Inappropriate Question from Teacher - What Would You Do?

It would depend upon the tone of voice used. The same two sentences said either jokingly or sarcasticly can mean two drastically different things.

Children are not always good at determining tone. I think you need to talk to the teacher and ask exactly what happened.

Yes inappropriate, I would make a phone call to her saying how much you don't appreciate what she did and expect it not to happen again.

I'm a teacher and if she said this in such a way that the entire class could hear, that is totally inappropriate. I would talk with the teacher to get her side of it. It's hard for me to imagine any of my colleagues saying something like that out loud for everyone to hear.

I'm going to assume that you heard this second-hand from your daughter. Before you make plans to have the woman sacked, TALK TO HER and find out the whole story. HOW she said it makes a world of difference as well, if she did indeed say it. As a former middle-school teacher, there are few things more annoying than a parent jumping down your throat because of something their student wrongly relayed to them (one parent got mad at me once because I supposedly chewed her daughter out for a half an hour - a half an hour!! As if I really had that kind of time!).
I admit that it's possible that her teacher said it in an inappropriate manner. It's possible she really was being that much of a jerk. Just find out the whole story first.

how old is your daughter? keep in mind there are two sides to every story. most of the time a person wouldn't just blurt it out like that. not saying she didn't, just get both sides before freaking out. have you gotten an unprofessional, inappropriate vibe from the teacher before this??

Do you know she actully said this? Have you talked to her and got her side? Sometimes kids streatch the truth a little, ya know? So before jumping the gun I'd ask her side. IF she did say that then yes TOTALLY uncalled for and as a parent of a child who needs medications I understand how hurtful that would be.

Hi Amy,

Time to talk to the teacher to first check out the story. Calmly, "So, could you tell me what happened during the spelling test today? (Daughter) is pretty upset,and I wanted to see what your take on it was." and then, tell her what your daughter said.

If this comment is true, it is completely insensitive and inappropriate. Most especially during a test, when children are likely to correct their work anyway and extra attention will be given to whomever the teacher speaks to, because the rest of the room is silent.

However, was there something else going on at the teacher saw and your daughter didn't want to share with you?-- was there previous behavior why the teacher might have wanted to check in regarding if she'd taken her meds? I, myself, am a parent of a kid who has some challenges staying on task in the classroom, so if my son complains about something, I do check in with the teacher to get the fuller picture. All that to say, checking in is the first thing to do before talking to a counselor or principal. And then, if need be, do get the support of the principal or bring the counselor in on it. Kids need a lot of support in school, not just academically but also socially.

And try to seek support for yourself too. I think being the parent of a child with a diagnosis is very hard for parents of typical kids to relate to. If you can, find a local support group for parents of ADD/ADHD children. There will be a wealth of shared knowledge, information and experiences which can help your family going forward. Gathering these resources now while your daughter is young can only be a good thing, and you'll have the benefit of the wisdom of those parents of older kids who have gone before you.

Good luck.

It's insensitive, unprofessional and could have happened in public school or private. I would contact the teacher immediately and tell her that you expect no further public comments about any type of medication that your daughter may be on. You are not overreacting.

Wow. That is completely uncalled for!!

A. The teacher should NOT have said this period.

B. The teacher broke a very, very confidential rule in schools about health and medication etc.

C. No one should have been able to hear this info--its private and your daughter's choice if she tells people or not.

I would be in the principals office tomorrow morning letting them know what happened. I don't even know you and I am MAD for you! So sorry your daughter had to go through this!

yes, it was inappropriate.
but i wouldn't over-react.
teachers have so much to deal with, and they're only human. you don't know if your daughter was being particularly challenging prior to the incident.
bring it up to her, but calmly.
no need to turn it into a mountain. and especially don't allow your daughter to blow it up in her mind.
khairete
S.

Inappropriate and potentially very embarrassing for the student it was directed at, for sure!

You are right to be upset. It is none of her peers' business and they do not need to know her business like that.

If I were you, I would let the teacher know that it embarrassed your daughter and that you, as her parent, did NOT appreciate that at ALL.

I would talk to the teacher before getting angry. Maybe your daughter was acting really restless and the teacher asked her that quietly?? Either way its really none of her business. In the future I would not talk about your daughters medication with anyone besides her doctor and your spouse. Unless the teachers is going to be responsible in some way for the medication, like sending her to.the nurse to take it while shes in school, theres really no reason she needs to know.

Please please, do not freak out. Remember, you believe 50 % of what your child says the teacher said at school and the teacher will believe 50% of what your child tells them goes on at home.

Also remember. Some children talk and admit that they take medications for different reasons. All of their classmates know and honestly do not care. Neither do these students care if others know.

Our daughter had many classmates and friends that she knew if they had not taken their meds..that day. it was just obvious especially when they send more time with each other per day than they do their own relatives..this was just so common.

There is no stigma.. And like I said, these types of conversations ,
many times are started by the student themselves.

Just mention it to he teacher in a calm way, that since all of this is new to all of you, your daughter is still sensitive about it.

Help her not feel like there is something wrong with her taking medication, but that this is just to help be her deal with things easier.

I don't see why there was ANY reason to say that, other then embarrassing your daughter. (Or, being mean, petty, immature, etc.) I would be VERY upset, if my child were singled out in such a negative way. I would be making some calls, or writing some emails. I would remain calm, until I got the full story...if there is more to the story. If the situation happened just as your daughter said, I would be furious. This teacher's behavior needs to be nipped, quickly. I'm with Jo, she can't just blurt out things that give away personal, medical information.

Before you go off on the teacher...

Was it said exactly as reported? I am not saying your child lied; but kids tend to view (and hear) the world with themselves at the center of it, and can be very sensitive, so you need to get the teacher's side too. As another person here noted -- children are not always good at discerning a person's tone of voice.

So: Did the teacher possibly blurt rudely so the whole class heard the comment and it was snarky and cruel?

Or ...is it possible that the teacher was speaking only to your child and the "Did you forget to take your medication today" was meant to be a real and serious question between the two of them?

I would definitely talk with the teacher tomorrow, in person (not by e-mail or phone) and would not go in there with guns blazing, but saying, "Daughter told me about something that she said upset her yesterday. Because it involved a comment she says you made, I want to get your side of it....." Then relate it calmly.

Is it possible that your daughter was having a tough day and that, before the spelling test, she was already having issues that might have been causing the teacher concern? (If so--would your child tell you, or might she not want to, out of fear of upsetting you?) It's possible that the teacher had already seen your daughter seeming stressed or upset or otherwise not herself earlier, and the erasing, especially if it was a repeated or distracting action to others, actually made the teacher wonder if she truly was not on her meds.

The teacher could have been completely out of line and a rude snark. Or she could have been sincerely asking your child a question not meant for others to hear and meant to show concern. Or, third option, the teacher may be OK overall but was having a totally crud day and lost it a little. Not an excuse, no, but a possible explanation, and warranting a warning rather than a full-on "I'm telling the principal" reaction, possibly.

But you will never know unless you talk to the teacher.

By the way, if this teacher is experienced and has had kids with ADHD in the class before, any such comment would be more surprising. Is this teacher possibly young and/or somewhat inexperienced overall or inexperienced with having ADHD kids in her class? Just something to consider. You may end up educating her, if the latter is the case.

Remember: You and your child have to deal with this teacher for many more months to come, so how you handle this is important.

I would gather more information.
If she's 5, their perception can vary wildly from reality.
Perhaps she was exhibiting other behaviors/actions that concerned the teacher?
IF she said that in front of the class--she needs to be reprimanded for sure.
It's almost hard for me to believe ANY teacher would do that.

All I'm saying is make sure what you're hearing IS what happened.

Whoa.
How... demeaning.

Does your daughter have an Aide in class?
If so, there is no reason for the Teacher to say something like that. Its not her place.
And if another child were erasing her writing... would the Teacher have said something like that to that child too?
I mean, there is basically NOTHING wrong... with "erasing" a word, in class. That is why students use pencils and have erasers. In. class.

And, I would doubt, that your daughter was the.only.one.erasing.her.writing in class.

Publicly asking a child if he/she took her medication... to me, is inappropriate.

And by the way, even non-ADHD kids, can be "perfectionists" too.
Being a "perfectionist" has nothing to do whether a person is ADHD or not. Perfectionism... is not ONLY attributed to ADHD adults or children.

That was completely inappropriate! It was completely confiential and a breech of ethics. Also, it sounds like she was putting her down as well as anyone else who takes meds.

I would definetely call the school and have a meeting with the teacher and principal face-to-face.

Make an appointment to talk with the teacher and tell her how you feel. I also think it was inappropriate and you need to let the teacher know that you don't want her to do this again. But first, listen to her side of the story. Your daughter may have misunderstood or someone else may have said it. Give the teacher the benefit of the doubt until you've talked with her and then trust her to not repeat this sort of thing again. Communication is the key.

I also agree that taking medication is not a stigma. Freaking out is overreacting. The teacher should not have said this, if this is what happened, but even if it did happen it really is not a big deal. The other kids would not have paid any attention to it. Why do you want her taking medication to be a secret?

The teacher was wrong. Just as plain as that.

I would say it was a bad choice. I would put her color on red. But it isn't deserving of anything but a direct call saying don't do that again. If she is not insecure she will apologize to your daughter and that will be the end of it. You can make this as big or as direct a deal as you choose.

You have to remember that the average teacher, no matter how long they have been teaching, is NOT TRAINED to deal with kids with learning disabilities. Yes, ADHD is a learning disability. What may be appropriate for one student without any issues is not for any with an issue.

Having highly intelligent children myself (and dealing with all their quirks and idiosyncracies) I can totally empathize with you. Yes, the teacher was unprofessional and insensitive. Kids with ADHD are supposed to have extra time, etc to take tests and such. Do you have an IEP in place and is the teacher following it? If not, get one ASAP! MAKE that teacher follow it.

2 of my kids are perfectionists and it drives their teachers crazy. There may be a little OCD going on here, too. She should be in therapy for her ADHD, so you can mention it to her therapist and see what they say. If she is NOT in therapy for her ADHD, and was diagnosed only through her pediatrician, I would question her diagnosis. Highly intelligent children are very often misdiagnosed because they are bored. And, of course, they can be highly intelligent with ADHD (I have 2 of those).

Good luck to you!

That was inappropriate and overexaggerated on the teacher's part. I really can't believe a teacher would say something like that. It's insensitive and out of line.

I would call the teacher and ask what happened during the spelling test, because your daughter came home embarrassed and upset. I would ask her why she had to address this issue in front of all her other classmates, and it violates her privacy-especially the fact that she is medicated.

I would have been over their by now if it were my kid, so no, you are not being overly sensitive.

Dear Amy,
I haven't read other posters, I hope I'm not repeating. My son also takes medication and he has some OCD behaviors. Sometimes even with the medication he is a bit overactive and fidgety, and his teacher has asked him this question. Did you forget to take your medication?.
I understand your daughter feeling embarrassed, however, I think your teacher was just making sure he had indeed taken her medication. I think this is a great opportunity to remind your daughter that there is nothing wrong with taking medication, because it will only help her succeed. And there's nothing to be embarrassed about.
I hope you will find this helpful.

I didn't read where it said she said it in front of the class, I do think that is inappropriate, mostly for her privacy rights, I would talk to the teacher and see what she has to say, and make sure she understands it is unacceptable to address any personal details about your daughter, medication, or other in front of the class.
Regardless of what happened it's important that the teacher knows that your daughter felt uncomfortable.
Good Luck.

No way, you are not overreacting. I a pretty mellow person who does not take offense easily and that teacher was way out of line. That was incredibly insensitive and unprofessional. I'd have a little conference with the teacher and principal. The teacher should not ever mention around the other kids any of your daughters medical issues. Wow, I would be so mad.

I completey agree and would be upset too. However, you have not spoken to the teacher so you have only your daughter's side of the story. What often happens, is there are three sides...1. the teacher's, 2. the student's, and 3. the full truth which is somewhere in the middle. Even when both parties are being honest, their view of things can shade their version of what happened.

Ask your daugther where the teacher was in relation to her (she may have said it quietly directly to your daughter) and what else was happening or had already happened. I have to wonder if that was just one of many little things that prompted the question (still inappropriate but definitely puts a different view on things).

Ask the teacher what happened in the class. Then discuss it.

Regardless of the tone, a parent should not say anything like that to a child. You need to address this with the teacher. Sorry your daughter had to be embarrassed like that, it should have never happened.

I am sorry your daughter had this happen. Taking the issue to the principal isn't necessary, IMO unless you are concerned that your daughter has experienced this type of thing more than once. No one is perfect. Teachers make mistakes, too. I doubt there is a teacher on the planet who has never thought, "Oh man! I probably shouldn't have said that!". This one was REALLY bad on her part but going straight to her first shows that you are reasonable parents but you won't allow this type of thing to happen to your child. If she is a good teacher, she will learn from this and be more careful in the future.

I haven't read the other responses but just want to say that not only was the teacher's question inappropriate, but it was also illegal! The government has very strict rules to protect children's confidentiality. She violated your daughter's confidentiality by disclosing that she has a medical condition. Now, it probably went over the other kids' heads, but it is still wrong. I'm glad the teacher is apologetic, but if it were me, I would still let the principal know so that the teacher knows she is being held accountable.

Also, I wonder if your daughter has an IEP? (Individualized education plan) That is something she would qualify for, given that she has ADD and is not performing at the level her IQ suggests she should be performing at. An IEP protects children's rights even further and ensures (or is supposed to help ensure) that folks at the school work as a team to help her succeed.

Good luck!

O.K. I would be pissed. The fact that your daughter is dealing with ADHD as a new diagnosis and needs to take medication you would think that this teacher would be intelligent enough to be sensitive not only to her needs but should strongly protect her privacy. Yes I would be pissed. Of course your daughter feels bad it is a direct blow to her self-esteem that these comments come from a trusted authority figure and it was done in front of her classmates. I'd talk to the principal and the teacher and get them in line. You have all the rights! Look at Wrightslaw and look up ADHD. You should know how the law works to protect your child. Good luck.

I see from your profile your daughter is five and in Kindergarten. If this is true, she should not be embarrassed about taking medications, the other kids will not know the difference between taking an allergy med or an antibiotic and what your daughter takes. Make sure you are teaching you daughter to be comfortable with who she is and not to feel she has some bad secret to hide.
Talk nicely to the teacher and find out what happened. She may have been frustrated with your child that day and said something she should not have said out of frustration. If that is true it doesnt make it right but you need to know the facts so keep calm and do not accuse her and make her defensive, you'll be less likely to find out the truth. I doubt she meant to humiliate your child--that is very,very hard to do in Kinder!! Kids pee their pants and the teachers try to handle it quietly and subtly and the kids might yell it out!

you are not over reacting, the teacher is an ##$$%%, the next time you see this teacher, ask her in a loud voice, "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDICATION TODAY??", then smile sweetly at her and wave! she will get the ideal very, very quickly
K. h.

That was very inappropriate. No teacher needs to ask that kind of question in front of the all of the students. I would not only talk to the teacher but I would talk to the principal. The teacher should of known better than to do something like that.

Inappropriate. Even your child was not ADHD, other children un the room could be.
If you are sure your daughter is being %100 truthful that this was said, I would call the school. Unprofessional as well as INAPPROPRIATE!

Teacher needs a swift kick in the butt!! Lbvs!!!!

You are not over reacting! I'd make sure that she knew this was not acceptable and expectations you had in informing her of your daughter's condition.

Absolutely WRONG!!!! First of all, that violates laws...that information is confidential and need NOT be shared w/ other students! So what if your daughter likes to make her letters just so!? Teacher should be happy she is paying attention to detail.

You are not over reacting and need to contact the teacher immediately to make her aware that she crossed a very fragile line and in order to make your daughter succeed, she needs everyone's support! Teachers included! Especially if she is just starting off on her meds!

My son has been on them for 5 yrs and this year, we decided to try school w/out them (he was on a low dose, so we thought maybe he could and the teachers even said he seemed to be doing well.) BUT, his grades slowly fell, he couldn't focus and was a lil too chatty. So, we put him back on meds and even had to change what he was on...it's like starting all over!

I let his teachers know, I talked to the school counselor and thankfully, everyone was on board and helpful and w/in a week, we have seen a change in his grades. His teachers were happy to switch some classes around for him, help him on lunch hours and were flexible w/ homework he was having trouble on.

My point is, if I hadn't talked to him, he might still be failing. He now has all A's and B's...communication USUALLY helps. Best of luck w/ this...and give your daughter a big hug!

Call the teacher up and ask her if this truly happened, or if it was misunderstood. If she waffles on her answer, Go straight to the principal, don't pass GO, don't collect $200. Inform them of this, and request a Parent Teacher conference. Let them know what is going on. Let them know that is NOT acceptable, and upset your daughter, who will need much assistance to adjust now that the teacher has embarrassed her in front of the class. If the principal doesn't take it serious, go to the Superintendent, and demand a conference with them regarding this issue.

It is NOT overreacting. She had NO right to say that in public, during a spelling test.

Here's my perspective on the situation:

My brother has a seizure disorder. When he was in high school, my parents had already divorced, and I helped my Mother out in school matters due to her work schedule(the court appointed me a guardian so that I could legally help my Mother out with Parenting issues).
A Substitute teacher had roughly woke up my brother who had had a seizure in class and passed out. This caused a second seizure. The classmates that didn't know he had seizures laughed at this, which upset my brother. I then took it to the Principal who didn't take it serious., because the guy denied it happened(which two of his friends shot down by being witnesses). I then called the Superintendent and then got my Mother into the conference. They took it serious. You have to follow procedure, but results can be made if you are willing to go through the list, which can at times be frustrating.

Sorry for the wall-o-text. I hope it gives you perspective. I seriously would talk to the teacher first, and any of her Classmates that you know.

Oooooh, I would have a chat with the teacher and maybe even the principal about that one. That should be kept private.

IMHO, it was inappropriate. Whether or not your daughter has a medical condition requiring medication is a privacy issue.

I would write a letter to the teacher, copy to principal and copy to superintendent of the district. Things like this need to be documented in writing and placed in personnel files.

Of course the teacher is out of line and she knows it. Contact the school because if she doesn't know it was out of line, she needs to.

OMG - completely inappropriate.

You are not wrong to be upset by this. This violated confidentiality and also inappropriately singled your daughter out. Besides being a cruel thing to say to your daughter, it isn't any of the other kids' (or their parents') business. Personally, I think you will need to advocate for your daugther about this and immediately say something to the teacher as well as the principal.

Completely out of line!!!

I'd be furious as well. I would talk to the teacher first though vs go directly to the principal. IF the teacher is very apologetic and was just having a bad moment and you get the impression this won't happen again, then it might be best to let it go there. If you go right to the principal, I'm sure the teacher will be reprimanded etc but she also then may hold a grudge. I wouldn't want to risk that YET. I'm so sorry this happened. If the teacher isn't really apologetic and/or it happens again, I'd look to have your daughter's class switched. And I'd want to get that teacher fired! No history with ADHD etc but I'm still mad.

You know your daughter best, Would she erase her entire paper over and over and over again and hold up the entire class from finishing a test and moving on to the lesson? Would she calmly and quietly be erasign or would she be moaning and thrashing and tearing the paper up and affecting the rest of the class?

you say the teacher made this comment because dd was erasing and answer, that she tends to be a perfectionist. People who don't deal wlith ADD all day long, think oh my what an over reaction. But i for one can not see that statement being uttered in a derogatory way by a professional.
Unless you have made it a point to tell DD never to mention her meds, and to keep her condition a secret, it blows my mind that a 5 yo would be embarrassed by the mention of medication no matter how inapporpriate, But i can definately see a 5 yo being embarrassed by their compulsive behavior being stopped.

maybe i'm wrong and your dd is a very mature kindergartner and if fully aware of adult stimgas regarding illnesses such as these.

I also wonder if perhaps this teacher has had some experience before with children not being given their medicine by family members or having family members change the dosage. I find it far more likely that it was uttered with the thought of trying to help your dd manage her behaviors and ruling out wether she had recieved medication or now would be the most ovious first step.

I would be very interestesd in an update. And more background on the teacher's past behavior. I know there are several people on this board that think all teachers are awful monsters that hate children and do as little as possible to care for any of them. I suppose that could be the case and knowing that i would be more likely to support you in bringing this teacher down. other wise i would try to figure out what actually happened and tell the teacher what she can do more specifically to support your daugher in a more positive manner.

just realized you said public from private, so it sounds like maybe she isn't a first time kindergartener? or your info is outdated?

I have been an educator for 18 years and "YES"............This is VERY inappropriate of her to mention this to your daughter at all. She doesn't have the right to tell your daughter in private, and especially in front of the whole class. Have you gone to administration about this? If I were you, I would request my daughter to have another teacher.

I haven't read your responses, but yeah, I would have a sit down face to face with this teacher.
If that is truly how it happen, that is unacceptable.

He had no right to say what he said in front of anyone. It would have been one thing to take her aside and ask her but not to say it in front of everyone. I would not say anything yet but keep record of this. If it happens again you for sure what to address it. Tell your daughter she has nothing to be ashamed of. I know it was probably embarrassing just to be called out for something no matter what it was.

Good luck and God Bless!

With all due respect to the teacher, you MUST report this incident to the principal in order to establish a pattern of behavior. You cannot go to the principal weeks or months later and say, "Well, a while back, she said this..." If you have a child that is challenging, you can be certain this will happen again, so you must keep a record of every incident, and be vocal to the top every time. Do it respectfully, but get it ON THE RECORD.

I would be livid and would have no bones about confronting the teacher. You absolutely should contact her immediately. Make it very clear that your child's medical needs are private and not to be discussed in front of others. In the future should she have a concern she should either privately ask your daughter or better yet contact you via telephone or email.

What she did was totally unacceptable. Way to go teacher! Let's humiliate the child in front of her classmates, surely that will help.....grrrrr.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

Medical issues are private adn the teacher should not have mentioned it in front of the class. Unfortunately when you go to public you are going to see alot more than this. Private Montissori's are so much more equiped to handle the ADD or ADHD child.

I am sorry that your daughter was embarassed about it. This was a common question durring class heard though out my school years. Do you recall your teachers saying this?

Also it became her business when you kept her in the loop! Yikes!

I feel your overreacting and you should with out your daughters knowledge request your teacher ask your daughter quietly and privately about medication. Your reaction will be a gauge for her on how she deals with embarassing situations the rest of her life. I would guide my child in how to overcome embarassing situtations. Make it light and acknoledge the moment with oh gosh how embarassing! oh well thats life. or some guide on how to not let it haunt her!

I would be upset because of the unnecessary comment made. As you've seen in previous post they have made it clear why it was inappropriate but mainly unnecessary. I would be more upset at the teacher because who cares if she was erasing something or not! It's a spelling quiz and some people change their answers all the time....especially children. Unless I’m not aware of a class rule or law specifying how many times you can erase.