What Is the Right Age for Dating

I didn't date till I was 16 unless it was a school fuction and we met there. I did have a boy give me a ring when I was 14 and had to give it right back.

I would definatley make her wait. I know its tough to be strict. I grew up in a firm household and thank my parents often for that. My 15 year old has a hard time with all the rules that he has, but in the long run your gut instinct is the right answer. If you are relaxed now, she's going to expect you to be even more relaxed with the dating scenarios later. Teenagers are doing things so much earlier than you can imagine. My 15 comes home with stories that bewilder me. In today's day and age you're not "popular" unless you've done "activities" with a guy and a girl. It's changed a lot since we were young. Please don't be too naive. Our children need those boundaries. I hope that I haven't come on too strong.

"Real" dating is reserved for high school. My 3rd and 5th graders have a "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" but it's honestly more of a "friend who's a boy" thing (which is how I always phrase it when the dscussion comes up), and I frequently remind them that I'm only allowing this as long as there is "NO KISSING" or any other "inappropriate" activity... (which is also discussed... god we talk a lot.. lol)

My now-16 yr old has been dating since she hit freshman year of school, and I think we'll be keeping that family rule in place. I don't see a problem necessarily with going out in packs of mixed gender (like a "group date" to the movie, or whatever) but I do think it's really inappropriate to encourage "tweens" to have serious romantic relationships. They're truly not emotionally mature, no matter how many R films their peer group has seen. ;)

I am in the same boat! I have a 13 year old daughter who wants to date as well. I told her she had to wait until high school. I told her that she was too young & once you establish a reputation - it is hard to over come it. Especially now with the times as they are! Tell your daughter that if the boy really likes her, then he will wait! And if he can't wait - it was not meant to be. I know it will go on deaf ears - but if the guy is sincere - then you know your daughter is picking well!!! Good Luck!!

A., this may sound a little old fashioned, my sister's and i had to be 16. As a mother now myself, I understand why. Don't make them grow up any faster than they already do. Since your daughter is only 12, how is are her friends? Who will drive? Is she hanging out with 16 year olds or is this going to be monitored by a parent driving? Stand firm and make the right decision for your pre-teen daughter!

Hi A.,
My daughter is still a toddler, but I just wanted to tell you to stick to your guns on this one. My parents didn't let me date until I was 15. And while there were a few times when I had a crush and I thought they were terribly unfair, it was also nice to not have to worry about all the dating drama that my friends were caught up in. I knew A LOT of girls who were having sex at 12, 13, 14. I never had to worry about that pressure. I had male friends. I could talk to boys on the phone. It was very similar to what you describe. But there was absolutely no dating until I turned 15 (group or alone). Looking back on it, I think it was the best thing my parents did for me and I plan on doing the same thing with my own daughter when the time comes; although, I may make it 16. I know it's tough when your daughter is upset with you, but you are her mom and you DO know what is best for her. If you feel that 14 is the right age, then IT IS. Don't let her manipulate you by trying to wear you down or make you feel guilty. She is a child and she doesn't need the emotional drama and pressures that inevitably go along with dating. I wish you the best of luck!

Arn't teenage girls fun! You are right to be concerned about your daughter "dating" at this age. I think it all depends on where they are going and when and if they will be supervised by an adult at any time.

I have let my daughter (who turned 13 in August) go to a movie with a boy, however, there was a parent with them or in the vicinity of where they were.

Unfortunately, even though our girls (and us) would like to think that they are safe in situations like this, many times things out of their control happen.

Perhaps you could suggest an appropriate place for them to go where they would be more managed and you could be in the vicinity....bowling, Crazy Pinz, ice skating, a movie where you are in the theater, but at a different movie, toboganing in Angola, etc.

Best of luck in handling this situation. Let me know how it turns out!

I don't have an answer for what the "right" age is. I had my first real boyfriend at 13. We didn't go on a real date . . . ever (that I remember). We found other ways to be together and do the things our parents wouldn't have approved of - which at that age was just kissing - a LOT. We would sneak into a quiet hall during sporting events, go under the bleachers during football games, or plan to go to supervised events and find a secluded corner.

I know I'm in the minority here, and my daughter is only 2, so I haven't been to that point yet, but my thought is that you find a compromise that you both can live with. Allow her to go on a group date where you personally know the chaparones (or you can volunteer), and it isn't in a place like a movie theater or mall where the kids can find ways to sneak off and be out of sight. Maybe suggest a church function. :LOL:

Of course, you need your daughter to know your expectations of her behavior and why. I knew I should wait until marriage to have sex, but I didn't really understand all the psychological (and physical) reasons why waiting is so important. I knew the basics - the Bible says to wait (although I was waiting for someone to point out the verse that said "thou shalt not have premarital sex"), and you could get pregnant or a disease. Kids need to be educated on more than the basic facts, because all their friends (and boyfriends) will tell them why those basic facts can be overlooked. They need to have the personal conviction of waiting if that is what they intend to do. And if waiting is just until they fall in love . . . well, I was in love at 13.

I'm 25...I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 y/o. I thought it was insane of my parents. Now I work in a Neonatal intensive care unit...the longer you hold em off the better. I was about 13 when I started going to boy/girl parties, but was not allowed out with anyone I called a boyfriend. I'm not scared by it! Stick to your guns.

I think a group date at age 12 is okay, if the group is chaperoned AT ALL TIMES. If you are unsure, offer to chaperone the group yourself. Although I don't have children your daughter's age (mine are younger) I have two nieces that are 12 & 13, and this is what my sisters allow. It works out fine for them, even though they see a lot of teen movies!

Uh, although my children are much younger, I just have to say that I think 12 is WAY too young to date. I was NOT allowed to date until I was 16 years old. Recent articles suggest that the best way to make sure that your teenagers do not make poor decisions is decrease the opportunities to make poor decisions ( in addition to giving them good values, etc). One really good way to do that this to restrict dating until she is older ( I think that 15 or 16 is good, early high school). Coed parties with adults present is OK but NOT alone with a boyfriend. Maybe I am old fashioned but I would be careful

Hi A., I am a mother of 3 girls and can relate. This is some of the best advice I have ever been given about dating and I would like to pass it along to you. The sooner they hold hands the sooner that gets boring so they move on to kissing then soon that gets too comfortable and they move on to something more advanced. Contact on the phone helps her get to know boys in a safe environment. However, the sooner they date the sooner they advance through the dating bases. My husband and I have agreed that our daughters need to be 16 to date. A 16 yr old girl is more emotionally mature than a 14 yr old. At 14 they still have a lot of new and raging hormones and by 16 they seem to have leveled out some a long with a young girl's thinking. Even at 16 we are going to strongly encourage group settings. good luck with your daughter. Just remind her she has her whole life to date. Even though at her age it doesn't feel like it. She'll be a lot happier if she sets her standards now and sticks to them. You sound like a very caring mom I'm sure you'll do what you feel is best for your daughter. candy a

Hi A.,

I have a 14 year-old daughter and she is not allowed to date or have boyfriends until she is 16 years old. No group dates, alone dates, boyfriends, no boys that she likes in a romantic way coming to the house....not until she is 16 and then we will begin to discuss her options. Her and I are very close and she understands why this rule is in place because we have spent a lot of time discussing dating, boys and sex. She is allowed to talk on the phone, email, and text message anyone she likes because I feel boy-girl interaction is an important part of growing up...however...I also know that with boyfriends comes sexual activity eventually....whether we like to admit it or not. And I believe she will be better equipped to make those decisions for herself at 16 than at 14 years old. By this I am not implying my daughter or anyone else's needs to wait because they will definitely have sex....Instead, I choose to see it as giving my daughter more time to develop as a person before she adds someone else to the equation.

What I am about to say will probably cause some controversy...but I am going to say it anyway....

As a woman and a mother I feel very strongly that our daughters need to feel empowered, informed and have autonomy over their bodies and feelings. My daughter and I have talked extensively about sex (on her time table and pace) and she has shared with me her sexual curiosity (which is perfectly normal at her age...lol) My response to this has been to encourage her to discover her own body first before she decides to allow someone else to....That she should be completely comfortable with her own body and her own feelings and the period of time before she begins to date is a great time for her to not only experience interactions with boys via phone and email.....but most importantly with her self and all of the changes in her body she is experiencing...

When the time comes for her to begin dating, I want my daughter to feel good about any choices she makes....but as a mother I am very aware that dating will be a big part of her life until she finds the "one" someday. (Like many of us on here did).

The best thing you can do for your daughter is to be honest, talk to her about your concerns, go with your gut and realize you are the only one who can best navigate and protect her as she goes through this exciting, dramatic, and ever changing period in this young girl's life.

Good Luck,
R.

I think group "dates" are appropriate at any age. However, it is imperative to discuss what you feel is appropriate interaction between the "couples". Depending on the age, maybe a hug to say "hello" or "goodbye" is appropriate to you, but a kiss on the cheek (or elsewhere) is not. Those are the things that you should be discussed before the "date".

I am firm believer that when they are restricted from doing things that the majority of average/normal peers are doing, pre-teen and teenagers will find a way to do them with or without your knowledge or permission. So, rather than inadvertently encouraging your child to become sneaky or resentful, I would allow small positive freedoms and then see how she handles that new responsibility. Certain actions may need to be corrected along the way, but you are showing her that you are testing her maturity and that she needs to earn your trust to gain more freedoms as she gets older.

For sure at least 14 years old. Maybe even 16 so they can drive themselves?

I agree with most of your responses you have received.

She is WAY too young!

We had our oldest daughter read 2 books when she was 14 or 15 when she was wanting to date. They really helped her see more than "her side" of it.

The books are

Kissed Dating Goodbye
and
The Bride Wore White

We read them together since some of the content was deeper than we thought she should be even thinking about (at least on her own). We have been very open and she has her head screwed on right! I am so thankful for that. Early dating leads to early _____ and early _____ leads to _____ and so on and so on and so on... pregnancy could really ruin a young girls life - which would ripple out to the grandparents life, too. I know I am looking WAY down the line but that is what we need to do as concerned parents - we have been there done that and need to guide our children down the right path.

Have a great day and remember "You're a Better Parent Than You Think" (that is the name of another great book!)

R.

I'd offer to take them to a movie or bowling or whatever. I agree, they are too young to go alone with no supervision, but kids tend to find a way. So, if you are the one in control of the situation, you can keep an eye on everyone. Talk to the other parents and see if maybe you can switch off taking the kids on these "outings". I think until you can drive yourself, you shouldn't be able to go without a parent. At least it should wait until high school.

Go with your instincts. If you think she should wait until she is 14 or 15 then that a good age. When she is older she will thank you for being so protective. Good Luck.

Dear A.,
Having raised 4 girls, and very concerned about the "world" in which my granddaughters are growing up, I would say to you that 15 or 16 could be the time for an occasional "date".
However, I would encourage them getting together in groups where there is adult supervision at all times.
Try to join with other parents who have the same concerns.
I could go on and on, but I won't.
With what goes on today, I do not envy any parent of teens!
My watchword is SUPERVISION, SUPERVISION, SUPERVISION!
Whether your daughter likes it or not, it is your responsibility to raise her to adulthood, and that does NOT start at age 12!

I agree with the statement that kids are growing up too fast these days. Why do you think we have such a problem with teen pregnancy?! While you should always do what you feel is right for your family. STAND FIRM!!!!! My personal opinion would be that she shouldn't date until she is 16. There is plenty of time for her at that age to make crazy decisions and mistakes, why add extra years with an underdeveloped brain with that?! Research shows that teens brains do not have the full abiltiy to make good choices. Those centers of the brain do not fully develop until the early 20s. Protect your daughter, you're a parent not a friend. She'll thank you for it later in life.

I think you are smart to wait till she is 14 or 15 unless there was a parent who was chaperoning 12 seems awfully young. A colleague of mine has a 12 yr old in 7th grade and a girl in her daughters class is pregnant! That horrified me to hear try and hold on to your daughter's youth a bit longer children know way too much these days and talk openly about sex (plus don't seem to have all the correct info on the subject which adds a frightening twist to it.) any way good luck.

I agree with you 12 is too young to go on a group date. My girls had boys over to our house when they were 13 and 14. My one daughter made out with her boyfriend on the couch with me in the other room. I had to tell her to knock it off. Your daughter will push the limits. You need to be stronger and let her hate you. My daughters too thought I was too overprotective and strict. I wasn't strict enough. I believe that 14 is too young to date also. I believe that 16 is still the right age to date, even if teens today believe that we are ridiculous. I now have a grandson. My daughter had him when she was 19. He is now 20. Tell her that she can start group dating when she is 16 and only let her group date. There are a lot of people that I have heard on the Christian radio station programs that have their kids do that. They say it really takes a lot of pressure off their kids. Then they can get to know the girl or boy better without the boy/girlfriend stresses. Kids today grow up too soon. Also when she goes to a friends house, call the parents and make sure they are home. I remember when I was 13 and my friends were at someone's house. I went over there also. They were upstairs having sex, because there were no parental supervision. I hope this helps. I don't want you to to be a grandparent too early! My daughter who had the baby always told me that she was going to wait to have sex until she was married. Now I think she has had sex with every boyfriend that she has had, since after she had sex when she was 18. She also has a sexually transmitted disease now. She will have to be checked for cervical cancer the rest of her life.

I feel very passionate about this conversation. As I have a 11 year old, soon to be 12 and a 10 year old who is crazy over boys. I think there is no way I would let them date or go out before 16. Sometimes I think that is too young. If you could get them to focus on something else maybe. I am only 10 years past 16 and I have nephews whose girlfriends would stand in front of me and lie to their mothers on the phone about where they were staying that night. That really opened my eyes alot about my girls. I mean you can't over protect but the first chance you give them to slip up, they will and maybe the next thing you know, you are raising an grandchild (not you personally, but the situation). I am scared what to do with my girls when they get that age, and they will get there, I have four of them. Just trust them but never think, oh my daughter won't do that... yea right.

Stick with it! If only more parents where like you. I will not letting any of my kids go to the opposite sex house. Even if you like the parents you really do not know if they are watching it only take a minute to get pregnant. I have taken 12 years old patients that were in labor! Also make sure she is busy in extra activities. Kids who are not, hang out with kids who don't and they just get in trouble since they have nothing to do.

I think every situation is different. My 13 year old is allowed to go to the movies with a group and occasionally out on a solo "date" if we approve of the boy. We would never allow her to seriously date, but we know she is far more mature than most girls her age and know that she is able to say no and enforce it. My 9 year old on the other hand (judging by her maturity level now compared with how my 13 year old was at 9) will most likely not be able to date until more like 16 or so. It really depends on the child as well as the kids she hangs out with. I would say a group "date" is more safe than solo as well. Our 13 year old has only been on one solo date and we only let her go because we had known the boy for a couple years and knew we could trust him with her.

hi i can relate my daughter will be 13 2-17-08 ,we will not let her car date until 16-but she goes and meets her freinds at the movie theater and school dances but thats as far as it gets- she also looks alot older-she does act very responisble too thank god-were going to start out slow to make sure she can stay responsible-and she can prove herself to us-so for now we do parental dropoffs and pickups only . goodluck!

I didn't start dating until I was 16. Now that I look back I think that was plenty early. I could hang out with friends before then, but no single dating. I really feel like by the time I was 16 I had a little bit of sense in my head- but of course not enough!!

The rule is 16 in my house, and it was that way for me as a teenager, too. I have 2 girls, one 16 and one 14. There are no exceptions, and because we are firm about it, there are no arguments. Sixteen, end of discussion.
My 12 year old niece went on a "group date" that ended up being couples sitting far away from each other in a dark movie house. My niece came home without her bra, and thought that was perfectly fine. Unfortunately, when I talked to my sister in law about it, she thought it wouldn't happen again. I think my niece will be pregnant by 16. She argues with her parents about it, and they give in. If you let kids date too early, they will go to parties too early, and they will develop an attitude that they are grown up and can do what they want too early.
Let your kids mature to an age where they understand (fully) the consequences of what could happen, and are able to make good decisions about their bodies and what is right and wrong. They have the rest of their lives to date and experiment - and our goal as parents is not to be liked, but to be responsible and teach responsibility. Encouraging dating too young is inviting the Grandparent title too soon. Don't opt for the easy route now, or you'll face more difficult stuff later. Good Luck.

I think I was 15 or 16 before my dad agreed to let me go "out" with a boy. But as an FYI, I was already having sex so its not like that was a preventative.

My belief is that teenage kids are like loose cannons; you just don't know what they are going to do or get into and there isn't really a whole lot you as a parent can do about it. Teach them right from wrong and hope they do well, punish them if they don't, but know that what your afraid of might materialize and your kids might make a lot of the same mistakes you did. My parents were good parents, they tried to teach us well and make sure we didn't end up doing anything too terribly stupid, but that was inevitable, we screwed up a lot, mostly just my sister and I, my older brother was somehow much more well behaved than us girls. But still, hard as they tried to get us to do right, it backfired over and over again. As an adult I feel very bad about being a tough to deal with teenager, and wish I would have done better and listened to them.

I guess what I'm saying is that even by restricting dating, she'll do her best as any teenage girl would to find her way around your roadblocks. Maybe you should tell her she can go but you will chaperone (from a distance), and give her a strict, early curfew. Remember that no matter what she does for the next few years, you've guided her to this point and she's got to do right; if she doesn't thats not your fault, its her choice. Trust her and see what happens, but I do think she is still young enough that an adult should be present for another year or so.

my daughter just turned 13 and I think there is nothing wrong in over protecting our daughters. They have more to loose than any boy. My daughter is allowed to go to dances but I discourage her from any one on one realtionships. They are too young and cannot handle what goes along with dating. With girls being relational beings they like to be accepted and not rejected. Add a boy to that equation and they know how to push in doing what they don't want to do. It's called emotional blackmail. I have a 15 year old son who has a girlfriend(first and in high school) and he is not allowed to be alone with her and we have had the discussion about how we treat girls and they are like our sisters and mothers and we would not like something to happen to them. Well most boys I guarantee do not have that upbringing. My daughter will not be allowed to date at the earliest 16 and in a group. We've already talked and read about protecting your heart and saving that type of intimate relationship for when you are ready and when it is appropriate. I beg you to protect your daughter. I was a 19 year old single mother and I would not wish that on anyone.

I would normally say 12 is too young. However its a group outing, I would probably permit it based on considering how many are involved. They will have to be in a public location and transportation has to be provided so there isnt to many options for them.
However, for single couple dating, NO WAY not til 16 in my book.

Many responces you got have told you to wait until 16. That is the age I had to be to date. It is probably the age my daughter will have to be also. My neice has been aloud to have boyfriends in her home since 12 or 13. She has been aloud to date since 14. She just turned 16 five days before christmas. She is 6 to 8 weeks pregnant. We just found out. If I wasn't scared enough about the teenage years (with my daughter)before than I am sure I am now. Just be careful, you don't want to be where my sister-in-law is right now.

I think you answered your own question. If YOU think she's too young, then that's the only opinion that matters in this case. You are the mom! Go with your instincts, you know your daughter better than anyone else. Someday she'll appreciate your setting good boundaries for her. Good luck!

Wow. I have to be honest with you, I think even 14 is a bit too young. I never liked to put an age on dating with my girls because I wanted to be sure they were mature enough to handle being in this kind of setting. At 12 and 14, puberty is still up in the air. Quite often their attitudes and such change so much in a matter of minutes! It seems to me it's like setting them up for a situation they aren't gonna know how to handle. Boys are still pretty immature at this age, even more so than girls...so it could be a disaster to their friendship as well.

I know it's hard in a day and age when kids seem to be dating younger and younger. But, you don't have follow everyone else. I told my girls that there would be a time when they could date....and it would be fun. But, they just have to trust me for now.

Stick to your guns, Mom.

Holy cow! 14?? I wish you were my mom!! My mom didn't let me go out on a group date until I was 15, and no car dates until I was 16. Looking back, I think it was totally acceptable. She would let me go to boyfriends' houses for dinner with their parents, and vice versa, but that was it. There is no reason for a 12 year old to go anywhere with just friends, unless they're all girls. Times are different now, and it's not our job to make our kids happy with our decisions that affect their well being. It's our job to protect them with our rules and limits. She may be mad, but she'll get over it, trust me. Offer her an alternative, tell her that she can invite some friends over for a movie night sometime at your house.

I have a soon to be 15-year-old daughter. Our age limit is 16 to be able to date. She was able to talk to boys on the phone at age 14. It has been a struggle but she is a year away from 16 and has finally realized the time is near. We have actually gotten closer as she has seen some of her friends who started dating at a young age get in trouble.

Remember you will always be too strict and overprotective in her eyes. Also there is so much we have to protect them from and teach them about. Things have definately changed since we were teenagers.

Stick your guns and be strong.

Good Luck