Tap+3yo+sudden Stage Fright= ????

There is always at least one child who does this. she is only 3 and there will be many many more recitals. let it go. your not a bad mom and she is not a bad kid. she is just young.

The fact that you're so upset is kind of crazy. Perhaps you're really upset about something else (that is actually valid) and this just opened the flood gates for you? Activities at this age are for fun, learning, and socializing. Some kids probably find the idea of performing to be fun, but most probably don't. It's nice that they give the kids a chance to perform, but that's icing on the cake - if she's in the mood to go out in front of a group and have a good time, then great but if not, then that's just fine too!

Really, your post makes you sound like one of those nightmare stage mothers from "Toddlers and Tiaras" - find an episode (seems to be a never-ending loop over the weekend), have a good laugh at the craziness, vow to never be THAT MOM and move forward.

Maybe you're just in an emotional mood and this set you off, but please don't let you child see your frustration or disappointment. It's perfectly OK to be that child who gets cold feet, or gets shy, or has a bad day in public. FWIW, when my oldest was in daycare his center put on a holiday concert/show every year. Some kids really loved the attention, mine wouldn't get on the stage the first two years (ages 3 & 4) and the last year, he did get onstage and crossed his arms and sealed his mouth shut and stood still instead of singing and dancing. I just laughed and was glad that he at least got on the stage. Please put this in perspective!

She's only three!!!

This doesn't mean anything, except that she's still a baby. It's hard to have to miss the sight of your adorable little three year old at her first dance recital, but it certainly won't harm anyone that she missed it.

At next year's recital, if she starts getting cold feet, offer her a really good bribe to go onstage. I often used bribes to get my kids to do things when they were little.

I'm not sure I understand why you are upset so forgive me if this misses the mark. This is part of a learning experience for her. It sounds like she did a GREAT job considering her age! She is 3! That is very young! She's doing well with rehearsals and likes it, concentrate on that. Many people have stage fright. Many people have messed up on something they've practiced and practiced and practiced. Part of learning a performance art is "practicing" the performance. My daughter is in a childrens choir and has been since she was 5 (training choir). They do a great job of not making too big of a deal about it for the younger kids. They do fine, if someone messes up, EVERYONE realizes part of their "training" is being onstage, it's a different world up there, lights, different clothes, different sounds than you are used to. Focus on the positives, that she's excited AND does well! Next time you can talk about how being in the performance will be different than in class, the lights that help everyone see what a great job she does, Everyone WANTS to see her and likes it no matter what. Focus on postivies such as her pretty costume makes the dance even more special and how much you love her no matter what. I bet she'll be out there no problem next go around.

You just need to step back and realize she did the best she could for who she is at 3 years old.

Being on stage is not a natural thing. There are many adults with stage fright so why do we expect young children to be comfortable up there?

I can honestly say that 3 years old is too young to be on a professional, lit stage. I began ballet when I was 5 years old and have been teaching ballet for 12+ years. When you are on a lit stage, you can not see ANYTHING other than the stage. You can not see the audience, you can not see people backstage, NOTHING! This is very scary for a small child especially because you can hear things. You can hear the audience laughing and clapping, etc. but you can't see where it's coming from.

If she really loves dancing then continue taking her to class but take the emphasis off stage performances. Just let her "perform" for the family in your living room until she's a bit older.

Three, even four, is very VERY young to be comfortable on stage. I understand you were excited, but next time, please do not make such a big deal out of the performance. Having the whole family there is more pressure than you realize, she probably can't even articulate how she feels. I'm sure she would have felt more comfortable if it was just mom and dad coming to watch. And maybe she is truly excited one minute and terrified the next, poor thing :(
I would be more concerned about the reaction you are having to this whole situation. Why was it so important to you? Why were you grumpy and why have you been crying? This seems to mean a lot more to you than it does to her, yet this is supposed to be HER activity, not yours. If she doesn't like it, take a break for a while and let her try other things.
Personally, I was a child and teenager who adored being on stage but none of my three kids ever did. It is NOT for everyone, and in fact I find MOST kids do NOT like the spotlight :)

I have taught dance for many years....think of it this way- would you have wanted her onstage, crying her eyes out or not on there at all? I'm sure you video'd the rehersal so you can watch back on that and talk about what was different from the rehersal and recital. She will get used to it and be the performer you know she can be! Good luck!

Chill out mama! It isn't your fault and it isn't her fault . . . as a matter of fact, there is no "fault" here! She is 3, for goodness sake! It's great that she loves to dance, but no harm if she's scared to perform in front of a large group. Think about it . . . if you were her size and suddenly looked out and saw all these grown-ups staring at you . . . completely freaky!! And so what if yours was the only child who was scared . . . don't compare her to the other girls because every child is different. And I don't think you did any harm in staying backstage . . . again, she is only 3 and she was clearly apprehensive and needed you.

Time to let this go and move on. Enjoy your little girl and stop putting so much pressure on her and yourself.

good heavens!
she's only THREE!!! she's practically a baby!
you have got to stop hanging expectations on a child this young. there's no better recipe to have her grow up not only hating dance, but being burdened with the terrible pressure of having her mother's emotional state depend on her performances of all kinds.
get a grip, mom. you should be the calm, confident, reliable center of her universe, not a weepy furious emotional wreck who wants her to do things she's not yet capable of.
khairete
S.

Some schools start the children at 4 years old. This is part of the reason.

Hey, try to put LESS emphasis on the big performance, and MORE emphasis on dancing, learning the routines, having fun, and developing a skill. As someone who used to absolutely love playing the piano as a child, only to have it sort of ruined by a parent who was obsessed with performances, I can say that the love of the art is way more important (to your child) than any performance ever will be. Let's just say she sticks with dance for many years to come. Wouldn't it be wonderful if dancing could be something that she could use as a healthy outlet to relieve stress, have fun, challenge herself, etc.? If she's not crazy about performing on stage then why not just back off and let this just be for her. You will give her such an amazing gift if you just let this be HERS! The fact that she loves to dance, gets excited about it, etc. is great. Build on that by being supportive and allowing her to take it at her own pace. When is the last time you had to perform in front of others? Was it easy as an adult? Can you see how it might be tough for a toddler? The fact that she got so nervous about it might be a sign that she really does love dancing and actually takes it seriously. True, she might decide to give it up next week, next month or next year, but it has nothing to do with you. Besides, she has plenty of time to pick up another activity or develop a new skill; she's only 3!