Tantrums When Leaving Him at Daycare

I have to agree with everyone else. As a provider myself, it's hard to watch the parents struggle with this. The children usually are not struggling the way the parents think. They are momentarily unhappy they are switching from mom to daycare. The same child is just as likely to go through spells where they are throwing these tantrums when leaving daycare at the end of the day. Sometimes it's separation anxiety. Sometimes it's a control thing. Sometimes it's them having a problem with transitions in general. For instance, if you've ever been playing at the park and the child doesn't want to leave, it's the same. Or if you are coloring and it's time to put the crayons away and some children will throw a fit about that. Even if the next activity or person they are changing to is something or someone they love dearly, it's hard to switch.

Hang in there. It will get better.

One thing though, I missed the age of the child. Sometimes another child does something mean and that can make a child not want to come for awhile. I've had to face these situations rather helplessly through the years when some child had one bad experience and forever disliked us all because of it. It's one reason I am very concerned about behavior and training the children to care for each other. I believe in very active supervision so that I can try my best to keep things from happening.

I have to say, it is pretty common. My daughter had been attending the same daycare since she was 10 weeks old and started having meltdowns every single day around 18 months. It lasted several months.

Make your good-bye short and sweet.

Establish a routine--serve him his breakfast, sing a song, etc.

Reassure him that you will be back.

Separation anxiety rears it head several times in the early years. Best to be matter of fact about it.

If you're otherwise not concerned, don't read too much into it. Just a normal part of growing up.

Don't change a thing! Just continue the same short but sweet routine: drop off, hug, kiss, promise to return, and then get out of there. Don't linger or the tantrum will escalate. Our older son was in daycare for nearly 3 years before he, all of a sudden, started having meltdowns at drop off. It took a while but he eventually grew out of them and just as your son does, he would be just fine as soon as we were "out of sight, out of mind".

It is a control thing with him. He's a little guy and is just learning ways he can control his mommy AND his teacher. Crying and tantrums are just one of them. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You could start a reward system with the teachers help. Tell him he will get a special sticker every day that he does not cry from his teacher. Give her the stickers. The teacher will still take him to the window so he can wave. Tell him after he gets 5 stickers he gets a surprise - like an ice cream cone or a trip to the park or something you both agree on that he likes. You could put the stickers on a piece of paper when you pick him up.

Greetings J., as the mother of 5 and having run a Day Care, I just wanted to let you know that children change with the wind and like a woman pregnant or in menopause they are highly emotional. I think it is wonderful that you have the type of love that makes him want to stay with you.
I have encouraged parents to come and make sure that there is nothing wrong in our Care so everyone is at peace and I have also had parents call and talk to a child during the day for a few times to let the child know they were being thought of. Just make sure that he is not being rushed in the mornings.
Good Luck.

I've worked many years in childcare and this is not an unusual situation at all. In fact, I have often referred to it as the third day syndrome, because it seems to me that the majority of children begin to fret when their parents leave starting at about their third day of attendance. I think it takes them that long to realize this is going to happen every day rather than being just a short term situation.
It sounds to me like what you are doing is exactly what you need to do. I know it's difficult on a parent to walk out of the daycare listening to the child crying, but if you linger or make a fuss over your child it will most likely make things worse. In my experience, parents who just couldn't listen to the teacher's advise to let them go and let the teacher deal with the crying ended up having to take their children out of childcare. Since most people have their children in childcare in order to be able to work, that isn't a practical solution. If necessary for your own peace of mind, call the daycare in about half an hour after leaving your child and just ask how your child is doing. As long as he's giving up the crying shortly after you leave, you can be sure he's simply having a brief separation issue and is getting along well otherwise.
I am the sort of person who continues as an adult to have a bit of sadness with goodbyes, so I think I understand these children pretty well.

My 3 year old just started daycare about 5 weeks ago. He didn't cry for the first 2 weeks, then suddenly he started to whimper/cry when we pulled up to the building all the way into the building. He doesn't resist going at all, just cries. Of course, this twists my heart. Last week, I dropped him off and had to talk to the director for a short time. Before I left the building, about 10-15 minutes later, I went back to see how he was doing. He was completely fine, not crying at all. Made me feel MUCH better. It's a sign that he loves you and would rather be with you (of course) :)

when he cant see you he will forget about it and it will be all better