First Day in Daycare

Personally, I think it would be best for his transition if you just stayed away, but that's just my opinion.

When my son first started daycare, a friend of mine suggested having him go a couple of 1/2 days the first couple of days, sort of easing into it. Probably helped me more than him, but I really liked doing that.

Nooooooo... do not hang out in the daycare and do not pop in throughout the day (unless you are doing surprise check ups on the credibility of the day care).

The hardest part for a child is saying goodbye and it's harder to say goodbye the longer Mom has been there. Do not make parting harder by lingering around, and do not pop in throughout the day so that your child has to say goodbye several times a day.

I absolutely do not believe a parent should ever stop in to see what's up in the middle of the day. These children are conditioned to believe it's time to go home when parents come. I agree with the other poster because I've seen parents do this and it's hard on everyone. It's difficult for the parents, the child, and totally unfair to the provider to make her have to try and calm a crying child for the 2nd time in the same day when she already went through that morning routine once that day. Not only that, but often when one child has a big meltdown, any other children near the same age will begin to meltdown too. So the parent goes back to work actually mad a the provider because they need to put those feelings someplace. The provider is mad at the parent because they are left with 1-2 and depending on the size of daycare, maybe even 3 upset infants and toddlers and only 2 hands to try and calm them all down.

I've said it hundreds of times and I'll say it again now.... Even great providers are not miracle workers! We can not wave our magic wands and make separation anxiety better. We go through it all the time. But it doesn't really get any easier. And moms.....please don't start crying yourself for pete's sake. If daycare is really that bad for a child then find another way to support yourself. It's hard enough to take a child through a few weeks and even up to a month or two of bad separation anxiety. But seeing the moms weep automatically lets us know that we are going to be dealing with this for MONTHS! Children react to their mothers emotions. They can read your face like a book. If you are not cheery and happy for REAL when you drop them off, they will have a much harder time.

We moved our son to day care right at his 2nd birthday. His sister's been there since she was an infant. We'd previously had the mother of a neighbor watching our son, but we needed to make a change.

My best advice is to drop him off a few days in advance. Let him try 1/2 day one week, 2 days the next, etc. DON'T stay there. He'll rely on you too much and won't integrate as well with the teachers and the other kids.

Putting a child in day care is harder on us than it is them. They'll cry for a few days/weeks at drop offs, but the teachers really are pros at being able to divert their attention and making them feel part of the group very quickly.

Our son's been in the same day care over 2 years, and he still struggles transitioning from one room to the next. Our daughter, she could care less. So, a lot of his transition to a day care facility will depend on his personality and how YOU handle it. Best thing is to drop him off (crying and all ) and leave. In a few minutes he'll be fine. You, on the other hand, may have a rougher go of it.

Good luck!

My vote is to NOT take time off of work to be there with him for daycare. You don't work very far away, so if there is an issue, you can be there for him quickly. And by working, it'll give your mind something to think about other than "I wonder what ___ is doing now" or "does he need his mommy" or "maybe I should go see if he's doing ok".

My son is also 15 months and started daycare last month. I also work 5 minutes away. So I have very recent experience with this very senario. It's actually easier on both the staff and your baby if you do not stay there. When you drop him off, he may cry and scream, but you need to leave. Don't prolong it. He'll quiet down soon and forget you were even there. Then he'll be extatic that you're back (my son cried when I came back to get him). In a couple of weeks, all the crying will stop because he's having so much fun there and he'll know you'll come and get him later.

Once he's used to the idea of "he has to go to daycare while mommy is at work" THEN you can stop in at lunch. But if you stop in during the adjustment period, it'll be harder on you and him both to adjust emotionally.

One thing to be prepared for though is that if he is used to taking longer naps (2-3 hours), that may waiver a bit until he gets used to the sounds and surroundings...so be prepared for earlier bedtimes when you bring him home. But in time, that too, will get better.

Hope this helps, let me know if you need mommy support!

Depends on your child, and whether or not you're dealing much with attachement.
We normally have a nanny, but due to illness, we had to send out son to daycare for a few days when he was that age. It was a block away from our office, so we "popped in" to see him, and one day I fed him lunch there myself. That was a terrible idea!
He was at the height of the attachment phase, and seeing us mid day caused a complete meltdown when we went to leave. It was hard on both of us. He would've been just fine playing and having lunch with the caretakers there. But seeing us, he wanted us to stay and it was horrible to have to pry him off of me all over again mid-day. And it was very distracting to me for the rest of the work day, I might add, wanting to go and get him.

So if your son is anything like mine, I would say leave him be during the day and let him adjust without you. You'll have an easier time, and he'll be FINE.

My daughter started daycare when she was 2 1/2 years old. It was a professional center and they were completely fine with my bringing my daughter by for visits in the weeks before we started there. I asked if I could take pictures and make her a book about "school" and they also said it was fine. So, I built it up with her as school and took her for 1/2 hour to hour long visits every couple of days in her classroom. I took pictures of the outside of the building, the sign in area, the office, the directors office, the play ground, the lunch room and espeicially her room. Then I put them in a little photo album. Then I put a story in there with the pictures. And we read that book constantly. We looked at the pictures, talked about the fun she would have, even knew everyone's names (even the kids) by that point and put them in the book. Well...guess what - that really made for a great transition. She was excited when she went, but she was also nervous. Her center took great care to make her feel welcome. The first day, I left her only half a day and the second the full day. She didn't cry the first couple of days. BUT then a little boy started who cried his eyes out and that sort of let her know she could - and boy did she! :-) (Also, I'm sure some of the newness wore off...) But, bless their hearts, the director came to get her and took her to see the babies (which was her favorite room to pass by) and just really made her feel comfortable.

I would reccommend the visiting ahead of time. I would reccommend hyping up how much fun he is going to have. I would reccommend taking pictures and making a story book for him about it. We did lots of talking about what a "big girl" she was.

She is 7 now and still goes there. :-) Writing this makes me feel a little sad because that was the end of our stay at home stint and beginning of less time together. But, the preschool program they did with her was great, she has gotten to take many field trips, they do tennis lessons and swimming lessons in the summer.

Anyone you can't understand the real stress that you feel about this and that your son will feel just doesn't understand a mother's feelings or the chidlrens. Hopefully your daycare provider will be sympathetic and help you and your son!

It will be ok, in a month or less!
K.

With 12+ years in childcare I can honestly say the worst experiences happens when the parents can't just leave and let the teachers do their job. I have had parents stay for hours with a crying child and they just never leave so we can start our day. I have had parents drop in just to check and start the whole thing over again. Kids have separation issues, they go through that several times before 1st grade.

The teacher can't tell you that your child will probably stop crying before you get to your car and that you need to leave but I will. if your baby is inconsolable they will call you.

Separation issues in that age group can last a couple of months. With older kids it varies, how did the parents treat the issue before. If they hung around and gave the child a lot of attention for crying and hanging on then they can bet the child will have separation issues much longer than the kids whose parents gave them a kiss, said "I love you and will see you later", and then left.

The only thing I'd add to everyone else's advice is to do the "practice dropoffs" at the same time of day that you plan to do morning dropoffs. So if you plan to have him there 8-5, do some practice mornings, from 8-12. then he can rest up at home before the next visit.

You can also plan to spend some extra time on the PICKUP end of the day, to help him feel good about being there. But don't linger on dropoff, he'll come to expect that and it'll make it harder for everyone.

My 1st switched daycares at 12 months, and went through 4 weeks of tough transition. But I felt good about the place, we stuck with it, and she LOVES the place, the teachers, the kids. So, brace yourself for some tears - this is a BIG change for him. But over time this will become his norm.

it would be great if you could spend a few days going there with your child for the full day or half day before you leave him alone. that way, on his frist real day all by himself, he won't feel like he's being left with strangers. as somone mentioned, it might be a bad idea to just pop in during lunch b/c that can make it worse if he sees you and thinks hes going home and then he's abandoned (in his mind) all over again.

the key thing when you do leave him all alone for the 1st time is to make the goodbye sweet and short. even if ur crying inside (which you will be), be sure to put on a cheery face, give a quick kiss and wave and EXIT. if you dawdle or look worried, the baby is going to think something is horribly wrong and start crying even harder.

it'll take up to a couple of weeks or so to adjust...good luck! i know its hard!

i like the suggestion to start with half days, or even just some quick drop-ins 'ooo, look at what they're doing! doesn't that game look fun?'
i walked by the local daycare center with my baby often, so when he turned 2 and was old enough to attend he was already pumped about it.
there's not really a right or wrong answer about whether to stay with him or drop him off. mine DID cry the first day i left him, and i howled louder than he did. i watched him from behind a two-way mirror and he stopped within 2 minutes. i went home and sniveled the rest of the day. so much depends on your individual personalities. but i love that it's so close to your work and that you can drop by.
khairete
S.

This answer comes from a provider. I would think it is perfectly fine to plan a few "drop-in" visits prior to your child's first day... Stay for an hour or two together and then perhaps leave your child for 2-3 hours and return to get him. This get's him used to the idea that when he is at this place you will not be there with him. I would caution you against stopping in anytime you are not planning to take your child home. It creates such an emotional roller coaster for the child.

I would start with the first few days or week being 1/2 days (no stopping in) and then after that do full days and maybe call and check in on him with the provider during nap time when there is generally more time for the provider to give you a run down on the day. It will be difficult for both of you at first but you will get through it. Just remind your child that you will be back after nap or after snack, figure out what part of the provider's routine you will be picking up after and that usually helped my kids.

I recommend NOT staying for more than a few minutes at drop-off. With a smile on your face, give him a firm hug and a kiss and give him a cheery wave goodbye as you make an exit (without lingering at the door or peeking in the window). Seriously, 99% of kids find huge success at daycare and pre-school and us moms are left emotional wrecks when we are forced to admit that they need us a little bit less every day. But that is our job - To raise them right and then let them go.

We were encouraged by our pre-school to plan a parent visit a while after our son had settled in. We were invited to watch the kids at their swimming lesson, join the class for lunch (where our son was the star and given many special jobs), and then we got to read a book to the class before naptime. It was such an awesome way to "check in" and see how he was doing...And he was so proud to show us around his turf.

I agree with those that say don't stop in - unless you can see him without him seeing you. I'd call to check in during the day so you don't interrupt the schedule. It does make things a lot worse - as does the long good-byes. Just drop him off and go.

My son screamed for the first 6 weeks he was at a daycare, but loves it now and hates coming home. They will get used to it eventually. :)

Hello S.-
With my 2 & 6 yo boys I had two different experiences. My oldest always had gone to a center before starting kindergarten. I would drop him off and kind of hang around, as long as I couldn't be seen, to make sure he was doing ok then I would head off to work. I would pick him up at the end of the day and get the daily report and then I would check him out at home. In that way I found myself unhappy with the attitude towards me and the treatment of my son at two centers before I found the one I kept him at for 3 years.
My 2 yo old has been another story. He was 4 weeks preemie and was so TINY! He just could not go to a center where he would be one of 20 kids so he has always gone to a home daycare. I absolutely love the lady that watches him! I researched a number of homes first. This lady has watched kids for 18 years, has grown children of her own, has an organized day plan for the older kids, cooks the meals, etc. She has helped my youngest learn to sit and to walk. He has been delayed for a lot of things due to his small size. But she doesn't cut him too much slack either. He may be delayed in some things but she encourages him and pushes to achieve.
If you call and/or show up at a home or a center it disrupts the day for all the kids as well as making your kid wonder why he does not get to go home now. Calling is better, of course. But you need to trust your daycare. By watching how your child acts & reacts and in what condition he is in when you pick him up or if he starts lacking in progress or regressing, this will all show that there may be an issue with the daycare. Of the two centers I took my oldest son out of, one would leave my son in a swing by the door and walk off, leaving him so anyone could sneak in and take him. They also would leave him so long in a poopy diaper that when I got home and changed him it was hard and glued to him. He also started regressing at that daycare. And it was in a church. The 2nd daycare was disprectful to me. They thought they knew better how to treat my son so they would give him a pacifier even tho I said I didn't want him to have one. They are associated with the high school in my town so they would let teenagers run the room. One teenager with 15 babies under the age 18 months. Plus, I repeatedly picked up my son only to find him filthy. It was like they never cleaned him from the whole days' meals.
Anyway, my point of all this: Do your research! Hope this helps a little!
J.