absolute worse thing to feel that you are alone!! i know, i have been there! for what you see as the outward signs of your daughter's reactions to things, it very well may be ten times worse for how she is feeling deep down inside. people that don't relate to having a phobia, i have found, are the least caring, most opinionated people, thinking you can "just turn these feelings of your fear off". i certainly wish it were that easy!

please take care, and do look up different phobia sites. they can give you alot of information and maybe give you a place to go from there. remember, it may be hard for you to deal with, not understanding it, and trying to deal with her reactions, but i promise, for her, it is probably so much worse, and def will be if she feel alone.

best of luck, and write anytime.

C.

Hi D., I am a mother of 4 married and 8 Grandchildre. This is something you do not want to take lightly. Teenage time is rough without having these spells. Find a support group that deals with this. Talk to her doctor, he may have a contact. Check out her friends, what are they talking about?
Let her know you are there, give her security and lots of hugs. Don't make fun of it and don't let anyone in the household do it.

Dear D.,
Hello, She has to over come her fear, which isn't going to be easy, have you had her to talk to a pastor, or even a counlser. She needs a lot of help, she needs to be able to say why she has this fear? What make her think of death at a early age, maybe she knows more than she is telling. My brothers daughter, was that way.
Does she believe in God? That thur him she will have everlasting life! That this space is only here, for a short time, and we all have to face death,at one time it's not only her, but others like that all over, is she scared of hell, the evil devil.
Does she read the bible, goes to church.
The best thing for her and you to do, is get her help to understand her fear.
Ask her this question?
1. What does the forrest look like to her? Light beams with wildflowers, or like a large place thats dark and gloomly.
2. in her forestt, if she came up to a pond or stream, what would she do?
3. How and what would she do if she ran across a bear?
4. If she found a old boarded up home, in her woods, would she go in or walk on by.
Have her name 5 things she likes and 5 things she dislikes.
It's important she answer these without thing about it and only with the truth, then I can have a good ideal about your daughter, so please send me her answers. Don't let her stump around with the answers on the questions...and let it be known she has to be honest with the answers.
Thank L. M.
We will go from here hope to hear from you soon.
God Be With You

(hi i saw someone mention thyroid and going on the pil- first if you were to try that you could try giving her pills of kelp and/or bladderwrack they are natural in minerals and iodine. and i have seen people get balanced using them.)
i have had a few times where i imagined ceasing to Exist and that brought on an inescapable panick that only lasted several seconds maybe minutes ...
maybe daughter needs to find her relationship with the divine. i always like hearing the near-death experiences
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPabMyVvC9s :
this one is really sweet and this one is the story of a man who went to hell but it has a happy ending..maybe you would not share it with daughter maybe you would..i shared it with my son who is 10 and what we got from it is that we all know within ourselves things we should not do, but we let ourselves do them anyhow -maybe everyone around us is doing the same things or maybe it seems to cause no harm so we do it but when you do not listen to yourself, you have noone to listen to and you stray from your path of goodness-what is good for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB6_QMHf0Uk&feature=re...
i download these to the RealPlayer so we don't have to watch them on the youtube site because the site is full of C**p as well as good stuff.~but you can make it play in full screen if ya can't for some reason do that....
anyway...she may need to explore her faith- there are so many books that delve deeper into all of the faiths- i have found lots on all of them...there is the Book of the Essenes(several) that is from the Dead Sea Scrolls that speak of Jesus...but i only mention that as an example... the subject of the divine gets very touchy but no matter what faith one is, there is lots to find answers and a support in. Also maybe tell her that just because we may not see someone for a very long time does not mean we will never see them again...well, see that starts getting into my faith- i think your daughter's sadness over not seeing someone who has passed is her being voicing her need / thirst for answers- if she thinks they are never to be seen again- you might ask her what it is that she thinks/believes has happened to them- where does she think they have gone- does she not believe that when she passes she will not see them? ask her maybe what she thinks and what she wants to know.
Best to you:)
p.s. don't worry that you may not have the answers, she will be glad atleast that you are willing to hear her questions and answer the best you can. When i was asking about God and life and death and after-life ...i asked lots of questions and got lots of answers and maybe the answers did not satisfy but being able to speak to someone about it was a start- i found people did not really want to think too deeply for too long about it but i Had to because of the fear i had experienced. i always have naturally believed in God but my fear was begging for answers- i do believe the best answers are found by searching within one's own being but all that has been written has been written as a help to all of us who are unaccustomed to going within for answers.