Teaching Children About 'Stranger Danger'

www.thesafeside.com This is the best DVD out there... by far! It teaches kids about the danger of people they don't know without making them paranoid. Good Luck!

Hi H.,

There is a video called "How to Raise a Street Smart Child" that I plan to use with my son when he is old enough. I know that you can get them from Amazon, and have even heard that Blockbuster or Hollywood Video chains carry them as rentals. Here is a synopsis "This program is an award-winning production aimed at educating parents on how to teach their children to be street wise. In an increasingly complicated and dangerous world, the potential for being in harm's way has affected the way today's children live. Child advocate John Walsh offers tips on ways to share advice with small children and how to warn them but not frighten them about the dangers they face." Hope this helps you!!

One of the reasons kids get so scared is that parents give them too much information. You don't need to give her horror stories about what someone could do to her or even make her worry constantly about her teachers' motives.

Teach her to trust her gut and if something feels "not right" then it isn't. Teach her never to keep secrets from you that an adult has told her... even with her dad. Teach her that adult strangers should never ask for a child's help. That includes looking for a pet, asking directions, etc. Teach her never to be alone with a stranger at all. Also, you need to teach her which strangers are okay to ask for help in case she gets lost or feels uncomfortable with a situation. Let her know that a mom with very young kids or a baby is the safest stranger. Grandmas are also safe to ask help. Teach her to do whatever she has to do to not be taken from one location to another! She needs to kick, scream, bite, and pull hair, etc, even if it makes him hit her. Once an abductor takes you to a second location, your chances of survival are very low. Also, teach her that if she is ever forced into a car to one, make herself more trouble than it's worth (by peeing in the car, or vomiting) and two, to leave evidence (hair, fingerprints with saliva, ect). It may help to act out situations with her (role play), but try to have her be the bad guy most of the time so number one you can see what her thoughts and fears are, and number two, you don't plant a fear about a situation she didn't think was possible. In the moment, if you teach her to follow her gut and be leery, she will know what to do.

I know it all sounds scary, but the biggest threat is people she knows, and following her gut will save her there.

An excellent video that we have is "Stranger Safety". John Walsh (America's Most Wanted) and Julie Clark (Baby Einstien Videos) pulled together to make this video. It is a wacky/fun video but conveys a very serious message to kids. They does an excellent job in sending a serious message without making kids parinoid about going outside. My 3 and 4 year old love it and are understanding the messages. I bought ours through Amazon.com. I am sure there are other places to purchase.

the fact is most problems dont happen with strangers but with people the family knows or extended family members. Strangers, especially women can be your childs lifeline. Teach your child to respect their own judgement and boundaries. If they don't want to kiss or hug someone do not force them to. Such as go give grandpa a big hug. Its their body let them decide if they want to hug granpa.

Also have an emergeny plan they can default to if they get frightened or seperated from you. Tell them to go to the nearest woman they see and ask for help. Woman are statistically more likely to aid a child. Teach them to ask for help from officers. Develop an honest sharing relationsip for them. Many perpetrators depend on the child being afraid to tell their parents what happened for fear of being chastised or called bad. Make sure your child knows what is appropriate touching and what is not.

Google the statistics on who is actuall the biggest danger to your child.

We all have a native instict built in. Make sure they respect theirs and that you don't squelch it in the name of civility. Teach them to question authority.

I love this question! As a mother of 5 (girls 22 & 11, boys 19, 17 & 14) I have some insight on this.
You start to teach about stranger danger as soon as they are born. Follow me here....
How many times have you been out in a store and said hi to baby, or toddler or how cute. And the child is shy and the mom says "say hi to the nice lady." or something along those lines?
I tell the mom it is ok, they are scared of me because they do not know me. And that is OK!
As for an 8 year old. They know a lot more than you think they do. The kids at school talk. And they are learning about guns in school, and lock downs. There are kids in elementary school having sex. (yes scary thing.)

It is not just strangers they need to worry about. The majority of molestation happens by someone they already know. So you just teach them good touch and bad touch. How to say no. That it is ok to tell and adult no. I think this is a big one because we teach our children to treat adults with respect. And then they do not feel it is safe to say no.
I talk with my kids about what is going on in their life. How they are feeling, who their friends are. I volunteer in the school so that I know the friends my kids have and some of their parents.
I never react to something that the kids ask or say. What I mean is if you are shocked, you cannot let them see that. Or if you want to get up set you need to stay calm. Or they will not trust you with the big things.

I also role play with my kids. What would you do if....... We do this for emergency preparedness stuff. For abduction stuff. What you can do while driving in the car is say something like "what would you do if a guy pulled up and asked you to help him find his dog?" or while out shopping I use this one a lot. "Earthquake hits.... What do you do?" You can use all sorts of things, like smoking, drinking (all starting younger). And so on.

I am the "drama mom" in our local high school drama team. I am the cool mom. I am the one that they all can talk to. I am the safe mom.

So I guess my biggest advice is that you be open with them, talk about the what if's and love them.

You know where you child is at. So talk to them there, at their level.

I hope that this helps..
B.

I started teaching my son as soon as he turned four. At least once a week we talk about stranger danger. I explain to him that people we don't know are strangers. Some strangers are nice and some aren't. I also try to explain to him that even though some strangers are nice, they still can be bad. I let him know that some of these nice people might even try to get him to come with them or take candy and cookies from them. I let him know that he's NOT allowed to go with them or talk to strangers when he's by himself, unless either I or his grandparents give the ok. As he starts to get older, we'll start working with more complicated things about strangers. The good thing is, he's still social and loves people, but he's more aware of everyone. Hope this helps! Good luck. :D ~B.

I agree with others that are suggesting "Stranger Safety" with the Safe side superchick created by: Julie Clark and John Walsh. I checked this DVD out from the library. It might also be available to rent from a video store... I am definitely going to check out the book "Protecting the Gift" which is also suggested. Thanks for posting this request!

Hi H.:
I have used an unconventional route in teaching my littles about the dangers of strangers. I simply tell her the reality. Knowing the dangers of what could happen to her if approached by a stranger scared her enough to be more cautious of people she doesn't know. I even sat her down several times to watch the news when a child has gone missing.
Some parents may think my way of teaching is a little to drastic but when it comes to protecting MY daughters I refuse to sugar coat.
Good luck to you

You will love the book called, "Protecting the Gift". It is a real gem.

There is a great video put out by John Walsh called "The Safe Side". You can learn about it here: http://www.thesafesidedvds.com/
My son used it when he put on his Eangle Scout project which was a "Stranger Danger Safety Fair" for the kids that live in our area. The video is awesome and my younger kids watch it a lot! Just an idea!

Hi!

I don't know what kind of responses you received, but I've been meaning to write for awhile now!

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Blessings on your night,
Darci

two great videos to help you... The first one is free...

http://www.safefromharmvideo.com/

and "Stranger Safety" with the Safe side superchick created by: Julie Clark and John Walsh

As parents, you want to keep your children safe from harm. Teaching preschoolers about stranger safety needs to be done in a way that makes them aware and wary of strangers without making them overly fearful of every stranger they see. We live in a pretty nice neighborhood but there are a few areas that I'd rather my children didn't visit. When I was reading a blog my anationofmoms, I read of a service called SafeKidZone that would help you protect your family. The blog also said something about being able to win 6 months of free service. Check it out if you're interested: http://anationofmoms.com/2011/08/protect-your-family-give...

The actual fact is: your kids don't need to worry about strangers as much as about family members and family friends. Molesters usually are people who know the family.
A group in Seattle offers a wonderful teaching kit called "Talking About Touching" that I use with kindergarteners and first graders in my school. They even offer a version geared toward preschoolers. If you google the title of the kit, you should be able to find it. I am an elementary school counselor. In my experience it has nearly always been a father or stepfather molesting the children. I also use a little book called, "It's my body" to supplement my safety lessons. I include lessons on being safe generally, like in the kitchen, if a child finds a lighter or matches, etc. Safety is about being safe in all areas.

I know this is quite after the fact, but when my children were younger, there was a karate place locally that offered a short "stranger safety" course. I sat through it with them and it was very helpful and educational. They also taught them where to "kick" a stranger that is threatening them, etc. So a little self defense was included. Checking it out is so worth keeping your little one safe.

I have found the DVD by John Walsh (America's Most Wanted) and Julie Clark (baby Einstein) called The Safe Side to be a great resource. I heard about it in an interview with John Walsh and got it on Amazon.com

I'm a mother of three (8, 5, & 3). We talk all the time about stranger danger, smoking and drugs. I think being open and honest and using words they understand is key. A video is nice, but you as a parent need to be proactive.

Last summer my daughter road her bike around the block and fell. Two nice ladies were walking and asked to help her. She did not want to go with the ladies, but wanted someone to get me. One gal came and got me while the other stayed and sat with my daughter until I arrived. I was so proud she stayed put until I arrived.

Just talk to your child. They are listening.

I'm not there yet, my son is 4 1/2 and my daughter will be 1 next month. My first thought while reading your post was sit down with her and have a heart to heart, one-on-one conversation on her level. Open the conversation with something like "You're getting older now and there are people out in the world that have bad thoughts about children....." or whatever. You're absolutely right in not wanting to scare her like you were, but you also need her to be street smart. Let her ask questions, encourage her to ask questions. And take it from there. Children will only ask the questions they are ready for. Just have an open dialog with her, and let her know that she can always talk to you about anything.

If you don't already make up a "kid code" that she knows, and you know. If anyone tells her that they're there to pick her up and she doesn't know them, she can ask them for her kid code. If they don't give it to her, she knows they're lying and to not trust them. I still remember my kid code from when I was a kid 15-20 years ago. The important thing with the code is let her make it up so that she'll never forget it.

That's my best advice,
Melissa

although this is a serious issue i actually have a funny story to share. my neice and i were hanging out in a store and a guy came in fresh of his motorcycle all dressed up in leathers and looking a bit rough and she pulled on my sweater and said "stranger! stranger!".
so my advice is to simply show them they can trust you and come to you with anything. You can't prepare for every scenario. I think you should do your best and keep an eye out and pray! There are websites out there to look up local sex offenders as well so you can prepare yourself for some of them visually as well.
But as the above story indicates my neice was explained all of this and a stranger to her was still someone she perceived as scary.

We have a situation where there is a restraining order in place and the only visitation my daughter's dad has is through a very secure (he is searched, he is recorded, he has two supervisors at all times, and police are on the premises) visitation service. We have a lot of rules established for safety that would apply to everyone.

You children should know what city and state they live in and memorize your cell phone number. They should know your entire name (first and last). My 2 1/2-year-old knows all of this except my phone number.

No secrets and no surprises EVER. For example, you tell your children that if we ever were going to go to Disneyland, I would tell you about it in advance. (This way, if someone came up to my kids and said we were going to Disneyland as a surprise and they were there to pick them up and take them to their parents, my kids would have a warning flag in their head because mom doesn't do surprises.)

And, yes, no one is ever allowed to touch your private areas unless it is a doctor and mommy is in the room with you. Additionally, if anyone ever touches you and you feel uncomfortable with it - it is your body and you may say, "Please do not touch me. I don't like that." I tell my children that I trust their instincts in even every-day events - I think this helps them to have self confidence to know how to trust their own instincts.

In our case, my daughter (the older kids have a different dad and they do not have to see the 2 1/2 year old's dad) knows that the judge has said that the only place she is allowed to visit her dad is at the visitation center. He is not allowed to visit her anywhere else.

It is always very clear who will be picking them up if they are somewhere else. If I have told them I will pick them up, I will pick them up or talk to them on the phone to tell them who will. They never go with anyone who says that I told them to pick them up, even if it is someone they know. First, they say, "Let me call my mom and double check that with her." So, I don't think you need to run through specific scenarious although you can give examples but generalized - this is our family rule and this is what you do if something other than our norm happens.

If you give your kids clear plans, it is not scary, it is safe. And, because of my situation, I have seen firsthand that it is an empowering situation if something happens that is not supposed to and the kids know exactly what they are supposed to do. And, that is part of our job as parents - to empower our children with knowledge.

We do not discuss these things with fear because fear is not productive. Schools give fire drills without fear, we can empower our children with stranger safety without fear as well.

Good job!

S.

John Walsh had a video out now about this that I heard was great. It's a little imbarrassing, but I use videos for teaching a lot of things. Nut hey, it works! Here's the link:
http://www.thesafeside.com/?gclid=CMKE7qzzyJECFSFaagodvxDy4A

It sounds like you have taken a lot of good steps already! Good for you! I am a social worker that used to teach "safe touches" to grade school age children and the things you have started telling her are very healthy. I am also a child of sexual molestation by a person that was trusted in my community.

The biggest piece of advice I would give is that she needs to know that touching isn't a secretive thing. The reason people are able to victimize children is because they use terms to protect themselves. They tell a child this is a secret to be kept between the two of them, touching is NEVER a secret! Healthy touches are done in public. This will help with other children as well if they are hiding in a closet to show body parts.

The other piece that is harder to teach children, but needs to be taught is threatening isn't right when it comes to touching. What I mean by this is that if someone says, "if you tell I will hurt your family, or if you tell I won't pay for you to live in the nice house you live in, or if you tell I won't buy you that fancy bike you want," that is NOT right. Children need to understand that they have a voice and that they do have the right to say no, even if someone threatens them! They need to know that if they do say no, or if they do tell then they are not going to be the ones that destroyed their family! Hard thing to teach a little one but very necessary.

Make sure your children always have a safe place to run to, that they know you will take them seriously and not brush off what they tell you, that they can tell you ANYTHING and you will not freak out and accuse them of lying or story telling.

These are some of the things I have used in working with children and some of the empowerments I wish my parents had been wise enough to give me.

Good luck!

Gavin deBecker has a book called "Protecting the Gift". It was a powerful book about teaching your kids personal saftey and he makes sence. It gets away from "don't talk to strangers" and into trust your instincs. He makes some good points like, most kids are kidnaped by someone they know. And while parents teach their kids not to talk to strangers, how often do we make them be polite, say hello to daddy's boss, say thank you to the nice lady, ect?
In the mean time let your daughter know your rules. How is she to conduct herself around the block. Do you know your neighbors? Who can she go to if she is hurt or in trouble? Is she allowed to go inside? or accept food? And what should she say when the nice old lady down the street makes her cookies?
To keep her from being afraid teach her these "responsible big kid" rules. If she want's to be able to do more things she must show how big, polite, responsible she is!

I would love to know what you find out. I am also not sure what to tell my own children. Thanks, T.

check out your local tae kwon do or other martial arts center for help with classes that teach in a non-scary way. my daughter has seen the video "steal-proof master" with her tkd class several times now & we role play the different scenarios together. it's a very effective way to teach about stranger danger without making her feel over scared all the time.