Teacher Comment

I would speak to her directly. If she really did say that it was totally out of line, and she owes you all an apology. If you don't get one, I would go to the principal.

That being said.....if that is what she said, I would be popping up in her classroom as often as possible to help out. Some out of the blue visits are definitely called for in my opinion. Good luck!

Looks like she lost a good volunteer. I do not blame you at all for being upset. I feel she needs an update on what is proper and what is not proper to say to young children. So yes I would speak to her boss.

A comment like that would be an unprofessional and completely inappropriate lapse. Unless she confessed to your husband that those were her actual words, though, I hope you will keep the possibility open that even though that is what your son heard/interpreted, she may have actually said "I hate when kids…." Even that is a lapse in judgement, and shocking enough that your son may have "heard" that she hated HIM.

I'm so sad for your son to hear of his experience, either way. I have had a few events in my life where people I liked and respected suddenly blurted out some harsh judgement, against me or someone else I cared about. I was certain in each case that they said something worse than they did, as corroborated later by witnesses to the comments. When one is shocked by an unexpected occurrence, the take-away memory can be much bigger than the actual event or comment. Nevertheless, that take-away can be devastating.

My suggestion would be that you give yourself enough time to cool off, and talk to the teacher yourself before taking this further. It's a courtesy that you would hope to receive yourself if you were at the center of a controversy.

If I were you, I'd want to hear her side of the story, because there could be something there that bring new understanding, or can soften your feelings toward her. Then I would want to tell my son's version and the emotional aftermath he suffered (and may still be experiencing), and express my own anger. I'd tell her the effect her harsh words had on my whole family, and ask her if a child missing one day of school is a higher priority than a happy family reunion.

There is great relief in being able to say, "I hope you can see why it's been hard for me to even speak to you over the past ___(time)___. I was afraid I would just lose it, and I want you to know I am still furious. I am interested to know what you will do do make amends with my son, or whether I will need to take this issue to the principal."

She may rise to the occasion. She may sincerely apologize to you and your son. She may admit she was wrong, and has learned from the whole debacle. That wouldn't make the event go away, but it could put the rest of your son's school year on a positive footing.

I think u need to step back and take a breath. She made a mistake, we all do and according to u she is a great teacher and u liked her. People make mistakes and it seems that she also tried to reach out to ur son to correct it. She might have been also waiting for u that day to apologize in person, but u sent ur husband and u dont know the exact tone of the conversation. If u made a mistake at the place where u work but were a great employee other wise, wouldn't u want people to take that into consideration? Just talk with her, she is still the same teacher u liked in the beginning. And u cant possibly be upset about her making u a permanent tuesday volunteer if u never told her u didn't want to do that. I think as a society we need to cut some of these teaches some slack, they have to deal with alot and without much appreciation . Its very hard to keep everyone happy all the time.

Wait, so she actually admitted to your husband that she said that? Those words? I hate kids who...? Yikes... I AM a third grade teacher and I would be angry. Usually, I would say to go to the teacher first, get the whole story - kids do make mistakes. Heck, adults hear things wrong and make mistakes. However, if she already owned up to it with your hubby, I think I'd probably go straight to the principal. That's not acceptable. It doesn't matter what she "thought" the situation was or if she felt it was a reasonable "excuse" for missing school or not. It's not her call or her business. I have kids miss school all the time for things that I would not have my own daughter miss school for. That's my opinion and I would never impose it on them.

Without reading all the other answers - I just want to say that in this current culture where we are so aggressive about addressing bullying behavior - that this does need to be addressed. How can we expect our kids to know how to treat one another with respect when those in authority do not?? I feel like this was inappropriate - and it was not okay. My 13 year old daughter had a substitute teacher look at her and say "shut up - you're annoying me" - WHAT??? My daughter is an honor student - whom is loved by all her teachers and has never been a behavior problem and she contests she wasn't even talking at this time - she came home upset - which is a very rare thing!! This same teacher called the class a bunch of "brats" - REALLY?? I did talk to the principle - this is not okay with me. We ALL have bad days - and say things we shouldn't - as a nurse - I could NEVER say to my patients - "you annoy me" or things of that nature - even if they do!!

We have had a problem with one of our kids being verbally bullied by some other kids - but he didn't recognize that verbal bullying is bullying!! That is why it has to start with parents and teachers - we are the role models.

ALL that being said - you should have talked to the teacher - you can't avoid her for the rest of the year - you need to share your concerns - and allow her (if she is so inclined) to apologize - again - we are all human - don't let one incicent tarnish the whole school year.

Uh, yeah! This is unacceptable. You should call the pricipal asap! I would NOT put up with what she said. It is not ok to speak to children like that, or even the parents. It is really none of anyone's business if you have family stuff to do.

Yes, please do report it to the principal. When I was in 8th grade my Social Studies teacher, who I previously really liked because he was a lot of fun, and whose sarcasm and insults had always targeted other kids...told me in front of my entire class..."And you, Miss (x), out of all the kids I have I hate YOU the most!" (He was mad at me because I stood up for a girl in my class that another student was swearing at, and the teacher was allowing the kid to yell her.)

Yes, he was probably having a very bad day, but to say that to a child is absolutely unacceptable. How I wish that I had told my parents about it, because it really did scar me. I think that if, even today, I were to see him I would probably burst into tears. Do not allow this teacher to get away with it.

**I also think that you CAN trust the word of your 3rd grader. In 2nd grade I helped the reading specialist at our school and one day I heard her make a very explicitly racist comment to a few black students in her class. I will never, ever, forget what she said, and the students and I went to the principal. That was the last year that she ever taught there.**

Correcting papers is ABSOLUTELY the teacher's job and she should not try to pawn off such tasks on you. (I say this as a teacher myself.) Yes, teachers do have to deal with a lot, but that does not excuse her poor behavior. I've taught in the Chicago Public Schools (some of the most difficult to manage kids) before, and I would never, ever even think to make a personally insulting/degrading to any of my students, regardless of the situation.

I'm thinking that you need to speak to the teacher and get to the heart of the matter. Sometimes mistakes are made. Sometimes long standing resentments or miscommunication can fester and can cause people to have a sharper tongue than they normally would have or become more fighty than necessary. Just speak to her and try to keep an objective mind about it instead of looking to find reasons to validate whatever hurt feelings that you may have.

If, after speaking with her about this, you do not like what you are hearing from her or do not feel like she is holding herself fully accountable for what she had said, then definitely speak with the principal about this. But please do what we are trying to teach our children to do -- to see the facts as they are instead facts colored by rage, defensiveness and anger, and talk things out instead of getting all fighty. If this teacher did, in fact, said what she said to your son, and she apologized to your son for being out of line, wouldn't that be a good learning lesson for your son about how, at one point or another, everyone makes mistakes and it is always better to talk things out and resolve things amicably instead of rushing to judgment and allowing things to get way out of control. It also teaches a good lesson about forgiveness.

I'm sure that I will be in the minority on this but this is just what I think.

Wishing you and your son all the best.

Inappropriate, very inappropriate in that it affected your child directly. As a matter of process I would speak to her directly if only to tell her that you are going to formally report the incident.

Yes, report it to the principal. I think your husband nailed it with what he told her. I noticed you said the teacher told your son she "does not hate him." Well, that doesn't sound like a very sincere apology to me, especially if it was delivered in the "since you heard me wrong and I'm irritated" tone. I would accept nothing less than a sincere apology to your son in front of his classmates, and I would expect that you and the principal be there to witness it. On the volunteering subject, I would continue to go in and help the kids in the classroom, but I would tell her you no longer have the desire to do her paperwork outside of class time. She has little respect for your family time/needs, why should you help lessen her workload.

I think anytime you take issue with what a teacher says or does you should talk with the teacher (which you've done). However, I do think that you should make an appointment to talk with her boss. I think you should explain why you won't be volunteering there anymore and that in the future if the teacher has questions for YOU then she should contact you directly. You have every right to tell him/her that you thought her questioning your son and making her comments was rude and out of line. She had no right to make this a public comment in front of a classroom full of children, embarrassing your son. Also, it is never acceptable for a teacher to say she "hates" a child.

Ugh. I agree with you. Children are so sensitive and they look up to their teachers and other authority figures ....she should know better.

Talk to her principal.

It doesn't matter what she *thought* the situation was, how she *felt* about it or her opinion on "kids that leave early to go to the airport"... she should have enough class to know that you don't say things like that.

What else is she saying around the class? Call me dramatic but I'd move my son if I could. Ask to move him into another room with a different teacher. (If this is feasible - may not be, I don't know anything about the school, but anyways)

And good for your husband!! I love Dads/Hubbies who step up and handle situations for their families so that the moms don't get stuck with all the drama.

Best of luck - talk to the principal and express your anger and concern for how your son is treated. Make sure she doesn't ostracize him from now on because of this incident.

You said you asked your husband to handle it, consider it handled. If you wanted to talk to her I think you should have done it in the first place. I would consider it closed and move on. I WOULD NOT run to the principal and tell. How about everytime you slipped or messed up people ran over your head instead of trying to figure it out with you first. Teachers talk, staff talks, principals talk ~ I have worked and volunteered in schools for some time and you really don't want to be known as "that parent".

One of my first thoughts was, why do they need to pull the kids out of school and both parents go to the airport to pick up grandparents? Why can't one parent go and pick them up and then everyone can meet up after school? (unless you only have 1 car) Maybe, she was thinking something along those lines (like I was) and just got frustrated.

your husband already talked to her. done with talking. didn't sound like she is sorry but feels justified. that was rude and inappropriate and even had she said that to you not in front of the entire class it still would have been unacceptable. report her.

I would speak to the principal, it is important she or he know how the teachers are behaving. Call to make an appointment to meet with him or her.

I would take a deep breath and cool off for a few days....
THEN you need to talk to her first and have an adult conversation about it. Perhaps tell her how you feel and that you plan to make a formal complaint!
Her feelings should never be said outloud to a class like that, especially when negative! Shame on her...
Unlike you I tend to think old teachers are burned out and grumpy! Time does not always make someone wiser or better!

After speaking with her I would for sure follow up with the principal. Nothing big might come of it, but your feelings need to be noted and perhaps she will shape up for the future. Lets hope...
Just keep an eye on things and make sure she isn't taking it out on your son any further. At that point a change of class is needed!

Good luck!

E.,
I'm not even reading the other comments, but I'll tell you this. Yes! I would go to the principal and report it. She is a grown woman that has no right to make that kind of comments in front of the entire class!!! I am furious and he is not my child!! As per her attitude you can tell that she did it in spite! She may be a great teacher and all but she needs to be reprimanded for her unprofessionalism and attitude!
You don't need to tell the teacher your business! that is a courtesy a parent has with a teacher when time comes! she has no idea why you need to go to the airport! Anyway, I would must certainly report her. And if I was you, I would try to have my son changed to a different classroom; why? because after you report her she might make his life miserable!
One thing I would ask your son is if she apologized to him in person, or in front of the class as she made the comment.
Go talk to her, and see how she acts with you. If you want to report her still you are better of changing your son to a different class, or just get ready to fight back and pray hard if she starts picking on him.
Blessings

That is so degrading why would an adult figure who our children look up to say such a thing and know they said it that is was wrong choice of words and actions did she at all apologize for her crud behavior?I would of called the principal right then and there or went to the school after my son or child came home from school telling me something like this all other things would of waited(that's just me).I wouldn't go back to vounteer either.Yes her comment was extreme I teach my kids not to say the word HATE or say that we HATE a person.

i really do think you need to talk to her yourself. throughout all of this, all you've gotten is the word of your 3rd grader and your husband. it's very possible this could all have been blown out of proportion. hubby already went in there with a chip on his shoulder, so who knows how his attitude came across to her. not to say she's off the hook, she's not, and i don't think that there's really any way she could argue herself out of being rude and out of line. but at least YOU would have it from the horse's mouth. then once you have from her exactly what happened, then i would talk to someone higher up just to let them know. it puts you in a really ackward position for the rest of the year having to keep coming to help her. unless you were planning on stopping that. either way i would try to get to the bottom of it a little more instead of taking it S. hand. you have every right to take your children out of school, and as long as it's not all the time, she has no right to say a thing about it. what if grandparents were terminal and they were coming home for a last visit with you guys? she doesn't know.