Teenager Sibling Issues

L., this doesn't sound normal. I have an older sister and she definitly resented me coming along. But although she basically ignored me in our teen years it was never overt or harrassing and nothing like the post from S.H. We get along fine now and so I deem our experience as normal sibling behavior. Your son has anger issues and you should try to get him to talk about it with someone. rememeber our kids are exposed to so much stuff outside of the family that his "angst" towards his sister can be a manifistation of something else going on.

Sorry L., this sounds about normal. I can only imagine how much my brother and I tortured my mother. He is 2 years older. If they are both participating in the "drama" then I would tell them if they can egg each other on then they can settle the disagreement. At 14 and 11 I would tell them enough is enough and if you catch wind of any more issues there will be hell to pay on both sides. Next time they argue and bring it to you attention, ground them both with the same consequence. Keep it up and they will figure out not to involve you and how to handle it themselves. If it makes you feel better, my brother and I were brutal enemies all the way through high school and now we are best of friends.

First read.......= they are pushing each other's buttons.

Other than that, I cannot answer because I have an only child. I do see how my child and others figure out how to push buttons and cause reactions though.

I know my daughter is far from perfect but I see her react to others who are going way beyond limits to push her....

just a thought

If he keeps it up keep takingthe stuff away nd maybe grounding him. Also I would purposely make them do stuff together. Like him read a book to her or play a game with her and if he can't get along withher and treat her nice. I would also maybe have them hug and sit together for about 15 mins every time hes mean or she pushes hs buttons. Also If she is going to know how to get on his nerve than you need to punish her thesame way. Just because he does it doesn't mean he gets punished and she doesn't if she pervocated it. ( dont know if I spelt that right sorry)

No, I don't think this is normal at all. The fact that he still resents her after all these years is not normal. I would read carefully what "S.H." wrote a couple of posts down. She was in your daughters position as a child and can give you first hand experience as to how it affected her. I am not one to push therapy, but I think in this case your son might benefit from it.

Good luck.

It is common for teenagers and preteens to fight and argue a lot. However, it does not have to be allowed. Focus on getting them both to be respectful of each other. Make being nice (acts of service and kind words) a requirement for each day - just as chores are. They need to learn how to be nice to people, not only family members that are annoying, but also people outside the home that they don't like. Being mean is not an option.

Keep the punishment suited to the crime, so if they're being mean/disrespectful to each other, they must spend more time doing kind things for each other, and it has to be sincere, not sarcastic or joking.

Teaching your child these skills will help them in all areas of life from now on. They will grow out of finding each other completely annoying eventually, but if you don't address the way the treat each other it will fester.

Best wishes!

I have a 12 and 15 year old boy and girl...my boy being the oldest as well. And they have gone through spurts like this; however, they are not the only children. In all actuality, they're about the same age right now. If he is your oldest child, he was around a bit long with all of the attention before she came along. My brother was trying to "off" me from day one when I came home from the hospital (he was here by himself for 4 years). Our parents, however, made sure that I lived old enought to see my own children born. You have to control him, her and the situation. Also make sure that he doesn't blame her for his things being taken away because that can get ugly as well.They have to be taught to play well together and if something happens to the parents, they have to stick together and that includes being nice to each other.

Quite frankly, I think it sounds normal. I have a 19 year old boy and a 15 year old girl. She instigates, he gets irritated, both get in trouble. Notice I said BOTH get in trouble. If you've noticed that she pushes buttons, call her on it! Of course if he's the one acting out that's one thing, but if she's pushing buttons then playing victim that's not fair either.
The good news. . . is that they really do get along and rely on each other when I'm not around. So that's why I think it's normal.

added: My nephew and niece still go at it at 19 and 16 respectively. We noticed when they were younger that our nephew may or may not have really done anything but if my niece cried, everyone responded! My 2 kids noticed it once when they were all together at my mother in laws. Even MY daughter made a comment about how her girl cousin made a big stink over nothing and then the boy cousin got in HUGE trouble from grandma. We sat both of them down and said that it was up to them, in any situation, that if they saw someone being wronged for any reason and they knew they truth, they needed to speak up. Funny, once my niece started getting called out, her and her brother's altercations were not quite as bad as before. I am NOT saying that's what is going on in your house, but please be aware of all sides.
Good Luck!

Always "punish" them both (or at least most of the time, unless it's really blatantly just your son). If you only focus on him, his behavior to her will get worse. Say, "If you two can't get along..."

My oldest son and my daughter are exactly the same age difference as yours, and he disliked her from birth. I can happily tell you, however, that my son is now 20, my daughter 17, and he is pretty nice to her now. Finally. It helped that he hasn't lived at home for two years and has had a chance to grow up.

That is a tough one! Two of our three daughters have the same problem. They are 28 and 26 and are still going at it. We had quite the explosion last Christmas about how #2 treats #3. We may have finally made some ground on the issue but we really wish we had taken more action when they were younger. They wasted so much time not liking eachother. Get them on even turf now. You might even seek a pro to help you. Good luck!

There is truth to both sides but this is more than the normal sibling rivalry. My son was the only one for 3 1/2 years and then sister came along. They were fine as small children but as they got older, brother became like the poster's son. Please do check this at the gate otherwise you will have a blow up between the two that could/would cause a riff in the family. Remember once things are said you cannot take them back. Son is still learning how to earn respect from mom, dad and sister. Sister does not want to live in the same state as brother even if it means loosing a good paying job. Also look into bullying as another issue between the two. Good luck to you. The other S.