What are the core manners that you make sure to teach your very young children (ages toddler thru pre-k/kindergarten)?
I am doing my best, but sometimes I will see another child in the same age group as my kids and think, "Wow, I can't believe I haven't taught them THAT yet!" For example, asking to be excused from the table after eating.
Things they do well:
Please and Thank You
Acknowledging adults & introducing themselves
Things they are not great at:
WAITING in line
Taking turns
Table manners - messy eaters and my 2 yr old loves to throw his food on the floor
My 2 yr old is not very good with pronouncing words (although some words he says perfectly.) His pediatrician is not at all concerned at this point, but it just makes for some frustrating times at home and when out with others. Instead of using words he screams like a caveman. It is mortifying!
The waiting is hard for ANYONE!! :)
I try to lead by example - please, thank you, may I have, will you please, may I be excused, etc.
My kids are pretty good - we get told how polite they are from other people...
Just keep on going mama!!! You've got it right!
Awww! I love that he screams - ok, you probably don't. But I am cracking up! My 8 month old does this, and we are hoping it doesn't continue!
- Our older ones have to ask to be excused from the table
- Please and thank you
- Ask before taking/doing something at someone else's home (ie going in their fridge). I don't even think I had to "teach" this really - my kids just do it.
- Hats off in restaurants. Drives me NUTS when dad won't do it. But I still make our son.
- Addressing adults properly
Ours are bad at interrupting when adults are talking - but I am not too hard on them for that. They just have something VERY important to ask! Or, they want to join in on the convo!
You are doing a great job - your two year old won't be throwing food forever!
=)
Ha ha - my SO thinks it's crazy that I'm soooo hard on my 3 year old about table manners. She can be really good at saying "please" not so good on "thank you." What bugs me... and again I'm hard on her... is when she says "I want this.. please." I'm trying to get her to say "may I have this, I would like some, please can I/may I, etc" instead of "I want."
@Mindy. Not to be disparaging but IMO waiting in line and taking turns can be taught and is taught as my 3 year old has been learning this concept since she started day care at 1 years old. We also talked about her feelings and other peoples feelings around the same age. I'm sure she didn't understand 100% at that age, but that's why we reinforce the lessons. At 2 years I think she understood 30% and now at 3 years she gets it as now I can give her examples that she understands.
My daughter is pretty good at waiting in line but she does tend to say "this is taking forever!"
My parents never taught me to ask to be excused from the table. I was taught to sit there until everyone was done eating and then I could get up. I'm not sure which way is better since I don't tend to excuse myself from the table... I stay until everyone is done =) hmmm... I do say "excuse me" if I have to go to the bathroom during dinner...
At pre-k and k my kids helped set the table for their chore. They also had to pick up their toys before nap time and before bed time. As for manners:
-please and thank you,
-saying excuse me,
-taking turns
-waiting in line.
I think these were the ones we mastered first. We then moved on to asking to being excused from the table and then to them taking their own dishes into the kitchen for clean up.
I haven't had to deal with the food throwing thing, but I did have to deal with the food spitting when they were babies. This lasted what seemed like forever. Ugh. It finally ended though and is much better.
Have you heard of Love and Logic? That could help. It works a lot with giving choices, and direct consequences. Throwing food, 'oh it looks like lunch time is over', remove the food and he can eat at the next scheduled meal. But don't make a big deal out of it.
My 5 yr old daycare child will flick food across the table, then when I go to remove her food she tries to start eating again. I don't let her. She knows she's supposed to be eating, not playing with her food.
For the yelling/screaming part. Learn/teach some sign language with him. Or use a Love and Logic tool. "I will listen, when you talk to me nicely/in a soft voice etc"
Waiting in line and taking turns are not manners. They are behaviors that come with maturity, they are not learned. Toddlers simply don't have the patience nor the understanding of someone else's feelings. They need assistance and reminders and your help when they must wait.
Table manners such as throwing food need to be dealt with in a disciplinary fashion. If he's actively eating, he's not throwing food. If he throws food, food is taken away and he is turned in his chair to face the wall for 2 minutes. Also, I don't know how you do meals at your house, but the most important thing is to sit down and eat meals with your kids. Some parents feed their kids separately from the adults, but they learn best by emulation and seeing your manners :) We never had to teach our kids the basics like please and thank you because they learned them from hearing my husband and myself speaking to each other. The younger one learned things like asking to be excused from the table, napkin in lap, clearing own plate by watching older sister at an age younger than we'd have demanded these things.
Good luck! Sorry about the screaming. Unfortunately, when you have a toddler who can't make himself clear enough to be understood, the frustration does lead to screaming. I'd patiently let him know that you still can't understand him if he screams and it hurts people's ears, so it makes people not want to help him
Good luck.
My five year old is pretty good, but we need to work harder on some things. Like yours he has trouble waiting in line. Our biggest issue is him staying in his seat at a restaurant. He just can't do it. Well I know he can, but we haven't figured out the right technique to convince him that it is necessary, but Mom I just wanted to give you a hug.... how can you fuss about that. Now by example my daughter says "Tank ew" and she is only 16 months and learned by example. However she has decided that feeding the dogs is a wonderful experiece, she drops it though rather than throwing it. You are doing great, keep up the wonderful job.
I try to get my kids to ASK for things properly instead of simply adding "please" at the end of their request/demand, so "May I have some milk?" rather than "I want milk, please." They do ask to be excused from the table, but that was taught in daycare. In a restaurant, we do tell them they cannot be excused from the table in a restaurant. While my 4yr old doesn't always use utensils, we make sure he uses a napkin and not wipe his hands on his clothes. Depending on the food, he's been licking his fingers, which I am trying to discourage.
They always say "excuse me" when they burp/belch/fart -- they are boys ;P -- as well as when they interrupt especially when I noticed they always jumped in with something to say the instant I started talking. I'm still working on inside voices and no shouting.
Not really sure on the manners subject but I teach mine what I expect from others. Your two year old may benefit from speech services through early interventions. The assessment is free. You may also want to teach him some basic sign for tjose public siruations. Some that I taught were words like more and all done to gauge what was going on with them.
For early interventions in illinois you can go to the watch me grow website.
