Teeneger Advice

Is it a school dance? Those dances are usually heavily chaperoned.

Most kids just want to dress up, go to the dance and socialize.

Part of being a teen is participating in the dances, ball games, etc.

Set some ground rules from the get go and you should be fine. COMMUNICATE

So the boy is 2 years older than your daughter? Then they might be matched in maturity, lol!. What exactly are you afraid of? Maybe it is time to sit down with your daughter and have an honest talk about what you are trying to protect here. And then set some limits as to when she should be home and what she is allowed to do, and if she follows your rules you will trust her and loosen the limits a bit each time, but she has to prove she is mature enough for the responsibility first. It may be way too early but I would buy her a good book about love and sex. We have one just called S.E.X. from amazon.come. It has many topics, but one chapter lists 100 reasons that show you are NOT ready to have sex (such as, if you are not able to discuss who will take care of birth control, then you are not ready to be so intimate either, etc.). It also has sections about myths since there are always stupid crazy stories going around about how you will not get pregnant that are pretty much always wrong.

I think that you should let her go.. 2 years is not that big of an age difference. It could be a lot worse. You should just have a very serious talk with her and him before they go and make rules. Good luck!

Is this a school dance? They want to go to the dance to hang out together. To talk to see friends.
And maybe try to dance.. It is a fun thing to go to dances, it is a school party. At school, with chaperones.

Is she mature?

Have you spoken with her before about what age she can start going out with people in high school? Attend dances. attend late football, basketball games,. go out for pizza, movies?

What is your clue that she will be ready? What will she have to be able to do? Say? What magic time makes her ready?

Make sure you are clear to here about what and why you have these rules and expectations. That is all teens want to know is what are the expectations and how can they reach it. They deserve to know..

Some kids at the age of 14 are very mature. Some are still too silly to send out there without their parents being present. How is your daughter?

our rule is: no dating until you're 16. & I have to say, in all honesty, our older son began dating a couple of months before 16....& we'll have to see what happens with our younger son....he just turned 15 in July!

We also used to tell our sons that "it's not a date if mommy/daddy has to drive you". In your case, this one doesn't help! I'm sure the Jr drives....

Sooo, what's your complaint? The going-together "date", his driving, or the age difference? I have a different answer for each one!

The going-together date: if you have an age requirement (as we do), then I understand saying "no". But, if it's not already a rule, then you're going to have a hard time enforcing it. Always try to be proactive, as opposed to reactive. Get those rules written in stone before the dating years!

If it's his driving, then again....this rule should already be in place. No riding with teenage drivers until you're___. & here's my honest opinion on this one: my son is 15 & a freshman. He is in Band & has been all over our little town with older Band members. I'm a.o.k. with this as long as he stays in town & doesn't hit the back roads or interstate hwy. It also helps that he has his permit & in another couple of months will have his motorcycle permit, too. At that point, he'll be driving his Vespa to school.... (insert eye roll here, please).

If it's the age difference, then ....wow!....I'm not the one to be answering this question! I started dating my husband 3 months before my 16th bd. Soooo, I was (technically) 15 & he was 23. It's a shocker, I know!!! The only reason this was allowed was because I met him at our lake house, we knew his family & all of their friends, & he was a part of the group I spent my wkends with. &, to brag a little, we're coming up on our 30th anniv next month!

I know it's probably the last thing you want to hear, but age difference doesn't make this any more of a risk than a badly-behaved freshman. It all boils down to the individual..... My recommendation would be to meet the kid & give him a chance. What harm is in that?

Apologies to you....if we're on opposite ends of the "mom" radar! It just doesn't make sense to tell her to dance with him, but not go with him.... what's to stop him from assaulting her in the hallway at school, in the parking lot, etc. ? Either you trust them or not! Peace....

I think that the bigger issue is that you and hubby need to decide what the ground rules are going to be for your daughter, and then have a discussion with her where you explain them. I still remember being scared of being asked out because my parents never told me whether or not I would be allowed to go out... so I didn't know what to say to the boy.
Before you talk to her, talk to hubby in private so you guys can decide in advance what you are comfortable with, what "special circumstances" you might be willing to negotiate about, and what is a definite "no". And also WHEN you will be re-evaluating to see if changes in those rules are appropriate. Then explain it to your daughter.
If your issue is with this boy's age (which it sounds like it is, just based on your first sentence), then establish a rule about age differences. If your issue is her going on "a date" of ANY kind, then explain to her when she will be allowed, and what constitutes a "date" and what does not. Then she won't feel like an idiot when she tries to respond to future invitations.

You know your child, we don't. My kids are very mature and independent. If my daughter had asked to go to a dance with someone two years older I would have let her though at 14 she wasn't allowed to date anyway.

The funny thing about my 16 rule is it didn't matter, she had already decided she wouldn't date until she graduated. Perhaps that is why I always allowed her to decide such things.

Is he going to be driving her? At 14 I would say no to that (I remember my own "all too eager ready to have fun" self at that age!)
But if it's a school dance where you are dropping off and picking up I would let her go. The high school dances here are heavily chaperoned, they even breath-alize and frisk the kids as they come in, and NO in and out privileges. Same goes for prom, very tightly controlled (and we live in a "good" community!)

If he won't actually dance, then what is the point in even going with him? I think you are right. She is way to young to be going to a dance with a guy that age, or any age for that matter. Regardless, they can still get together at the dance and school, just be careful here!

I started dating a junior (16 and owned his own car) when I was 14.

Is he "too old" or is she "too young"? Cuz 14 & 16 is pretty common, totally normal. 14 year-old boys are rarely ready to date, even casually.

I think this is "a big deal" because you're not ready for her to date, or don't believe she is ready. Seems to me that several conversations are needing to be had...

I don't think there is anything wrong with a freshman going to a dance with a junior. However having said that I do think that rules need to be in place. You or his parents do the driving. they go to the dance and out to dinner if thats the plan and she has to be home by whatever time you set. these things are not an issue if you have set the rules up ahead of time. Tell her they have to go with a group of kids not just the two of them in a car.

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I would let her go, just not let him drive there and back.